2025-06-12 5:50:49 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

sparks-out:

> sparks-out:

> > Jon x og!Elias is a very stupid crackship that hits a handful of bizarrely specific buttons and I don’t know what to do with it. Nothing about it should be particularly compelling and yet regardless I am Compelled.

> I think Jon should be getting frequent but relatively mediocre dick from a rich arrogant middle-aged failson. I think Jon should be Very Horny (maybe he’s just started T? Idk) and sort of annoyed that his dick is demanding this much attention all the time and masturbation just isn’t quite satisfying enough anymore and og!Elias isn’t even really tolerable but he’s there and a relatively consistent lay so what else is Jon supposed to do.

In a hypothetical universe where Jon would not only be asked about his sex life but would answer honestly, he would (if he was feeling charitable) describe the sex as “adequate.” Og!Elias is hardly a selfless lover but Jon isn’t especially concerned over the quality and/or occurrence of og!Elias’ orgasms either. And it’s not like either of them have many better options lined up, so even though he views og!Elias with relative disdain he’s perfectly willing to go to bed with him (or, more accurately, to go to empty storage closet with him).

Meanwhile og!Elias is down bad. Down catastrophic. Madly in love with this scrawny mean little researcher even though Jon also irritates the shit out of him. Idk why I like this idea so much, it’s just. There. In my mind.