I’m at the start of MAG158 and obviously we’re not supposed to trust Peter or his ritual but I MORE don’t trust Elias right now. Like oh yeah sure totally, Elias is TOTALLY fine with The Lonely completing their ritual to stop a probably-fake(?) Extinction ritual and letting Peter just use the Mag Institute to do it just
I really think Peter’s gonna get halfway through his whatever and then Elias (or Jon) is gonna pop out like “Surprise! It was me! Dio! The Eye!”
#Elias has been too quiet in Gay Baby Jail I don’t Trust
There he goes!!! The Man himself!!! Broken from the Babiest of Jails!!
This scene with Elias taunting Martin about everything that’s going on: I am picturing Elias laid out across a grand piano in a red sparkly cocktail dress with a slit down the side (in the middle of the panopticon still, of course) and I will accept no refutations of this.
Season 2 Martin going home and sprucing up the parts of his living room he knows are visible through the front window after he learns Jon was caught attempting to spy on Tim’s house
Season 2 Martin dragging his bookshelf into direct view of the window making sure only the most complicated books are prominently displayed, most of which he checked out from the Magnus Institute that day.
Season 2 Martin knowing his living room TV is visible from the window, googling “what is the smartest documentary ever” while the TV is idling on the Netflix home page
ALT
Martin, speaking to the tape recorder: “I think Elias knew my resume was full of lies. I can’t prove it, but during the interview he was just sat there, with this smirk on his face, like he knew. He didn’t mention it. Instead all he did was mutter ‘oh, you’ll match his freak nicely’ and then offered me the job.”
Season 3 Elias is so goddamn fucking funny to me I forgot what a rollercoaster he was during my first listen.
Like the s2 finale has Jurgen Leitner giving Jon the whole “monsters are real speech” and Jon’s like “I need a cigarette. NO ONE get brutal pipe murdered while I’m gone” and Jurgen fails step 1 because Elias walks in and grabs Jon’s point-and-click-adventure pipe he’d been carrying around and Brutal Pipe Murders. Which, of course, Jon walks back in on and is prime suspect #1 due to literally every single feature trait and word he’s said in the entirety of s2.
So naturally s3 starts with Jon on the lam and Officer Tonner like “I’m gonna arrest him for brutal pipe murder” and I’M like “Shit. I hate this. Elias is going to SO easily pin it on Jon and get away with it.”
EXCEPT Elias walks in and is like “hello Ms. Officer no Jon Archivist did not kill that man, also I won’t tell you anything else, also this is what you sound like” while reciting all her childhood trauma and all her illegal activity that will get HER sent to jail for brutal murder of the non-pipe variety and now I’m like “….huh.” He’s also like “Jon didn’t do it but you can kill him if you want maybe :)” Elias your alibi????
And then we come BACK with Jon storming Elias’s office with his two lesbian bodyguards as back up and he’s like “I’m gonna use my powers to make you confess to pipe murder!” At which point Elias is like “It doesn’t work on me. But I’m having fun so Martin go get everyone I need to tell you all how I committed pipe murder.” and Martin does and Elias is like “Yes I pipe murdered. I also killed Gertrude. I love murder. You will not be compensated extra for this time. Get back to work.” And they… DO… just go back to work. Because work is haunted. One of the lesbian police officers works here now, too. This just happened. “Also living dolls from Russia are about to Apocalypse the world, Jon go stop it,” Elias says, while also saying “no I’m not gonna tell you how to stop it.”
Okay???? Mr. Elias man??? And you’re like “maybe he’s a ruthless tactician? Maybe he’s brutal but it’s all in the interest of stopping the doll apocalypse??? He wants to save the earth???” Except THAT’S not even true it’s actually more like he’s trying to get the Russian dolls kicked out of line at Disney World so HE gets to meet Mickey Mouse first by which I mean, start his OWN Apocalypse, because if the dolls do it first well then what’s the point of apocalypsing a planet that’s become someone else’s sloppy seconds.
Anyway Elias’s master strategy here is to bring the human equivalent of a drowned cat to the gun fight and just sit back and watch Jon fall down every set of stairs he finds while Elias goes “This is good. This will work.” His name isn’t even fucking Elias.
#op theres a theatricality to this i truly think rivals the pure anger of the leitner rant #this isnt even to mention how he ‘ur mom’d martin so hard he was arrested for it #and how the other militant lesbian (hes collecting them) that he ghoul-hired is trying to kill him in increasingly blatant ways #and he watches her shitty youtuber ghost hunt videos #the first man to mother (gothel) (via @anthroposeen)
“His only wish was to die alone.” “Tough.” is the funniest possible exchange you can have about a guy you just killed.
The fact that you killed him is fine. The problem is you were there while killing him, ruining his chance to die alone. Killing him was pretty much fine.
“Tough” is the correct response because really this ranks somewhere around 137th on the list of most morally dubious things you’ve done. And it’s about to be knocked to 138th by your act of inadvertently setting the apocalypse into motion. Which you kind of just did by killing this guy. Which was fine. But not the apocalypse part.
“His only wish was to die alone.” “Tough.” is the funniest possible exchange you can have about a guy you just killed.
The fact that you killed him is fine. The problem is you were there while killing him, ruining his chance to die alone. Killing him was pretty much fine.
“Tough” is the correct response because really this ranks somewhere around 137th on the list of most morally dubious things you’ve done. And it’s about to be knocked to 138th by your act of inadvertently setting the apocalypse into motion. Which you kind of just did by killing this guy. Which was fine. But not the apocalypse part.
The apocalypse is only like halfway your fault because really it’s the devious machination of your boss. Your boss the eyeless living corpse situated at the throne seat of the Millbank Prison Panopticon erected in the catacombs beneath your office building. No one’s talking about this because this also ranks somewhere around 138th on the list of weird fucking shit you have to learn about and say “okay” to. This was supposed to be a library job.
“His only wish was to die alone.” “Tough.” is the funniest possible exchange you can have about a guy you just killed.
The fact that you killed him is fine. The problem is you were there while killing him, ruining his chance to die alone. Killing him was pretty much fine.
“Tough” is the correct response because really this ranks somewhere around 137th on the list of most morally dubious things you’ve done. And it’s about to be knocked to 138th by your act of inadvertently setting the apocalypse into motion. Which you kind of just did by killing this guy. Which was fine. But not the apocalypse part.
The apocalypse is only like halfway your fault because really it’s the devious machination of your boss. Your boss the eyeless living corpse situated at the throne seat of the Millbank Prison Panopticon erected in the catacombs beneath your office building. No one’s talking about this because this also ranks somewhere around 138th on the list of weird fucking shit you have to learn about and say “okay” to. This was supposed to be a library job.
ALT
Buddy I would have been honored to have made this scenario up.
TMA is The Magnus Archives. The guy who got killed deserved to die because he made a fucked up apartment.
ALT
