Listening to TMA as a Londoner is weird but not for the reasons you’d think. The victoria line being haunted by the buried? Plausible. A cursed book being in an oxfam? Plausible.
But the idea of Martin living alone in Stockwell? Now that is scary.
I listened to the majority of The Magnus Archives whilst on the underground, which meant there were some big chunks of audio that I simply did not hear! As a result of that, here’s some key details that I completely missed and took me embarrassingly long to figure out:
-which person was Tim and which was Elias (okay I figured this one out mid season one but it was still really embarrassing)
-Elias was evil (this took until after the unknowing for me to figure out, somehow, despite my friend telling me she hated him. )
-Micheal Crew and Micheal Shelley were different people (took me til mid season 4)
-who Melanie was (this one was confusing I don’t remember the time line but I remember not knowing and then knowing)
-the stranger and the spiral were different things (honestly I wasn’t sure on this until I relistened)
-Jon was recording supplementals (I missed so many of these 😭 hard to say when I figured it out.)
-Martin and Jon were Canon (I think i clocked it mid season 5 after they said I love you? Had to relisten to episodes to make sure I wasn’t going insane.)
The appeal of Jon and Martin as a couple is similar to that of Basil Hallward and Dorian Gray… A soft, loving, creative, and their beloved scholar who’s driven into powerful evil by sheer circumstance and perhaps too much hubris…
The problem with couples like this is that one always seems to end up having to kill the other.
There’s currently a massive heatwave in England, so naturally here’s what I think the characters from TMA would be doing in this insane heat:
Jon: In his office, cursing the fact that the building doesn’t have air conditioning. Yes, it would be nicer to be ANYWHERE but here, but alas, things have to be done.
Martin: Busy explaining to someone that hot drinks are WAY BETTER for hydration than cold drinks, and tea is absolutely the best drink during this weather. He’s making tea for Jon. (Jon will not drink it.)
Tim: He’s probably wandering round shirtless-he seems like one of those guys that for some reason believes it isn’t a major health risk to walk down Oxford Street with that much exposed skin.
Sasha: With Tim, trying to convince him to put his shirt back on. Or at the very least WEAR SOME SUNCREAM!
Daisy: Enjoying the shade of Epping forest!
Basira: Doing paperwork outside on cheap, crappy garden furniture. It’s really inconvenient but at least she’s not stuck inside!
Melanie: Angry about something or other. Everyone is angry in this heat so she’d have no trouble picking a fight!
Elias: Foresaw this entire thing and is sitting peacefully in his air-conditioned office with an iced drink.
People that aren’t from the UK, drop the wildest thing that TMA has made you believe about London and I’ll tell you how accurate it is.
Jon - 3/10
Would never intentionally give money to them, he’s too busy to be involved in that, but he might on occasion just to get them to leave him alone.
Martin - 7/10
On an intellectual level I’m sure he knows that he really shouldn’t , but they’re working so hard in the street and they make such a compelling case! Also it’s too embarrassing and stressful to say no.
Tim - 2/10
He might do it to impress a prospective partner, but he’d probably be the type of guy to say “no sorry I don’t actually support charity.” or something like that.
Sasha - 5/10
She probably would if they were respectful and it was for a good cause, but she seems like a financially cautious queen.
Melanie - 1/10
She’d hate being stopped in the street by them and have a policy plain and simple to never give them a single penny.
Daisy - 0/10
She’s the knife crime they’re trying to prevent.
Basira - 3/10
In theory she would, but she probably has a direct debit set up for the charity that she prefers so unless she’s feeling generous she just won’t.
Elias - ? /10
I literally have no idea, does he even really use money?
Distortion Micheal - 0/10
Would subject them to the amount of torment that every person ever stopped by them wants to.
*(I’m sure other cities have these too but they basically hang around busy places and yell at you to donate money to prevent knife crime and they’re really rude and they get paid to do it and nobody likes them!! They prey on tourists and the vulnerable, and are just generally really nasty.)
Everyone’s attracted to me because of my sexy English accent and my ungodly otherworldly powers.
I just want to be stabbed by my lover in a desperate bid to save the world from my awful power whilst we both cry over the stupidity of my betrayal (that was inevitably going to happen and we both knew it) and beg the universe to let us wake up someplace better, safer, together! Is that too much to ask?
I keep seeing all these posts about Dracula daily and every time I see Jonathan I’m like
“Jonathan? Jonathan Simms? The archivist? Of the magnus institute?”
And then I realise that the situation in question has not and could not happen in the magnus archives.
Don’t imagine Martin visiting Jon in hospital and gently brushing Jon’s hair whilst he talks about work, and what’s going on in his personal life. Don’t imagine Martin replacing wilted flowers, hanging fairy lights, and setting down two cups of tea (one of which he knows will remain untouched).
Don’t think about Martin befriending all the nurses at the hospital and telling them all about Jon and what he’s like when he’s up and about. Don’t imagine him doing an impression of Jon’s idea of a hilarious joke (the joke never made anyone laugh, but the impression did).
Don’t imagine Martin politely and subtly making sure Jon’s being well looked after, and getting the best course of treatment. Don’t think about the tenderness that comes from unconditional care and love with no expectations.
But most importantly, don’t think about Jon’s hair growing tangled, the nurses seeing less and less of Martin. Don’t imagine how dull the hospital room became without Martin’s thoughtful input. Don’t think about the old cup of tea still sitting on the bedside table (it’s behind a ‘get well soon’ card, only Martin would’ve noticed it).
It was Martin who succumbed to the lonely, but in a way it managed to take Jon too.
What if Jon had a Snapchat when he was staying with Georgie?
I like to think about Somewhere Else as much as the next tma listener, but more often I find myself mulling on its absence.
There’s something so morbidly beautiful about complete and total death. Two desperate lovers begging for something better and getting precisely nothing.
All they went through, everything they did being totally pointless. Two beautiful beings of hope and light fighting with all they have against all the odds only to be completely destroyed, gone.
Everything they did meant nothing, and yet still it meant so much. Years of life and love recorded on tapes with nobody left to listen to them. A fleeting existence marked solely by its bleak, sudden ending.
People talk about those they love being taken too soon, “before their time”, but Jon and Martin always had their clocks marked. Whether by otherworldly powers of fear, those that surrounded them, or even the trappings of the narrative, they were always supposed to die then and there. In each others arms, and no amount of effort or exertion could have changed a single thing.
But despite this awful suffocating end that they were always bound to they loved each other. They shared moments that belonged to them and they laughed and they talked about cows and stumbled through misunderstandings and they got to show each other just how much they were worth.
Sometimes, I think, the inevitability of the ending makes those moments all the more beautiful.
“I wish I could talk it through with Martin. Or Tim. Or Sasha. But we never really did that, did we?”
Uhh no I’m not really into music anymore. I prefer to have a depressed academic whisper horrors into my ear, thanks.
How are you even supposed to fill out a return to work form after all that?
