February 2026

they’d kick me out of the hivemind for turning everyone transgender…

xo-teric:

martinblackwoodhater:

they’d kick me out of the hivemind for turning everyone transgender…

Then they’d come to your house everyday and give you feed you grapes and fan you with a really big leaf

stop going woke it’s freaking me out……

My tma hot take is that jmart is the blandest ship in the podcast canon and fanon wise. In canon theyre underdeveloped they dont get on well and their relationship ultimately goes nowhere and only serves as angst material for the ending and the fanon strips them of even that unused potential and inserts them into their little character dynamic boxes. Every single other tma ship i can think of is more interesting than these two coworkers hiking through the apocalypse and yet everyone and their mother act like this is the best ship ever and just assumes every tma fan is also a jmart shipper. Its so tiring

i lowkey forget that’s a hot take in the wider fandom atp like ive spent so long blocking jmart from my life

trolley problem: do nothign and martin blackwood and 20 innocents die, pull the lever and only 1 innocent dies what do you do

wrong! i have tied him to the rail himself and there will be no other casualties because i am deft and adept

Mahtin makes up too much of the ship name

hm the only ship in canon is between me and john and me and tim and me and sasha and me and gertrude and me and jared and me and peter so i don’t understand this at all actually

Martin Blackwood the kinda guy to brag about only ever reading classics but when you ask him what he actually reads he would list like three dostoyevski books and "no longer human" by osamu dazai

he’s like an annoying bitchass ex that’s like “heh… I just think dostoyevsky’s a lot more profound than the other works 🥴” shutupshutupshutup

I've sent you so many asks and i haven't seen you reply to all of them yet. Are you saving them for later?

prolly not

I've sent you so many asks and i haven't seen you reply to all of them yet. Are you saving them for later?

martinblackwoodhater:

prolly not

for context….

I used to be longtailedweasel if thats what youre talking abt. Hold on im gonna see if i can change it back

oh my godddd that’s YOU ⁉️

Will you play goobstation 14 at some point ?

no im not gonna goonstation bro what are you talking abt

sudanese-deactivated20250510:

i love illegal immigration like yes bitch get in here

jockinit:

having friends is important because otherwise you’ll stay convinced your parents are normal

silverslipstream:

pups-nest:

NEED someone to draw this as Shen and Robby

Martin Blackwood the kinda guy to brag about only ever reading classics but when you ask him what he actually reads he would list like three dostoyevski books and "no longer human" by osamu dazai

your-moots-uber-secret-blog:

martinblackwoodhater:

he’s like an annoying bitchass ex that’s like “heh… I just think dostoyevsky’s a lot more profound than the other works 🥴” shutupshutupshutup

Unless he violently changes like halfway through the show he doesn’t really read as the sort to gloat. The above circumstance feels more likely from the angle of him butting into a conversation in a need to be included, rather than gloating to pad out his ego. He’s a people pleaser at his core, after all.

“unless he violently changes like halfway through the show” haha. yeah. about that….

my stupid loser boy i hate him

oh he’s so darling

privatejoker:

this year i will draw pictures

i get that it isn't like the theme of your blog or anything but i stumbled onto your post ages ago abt epq and im lowkey so curious what did you end up picking for your topic??

lowkey forgot abt this ask for ages my bad bro but anyway that’s my title ☝️

i see you you geography a level student

erm actually you should’ve done the dtm in like yr8…. this proves nothing

HI. YOU REPLIED TO A COMMENT I MADE ON A POST. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT SHIT FELT LIKE MEETING A CELEBRITY LMAO

SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. I DONT AGREE WITH YOUR TAKES BUT AS A FELLOW JONKISSER I DO AGREE WITH THE MOTIVE. GODSPEED MY GOOD MAN 🫡

dude i get SO alarmed when ppl recognise me in the wild 😨 sometimes ppl on tiktok will reply to my comments just being like “hi martinblackwoodhater” and it’s like…. hi guys 😨 i guess 😨

can we get michael crew tit (bird) booby (bird) and boob (breasts) headcanons this is really important. your fandomslop moved me

remind me to do this at some point y'all i just need a little more time to remember who that even is 😇

I read your post on the instances of Martin hitting Jon.

As someone who believes Martin was dreadfully close to being a Web Avatar and could definitely manipulate people, I agree. While, in my opinion, him hitting Jon was a very emotionally-driven, heat-of-the-moment type of action, I do feel it wasn't necessary to do so. While I do have a neutral/positive view on Martin, it was very interesting to read your stance and also quite enlightening. 100% valid opinion, can't argue. Sorry for this text wall by the way. I just like reading about people's varying opinions.

the first time yeah 100% i can see that but i also think that if he didn’t want to hit him then he had ample time for an actual conversation or just like even a thought towards how to wake john from his statement-trance without physical violence. like literally all they’ve got is time he could 100% have Not Done That Again in the future if he was so inclined.


