2025-06-16 18:20:14 ¶ ● ⬈

in-snakes-and-time:

> season 1: I’m Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of Magnus Institute, London. My professional opinion is that this is all horseshit and everyone that isn’t me needs psychiatric help. Statement ends.

> season 2: Supplemental: God lives inside the printer and he keeps telling me my assistants are murderers. I am inclined to believe him based on the fact that Martin told to have a nice day. Innately suspicious behavior.

> season 3: My only friends are my ex-girlfriend, her cat, and the many scars I’ve gotten from various monsters and fear cultists.

> season 4: You know, just being socially adept would solve a lot of my problems. Unfortunately, I was traumatized so thoroughly by age eight that I learned the best way to make friends is to blink at them slowly until they get the idea. This does not work when your evil patron god uses eyeballs to devour fear.

> season 5: Either Jonah Magnus tells us where he took all the good cows, or my boyfriend and I bash his head in with a lead crowbar. It’s his choice.