December 2021

sazandorable:

lesbianshepard:

funniest statements from the magnus archives in no particular order: 

• spiders, but they hate you personally
• that one guy who was paid to keep a clearly fucked up coffin in his living room and just decided to fucking ignore the weird shit. (king)
• band that is so bad at music that you die
• a pile of worms stole my phone and texted my coworkers
• man who admits he killed another man because he had a spooky vampire name
• guy who felt the need to just dunk on this one guy for 10 minutes because he was a shitty drug mule. he also got his bones stolen. this is only mentioned at the very end.
• twink with knife hands (cool)
• Two random men walked in and stole my shipping company
• fucked up monsters taking an anatomy class but are very polite and on time so its cool and sort of endearing. 
• jon talking about how he has childhood trauma about an evil spider monster. only funny because i’m binge listening to this podcast and last week listened to him make fun of how stupid the idea of an evil spider monster is
• bone stealing man shows up again and opens a gym to help people get fucking shredded. 
• the plumber who shows up to the middle of a creepy monster circus in the middle of the night, looks at the pipes overflowing with blood, goes “there’s your problem” and just fucking pulls out a mass of flesh and then…leaves.
• they literally just let him leave 
• monsters have to invite him back to try and kill him again because he was so unfazed the first time

i’m super fond of the tax auditor who investigates a shop run by a gang of changeling creatures, notices the fake human in charge is acting weird but goes hey my nephew is autistic i get it no eye contact that’s cool no worries, and eventually concludes that whatever it is they’re doing in that shop it wasn’t tax fraud so it’s Not His Problem

fox-guardian:

idk if this post has been made before but like… magnus institute gift shop. imagine.

• stationary with the logo of course
• perhaps some blankets and pillows with the logo as well
• several different forms of portraits of magnus himself so you can have his stupid smug face in your house
• mugs and cups with the logo on the outside and an eye at the bottom of the cup so it stares at you when you finish your beverage
• owl plushies that would be adorable if not for the fact that just the eyes are so detailed that you can easily tell a human was used as a reference instead of any sort of actual owl 
• there’s a tape recorder but it doesnt have a tag or sticker or anything
• keychains and jewelry of the whole logo, just the owl, just the motto, or just an eye 
• t-shirts and buttons with the logo and the motto and similar normal stuff but some also say things like “i survived artefact storage” and “dress code violator”
• you see some of the staff wearing that last phrase on a button and you can’t tell what code they could possibly be violating with how well they’re dressed
• little miniature tower things with tags that just label them as “panopticon” 
• you have no idea what that has to do with the magnus institute
• one time there’s a single large plushie of a worm. it appears to be homemade and without a tag. you assume its some kind of inside joke with the staff and move on
• posters of the logo, the owl, what appears to be a giant version of a blank statement sheet
• there’s a couple that are just all black except for a pair of eyes in the middle and the institute’s motto written very faintly beneath it. you imagine it on your wall and decide not to buy it
• and finally: a tasteful calendar featuring the members of the archive staff

sokarys:

The drawing I did for the @ajoneliaszine