(particularly because of the lack of immediate threat in mag172 and how he didnt try any alternatives even with ample amounts of time. he also notably was entirely unapologetic and uncaring. i think id recognise your viewpoint more if there WAS heat in the moment but like the second time he did it there was literally none)

longtailedweasel:

Pneumoniamaxxed so hard my grandma is talking about sending me off to the seaside

come 2 devon we’re the seaside 🔥🔥🔥 cant believe you’re giving frail rich victorian waif….

cosmogirl:

who up masterragebaiting

why are u SO against martin being fat oh my god. very little characters have ANY canon designs and jonny and alex themselves said that martins a “bigger guy” in one of the q&a’s if u want to insist that every other descriptive part implying he’s fat just “means he’s tall!”. ur takes are always bad anyway but this one specifically is so stupid. headcanoning literally anything else appearance wise is fine but the One canonically fat character we have can stay fat Shrug

im not against it chat im against the idea that there are set fanon enforced designs for a podcast with no visual media.

its not like i hate fat ppl or whatever i just think it’s not very creative to have made one token fat character in the fanon design and then just enforce it for everyone. maybe if it was tim id fw that because tim is fat 2 me but cmon gang it’s martin…. idk maybe it’s because in my headcannon narrative i lowkey gave him a mindset of restrictive and disordered eating and malnourishment throughout childhood that he still deals w (because of him being poor and the guilt around his mother and everything it just feels in character)

but like headcannon what you want obviously i lit don’t care i just think that esp with how people often mischaracterise martin it can read as like turning the ‘bubbly’ character into the fat one. which isnt bad in and of itself but like cmon now. i barely consider anything in this audio narrative 'canon’ in regards to appearance and i just think it’s a shame that the fandom designs are soooo enforced and i think that’s kinda frustrating for creativity.

particularly because it often reads as just creating an opposite to the fanon design of john, which like only annoys me because like john is sooooo obviously the fat one there in my mind if you’re gonna do this whole contrast thing 🥀 esp bc he’s pretty much always considered to be vaguely brown (usually se asian but idk….) and like idk i think it would be nice to have fat characters who aren’t white lowkey and i think people are veryyyyy fixated on just martin and i just wish sometimes they’d pause their pre-assigned character designs and make tim fat because bro we NEED more fat tim content in this fandom please god i need him he’s sooooo sexy dude it’d be peak. that’s my true motivation

like if you’re gonna have one set fat character for the audio podcast at LEAST make it the sex appeal guy cmon now think about it. having the 'sweet sheepish tea character’ (S1 interpretation) be fat is cool and all but like having the hot dude be fat is more based imo 🔥

and sasha of course we need more fat women. there are just so many more deserving than martin and they’re all overshadowed bc people have their one enforced fat character 🥀

it just feels very much like you’re not letting two things coexist? martin can be fat and tim can be fat as well. like. this can happen. you can hc the rest of them as fat too without erasing the one character that has ACTUAL textual coding. the fanon designs feeling enforced i think may just be a you issue unfortunately because i have seen so many martin designs in which all of them he is fat (which is his One canonical trait) but with a multitude of different hair colours, different skin colours, different builds etc etc… but “rarely thinking of something as canon” despite his weight quite literally Being Canon is a bit. Ok! this is the character that is fat and we can add from there. the way the fandom perceives martin is shit but i think if you can’t see beyond that then at this point you’re not even hating on the character anymore you’re hating on the fandom


also if you want to get into non canonical ed’s to continue justifying why you can’t just let go of ur hate for like two seconds and go Yeah ok martin is fat! then perhaps consider martin who was raised with no idea on portion control and terrible issues with hoarding food because of his financial situation growing up. not many people would have enough food in their house to last them 2 weeks without grocery shopping but martin did! i personally see it as as he got older and started working and started buying groceries he bought everything cheap and in bulk (which, something else i want to bring up, people in poor financial situations does not always equal skinny? it’s easier to eat dirt cheap when it’s unhealthy junk) and started making himself too much/realised things were going to expire and had to eat it all then/etc etc.

