2020-09-25 1:01:03 ¶ ● ⬈

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because I Crave The Angst: martin dealing with established and happy jonelias and knowing his crush is completely hopeless

tired-fandom-ndn:

> OH THIS IS GOOD

> So first of all, Jon doesn’t know about Martin’s crush. He is 100% oblivious to it, and always manages to convince himself that Martin behaves the way he does just because he’s a very nice person.

> But Elias? Oh, Elias knows. He knows and he thrives on that pain.

> He makes sure that Martin sees how happy they are, purposely being as affectionate and domestic with Jon as he can possibly get away with in a work environment. He rubs their relationship in Martin’s face constantly, making it as painful as possible all while making Jon feel loved and cherished.

> Martin isn’t even surprised, not really. Sure, it was a shock to find out that his bosses were together, but the fact that Jon was taken and happily so? That Martin had never even had a chance? No, that wasn’t surprising at all. Martin had never been good enough; not for his father, not for his mother, and certainly not for Jon. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less, doesn’t soothe the burn at all.

> And during the Unknowing, when Elias is hitting Martin the hardest he possibly can, it isn’t his mother that Elias brings up. And it isn’t images of him fucking Jon long and hard, because that would hurt, but it would also fuel Martin’s anger. No. Instead, it’s domesticity. It’s Jon standing in their kitchen, making coffee for both of them while Elias presses kisses to his neck. It’s the two of them picking up dinner together, bickering over flavors of curry and what appetizers they want. It’s Jon sitting on Elias’s lap, beaming down at him, and breathlessly whispering “Jonah… .” like it’s a prayer.

> Martin doesn’t want to break. He’s trying so hard to stay strong and firm. But it’s getting harder and harder every day.