Y’know what’s funny to me?

The fact is, and no one’s gonna believe me when I say this, but of the three final girls, Melanie is actually my favorite. And even above Jon, I relate to her the most.

There’s a quote from the webcomic A Softer World that goes, “There isn’t a word for the things I will do to the people who wronged me. I have so much rage. Just waiting for someone to wrong me,” that I think sums up what the Slaughter feels like to me.

Rage and anger with nowhere to go is useless. It just leaves you shaking and tired and empty. But when you have a target, when you can point yourself like a weapon at the enemy? It’s cathartic on a level you cannot grasp. And even after, it still feels good and righteous. Because they shouldn’t have been in your way, they shouldn’t have provoked you, it’s their fault.

I think that’s why I’m so defensive of Jon?

Cause I know that need. The need to have a punching bag that screams back, that is the exact reason for your pain and suffering and torment. The thing is though. It’s not about having one around all the time. Getting to the point where you’re going to explode and release it is the point, not letting it out slowly. It has to build and build for maximum impact. Otherwise it’s weak and ineffective. Not even worth the effort.

My baby sister was my Jon. I did awful things to her I can’t even begin to make up for when I was a teenager and justified it because, and tell me if this sounds familiar, ‘she was annoying’. She ‘wouldn’t leave well enough alone’.

She was barely five. She’s my blood. But that didn’t matter. None of that mattered. She was an easy target.

I know it wasn’t her fault, why I did what I did. I know I only had myself to blame for my actions. I know there was no amount of justification that made it okay. I know that, I knew that, and I’ve since done all I can to let go of that unbridled anger and hate.

So that’s why I’m so defensive of Jon and so critical of Melanie. Why, when she said, “I can still hate him, even if I don’t, y’know, blame him[…]”, I gagged. Cause no. You can’t. You don’t get to. When you accept that your anger and hate is only on you, you CANNOT give yourself any leeway. You have to accept the responsibility and consequences of it. Not let it simmer. Not let it build back up and up.

Now you may say, “well she did have reasons. He did [x] to her”. But that’s not the point. Cause her hate and scorn started before they even first interacted with each other, if her first statement is any indication. She already justified her anger when she could direct it towards him. He just helped give her more fuel. And that was on him. Lord knows no one will let him forget that. But what WAS on her, was not letting him get to her. Was letting that anger go so she would actually be in the right when it came down to it. Cause what anger also does is cloud your ability to reason. It makes you make mistakes.

It makes anyone in front of you a target.

I can relate to and understand and empathize with Melanie. But I cannot and will not sympathize with her. She has way too much to learn and I couldn’t stand me when I was at that stage in my mental and emotional health development. It’d be hypocritical of me to not.

After all. “At least I hate consistently”.