“As for the credibility of Ms. Howard’s statement… let’s just say I find these events as believable as my ever reaching my 1-year mark as head archivist alive: improbable, and far more likely to –” *door squeaks*
“Do you have a moment, Jon?”
“No. But I’m guessing I don’t have a say in the matter. Is it another–”
“Another complaint.”
“–compl- of course it is. What, possibly, could be the issue this time?”
“The complainant is unhappy with the… well she phrases it as ‘theatrics’ in your recordings.”
“Theatrics.”
“Yes, Jon, I know you were a theater minor but you cannot–”
“Oh I leave my love for the performing arts quite separate from my professional work, Elias.”
“The background music, Jon. You need to knock it off with the background music.”
“The background–what background… Do they mean the ambience?”
“Whatever you call it. 'Recordings are overlaid with eerie and offputting music–”
“It’s necessary for the delivery!”
“Jon you cannot put music in the spooky parts of the statements. Complainant also says you are ’a little too into the recordings. It’s weird. Like the guy’s getting something out of the performance.’”
“Oh they’re mad I’m putting heart into the readings? They’re mad that I have both the respect and decency to read each statement with the sort of voice I’m sure the statement-givers would wish to impart in their words?”
“Respect for–Jon you end most of these statements dragging each statement giver’s credibility through the mud!”
“Yes, because it’s my job to apply a lens of professional skepticism.”
“Do we even have the copyright for the 'ambience’ music you’re applying?”
“What fool do you take me for? They’re all licensed for common use.”
“Stop putting background music in the statements, Jon.”
“What because one person complained?? One person! What about the silent majority? What about my fans–??”
*door shuts*
….
*tape recorder clicks on*
*flat, almost as if the speaker is pouting* “Statement from Cordelia Winthrow regarding something unremarkable, and apparently not important enough to dictate with any emotion, blah blah blah. November 1st 2017. Statement begins.”