you have to be very careful lately. because all my favorite girlies are still into the magnus archives. but all the same girlies are Very Excited about the mcr tour. so you never know which gerard they’re talking about. did gerard way kill someone?? did gerard keay come out as nonbinary in an episode and i somehow forgot?? this requires more critical thinking skills than the rest of tumblr combined.
‘I know we’re not meant to speculate in these bits’, says Martin post-statement, while Jon’s out here doing a whole fucking stand up comedy routine every time
My post got 1 like… So here it is. Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives reading “Man Door Hand Hook Car Door” like a statement. See you all again in like 3 years.
You know I was WONDERING why Elias voluntarily went to Gay Baby Jail and stayed there for all of s4. Figured maybe it had something to do with the terms of his dumb wager with Peter.
The reveal that it was intentional to keep himself away from Jon, and thus keep his secrets away from the range of Jon’s Knowing Eye Avatar Abilities is…… fuck, clever,…..
The funniest thing about Jon’s s2 breakdown is the fact that he’s decided for pretty much no reason that all of this is about him and he needs to be paranoid, specifically.
Man learned the previous head archivist was murdered and went “but I’M the head archivist!” and decided all head archivists are just that murderable. MAYBE you’re thinking too highly of yourself, Jon. MAYBE Gertrude had so many different, non-head-archivist-related murderable qualities and you can’t compare. MAYBE you’re not half the murderable archivist you think you are, Jon. MAYBE you’re not even worth the jail time. Try some humility, Jon.
Alternate take on this: maybe the archivist IS an extremely a killable position, and as such being a paranoid basketcase is actually top of the criteria list. The board of directors trying to appoint a new archivist like “We can’t properly tell or warn them how killable they are, so best we just hire someone naturally inclined to believe they’re the most killable person in the room.”
Like Sasha was qualified to take over for Gertrude but they were like “no she’s too personable :/ she has friends and sees the good in humanity :/ we need someone who thinks that they’re both at the center of the universe and also every single person within said universe is against them and intent on destroying them.”
And then Jon walked in demanding to know who stole his glasses which are just resting on his head and someone’s like “he did the exact same thing last week when he dropped his pen” and everyone on the board unanimously went “oh this one, absolutely.”
THRILLED to conclude that me-from-the-past was onto something and this is now my headcanon for why EliaJonah chose Jon end statement.
so now that youve reached the s4 finale and had the wonderful experience of starting with a nice fluffy kitten then getting a dagger in the back and a baseball bat to the knees, any predictions for s5?
My prediction for s5 is that it’s gonna be pure Shit’s Fucked.
Though this DID spontaneously send me on a nostalgia trip to like… 2013 when I was watching Supernatural. And Supernatural LOVED to end seasons on a big “Shit’s Fucked” moment, only to like…. undo that in the first couple episodes of the next season. That show was begging for death and it kept getting reanimated.
But anyway I do… NOT think TMA is that kind of show. And I do think s5 is gonna just be….. a lot of Shit’s Fucked.
Every single time they get freed they’re given approximately 0.4 seconds to go “Ì̷̺ ̴͚͠a̵͔͑m̴̙̀ ̸̜̇f̴̰͛r̷͍̍e̶͖̕e̸͎̒!̵̔ͅ ̴̥̑N̶̪͂o̸̝̍w̸̖͑ ̷̜͐I̵͇͂ ̷̈́͜w̷̜͋î̶̩l̸̯͊ļ̸̾ ̸̟͑ŝ̵͉e̴̯͊e̶̠͌k̶̥̓ ̶̐ͅm̸̺̀y̴̙̔ ̸̹̋r̴͎̄e̵̲̐v̴͑͜ę̴̅n̸̲͘g̷̩͑e̵̳͂!̶̙̈́ before getting their shit boxed in by someone who’s like "not now”
I don’t uh… I don’t think they’re coming back from this.
Wait though I DO need to emphasize how much they were smited. How more-smote than anything on this show’s been smote the Not!Them were.
