funniest statements from the magnus archives in no particular order:
- spiders, but they hate you personally
- that one guy who was paid to keep a clearly fucked up coffin in his living room and just decided to fucking ignore the weird shit. (king)
- band that is so bad at music that you die
- a pile of worms stole my phone and texted my coworkers
- man who admits he killed another man because he had a spooky vampire name
- guy who felt the need to just dunk on this one guy for 10 minutes because he was a shitty drug mule. he also got his bones stolen. this is only mentioned at the very end.
- twink with knife hands (cool)
- Two random men walked in and stole my shipping company
- fucked up monsters taking an anatomy class but are very polite and on time so its cool and sort of endearing.
- jon talking about how he has childhood trauma about an evil spider monster. only funny because i’m binge listening to this podcast and last week listened to him make fun of how stupid the idea of an evil spider monster is
- bone stealing man shows up again and opens a gym to help people get fucking shredded.
- the plumber who shows up to the middle of a creepy monster circus in the middle of the night, looks at the pipes overflowing with blood, goes “there’s your problem” and just fucking pulls out a mass of flesh and then…leaves.
- they literally just let him leave
- monsters have to invite him back to try and kill him again because he was so unfazed the first time