clown-eating-pig:
out of the many tragic parts of martin blackwood’s life, I cannot even imagine how gutted I would be to discover my controversially older crush was actually younger than me.
wait lowkey this has made me feel bad for him. even me.
The Stranger
u dont even know me buddy
anytime we hear martin talk about his flaws it just feels like that “well, im a real workaholic 😅☝️” kinda thing you get when asked about weaknesses at a job interview
why do u hate martin look at him
insert random martin clip here
if it’s one of the clips of martin hiting john then this question would be answered
we NEED more fat john content in this fandom it’s getting dire
should i post my tma character tit headcannons or is the world not ready for that yet.. is that too weird…
martinblackwoodhater:
should i post my tma character tit headcannons or is the world not ready for that yet.. is that too weird…
martin: sombre tit.
these are notably solitary (Lonely) birds, and they’re pretty easy to overlook. they can be territorial with a mate (he’s jealous…), and are relatively bold due to their size. they have “elaborate courtship rituals”, such as getting stuck in The Lonely because of your evil boss and needing your non-evil boss to get you out. they’re classed as least concern (martin’s lowkey doing the best out of all of them the whole time.)
tim: cinereous tit.
these are loud and vocal birds, and they’re typically social and active and alert and sometimes aggressive. (s3 tim. tho he was kinda valid) they were previously defined as subspecies of great tits (tim being defined by danny and then subsequently danny’s death)
sasha: willow tit.
they face pretty extreme population decline (like sasha…) due to habitat loss (like sasha having to run back to her original ‘habitat’ of artifact storage and going 'extinct’ for it. they’re one of the few to excavate their own tree holes for a nest. (remember this…) they’re quiet, often overlooked birds
not!sasha: marsh tit.
these are kinda hard to tell apart from willow tits (were assumed to be the same species for ages) and are also more common, in the same way that the not!sasha gets more frequent lines in the podcast than sasha herself, and that while sasha herself is irreplaceable the entity has like duplicates or those like it - therefore being more common in the world.
they habitate pre-existing tree holes rather than creating smth of their own. (like those that were created by willow tits… 🤫 like exploiting everything sasha had set up and built for herself….🤫)
martinblackwoodhater:
martinblackwoodhater:
martinblackwoodhater:
should i post my tma character tit headcannons or is the world not ready for that yet.. is that too weird…
martin: sombre tit.
Keep reading
yall should stay tuned for my tma character boob headcannons. do you think the world is ready for that…
tim: blue-footed booby (vocal + dances. desirable. opportunistic breeder.)
sasha: nazca booby
not!sasha: masked booby (looks similar to sasha. engages in ‘antagonistic displays’)
John: peruvian booby (related to + cucked by tim)
martin: brown booby (only child. can be acting in ways sometimes considered parasitic. forced into an unsuited colder habitat.)
martinblackwoodhater:
martinblackwoodhater:
martinblackwoodhater:
martinblackwoodhater:
should i post my tma character tit headcannons or is the world not ready for that yet.. is that too weird…
martin: sombre tit.
Keep reading
yall should stay tuned for my tma character boob headcannons. do you think the world is ready for that…
tim: blue-footed booby (vocal + dances. desirable. opportunistic breeder.)
sasha: nazca booby
not!sasha: masked booby (looks similar to sasha. engages in ‘antagonistic displays’)
John: peruvian booby (related to + cucked by tim)
martin: brown booby (only child. can be acting in ways sometimes considered parasitic. forced into an unsuited colder habitat.)
oh and before i forget…
martin: i lowkey think martin’s one of those cis dudes that just kinda doesn’t have tits. like he’s not concave or anything but there’s just kinda nothing extra there in the slightest.
tim: tim is one of those cis guys that does lowkey have big tits (combination of genes + weight + potentially he took hrt for a bit in collage just for fun) and also he wants people to know it. those shirts are NOT staying buttoned up as soon as he leaves the workplace bro like he’s literally undoing them as he walks out the door
sasha: probably abt a B cup and she seeks out bras with stars or flowers or bug designs on them because she thinks that’s cool as hell. the insect themed ones get less use by the end of s1 😨
not!sasha: exactly like sasha but they’re flipped somehow. like they’ve switched sides.
