everyone has already said this about mag 81 but jon really just spends twenty minutes absolutely laying into himself. yeah I was an egotistical child who was difficult to care for and the adults around me were generally justified in their open resentment and violence towards me because I was so annoying and then my trauma made me super self-centered and uncompassionate towards other people’s suffering and no I will not be extending even half as much emotional grace towards myself as I do to the adult who routinely beat me up until I was eight <- jesus christ man.
exactlyyy. feeling in control is essential for jon so he’ll readily take responsibility for everything that happens to and around him, and the trade off for any feeling of security that gives him is that he also believes that he directly caused every cruelty and misfortune he has ever experienced. powerlessness is his #1 most hated feeling so he’ll contort his worldview into terrible shapes to avoid it and start saying things like “my adult bully only targeted me because I was annoying and he only died because I didn’t intervene” and “my curiosity and hubris is uniquely responsible for starting the apocalypse, nevermind the other agents who were actively trying to bring it about without my knowledge.”
