September 2020

Sorry it’s not much but my finger slipped

xx

Jon stared at his fingers wrapped around a Silk Cut and tried to suppress the deep ache of indecipherable emotion that was causing his jaw to lock.  His tremors were back.  Well, that was just lovely.  He supposed it was fitting, one more thing over which he exerted no control.  At least his day couldn’t get any worse than learning that he was under ownership of some sort of evil Fear not-god thing.

He shook his head and stubbed out the remains of his cigarette on the outside wall of the Institute before heading back indoors and making his way toward his office.  What little color had been left in his face drained as he approached it.  The sensation in his legs was not unlike treading knee-deep in the ocean.  Be still, the thought came as though a whisper from an intimate friend.  Wait and watch, for there is much to see.

Jon knew he hadn’t left the door cracked open like that.

The knowledge that great violence was afoot settled over him, but he did not fling the door wide to try and stop whatever was about to happen.

Jon Sims was not a brave man, but that was not the reason he hid himself in the hall now.  He did so because it felt correct.

“It’s always a danger,” Elias’s voice came from inside the office, and Jon stumbled a step back before positioning himself to spy through the centimeter of space slitting around the doorframe.  Elias’s voice was honeyed as always, and Jon pretended to be unaffected by it as always, even though there was only himself here to whom to lie.  There was a new note of unease to it, though.  “Almost always.”

“Elias,” Leitner moaned desperately, “it doesn’t have to be like—”

Elias slammed the pipe he had been gripping down on the center of Leitner’s scalp so hard that Leitner didn’t have time to scream before he toppled to the floor.  Even the landing was muted, as Leitner’s weak old body crumpled no louder than a tiny bag of dirt of dust.  Jon’s hand flew to his mouth to halt a shriek, and part of him detached by trauma noted that he never knew such a dramatic gesture was something people did outside fiction.

Head wounds bleed a lot.

(cont. under cut)

Keep reading

OH THIS IS GOOD

So first of all, Jon doesn’t know about Martin’s crush. He is 100% oblivious to it, and always manages to convince himself that Martin behaves the way he does just because he’s a very nice person.

But Elias? Oh, Elias knows. He knows and he thrives on that pain.

He makes sure that Martin sees how happy they are, purposely being as affectionate and domestic with Jon as he can possibly get away with in a work environment. He rubs their relationship in Martin’s face constantly, making it as painful as possible all while making Jon feel loved and cherished.

Martin isn’t even surprised, not really. Sure, it was a shock to find out that his bosses were together, but the fact that Jon was taken and happily so? That Martin had never even had a chance? No, that wasn’t surprising at all. Martin had never been good enough; not for his father, not for his mother, and certainly not for Jon. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less, doesn’t soothe the burn at all.

And during the Unknowing, when Elias is hitting Martin the hardest he possibly can, it isn’t his mother that Elias brings up. And it isn’t images of him fucking Jon long and hard, because that would hurt, but it would also fuel Martin’s anger. No. Instead, it’s domesticity. It’s Jon standing in their kitchen, making coffee for both of them while Elias presses kisses to his neck. It’s the two of them picking up dinner together, bickering over flavors of curry and what appetizers they want. It’s Jon sitting on Elias’s lap, beaming down at him, and breathlessly whispering “Jonah… .” like it’s a prayer.

Martin doesn’t want to break. He’s trying so hard to stay strong and firm. But it’s getting harder and harder every day.

actually no even better: they’re cuddling and jon feels so safe and secure and elias looks down to see the dozens of eyes on jon’s skin blinking open to look at him

