thinking about jonelias ‘you can only touch him when he’s dying’
it’s like this. he loves you and he shouldn’t because you only ever hurt him and the people he cares about. he loves you and he hates you for doing that to him. he loves you and he needs you and he wants you dead at his feet and he believes there is good inside of you no matter how much you show him that there is nothing, nothing at all at the rotten core of you. and he knows this in his head even when his heart is fucking singing for you, in the same way every one of his prey animal instincts are screaming for him to stay away. but, well, he’s never been any good at listening to his survival instincts. so he stays away he stays away he does not touch you. he does not talk to you unless he needs you. and he keeps coming back when he needs you, and you barely have to give him anything to keep him hoping for more. for better. but he will only come to you when he has exhausted all other options, when he needs something and you are deemed less dangerous than the next monster. you cannot touch him unless he is dying, you cannot hear his voice unless it is to beg for his life from something he trusts you to protect him from.
when he has nowhere else to go he will always have you. but before then? will he have you before he has nothing else? never.