average archives episode: and then the shadowy painfully thin figure sloughed all the flesh off of my friend’s bones, which is why I had to quit my favorite hobby that’s always been the light of my life, resulting in permanent damage to my career and all my important relationships.
average protocol episode: and then I sucked out my own pristine eyeballs in a single wet slurp, savored the goop feeling, and chewed ecstatically. for some reason this didn’t immediately make me rich and famous, even though I’m such a good person and really deserve it if you just ignore all the killings.
average archives episode: “martin, I–uh, erm, that is to say, well, um,” stammered the archivist, his menacing baritone voice rapidly losing all surety as he tried to express a genuine emotion. “I’ve decided I’m actually not going to tell you anything about what I’m thinking or doing or planning. for your own safety.”
average protocol episode: “wot?” said alice, pulling out an earbud after having successfully tuned out the entire episode’s plot progression.