Martin Blackwood: a delightful man, good friend, constant converse wearer, cute jumper connoisseur, enjoyer of baked goods, avid tea consumer, soft spoken, beloved by many, and possibly the biggest people pleaser ever.

VS

Jonathan Sims: bastard academic, bad at staying in touch, strict office wear user, ‘the right shoes for the occasion’ type guy, M&S food eater, outspoken and impetuous, and probably one of the most paranoid people ever.

(no one wins, they just kiss)