May 2025

JONATHAN SIMS GOT HIS LOWER RIBS BONETURNED SO HE COULD SUCK HIS OWN DICK

muppets tma where everyone is muppets but sasha gets replaced by a human actor when the notthem gets her

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES CHARACTER GENERATOR!!!!!!

name: your full first and last name

statement number: your credit card number

date of statement: the expiry date

MAG#: the 3 little numbers on the back

jon: can someone look after my book collector for a minute while i go on my smoko

elias: book collector need lead pipe

jon: BOOK COLLECTOR DOES NOT NEED LEAD PIPE

Statement of Usher Raymond IV, regarding an experience with a mind-controlling DJ. Original statement given July 12, 2010. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

Usher
Yeah man

any archival assistant born after 1983 can’t archive … all they know is breaking and entering, record they statement, behold, be bisexual, drink hot tea & lie

WHO WILL YOU BE, WITH A NAME OR THREE, AND A STRANGER’S FACE WORN WRONG?

i want to say elias gives me cuteness aggression but its not cute its just aggression i just want to kill him and tear him apart and destroy maim bite kill kill kill kill

you want me to go to work? the thing that killed fiona law and emma harvey and michael shelley and gertrude robinson and sasha james and timothy stoker and

thinking about the distortion on this sunday night. what was once michael died for being too human and what was once helen died for not being human enough…

if hatsune miku was in the magnus archives universe would she be named hatsune michael

aroallo jon 🧘

rotating t4t jmart in my head in every possible direction. transmasc jmart. transfem jmart. transfem jon transmasc martin. transfem martin transmasc jon. nonbinary of all flavours. the possibilities are endless