2025-07-24 20:05:46 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

sparks-out:

> sparks-out:

> > Thinking about young Jon longing for a parental figure who would love him and guide him and believe him about Mr. Spider and even know all the answers to all the questions swirling about in his head. Thinking about him finding a book about Jonah Magnus, being fascinated by this strange, clever man, this long-dead occultist. And maybe sometimes when he’s bored and lonely and the children at school are bullying him and his grandmother doesn’t understand why he gets so fussy with the texture of his clothes or why he doesn’t like wearing dresses and skirts (and he doesn’t understand either, not really, not yet) maybe he imagines that Jonah found him after Mr. Spider. That he told Jon everything he ever wanted to know. And maybe he wonders what it would be like for Jonah to take him in and raise him. And it all starts out very innocent, just… fantasies of being raised by a person who loves him and shows it openly, who understands him.

> > And then he gets older and starts feeling arousal, starts touching himself, and he feels a little strange doing it but it feels so good. Feels even better when he imagines that it’s Jonah touching him instead, that it’s Jonah who understands what’s happening to him and who touches him whenever he needs and who knows how best to touch him. And he knows you’re not supposed to want that, that you’re supposed to want sex with men who are your age and that you’re definitely not supposed to want sex with your father. He tells himself it’s okay because Jonah isn’t really his father and they’re not related at all and he just daydreams that maybe he did raise Jon, but he still feels so guilty after because the fantasies only feel good when he imagines that it’s his dad taking care of him. Sometimes he tries to imagine other people, his teachers, his schoolmates, but the idea of having sex with them is so uncomfortable and strange that he often just can’t keep going. It’s a little easier with Jonah but it still feels discomfiting if he’s just Jon’s friend or lover. He needs to be Jonah’s son in his fantasies.

> > And finally he reads an account that speculates about the possibility that Jonah is trans and suddenly all his strange feelings and discomfort with his body and being a girl make sense. And he isn’t able to accept it for a long time, but when he finally does, well. Who else to name himself after? Maybe Jon thinks to himself that it’s a little like taking his father’s name, only to feel ridiculous for the thought. Maybe he can’t quite bring himself to call himself Jonah when the time comes, it’s “Jon… er- Jon. Jonathan.”

> > And maybe one day he’s sitting in front of Elias, nervous and unsure but so desperate for the job, and he mentions that he had heard of Jonah Magnus before and he admired his work while internally he’s terrified he’s going to accidentally blurt out something like “he was like a father to me when I was younger” or “I have pseudoincestous fantasies about the man in the portrait behind you whenever I masturbate,” and maybe Elias is very glad that the lower half of his body is concealed by his desk because he’s very visibly hard while listening to Jon’s internal monologue.

> Of course Jon would never express his desires out loud to Elias, wouldn’t ask for them even the two of them ended up falling into bed together, but that’s alright. Elias is sure he can be trained. It can be a side project, a part of preparing Jon for his role as Archivist, lynchpin. Maybe enough to make him a willing one.

> Of course, he can’t know that Jonah Magnus still lives (although perhaps one day… he is so very devoted to his father (and so hungry… Elias won’t be able to keep all his secrets from his boy forever)), but he can come to see Elias in a similar role, slotting neatly into all the places carved out for Jonah. I imagine it starts out as a spot of entertainment. Seeing what this haunted, curious young man will do when treated with paternal fondness. Special mentorship, a hand on his shoulder, comforting and warm. It’s so fascinating, to watch him twitch and squirm and want (for Elias to touch him more? To tell him he’s good? That he’s disgusting? To fuck him?). He just makes it so easy to press a little more. Tying one of Elias’ own ties around his neck, a little too tight (like a noose, Jon thinks, then like a collar, he feels stupid for both), patting him on the shoulder. That same evening, proudly introducing Jon as one of their best researchers, a hand on his shoulder the whole time, standing so close. Rewarding Jon with his praise and attention and touch whenever Jon’s been especially good, on the late nights when he’s too tired to stamp out the yearning for Elias to be his father, or when Jon’s been especially receptive of his paternal treatment.

> And then further. Insisting Jon wear his “spare clothes” when he “accidentally” startles Jon mid-sip of coffee and causes him to make a mess all over himself. Letting Jon rest on the couch in his office when he has a headache, tucking him in and kissing him on the forehead when he’s too tired to question it, then saying Jon must’ve dreamed it when he asks about it. Insisting Jon wear his jacket home on a cold, rainy day, helping Jon into it himself.

> Just… slowly escalating, all while Jon believes that he is the one with ill intentions. Reading into Elias’ kindness and professionalism and inserting his own creepy fantasies into perfectly ordinary behavior, replacing his fixation with Jonah with one on Elias…

And Jon will ache for his father’s love all throughout season 4 but it’s okay because he’ll step out of the Lonely and his dad will be there to wipe Peter’s blood from his face and take him home and tuck him into bed and tenderly kiss his forehead. And then in the morning Jon can wake up with Jonah tenderly stroking his hair, his loving father who knows every one of his fantasies and who has come for his son at last to take care of him just like he’s been aching for for so long <3