AITA for breaking my promise to my boyfriend?
My (M31) boyfriend (M32) and I haven’t been together long. 3 weeks and then some amount of time roughly feeling like a couple months? All of this time was spent either hiding from the police or people who wanted to kill us, and then trekking through basically a post-apocalyptic wasteland of my own creation where I had significantly more power than anyone there, including my boyfriend.
My boyfriend gets worried about me, I understand the feeling, I’m worried about him a lot. He has it in his head that I’m suicidal or self-sacrificial, or have some sort of martyr complex. I admit that I’ve put myself into situations where I would likely — or probably — die before, and yes, a few of those situations could’ve been easily avoided, but this situation, the one where I lied to my boyfriend isn’t like that.
So, remember the post-apocalyptic wasteland I mentioned? We got the chance to end it, to save our world, but to do that we had to pass on the things that caused the apocalypse to other universes (not me, I was sort of the unwilling pawn? it’s a whole thing).
I didn’t want to do it, I couldn’t handle the thought of spreading our apocalypse to other universes. I proposed to kill the whole word (including myself and them), burn out these entities, stop them from spreading. The others (my boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend/friend (F30s) my ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend (F30s, my sort-of-friend’s (F40s) (dead) friend (F30s)) disagreed.
Later, my boyfriend came to talk to me, and I told him that I’d follow his and the others’ plan. He reminded me of the promise we’d made a little while before, that I wouldn’t die if there was another way to save the world, and he wouldn’t stop me if I had to die to save it. I think, even now, that a lot of his reasoning for having me not save countless more people, more worlds, is because he’s always just wanted me to be fine after this. I just never saw an after.
I went through with my plan, but before I could actually get started on killing, my boyfriend found out, he tried to stop me, and revealed that my ex-girlfriend managed to begin doing the other phase of the plan, even though I thought I had the important object. Eventually, I decided that I couldn’t save the other worlds, but I could save this one, and I couldn’t watch my boyfriend die. I told him to kill me, and I hoped we’d end up somewhere else.
It’s good here. Peaceful. I haven’t known that in a while. There’s still that worry that the world’s going to end again, there’s still that guilt over ending it, I don’t think it’s ever going to go away, but it’s good. Things with my boyfriend are more fraught. We love each other, we do, but he’s angry for breaking my promise, for making him kill him. I know that it hurt him, but I know that if I had been able to go through with my plan, if my boyfriend and the others had let me then this world would be safe, this world would be allowed to be good. There are kids here, they go to the park with their parents every evening on Wednesdays. If anything happens to them it’ll be my fault for letting those things spread.
So, AITA for breaking my promise to my boyfriend, even though it was to save countless lives?