Season 1: Stament Begins, I’m Jonathan Sims, im a cunt and this is all bullshit. My assistant can jump in a paper shredder for all I care. Statment Ends.
Season 2: Supplemental, my assistants want to kill me, execpt Sasha even though she obviously wants to kill me. Martin is trying to kill me because he’s being too nice and he needs to fuck off. I have a cigarette addiction and a crusty old man is living in the basement. Magic is real.
Season 3: No one loves me and I have no job because my boss killed the crusty man and blamed me. My only friend is my ex and I have 53 million scars from meeting various gods. And oh my lord Tim exploded from facing a Sentient puppet.
Season 4: No one loves me, Martin hates me, the lesbians hate me. I just got out of a coma. Sasha and Tim are dead. I speak French now and I’m a monster. I am God. Martin, love me, love me, say that you love me. And shit I started the apocalypse, my bad.
Season 5: My and my boyfriend will stab Jonah if he doesn’t let us be gay.