YOU. give me your jonah magnus headcanons

thswrtchdthng:

oh FUCK yes.

let me preface this by saying I could talk about this piece of shit for HOURS. also these range from completely random trivia things to silly to oddly specific. also I may have projected a bit too much but oh well, that’s what fictional babygirls are for

- I’m a trans Jonah truther. but also he’d been going exclusively by he/him pretty much his whole life until someone in the middle of an argument called him “it” and he had one of those “wait am I even a person” moments and since then he does not know wtf he is. is he a man? is he a thing? is he a creature? is he a concept? none of the above? all of the avobe? who knows. not even the Eye knows what’s going on with that.

- he grew up on the outskirts of Edinburgh, and he has very mixed feelings about it. like on one hand he did not like it and was overjoyed to leave, but on the other that is his home and you will not disrespect it. to this day if anyone talks shit about Edinburgh or Scotland in general he has to stop himself from acting bothered about it.

- I’m sorry but I can smell his daddy/mommy issues from MILES away (he has both).

- he used to be super self-conscious. the “shit they’re all staring at me but I need to pretend to be confident and respectable so fuck it” sort of way.

- he was especially insecure about his freckles. he was convinced they made him look like a little kid (which is not true, freckles are gorgeous and fuck anyone who thinks otherwise).

- he’s always had a huge staring problem. and he originally had really big eyes so if anyone caught his interest they’d just be doing their thing and then turn around and catch him like 👁️_👁️.

- also he was always that kid that asked too many questions, especially regarding god (another thing I can smell from miles away is the religious trauma).

- he was born on november 13th 1787 (a tuesday the 13th, which in some cultures is believed to be a bad luck day, like friday the 13th) and officially founded the Institute on his 31st birthday (november 13th 1818, a friday the 13th).

- he has a collection of lover’s eyes gifted by his many boyfriends acquaintances. he’s got them all in a little box at his place and he remembers the exact moment each was gifted to him.

- I’m not going to get into how I imagine the time between when Barnabas got chucked into the Lonely and when he went to get his bones (it would take far too long) but this bitch was Not Having A Good Time. those broken glasses and torn pages Barny mentioned in his last letter? all him baby.

- also after Barnabas died he had a period of a couple weeks where he did not speak. not one word. he looked completely normal otherwise but people did notice. after that he just acted like nothing had happened and pretended to be clueless when people asked him about it.

- speaking of Barnabas’s bones, he got a quill made of the bones in the ring finger of his left hand. he never uses it (no occasion is special enough) but he takes it with him any time he leaves the Institute for longer than a day (he couldn’t take it with him to jail though :( ).

- speaking of leaving the Institute, he travels surprisingly rarely. it’s not that he doesn’t like traveling or that he can’t afford it, he simply doesn’t do it.

- Jonathan Fanshawe’s last letter hurt him far more than he expected, and so did Albrecht’s death. he thought he wouldn’t feel much after Barny’s death but that shit hit him.

- his eyesight gets worse every time he gets a new body. as Elias his glasses are so thick it’s almost comical.

- he loves fluffy blankets with a PASSION.

-but he despises fluffy sweaters. he cannot wear them.

- he also loves pillows, cushions etc. he has at least 10 in his bed.

- you can’t tell me his egotistical ass doesn’t spend AT LEAST 2 hours getting ready every day (and 50% of that time he spends just staring at himself, checking that every minute detail is absolutely perfect).

- he’s a raging hypochondriac. this man (gender neutral) will sneeze once and he’s already thinking about his next body.

- his favorite cake flavour is red velvet. also black forest cake reminds him of Albrecht.

- as much as I like the joke of Jonah being the Lukases communal bootycall, he actually despises most of that family.

- aside from his long list of “acquaintances”, he did have a super short fling with Simon Fairchild. Simon still jokes about it to this day and Jonah hates him for it.

- when he’s angry or under a lot of stress he’ll just stop blinking. like he usually doesn’t blink as often as The Average Human, but if he’s mad he’ll just stop entirely. this started happening after the failed Watcher’s Crown, but he didn’t notice it until one time Gertrude pointed it out (that was a fun conversation, I might write something about this eventually).

- sometimes he’ll forget or just not feel like doing normal bodily functions like eating or sleeping, and when he remembers that he has to in order to, you know, function, he gets so mad about it (why are human bodies so high maintenance and so unreliable at the same time istg).

- he used to be a sacredy cat. not anymore because he can See when people are close to him, but if you were to come up behind him to scare him back in the day he would leap.

- he has an odd fondness for amaranth flowers. I doubt he’s a plant person but he likes those a lot (and tbh now that I think about it the mental image of plant mom Jonah makes me very soft. he’d tell the plants his Evil Plans and shit).

this is all I could think of off the top of my head but I’ll probably add more as time goes by. I loved finally listing my headcanons for this little fucker so thanks for giving me the chance lol