“Grief is healthy. If nothing else, it pushes away the other feelings that that thing wants me to experience.”
screaming crying throwing up, Jonathan wallowing in grief and guilt because he thinks it’s what keeps him human. He can’t stop being miserable because it’s the suffering of others that makes him stronger, makes him feel better.
he’s been living with guilt his entire life, he’s been shaped by it, ever since Mr Spider, since someone else died in his place. That’s the whole reason he ended up at the Institute, after all. I don’t think he knows how to exist without it, anymore. He thinks it’s just him, now, and it kills me.