thinking about peter lukas calling jon a “grubby jesus” and how the archivist’s job is essentially to receive supernatural confession and how in some cases jon eats the statement maker’s fear and so frees them of their burden and in some cases that fear rebounds back on them as they are exposed to the full terror of what it means to be eaten and made part of something other than the self and how he keeps dying but is resurrected not once but three times (masquerade, coffin, ritual) and how he makes the world over in his image and when he travels through this new world, people beg not for salvation but for annihilation and the freedom from watching/being watched and eating/being eaten that can come only when they cease to be and are incorporated back into the watcher and -
ADDITIONALLY: when caroline walker bynum says that metamorphosis is about process/mutatio/story - “a constant series of replacement changes/little deaths”…. to be changed is to die a constant series of little deaths - from victim of fear to statement maker to statement on paper to recording on tape all the way back around to victim again… ouroboros of horror that can only be ended through complete annihilation as opposed to the drawn-out torture of repeated consumption; the [foucault voice] perpetual spirals of pleasure and power… when you pray what do you pray for? i pray for god to crush me up into little pieces so i can start all over again….