• Peter mocks him RUTHLESSLY. His favorite thing to bring up is joking about Elias using HIS money to take care of Jon. It isn’t actually Peter’s, but it’s hilarious to see how pinched his face gets.
• “I knew mother was right when she told me I should get a prenup but I never thought you’d fall so far!” “Your mother died 200 years before we ever married, you absolute—”
• Elias is so fucking used to knowing everything that he assumes that Jon also knowing everything just means that they’re obviously soulmates. He literally never makes the connection. God, he’s so smart and such an idiot.
• Simon: So I see that you’re carrying on the wonderful avatar tradition of starting a sugar baby polycule ;)
• Elias: Jon, sweetheart, I’m so sorry but we can’t see each other anymore. It’s not you and it’s not me, it’s Simon. Blame Simon.
• CONSIDER THIS ATUALLY: JON HAS MULTIPLE VERSIONS OF EYES TO OPEN
• He has his normal human eyes which are, just for the record, a beautiful, deep brown. Elias could gaze into them for hours but respects Jon’s issues with direct eye contact.
• He’s also covered in eyes that only open when he feels incredibly safe, when he knows that the person or people he’s with would never take advantage of such a giant weakness. They’re the same shade as his regular eyes, and tend to only open in batches instead of all at once.
• He also has a “halo” of eyes, which are glowing outlines of eyes that essentially orbit around him. The main one is a giant glowing halo around his head, and the rest are smaller ones that are scattered around him. Their usual color is neon green, but they often change color depending on the situation. Jon only manifests them when he needs to See as much as he possibly can, and Elias will never forget lying in bed with Jon hovering over him, watching those eyes blink into existence because Jon wanted nothing more than to remember that moment forever.
• Elias has had a few Archivists in his very long life, but never one like Jon. He has never seen an Archivist who has reached their full potential, who accepts their role entirely and embraced their abilities. He’s not at all prepared for how incredible Jon is, and is completely blown away.
• He does not make the connection though. This vain bastard probably assumed that Jon didn’t become Archivist until they started seeing each other.
• “My dick gave you—” “Elias, NO. Stop talking.”

It’s not a surprise to anyone when Martin Blackwood is the next Head of the Magnus Institute. Well, except to Tom, but Tom is an outlier and only heard about the murder six months after the fact and didn’t even realise they had a new boss. To anyone else, it has been obvious for a year already that the Lukas guy wasn’t really doing much of anything and Blackwood was the one actually sending the memos and signing the forms, behind his PA title. Which is fine! He was good at it. At this point, all that’s asked of a Head Director is not too much murder and if possible preventing any external attack on the Institute, either. Martin smiled benignly and said he can’t promise the latter but he’ll do his best for the former. Which, you know, is better than when Lukas was in charge and he claimed the opposite.

So no one’s surprised when Martin actually gets to officially put his name on the plaque of the Head Director office door (not even Tom, who hasn’t seen it).

And it isn’t surprising, either, that the Head Archivist is more often in his office than not, and neither is the shouting. He’s always been an HR nightmare with belligerence issues towards hierarchy. Rosie says this is happening more often than it did in the time of Elias, as best as she can tell because he’s never learned to book appointments, but hey, that’s only fair, he and Blackwood have always been close.

God, the horror stories about Sims as a boss, can you imagine getting to be his boss now?

It’s not surprising, either, that Blackwood is never heard shouting back. Always had the patience of a saint, Martin. He’s even learned to ease up a bit, seems like: all of Sims’ shouting doesn’t seem to be able to take down Blackwood’s light-hearted smile.

And the only thing surprising about them being seen snogging in a corridor is that Martin was the one doing the pinning. Sonja refuses to pay up the fifty pounds she owes Noor, says it’s got to be an exception, insists that they’ll catch Sims on top. So far the exception has happened three times to general knowledge, but sure, Sonja.

No, there’s nothing actually surprising about Martin Blackwood grabbing Sims by the scruff of his collar and kissing him long and deep against a wall. They’ve always been close, after all, and the door of Martin’s closet has been see-through for the last decade.

It’s just. A bit disturbing, is all. The betting pool had loads of options but everyone was agreed on the assumption that it’d be difficult to know, when (if! Stoker used to insist) it eventually happened, because Sims is such a secretive tight-arse and Martin such a nervous wreck that they would definitely keep it on the down-low. Martin being in charge is one thing, his being this — confident? cocky? preening?, is another.

That’s what directorship does to you, philosophises Kala from HR. Actually, shouldn’t that be grounds for sexual harassment, notes new girl who replaced Hannah whose name no one remembers but isn’t it Ashley or something? No, because Sims hasn’t filed a complaint, pipes in Sonja, probably because he’s the one in charge of this relationship, blah, blah, God, Sonja, just let it go and cough up the fifty pounds.

Martin’s changed, sure. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially when it involves this sort of promotion. In fact, there’s a general agreement that he’s looking pretty cute now that he’s taken to wearing nice suits and ditched the nerdy glasses. He might be wearing coloured contacts? It’s a nice touch, makes him look sharper, very professional.

Sims is a lucky guy, really has no business looking so shattered when Rosie congratulates him on the boyfriend. God, some people are just never happy with what they get.