The Not!Them got ballsy and Jon said “I’m telling” and the Wrath of the New World descended and popped them like a balloon. The Not!Them got cheeky and Jon whipped out his Super Smash Bros FinalSmash. The Not!Them said ‘lol your dead coworker I killed sucked :P’ and Jon went *neutral B*. After being shoved aside 3 times previously the Not!Them earned the honor of 4 Big Bad deaths at once.
I totally thought this whole “Jon now has the power to Smite People With God’s Wrath” was gonna be like. Condemned. Like “oh no isnt that a little evil of you?” “Isn’t that maybe a kind of monstrous thing to do?” “Isn’t that maybe a slippery slope to moral destitution?”
Martin being like *helmet on* “Hell yeah let’s smite.” Love that. Great. Fantastic. Get you a man.
Gertrude, speaking into the camera for an office-style mockumentary: “I have reason to believe my current boss, Elias Bouchard, is actually the body-swapped reincarnation of my previous boss, James Wright. In fact I believe he is every head of the Magnus Institute dating back to Jonah Magnus himself. He’s been careful to hide all evidence but I’ve caught him in a key slip up.”
–*camera cut to Elias Bouchard sitting in a library chair, Gertrude filing away books behind him*–
Gertrude: “Oh excuse me James can I sneak through?” Elias: “Oh, yes.” *scoots chair* “Sorry about that.”
–*camera cut to Gertrude opening the door to Elias’s office*–
Gertrude: “Excuse me Francis but do you have a moment?” Elias: “Sorry, what was that?” Gertrude: “I was asking if you have a minute, Richard.” Elias: “If it’s quick, I have a meeting in 10 minutes.”
–*camera cut to Gertrude and Elias standing in a Starbucks*–
Elias: And where do we pick up— Gertrude: The table over there. I ordered ahead for us. Elias: *studies the table, lights up subtly and grabs the coffee cup second from the left, camera zooms in on the label that says Jonah Magnus. Elias walks away while Gertrude makes eye contact with the camera.
I’m at the part where Elias’s assistant is not allowing Jon and Martin to come see him because they don’t have an appointment, and tbh I really hope they just have to turn around and leave. The harbinger of the apocalypse and the ruler of all the ruined lands is the horrors of beaurocracy incarnate and yes you slogged through all the rings of Hell to get here but no you cannot see the Devil without an appointment scheduled 3-6 months in advance.
You know at the start of s3 I had kind of a “I wonder if Elias is sort of good :)” moment because he had the slam-dunk opportunity to let Jon take the fall for the brutal pipe murder Elias committed, but instead Elias went to lengths to protect Jon and everyone from police scrutiny.
And it wasn’t until the first time Melanie tried to kill Elias that I kinda snapped out of it and went “Oh, no yeah this man is like every flavor of villain and probably just has some kind of ‘I need Jon for my own unknowable machinations’ agenda oh right”
I’m at the part where Elias’s assistant is not allowing Jon and Martin to come see him because they don’t have an appointment, and tbh I really hope they just have to turn around and leave. The harbinger of the apocalypse and the ruler of all the ruined lands is the horrors of beaurocracy incarnate and yes you slogged through all the rings of Hell to get here but no you cannot see the Devil without an appointment scheduled 3-6 months in advance.
ALT
They wait the 3 months for Rosie to call them in but before they get to Elias’s office Rosie asks if they have filled out Form 2H-B and they have not filled out Form 2H-B and they’re both lacking in 2 forms of Class A Proof of Identity documentation or 1 form of Class B Proof of Identity documentation so they actually have to turn around and walk all the way back to Scotland where Martin gets his birth certificate out of the safety vault wondering if it’s still valid considering the department that issues them no longer exists and Jon is frozen on page 87 of Form 2H-B figuring out if “Addressment of Formal Grievance” is the right category to file for a meeting with your boss where you intend to kill him.
They get back to London and have to wait another 3 months.
TMA season 3 is really funny actually Melanie is like “this institute is evil” and Elias is like “no noooo we’re not evil 🥺” in his Evil voice and Jon’s like “Well I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m gonna go to China about it” and then he gets kidnapped by puppets for a month
ALT
