Losing my mind over Jon(x2)/Elias post s5 time travel au. Specifically the Jon selfcest of it all. Like my god, the mutual self-hatred. Future!Jon seeing all the things they lost but also all the seeds of what they eventually became, feeling envy and hate in equal measure, undercut by a quiet longing. Past!Jon seeing himself echoed in uncomfortable ways, a version of himself that’s grown better in some ways but worse in others, who’s sort of this mysterious figure who hates him, who doesn’t lug around all that nervous professional insecurity and who doesn’t take him seriously… and of course they both naturally hate themselves so much already that it’s On Sight for any other Jon.
I need to see them fuck about it. I need future!Jon domming past!Jon. I want to see past!Jon get mad at future!Jon for withholding information one moment and get down on his knees for them seeking approval the next. I need future!Jon pushing past!Jon to the absolute brink, hands around his throat and nails digging in, punishing him for both of their sins. Incredibly intense scenes followed by half-assed aftercare, future!Jon absolutely degrading the HELL out of past!Jon until he’s sobbing while they rail him with their strap… it’s sooooo tasty to me you have NO idea…
And of course Elias as a central, foundational figure of their relationship. Elias who scolds them lightly for not getting along but is more than happy to let it happen because it’s just so interesting to watch. Elias who enjoys how amusing and flattering it is for Jon to be jealous of themself, who strokes himself off behind his desk while they have bitter acrimonious hatesex on the floor of his office (perhaps even at his request, although I’m sure he stipulated that they “play nice”).
And the place we all knew this was going: I think one of the Jon’s needs to get pregnant. The au diverges a bit from here based on which one gets knocked up.
Past!Jon: Perhaps Elias wanted to show some special attention to the more human Jon. Perhaps he wanted to lay a claim to him similar to the one he knows some alternate version of himself claimed future!Jon. Perhaps he thought it might be interesting, perhaps it really was just an accident. Whatever the case, it changes things. Future!Jon, once allowed to be cruel as they pleased, now really must be gentle. Can’t hurt the baby. Can’t stress past!Jon out too much, can’t risk his health or the health of his unborn child (their unborn child, which only makes it so much stranger and more complicated. They HATE one of the fathers, the other father is their lover, they are beholden to both, and the baby is technically their biological child, and there’s not a family therapist in the WORLD equipped to sort out THAT mess). Sometimes they think they might love that child, sometimes maybe they resent it. Sometimes they see the care and reverence Elias treats past!Jon with (and they KNOW he loves them, Knows it better than anything), wishes maybe they had that too.
Future!Jon: Maybe Elias felt jealous. This was a Jon he had no hand in crafting. No, that was another Elias, another lifetime he wasn’t there to Witness and Watch. Maybe he decides that, if he can’t shape this future version of Jon the way that long-ago version of Elias did, he could still change them deeply, fundamentally, from the inside out. Future!Jon wouldn’t want to be pregnant, maybe, but all Elias needs to do is ensure protection is “forgotten” one too many times. He’s protective of them, of course. Caring and attentive and it’s yet another way for past!Jon to feel stupidly, foolishly inadequate. His future self is a god, perfectly able to See and Understand Elias in the way Elias craves, the way past!Jon craves. And now there’s a baby growing inside of future!Jon that’s sort of going to be his… that he’s going to be personally responsible for despite their absolute mess of a relationship…
God it’d taste soso good…