“That’s not,” he tries, at which Rosie gets a pass for rolling her eyes in his face, because, three times, pal. “Never mind. Please, Rosie, tell J— Mister Blackwood that he can shove his assignment up his arse.”

“Uhh, tell him yourself. Please don’t involve me in your private life.” Except for Sonja, they’ve all already seen quite enough of it, thank you.

“Jonathan,” says Mister B. from his door, very gently. Rosie’s eyelashes flutter, also understandably, she’s quite forgiven. Martin’s changed all right. Is your voice turning into velvet also a side-effect of directorship? “Jon. Please, let’s not make a scene.”

Sims inhales and looks up at him, glaring  (smouldering, Sonja will insist later) through his eyelashes. Martin just smiles, the sweet, slightly awkward smile but with the nerves taken out and replaced by slightly patronising charm, get a grip, Rosie.

Sims doesn’t swoon.

No, what Sims does is drop the bombshell of: “I’m getting him back,” to which Mister B. replies mildly, silk whispering over steel: “And when you’re done being a child, I’ll be waiting,” and who the fuck is that about?

Sounds like it’s time for Ashley-or-whatever to go find a jar for the new office betting pool.

“I don’t want it,” Jon says in shaky refusal, squeezing his eyes shut as the corona grows brighter. He’s already on his knees, trembling too badly to move as he waits for it to kill him or take him. Make him want it.

You never wanted this, Elias told him, back at the beginning of it all, that infuriating patronizing look on his face, but I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. 

Jon never wanted to complete the Watcher’s Crown. Never wanted to bring the Eye into the world. All Jon wanted to do was–save Martin, save Daisy, stop Dekker, and finally rest. 

“That’s not entirely true,” Elias says, brushing his hand against Jon’s cheek. His voice is thick, glutted with some unknown emotion. “You wanted more than that, Jon.”

It’s true. He wanted to know. He hadn’t wanted to die without finally knowing the mystery, the secret that will define his death as it defines his life, the–the truth at the center of the labyrinth. He wanted to know, and he wanted to save the people he loved, and he wanted to stop the Extinction, and he didn’t particularly care about living, and that led him here, to this stone room, clutching the man who did this to him for balance, a terrible victory about to swallow him whole.

“You see,” Elias says, stroking his thumb against Jon’s cheekbone, his other hand fitting itself to Jon’s skull, tipping his head up to the crackling ring descending over them both. “Your choices really have been your own. Not so bad, is it?” 

“It’s–the–end of the world,” Jon chokes out from between his teeth, keeping his eyes stubbornly closed. He chose that, he supposes, and the Eye hasn’t even granted him the courtesy of, of ignorance. There’s no anesthetic, no place beyond fear for him. The world behind his eyes grows brighter, the corona obviously nearly upon them. 

“It isn’t going to hurt,” Elias says, and if he weren’t so obviously wracked with–anticipation, or arousal, or joy, or whatever it is he’s feeling–Jon might call his voice amused. “Nothing can hurt you now.” 

“I’m–I–still–don’t–want it,” Jon manages, and then flinches hard when Elias lets out a high, shocked sound, his hands suddenly clawing at Jon’s skin. 

Jon can’t help himself, and that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it? The reason the world is ending, the reason the Eye has never taken pity on him, the choice he can never stop himself from making. He opens his eyes, and looks. 

Elias is–

Elias has been–

Elias is crowned. The second corona is in his hands, electric and impossible. He’s crying.

“Oh,” Jon says, the air punched out of his lungs. It is–beautiful. 

Look, Elias says, or–thinks, or–wants, somewhere in the center of Jon’s chest, in the ache behind his eyes. He lifts the crown in his hands. Come and see. 

Jon cannot stop himself from wanting it, cannot help himself from saying yes. 

Honestly if Jon’s soulmate changes with what name Jonah is going by, so that it reads Elias Bouchard, and he knows that is his boss?  I Can see that going dark very quickly. Jon has very low self-esteem and it would be easy for him to just let Elias take the reins and just go along with what his soulmate says. Because Elias is his soulmate, Elias and Jon are made for each other, Elias loves him, right?

And if Elias is evil, if Elias is a murderer what does it say about Jon that this is the other half of his soul?

And maybe Elias does love him. But the thing about Elias, the thing about Jonah, is that for him power always comes first. And he is making Jon into something beautiful, and eventually Jon will see it too.

Plus, he’s waited so long for Jon, he’s not letting him go now that he has him.