Future awaits! (…it can wait a little longer though)
Written for @eliasbouchardweek
Day 6 - Humanity
As per usual Barnabs does not understand the importance of Jonah’s work. That is nothing new. But how can he dare to suggest he might be just wasting his time?
…
“You have been lying in the books all day. You lie in them every day. What is one evening Jonah!” Barnabas cries dramatically as Jonah declines to accompany him to a party of… well… someone. Truth be told he was not really listening to the details of what his friend was saying as he had already made his mind not to go.
“One evening can change everything, Barnabas. Mr. Smirke finally got me those books he got from Mr. Raider… or Mr. Rainier? Never mind, I feel like I am finally close to something.” He waves with excitement towards piles of books surrounding his desk. His friend could not look any less impressed. As always.
“Mr. Smirke this, Robert that… you’ve been lately obsessed with those silly stories he has been constantly talking about. Really you are even worse than him. I never should have introduced you!”
“Barnabas, dear, it is not my fault you choose to remain ignorant to-”
“Oh, so just because I cannot engage in the boring talks about architecture, I am ignorant now?” Jonah takes a deep breath. He loves Barnabas, he truly does, he is always so full of joy and impressed by every little thing Jonah does. But sometimes he wishes he was a bit more able to engage in conversation about something else than gossip and art. He always compliments Jonah how smart and eloquent he is and listens to what he says but it is as if he was not really hearing the words.
“I have already tried to explain that it has nothing to do with architecture but you simply refuse to listen to what I am saying and-…”
“You are the one who refuses to hear what I am saying!” Barnabas raises his voice even more. He is red in the face with exasperation and it is not really a flattering colour for him… “I am not asking much, am I? Just one evening to spend with my friend?”
“But I am so close, please, just-”
“Just this one evening. Just this one day. Just this one week. You always say that,” Barnabas cries in accusation. Despite his claims that Jonah is not the one hearing him out, he does not even let him finish. Why is his friend always so hard to deal with?
“Listen to me it’s-”
“And you never seem to find anything you are looking for. Have you considered you are just wasting your time? No. No, I am sorry I dared to ask you to spend some time with your friends instead of your books. Enjoy your evening, Mr. Magnus.” He turns around and makes a point to slam the doors to Jonah’s study behind himself. Well that went well as always. Jonah signs and turns back to his books. Barnabas has always been hot-headed and selfish like this; he will soon come apologies from screaming at him like this.
However, the damage is done. Not to their friendship, of course not, but to Jonah’s determination. There is the seed of doubt. The curse that has its grasp on everyone who is about to make a life changing discovery.
Have you considered you are just wasting your time?
What a silly question from a silly man. Of course that he has considered it. How could he not? Sometimes he is so determined and he sees so clearly how things are. Sometimes he feels he is so close to understanding the nature of the Entities Smirke was talking about. He feels connected to one of them, he Knows he will be able to See so much when he will fully embrace it…
But some days he struggles to comprehend anything and he feels like it is all slipping between his fingers. And the questions come. What if he is wasting his life? What if he is seeing things where there are none? What if Smirke is a madman and he is a fool who has fallen for lies he tells?
He needs to take his mind off this all, from his research for a second. The books will still be there in a few hours.
Jonah gets up and buttons his waistcoat rushing out of the door.
“Barnabas, wait! I’ll go with you after all”
Why should he not indulge himself a bit and enjoy the simple human pleasures for a bit. Why not let himself be tempted for once. It is in his nature as he is still just a human. For now, at least.