please don’t assume i have anything against anyone’s personal headcannons really because like that isn’t what i wanna do at all because like why would i gaf. you are more than welcome to headcannon anything you like (and i literally cannot stop you even if i for some reason wanted to) i just have some frustrations with the attitude that SOME people have towards fanworks and feeling entitled to have other people visualise an audio media the same way they do. like when you’ll see ppl post fanart they did and the comments will be focused on complaining abt like the character missing a non-canon trait. if you haven’t felt pressure to cha


lowkey like you made a good point abt the q&a stuff that i didn’t know and that’s mb there because i typically only really know canon that was actually in the podcast, but also like


i mean i can hate on the character and also have some frustrations with how the fandom interacts with the media sometimes but like in discussions about common designs that feels like something that the fandom obviously feels relevant in? if you want posts of me talking about his character then like there are many on my blog you can search for those they’re actually usually the posts im most proud of 😋

lowkey i literally have zero design for martin in my head (i just dont visualise things like that idk) but maybe i only saw martin as fat because i don’t think he deserves that and i want him sad and cold and miserable but my interpretation should not have to influence yours in the slightest. please be free and understand that im as much of a chud loser as the rest of you and my word is not law half of it is just projection onto characters god bless 🙏

it just feels very much like you’re not letting two things coexist? martin can be fat and tim can be fat as well. like. this can happen. you can hc the rest of them as fat too without erasing the one character that has ACTUAL textual coding. the fanon designs feeling enforced i think may just be a you issue unfortunately because i have seen so many martin designs in which all of them he is fat (which is his One canonical trait) but with a multitude of different hair colours, different skin colours, different builds etc etc… but “rarely thinking of something as canon” despite his weight quite literally Being Canon is a bit. Ok! this is the character that is fat and we can add from there. the way the fandom perceives martin is shit but i think if you can’t see beyond that then at this point you’re not even hating on the character anymore you’re hating on the fandom


also if you want to get into non canonical ed’s to continue justifying why you can’t just let go of ur hate for like two seconds and go Yeah ok martin is fat! then perhaps consider martin who was raised with no idea on portion control and terrible issues with hoarding food because of his financial situation growing up. not many people would have enough food in their house to last them 2 weeks without grocery shopping but martin did! i personally see it as as he got older and started working and started buying groceries he bought everything cheap and in bulk (which, something else i want to bring up, people in poor financial situations does not always equal skinny? it’s easier to eat dirt cheap when it’s unhealthy junk) and started making himself too much/realised things were going to expire and had to eat it all then/etc etc.

martinblackwoodhater:

please don’t assume i have anything against anyone’s personal headcannons really because like that isn’t what i wanna do at all because like why would i gaf. you are more than welcome to headcannon anything you like (and i literally cannot stop you even if i for some reason wanted to) i just have some frustrations with the attitude that SOME people have towards fanworks and feeling entitled to have other people visualise an audio media the same way they do. like when you’ll see ppl post fanart they did and the comments will be focused on complaining abt like the character missing a non-canon trait. if you haven’t felt pressure to cha


lowkey like you made a good point abt the q&a stuff that i didn’t know and that’s mb there because i typically only really know canon that was actually in the podcast, but also like


i mean i can hate on the character and also have some frustrations with how the fandom interacts with the media sometimes but like in discussions about common designs that feels like something that the fandom obviously feels relevant in? if you want posts of me talking about his character then like there are many on my blog you can search for those they’re actually usually the posts im most proud of 😋

lowkey i literally have zero design for martin in my head (i just dont visualise things like that idk) but maybe i only saw martin as fat because i don’t think he deserves that and i want him sad and cold and miserable but my interpretation should not have to influence yours in the slightest. please be free and understand that im as much of a chud loser as the rest of you and my word is not law half of it is just projection onto characters god bless 🙏

(sorry yall didn’t mean to send it like this i just put my phone down like a boomer and posted it too early accidentally lmao. was gonna finish crafting it a bit more but now idk 🔥)

We are going to have to respectfully disagree on the subject of Martin, I do think the podcast itself basically explicitly states he's fat, which does stand out seeing as we don't get a lot of canon character appearance descriptors.

My actual fanon design gripe in this area is Michael. Why is he always a pipe-cleaner thin twink in his early 20s? Based on the timeline we get in canon he was almost certainly middle aged when he died, I could accept that he died in his 30s in a pinch.

I also just can't picture him as having that sort of build at any age. The way he is described by other characters (Sasha introduces him as "a large man with long, blond hair", Helen focusing on his height then saying that his face was "round and unthreatening", but that she found him intimidating anyway) suggests his human form is physically imposing in a way that isn't just due to his height. That could be interpreted in any number of ways, obviously, but I don't think the fanon design quite works. I wouldn't personally describe a man who was tall but incredibly thin the way Sasha and Helen do. I also just think it is fun if his human form is very visually distinct from his "Distorted" form.

older micheal who could throw me against a wall to give me a magic concussion just for fun….. wow you’ve opened my eyes thank you 🥴

lowkey like do i have any fans who are actually employed bc like ive gotta do a weird little survey on some1 with a job for my gay little linguists hw 🙏 ill do you a fun little drawing of wtver you want in return just like hmu if you’ve got any interesting job whatsoever 🔥🔥

finished my epq ‼️ someone pass the yaoi 😮‍💨

need to stop drawing my characters naked lowkey like its not even a sex thing it’s just clothes are sooooo boring to draw. wish it was a sex thing but im not good at drawing that unfortunately 🥀

bromple: