2025-04-20 20:02:31 ¶ ● ⬈

levaagrace:

> “jon and martin aren’t boring” this. “jon and martin are toxic” that. “jon and martin are sooooo fucked up for-”

> *extremely loud buzzer*

> ANYWAY lets talk about jon and daisy

> what if you tried to kill me because i violated your autonomy and gave you endless nightmares. what if i was terrified of you as we were forced to work together. what if i was terrified of myself. what if i became what you tried to kill. what if the relief i felt at your death was overshadowed by the relief i felt knowing you weren’t dead and could give someone who also wanted me dead the gift of your survival. what if i thought saving you would ensure my death, whether by your hands or not. what if you decided i was someone you could become better with because you decided you were wrong. what if you were wrong about being wrong. what if, even after my faults were revealed, you still tried to do better and help me be better. what if this meant you lost yourself. what if you tried to kill me again but this time it didn’t matter. what if i wanted you to recognize me as anything other than prey because you were the only one who TRULY SAW ME.

> …or…

> what if i tried to kill you because most of my life i got away with extra-judiciously killing people i deemed monsters. what if i didn’t get away with it. what if i planned on still killing you but instead i was stuck with the weight of everything i did and found myself lacking. what if you came in to save me because you hoped i would kill you. what if i forgot why i thought you deserved to die in the first place. what if we tried to be better together but there was no real trust between us because a part of you still expected to die by my hands and a part of me still wanted you dead. what if you were weak and failed and i didn’t care because i knew what i did was no better. what if I couldn’t find it in myself to blame you. what if i still tried despite your failure. what if, in the end, you helped show me what really needed saving and protection AND IT WASN’T MYSELF.

> anyway, your honor, in conclusion, i plead insanity