Hey bestiessss. If you excuse your grandmothers neglect of you and excuse an eighteen year old guy bullying you and cite it LITERALLY that it wasn’t because you were smart or clever, that you were in fact a ‘DEEPLY ANNOYING CHILD’, I kind of question the conceit that you believe you’re better than other people due to being in academia. I actually kind of think maybe you have self worth issues and are faking your entire identity out of a need to protect yourself from the fact that you have no proof anyone will ever like you. Disdain for others is actually totally understandable. Hope this helps.