The entire time I’ve been relistening to season 5, I can’t stop thinking about Jon Jarchivist’s state of existence as a disability metaphor. The role in things he’s been crafted for makes other people see him as having special privileges - and yes, there are perks! - but nobody really puts as much thought into how it affects his internal life, or the fact that he never chose this. Even the characters who are nice to him will make the occasional dig at him “always having liked being at the center of things”, as if he didn’t spend nearly every moment of the last few years trying to minimize his impact on others as much as possible, and seen it happen anyway only in spite of himself. He has a special diet and a requirement to stop and unburden himself regularly that can come on at inconvenient times, sounds physically uncomfortable if left unanswered, and impossible to leave so for long. The things that are good and restful for the others (sanctuaries from the Eye) fatigue and dissociate him, and his needs are always in an awkward balance with the differing ones of those around him, by practicality alone, even when he’s with a person who loves him.
So many moments in S5 read like mirrors of myself or my other disabled friends hanging out and traveling with abled friends or ones with differing requirements: the awkward half-apologies that happen when you can’t really control something that’s being inconvenient and it’s unpleasant for you too, the pushing yourself in spite of symptoms for something fun or restful for a loved one and yourself, the strained laughter at well-meaning digs, the struggling not to bring down the mood by explaining too much…it’s all there. Being the Archivist is a disability. It is that from the moment the requirement for statements to survive kicks in, but especially especially in Season 5, and that’s special to me. I sort of wish some of the other avatars had been more willing to be true allies, so that Jon could’ve had someone to talk and compare with. I think the company would’ve made him feel a lot less like a monster. (If, yknow, the company available was not mostly literal monsters or avatars too far gone to have much sympathy, alas)