Y’know what’s funny to me?
The fact is, and no one’s gonna believe me when I say this, but of the three final girls, Melanie is actually my favorite. And even above Jon, I relate to her the most.
There’s a quote from the webcomic A Softer World that goes, “There isn’t a word for the things I will do to the people who wronged me. I have so much rage. Just waiting for someone to wrong me,” that I think sums up what the Slaughter feels like to me.
Rage and anger with nowhere to go is useless. It just leaves you shaking and tired and empty. But when you have a target, when you can point yourself like a weapon at the enemy? It’s cathartic on a level you cannot grasp. And even after, it still feels good and righteous. Because they shouldn’t have been in your way, they shouldn’t have provoked you, it’s their fault.
I think that’s why I’m so defensive of Jon?
Cause I know that need. The need to have a punching bag that screams back, that is the exact reason for your pain and suffering and torment. The thing is though. It’s not about having one around all the time. Getting to the point where you’re going to explode and release it is the point, not letting it out slowly. It has to build and build for maximum impact. Otherwise it’s weak and ineffective. Not even worth the effort.
My baby sister was my Jon. I did awful things to her I can’t even begin to make up for when I was a teenager and justified it because, and tell me if this sounds familiar, ‘she was annoying’. She ‘wouldn’t leave well enough alone’.
She was barely five. She’s my blood. But that didn’t matter. None of that mattered. She was an easy target.
I know it wasn’t her fault, why I did what I did. I know I only had myself to blame for my actions. I know there was no amount of justification that made it okay. I know that, I knew that, and I’ve since done all I can to let go of that unbridled anger and hate.
So that’s why I’m so defensive of Jon and so critical of Melanie. Why, when she said, “I can still hate him, even if I don’t, y’know, blame him[…]”, I gagged. Cause no. You can’t. You don’t get to. When you accept that your anger and hate is only on you, you CANNOT give yourself any leeway. You have to accept the responsibility and consequences of it. Not let it simmer. Not let it build back up and up.
Now you may say, “well she did have reasons. He did [x] to her”. But that’s not the point. Cause her hate and scorn started before they even first interacted with each other, if her first statement is any indication. She already justified her anger when she could direct it towards him. He just helped give her more fuel. And that was on him. Lord knows no one will let him forget that. But what WAS on her, was not letting him get to her. Was letting that anger go so she would actually be in the right when it came down to it. Cause what anger also does is cloud your ability to reason. It makes you make mistakes.
It makes anyone in front of you a target.
I can relate to and understand and empathize with Melanie. But I cannot and will not sympathize with her. She has way too much to learn and I couldn’t stand me when I was at that stage in my mental and emotional health development. It’d be hypocritical of me to not.
After all. “At least I hate consistently”.
saturnniines:
jon being undiagnosed autistic is hilarious to me because i can imagine two scenarios happening
1. telling martin about his childhood misadventures and it slowly dawns on him as he’s listening like “hey jon those don’t sound like neurotypical things” and he’s like “what, no. i was just a very annoying child. anyways i used to cry because fluorescent lights were too loud.”
2. literally just doing some mundane archiving shit like sorting through files in his office and suddenly the Eye decides to go “hey btw you have autism :)” and he just stops what he’s doing like. Oh.
Anyway, here’s how Jon killing the Entities by starving them out can-
i-will-change-this-someday:
Something that bugs me a bit with Tim’s hatred of Jon is that he, for some reason, thinks Jon’s not in danger. I love Tim and Jon’s relationship or lack thereof, I think Tim is the only one to actually be somewhat justified in his anger towards Jon.
But what I don’t get is , why does he thinks Jon is safe; he says this:
“We didn’t kill Gertrude, and no one wants to kill you, you pompous idiot!”
But he already knows that Gertrude was shot, something most likely done by another person (I.e. not a worm lady), and he was the one to look into Oliver Banks statement. I’m assuming that Jon came clean about his suspicions of the real statements to Tim; I don’t see why he wouldn’t, he already told 2 of the 3 people he works with.
And then there’s the fact that Jon got a text from Jane Prentiss saying:
“He will want to see it when the Archivist’s crimson fate arrives.”
I feel like Jon has, at least, some reason to believe he’s being targeted, especially as “The Archivist.”
Also, he was right in the end, (not that Tim would know that at the time, so I don’t hold that against him) there was not!Sasha who definitely wanted to kill him and Elias was the one to kill Gertrude .
i-will-change-this-someday:
Okay, so this has been bothering me for a while now, and I haven’t seen anyone else say it; so I’m going to put an opinion out there and say that Martin and Melanie annoyed me in MAG 199.
(This is also a bit of an analysis of the episode.)
(just so you know, this is very long.)
Keep reading
corvidaemnit:
yes jon yess smite them with your autism beam. autism spectrum disorder turn your gaze upon this wretched thing
toasterslime:
I have so many thoughts about Jon and Daisy’s s4 relationship. I know the fandom is very “look guys they’re besties” or “Jon deserves better Daisy is horrid” and like honestly,,, I don’t think either of those things are accurate. I’m not trying to say them being friends is healthy or even plausible it’s just a really fucking interesting dynamic to look at.
You take a man who’s turning into a monster who NOBODY believes can be redeemed (like… outwardly. He doesn’t know Martin even still cares about him) and the literal embodiment of an irredeemable monster whose hunger for the hunt made up everything she was… and you put them together. Jon saved her life. Jon saved her life after she tried to kill him, after he could know things about her that would probably make most people want to vomit. Why? Because if there’s hope for her, maybe there’s hope for him. And he doesn’t see his life as worth anything any more. When he went into that coffin he didn’t know if he was going to come back out. And Daisy knows this. On some level, Daisy doesn’t believe she deserves this second chance either. That’s why she doesn’t give into the hunger like Jon does. Because she literally believes she deserves to starve. But she thinks Jon *can* be redeemed. She recognizes that she was wrong to treat him like a monster. The person who wanted so badly to kill him recognizes this. And tries in her own way to support him and cheer him up. I think about that sometimes and foam at the mouth.
late-to-the-magnus-archives:
spooksier:
thinking about jon jarchivist sims as i often do and one aspect of s5 jon that i LOVE but dont see too many people talking about is how shot to hell his morals get (due to him being the Literal Antichrist) but he still remains a character very very driven by his morals. which surely won’t cause any issues at all.
like he asks other people what *they think* he should do so often or just does what *he thinks* is right because he’s running off avatar morality which is basically ‘fuck it, we ball’ and jon wants to be a good person SOO BAD but he’s LITERALLY THE ANTICHRIST!!! you guys….
^ this guy is fucked in the head
Ahh, but the reason I love what happened in season five is this: it hits on one of the MOST IMPORTANT ASPECTS of all of this.
Pleasure is not permission.
Pleasure is not permission.
Pleasure is not permission.
Yes. He was made to feel good. HE DID NOT WANT IT.
What was done to him was done without his consent. He did not consent to feeling good as other people’s agony flooded him; and unlike most of the other avatars, he never fully gave into it, either.
It is one of the reasons this is horror and not a straight-up romance.
levaagrace:
so a couple days ago for a mag a day was checking out, otherwise known as the episode that equated trauma based touch aversion to being a monster who thinks they’re better than everyone else :)
i will never be okay with the fact that this episode looked at how jon was legitimately tortured fourteen times over mentally and physically and instead of realizing that MAYBE trauma on that level and scale causes people to not want to be touched by anyone, let alone people who are currently not safe themselves, it said he was too self centered and self focused to see the fact that this person was scared and also in pain.
anyway, why am i still even thinking about ‘victim-blaming’ the podcast. i really should just. stop.
