2024-07-10 17:52:10 ¶ ●

back on my monster daisy bullshit featuring my qpr jondaisy headcanons 💪

you know you are going to run into her at some point. this fearscape is nothing if not narrative, if not some dream logic incarnation of everything that haunts you, so of course you will find her. you choose to put effort into it though, to Find Her instead of being found.

you are not sure you’d be able to hurt her, even as the twisting mass of limbs she is, even as you See her tearing apart innocents with her pointed teeth and clawed hands. those hands had braided your hair, once and again. her hair still falls down her back in a braid you had watched her make a million of, the golden hair blood soaked and matted but still plaited. someone is going to have to kill her. it cannot be you. you are not the one that promised, even if it is your fault she is like this. (if you were stronger then could you have saved her? if you could defeat the hunters by yourself would she have had to regress to become this? you Know everything now but you cannot predict the future and you cannot change the past, no matter how much you wish you could.)

you See her victims, one by one, the innocent lives she has torn to bits. you know she wasn’t a good person, you know that there was always going to be blood under her fingernails despite how she washed her hands (and you know some of it is yours. she knew it too, and she never asked you to forgive her. you still cannot tell if you did, but she was important to you, and you to her, and wasn’t that enough?) but the monstrosity is hard to look at nonetheless. you can see the way her legs bend and See the broken arrangement of her bones to fit this shape. you can see the teeth crowding her mouth and you can See the way muscles and ligaments tore to make her gaping maw. you know she did not want this, but at the same time you Know she is the happiest she has ever been, sans thoughts of anything but The Hunt.

she kills someone in front of you, devours his organs in a way that is burnt into your memory. basira has a gun and it is pointed at daisy and you want to tell her not to shoot but at the same time this is no longer the daisy whose hand you held or the daisy you saved from the coffin or the daisy who told you you were one of her reasons to stay. you keep quiet but martin does not and then she is upon you.

her teeth are latched to your leg they are digging into your flesh and drawing blood. nothing could hurt you here but the pain is visceral and you think it will scar (the same way her knife scarred your neck the same way you can still feel the tender touch of her fingers on your scalp the same the same the same). she does not recognize you and while you know why (not Know. just know. you understand her in a way The Eye could never) it hurts anyway. you wanted to say goodbye. you wanted to lace your fingers in hers one last time. you wanted you wanted you wanted but you cannot have.

she lets go of you to beckon basira to her side. she begs and she barks and she yells, forcing out the sounds from a mouth that is no longer built for words, and she does not recognize you. she does not call your name, she does not speak to you, she does not recognize you as anything but prey. (you were something different to her once. you were inhuman and so was she, you helped her remain suicidally human because she did not want to become this again, you were redeemable to her. has anyone else ever thought you were redeemable? has anyone else ever viewed you, monstrous as you are, in the way she did? but then again, does it really matter, when she is not viewing you at all anymore?) basira shoots, once. then again and then again. daisy falls. her eyes are still human, still void of recognition. her clawed hands lay limply on the ground. you want to reach for them, to feel as she goes cold, but martin is here worrying about your leg and basira is standing over daisy’s body and all you can do is hurt.

you do not stay to watch her corpse burn. you do not stare as your leg mends itself together, scars blossoming in your skin. you get up and you keep moving. that is all you can do for her now.