I think we don’t talk enough about the amount of unprocessed trauma Jon must have. Like, all of his experiences, everything left a mark, a trauma. We talk enough about his scars, but some of his traumas are more talked about than others.
For exemple, the lotion trauma and the arachnophobia are the ones I see the most talked about. Of course he hates the feeling of lotion on his skin after that month with the Circus, and of course he is afraid of spiders – though I feel like the latter is very discussed because of how proheminent it is in the show. The fact that he can’t stand knocking on a door a certain way because of Mr Spider, or checks for a Leitner plaque every time he reads something are well known and accepted, too.
But do we talk about how much he probably can’t stand seeing a mannequin exposed in the vitrin of a shop ?
How he probably had a panic attack once when he stumbled a bit and fell ? He doesn’t even need to fall from high to be triggered, because even a second of falling makes him feel like Mike Crew is in front of him, and that he’s going to be falling forever this time, that he won’t ever touch ground.
He probably became entirely vegetarian after meeting Jared Hopworth, but I doubt he cooked much meat since his encounter with Jude Perry, with the sound and the smell of the pan sizzling reminding him too much of his own skin melting.
He has at least five CO2 extinguishers in his home alongside a large stash of insecticide, all because even if he knows Prentiss is dead, he feels like vomitting every time he so much as see a wasp or a worm of any kind.
We can take the autistic headcanon, maybe he liked weighted blankets before the Coffin – but now ? That item of comfort has become a source of constant anxiety, something else taken by the Fears.
After learning about Sasha, he probably frantically passed over every single polaroid he possessed from uni or before, those showing his parents, friends, grandmother, asking a single question – is it really them ? Are the people in my memory the same ones as in those photos ?
Yes, he checks for a Leitner plaque at the beginning of every book he reads, but did he stop reading for a while by fear of Mr Spider returning ? Did he have someone checking his books for him, making sure they wouldn’t control him and feeling terribly guilty at the posibility of dooming someone else if the book is indeed dangerous ?
He probably can’t stand the scent of chemicals either, after six months in a hospital.
Did he take that long to notice Jonah and Elias had the same eyes because he can’t look at any of the portraits hanging in the Institute, too overwhelmed by the sensation of scrutiny all the while feeling guilty because he knows he’s inflicting the same thing on others ?
Clinging onto Martin every time the weather is a bit foggy, terrified he will lose him ?
Jon got so much trauma responses that are too rarely considered, and I wish we as a fandom explored more of this aspect in fics.