2021-04-19 5:49:53 ¶ ●

I’ve put way too much effort into this and I am deeply sorry. Also @p1nkwitch I hope that you don’t mind that I borrowed your cat but then again you gave me the idea that one catboy isn’t enough. Also I like your user names so I decided to use them as well.

Also it’s written in the homestucks curswed second person perspective because I secretly love homestucks second person perspective…

Anyway I strongly discourage you from reading it unless you have some knowledge of homestuck.

…

Your name is ELIAS BOUCHARD.

Or at least that’s what we will assume for now. After all why should we think anything else that it is and always was your one and only name? It would be shame if we ruined some horrible revelation by some bad foreshadowing wouldn’t it?

So your name indeed is ELIAS BOUCHARD and you are the HEAD of the MAGNUS INSTITUTE.

You’ve had this position for quite some time. And by quite some time it is of course meant reasonable amount of time for a man of your age. Again it would be silly of us giving some vague hints that you might have been over two hundred years since you are obviously not.

You are playing sburb session and you’ve just successfully entered the Medium. The circumstances leading to this are quite fascinating and containing lots of shenanigans. It is really rather an entreating story! Sadly it all is absolutely irrelevant right now so we won’t talk about it at all. But it was really quite a wild ride so it is kind of a shame.

But we should rather focus ALL EYES back on you shouldn’t we? At you and your current struggle which is your attempt to alchemize some mores stuff. It is not that easy since Punch Designix in THE ARCHIVES of your institute then Cruxite in you office on the third floor and Alchemiter on the ground floor. So whenever you want to create something you must go all the way down there punch a captchalogue card then back all the way up to make Cruxite and then back down to finally alchemize something.

Yes it is all placed in rather inconvenient and actually straight out dumb way. It was of course idea of your dumb server player PETER LUKAS who also happens to be your husband. At least for now.

You don’t know whether it is less embarrassing to admit that you asked your husband to be your server player because you do not wish his death or because he is the most bearable person in your social circle which says a lot since he is huge pain in the ass and so far incredibly unhelpful.

WatchersCrown started pestering ForsakenTundra

WC: Peter.

WC: Peter!

WC: Peter stop ignoring me I know you are not doing anything important.

WC: Peter answer me right now!

WC: Answer or I will divorce you.

WC: I am taking the ring off my finger peter!

FT: …

FT: maybe I was doing something important

WC: No you did not. I can See you did not!

FT: no you cannot there are no eyes on tundra

WC: You forgot to turn down our wedding photo you have on your bedside table.

You can see your husband frowning and cursing. It is worthy even though now he put away your only way for you to see him.

WC: I need more grist to alchemize few things.

FT: Why? You’ve alchemized quite lots of stuff?

That is not true but your husband probably thinks that even two thing is two too much. You look at some of your beautiful creation. Since you have whole ARTIFACT STORRAGE full of cursed objects of different entities at your hand there you’ve alchemize few really interesting pieces like FLESH DESOLATING GUN, DISTORING PORTABLE PIANO and FOREVER FALLING NET TRAP and much more! Of course your favourite weapon so far it EYELEGANT CORD.

Yes you are great with cord actually. It certainly is not related to the fact you were growing up in 19th century when acquiring these kind of skill was not uncommon because as we established quite clearly earlier you are not over two hundred year old. Seriously that idea is ridiculous and we should stop bringing it up.

Anyway yes you did indeed alchemize more than just two things but they were mostly practical. You deserve some nice things as well!

WC: I still have few ideas. Now can you finally be helpfully and get me more gist and more importantly get me rid of those imps destroying things around here?

Ah the imps. They are quite easy to deal with but there is too much of them and it is hard to be KEEPING AN EYE on them all the time. And they are making such a mess all over yout beloved institute. You are especially upset because they dared to destroy few portraits of the great founder of the institute JONAH MAGNUS.

At least DuchessSprite – the combination of kernel sprite and your cat – is there to help with them since your server player is so useless. She seems to be having quite fun chasing them around. You are really glad to have her here to help. You would like to pet her but it would not be a wise idea since she was not yet prototyped for the second time since you still haven’t decided what you want to prototype her with.

Oh well you can find the right thing later. It is not like something unfortunate might happen by waiting a bit longer with it right?

FT: how? you were complaining when I was throwing things at them

WC: Of course I were! You threw at them my personal library!

FT: what can I use then?

WC: Figure something out yourself. But please ask me first!

FT: …

FT: maybe those clocks in you office they look quite sturdy

WC: Absolutely not!

FT: your table?

WC: I have things in it so no.

FT: your drawer?

WC: …

WC: Fine you can use that one.

WC: Oh, but first place Barnabas somewhere else in the safety he should be on top of it if I remember correctly which I of course do.

FT: …

FT: fine

WatchersCrown ceased pestering ForsakenTundra

Now where were you? Ah yes putting together some nice accessories for you. Or you could maybe say eyecessories but you are not as keen on obnoxious puns as is your husband.

First you make CEASLESLY WATCHING SUIT which is combination of your regular green suit, one of the portrait of Jonah Magnus and jar of possibly real cursed eyes from artefact storage. It comes out rather lovely you cannot wait to put it on.

You are just about to alchemize MAGNIFICENT ALL SEEING SHOES when you hear DuchessSprite meowing followed by a loud noise. You have naturally very bad feeling about it.

You might check right away of course because nowhere is as many eyes as in your office. (Or at least before you created you CEASLESLY WATCHING SUIT) But you decided to first get your husband chance to prepare you for whatever happened there.

WatchersCrown started pestering ForsakenTundra

WC: What was the sound, Peter?

FT: fuck

WC: WHAT WAS THE SOUND, PETER?

FT: oh… well… that’s funny story

WC: Peter? What did you do???

FT: simon is writing me i will get to you later

ForsakenTundra ceased pestering WatchersCrown

WC: Peter what did you do?

WC: You never answer Simon right away what the hell did you do?

WC: I swear if you broke something-

You are about to write few more angry messages but then you hear sound of something approaching.

CatboyBarnabasSprite: Uh… I am sorry but this is Magnus Institute right? Could you possibly help me find… Hm… there is so much information in my head right now it’s hard to make sense in them sorry… uh, who are you?

Elias: Oh fuck…