2025-03-13 16:20:23 ¶ ● ⬈

sparks-out:

> There is a war deep within my soul…

> On the one hand, neither Jon nor Elias would ever want kids, and also as a person who never ever EVER wants any part in raising kids myself I think this world deeply and desperately needs more fictional relationships that don’t result in children. But on the other hand, pregnancy and breeding is Really Hot and a lack of lasting consequences really takes a lot of the weight out of it. And on the third hand, I’m also just sort of generally interested in the very mundane drama of it, with pregnancy and/or kids as a prop for other characters to react to.

Forced pregnancy and, following that, forced childrearing, are both such terrifying, repellant ideas to me. The concept of not only my worst nightmare coming true but of having no escape from it, of being forcibly changed and violated like that…. there’s a reason why getting a hysterectomy was such a fucking relief. But I think it also somehow engendered in me a fascination with those ideas. In a sexual way (I like breeding, but my preferred form of the kink involves rough, violent, nonconsensual sex on the part of the person getting pregnant). But also in a nonsexual way. I like the drama, the angst, the character’s actions and reactions and the changes in relationships. It interests me. Not the sort of thing I could ever imagine happening to myself without becoming distressed, but the sort of situation I enjoy putting my comfort characters in.