elias: another cis guy with very little to work with in that department. he has chest hair tho that’s slightly greying and that has a slight patch missing from when og elias was smoking weed shirtless and dropped the blunt and was too high to react appropriately and now there’s just a little patch of scar tissue there and there’s just abruptly no hair there. elias hides this. (not that he’d be shirtless at work obviously but i mean like he very quickly changes the subject if it’s pointed out during sex)
jared: i reckon jared hopworth gets top surgery recreationally. he does it on himself for the practice and then grows his own tits back by mindpower just however he likes. he’s got those fuckass cartoony chainsaw style scars but like legit irl because of how much scar tissue there is in the area. he’s very proud of this.
breekon and hope have one boob each and it’s on opposite sides so there’s a complete set when they hug.
melanie: mel uses kt type that she buys in bulk and usually wears for like a week or so without switching. (not for dysphoria reasons or anything, its just a real hassle) she stopped doing this in her slaughter era because the whole process of changing it would just frustrate her and she’d start making stupid mistakes like forgetting to use nipple covers and like id imagine that a little bit of pain (like from improper removal) would be tolerable or cathartic in that situation but she does NOT want to risk tearing her nipples off or anything so she took a break for a bit and then obvs the world ended sooooo….
gerry: eye tats over his nipples because he really wants to at some point have the opportunity to go “erm… my eyes are down here ☝️” this has not happened yet because he’s never been in a situation where this could possibly apply as a line. he just doesn’t really take his top off that often and it’s a really weird line to say during sex and he 100% would not manage to pull off the vibe so he’s been disappointed so far in this regard. who could’ve seen that coming…
john: i don’t think john’s ever measured because i don’t think he’s ever needed to buy a bra (i think he went straight from like training/sports bras to binders) and like why else would he rlly. i reckon he wears the xl full tank black spectrum binder (tho he grew up w underworks and got kinda attached) and can’t rlly fully hide his chest even w the layering he uses. this works better in winter because obvs the archives are cold, but i think he’d be relatively ambivalent about his body atp and after being a passing but visible trans man for so long so like he does not have a problem with being clocked wearing a binder in like summer and stuff he’s chill w wearing just a shirt when it’s hot even if his binder doesn’t compress all that much. that said tho i don’t think he’s gone a day without wearing his binder in like a decade. he doesn’t actively seek out overbinding but if there are people around he WILL be wearing it he does not gaf. all this to say i reckon his are pretty big because i reckon he’s lowkey pretty chubby
if you have another character you wanna hear from then you’ve gotta send me an ask abt it 😇 ask me anything you wanna send me asks sooooo bad…
lowkey like i don’t believe the whole thing of like martin haters hating him because he’s some like profound extension of themselves making them look to deeply at what it means to be known and loved or whatever, but i do actually hate martin more than the others even tho it’s unjustified because like lowkey he’s what i could’ve been if i was a weirdo loser in a bad way rather than being a weirdo loser in a good way. ive gotta hate him to keep me in line tbh if i ever get tempted to relate to martin i know what i have to change
wait martin hit jon when?
eps 169 and 172 (that we know of) and it’s established in episode 173 that this is not necessary at all to get john out of his statement haze and that you can in fact rouse him just as quickly without causing harm at all. (presumably by gently shaking him or something but it’s unclear exactly what martin does) martin is notably unapologetic about hitting his boyfriend each time. and it took him abt 5 seconds to get to a point where he was entirely comfortable with the idea of hitting his boyfriend even in a situation where there are plenty of alternatives and plenty of time to test these alternatives (referring to 172 here specifically because id give him more grace if it happened just once while he was panicking about jude. even if he didn’t seem that panicked.)
i literally don’t understand how no-one except me seems to ever notice this 😭 like not even judgementally im just so baffled by it like can someone pls explain if they have any theories on why they missed it because like it was lowkey soooo jarring for me 😨
(receipts so you can make your own judgment:)
Does Martin and Jon even have canon races or did the fandom just decide that they were those races?
they do not have canon races or ethnicities as far as im aware. martin allegedly speaks polish and latin (badly) but that’s the closest thing to any ethnicity for either of them that i can remember. correct me if im wrong tho pls
Not a Martin hater but like not a Martin lover either he's. Like. There's not really anything to him yk? I don't particularly care for TMA anymore but he didn't really have much fluff to him.
