August 2022

I listened to the majority of The Magnus Archives whilst on the underground, which meant there were some big chunks of audio that I simply did not hear! As a result of that, here’s some key details that I completely missed and took me embarrassingly long to figure out:

-which person was Tim and which was Elias (okay I figured this one out mid season one but it was still really embarrassing)

-Elias was evil (this took until after the unknowing for me to figure out, somehow, despite my friend telling me she hated him. )

-Micheal Crew and Micheal Shelley were different people (took me til mid season 4)

-who Melanie was (this one was confusing I don’t remember the time line but I remember not knowing and then knowing)

-the stranger and the spiral were different things (honestly I wasn’t sure on this until I relistened)

-Jon was recording supplementals (I missed so many of these 😭 hard to say when I figured it out.)

-Martin and Jon were Canon (I think i clocked it mid season 5 after they said I love you? Had to relisten to episodes to make sure I wasn’t going insane.)

I see a lot of TMA headcanons about people being short, but I think the funniest possible height related headcanon is that everyone is pretty average but Elias is short as FUCK

There’s currently a massive heatwave in England, so naturally here’s what I think the characters from TMA would be doing in this insane heat:

Jon: In his office, cursing the fact that the building doesn’t have air conditioning. Yes, it would be nicer to be ANYWHERE but here, but alas, things have to be done.

Martin: Busy explaining to someone that hot drinks are WAY BETTER for hydration than cold drinks, and tea is absolutely the best drink during this weather. He’s making tea for Jon. (Jon will not drink it.)

Tim: He’s probably wandering round shirtless-he seems like one of those guys that for some reason believes it isn’t a major health risk to walk down Oxford Street with that much exposed skin.

Sasha: With Tim, trying to convince him to put his shirt back on. Or at the very least WEAR SOME SUNCREAM!

Daisy: Enjoying the shade of Epping forest!

Basira: Doing paperwork outside on cheap, crappy garden furniture. It’s really inconvenient but at least she’s not stuck inside!

Melanie: Angry about something or other. Everyone is angry in this heat so she’d have no trouble picking a fight!

Elias: Foresaw this entire thing and is sitting peacefully in his air-conditioned office with an iced drink.

Rating TMA characters based on how likely I think they’d be to give money to those aggressive charity people collecting money to prevent knife crime*:

Jon - 3/10

Would never intentionally give money to them, he’s too busy to be involved in that, but he might on occasion just to get them to leave him alone.

Martin - 7/10

On an intellectual level I’m sure he knows that he really shouldn’t , but they’re working so hard in the street and they make such a compelling case! Also it’s too embarrassing and stressful to say no.

Tim - 2/10

He might do it to impress a prospective partner, but he’d probably be the type of guy to say “no sorry I don’t actually support charity.” or something like that.

Sasha - 5/10

She probably would if they were respectful and it was for a good cause, but she seems like a financially cautious queen.

Melanie - 1/10

She’d hate being stopped in the street by them and have a policy plain and simple to never give them a single penny.

Daisy - 0/10

She’s the knife crime they’re trying to prevent.

Basira - 3/10

In theory she would, but she probably has a direct debit set up for the charity that she prefers so unless she’s feeling generous she just won’t.

Elias - ? /10

I literally have no idea, does he even really use money?

Distortion Micheal - 0/10

Would subject them to the amount of torment that every person ever stopped by them wants to.

*(I’m sure other cities have these too but they basically hang around busy places and yell at you to donate money to prevent knife crime and they’re really rude and they get paid to do it and nobody likes them!! They prey on tourists and the vulnerable, and are just generally really nasty.)

Elias ‘Your Mother’ Bouchard

How are you even supposed to fill out a return to work form after all that?

The fact that Elias knew about Martin’s feelings for Jon drives me insane. Like how long did he know? Did Martin already have feelings before the archives and Elias just decided that that would work best? Did he choose to give Jon an assistant who would go to any and all lengths to protect him? Maybe. But the real question is, did he ever expect Jon to reciprocate?