I keep thinking about Jon’s tone just before he goes for a smoke break. He’s so tired. They all are. And from his point of view, this group of people he’s been trudging on for have just unanimously decided that given the choice, they would create 1000+/- more archivist “I open the door” moments for 1000+/- other Jon’s to save what, themselves? Their two or three loved ones? Strangers? Certainly not Jon, not if they’re asking him to reenact his own worst guilt but as the perpetrator this time.
And the moment Martin said he wanted Jon to “want to save himself” was i think the moment that that exhausted point of view shifted from Jon’s peripheral to his central reality, and he’s decided to derail the plan to give those 1000+/- Jon’s the help he never got.