the enlightened centrist
my only argument for your boob post is Martin most definitely has boobs. His sheepish admission of "I'm not the smallest guy" + being described as "positively roomy". Both Alex and Jonny I think have said they imagine him as a bigger guy. Implies he's either fat (at LEAST chubby) or kinda buff. But he seems rather insecure about it in a way that wouldn't make a lot of sense for the latter. Point is he would most likely have at least Some boob, fat or muscle. Unless none of his weight goes to his tits
idk maybe he’s just like tall or smth idk 🥀 ive never seen him as insecure abt his body either like i just don’t see that, especially when he has so much else that he could be insecure about
idk me personally i hc him as having issues with food because like he’s clearly in bad financial situation and he’d feel a lot of guilt over spending money on food for himself rather than his mother and also like i reckon he’d be into the control he gets from going without eating and also like just the idea of his own issues personifying in a way that people can see (because like he does want that as an option even if he also doesn’t want it to happen) so i just lowkey don’t see that for him. plus like you can be fat and have like zero tits - i meant that proportionally to his body i think he has like noticeably little breast tissue
wrathofthlamb:
I saw someone write about why they hate martin and it’s because he’s written as a “white saviour” for jon. first of all, jon has no canonical race and second, jon saves martin just as much. baffling
if this is abt me i hate martin for entirely unrelated reasons and i was talking about fandom portrayals of characters and how i think it’s interesting that characters who are granted more humanity by the fandom in podcasts without confirmed races (including malevolent when the fandom gives him a race) are more often portrayed as white. you’re mixing up a lot of my posts there to make something i never said ?😭
I wonder
Do you think Peter Lukas made Martin worse?
martinblackwoodhater:
I guess it depends what you mean by worse?
i mean yeah i do think that his disconnect from people can naturally make him more snappy and abrasive when he does begin to integrate back into society (esp like with the worlds most evil boss and his situationship) and therefore be worse with people just by sheer nature of being so out of practice and having spent so long only centering himself and fully having to only worry about himself at all.
sort of a situation that he could easily take advantage of as this is an environment where he can feel morally righteous for not really caring about other people, which i do think could’ve been part of the reason he was so susceptible.
and therefore, after spending so long being encouraged and justified to act on his desires to ignore others and only focus on himself, it’s obviously hard for him to come back from that, and especially because i really don’t think he’d actually want to.
waittttt do yall ship them or no…?
martinblackwoodhaterfan:
The Jon and Martin relationship has a lot of issues caused by their respective traumas and worldviews, as established in season 5. But one frankly important issue that stems from the very way of their functioning is that Martin is the kind of person to whom “caring for someone” is tending to them (like a mother would), and sitting them down and listening to them talk about their problems. Meanwhile Jon is very self-sufficient, and as good as he might be at identifying other people’s problems, is completely awful at talking about himself and finds it hard to open up. Tell me how are they meant to get along in this situation
waitttt elaborate because like i lowkey didn’t think martin was the type to listen to anyone’s problems at all by s5….
archivalhaven:
moonmerchant:
archivalhaven:
Martin Blackwood hate on Tumblr is so crazy to me man. Of course he’s screwed up, and so is Jon. The whole point is that he is a nuanced character who has been through hell and back. There is no need to actively mess with Martin fans. It just makes you come off like a stereotypical bully in an 80s movie.
Seen a lot of people in the replies referring to one specific person. According to a post they made a few weeks ago, they’re 16. Which I feel explains a lot.
Post by @martinblackwoodhater
I’m seventeen and I’m not out here headcanoning a character as transphobic
lowkey i don’t see why it was a big deal for me to do this 😭 like transphobia exists and transphobic characters exist guys so sorry to burst ur bubble… like good for you you’re not doing that but that doesn’t make you better than me lowkey
i think martins tea is actually matcha in a lbabu head
woahhhh your writing is THIS fire ⁉️
i don’t know who these mysterious martin haters that go around harassing pure innocent martin fans are but people love to complain abt them and it’s like girl PLS send them to me🥀 i think people forget there are like 5 people in the fandom who hate martin blackwood and only 2 blogs. where are you finding this evil mob….
Fuck Martin Blackwood
i lowkey don’t wanna i really think he’d be bad at it
Fuck Martin Blackwood
martin-blackwood-offical:
martinblackwoodhater:
i lowkey don’t wanna i really think he’d be bad at it
HEY
it’s true man 🥀
why do you hate martin blackwood ☹️
probs bc of him hitting his bf and everything. idk it’s personal just search my blog
we need more martin blackwood ED content in this fandom lowkey
what if you were called martinblackwoodlover and then you loved everywhere that’d be mental
martinblackwoodlover is trademarked
