2024-02-12 22:27:29 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

jonahfagnus:

> jonahfagnus:

> > jonahfagnus:

> > > also i cant explain it but suicidal jonah is so real to me

> > like jonah that metaphorically killed himself in order to survive. jonah that’s literally just a corpse under the institute. jonah that let jon kill him. jonah “I couldn’t stop you if I wanted to” magnus.

> jonah ‘the only constant in life is death’ magnus. jonah thats been waiting his entire life to die magnus. jonah that probably knew jon would become as powerful, if not more, after the change, & knew jon would hate him to the point of murderousness, and let it happen. jonah that even didnt try and fight jon. jonah that was so calm in the face of melanie trying to kill him - and sure, they werent good attempts. but you have to wonder.

this is so real#i like to think of fears as an intersection of – well – fear and desire#(i heard tmagp has something like that going on but i listened to 2 eps so far so it’s not relevant to my point)#he’s afraid of death because it’s both uncertain and certain. nobody knows what comes after and nobody can tell you how it feels like#but at the same time it’s really the only thing that is guaranteed. everything dies eventually#i think of him as a quite insatiable person. he wants to know more to experience more and that requires being alive of course#but death is unknowable. you can’t truly experience it and so you can’t Know what it’s like – only theorise#it’s such a difficult thing to conceptualise – your own nonexistence#wouldn’t someone as curious as jonah feel drawn to this? he Can learn how it’s like. he just… won’t be able to learn anything else after#but also it’s just him being plain suicidal too. he still tries to run from it though his attempts are kinda half hearted#i think he doesn’t like being alive. it’s vulnerable and unsatisfying and so painfully human. he can’t stop being a human#even after everything he’d done#he knew that he can’t reach immortality. but he tried. and he failed. and it’s over now. “but it was wonderful while it lasted”#this is indeed difficult to explain which is why i’m hiding in the tags don’t mind me

prev youre so right. i headcanon jonah as someone whos been surrounded by death his whole life (older siblings who died before him, narrowly escaping it once if not multiple times during his childhood, etc) & so that was maybe even one of the first things he was Curious about, something that can’t be known or understood that he was determined to know and understand. so like, i imagine dying was partially satisfying for him bcs he finally knew how it felt & also the suicidal ideation