You want to talk about stress. You want to talk about stress?! Well! As I know this will likely be helpful in future supplemental investigations, I must inform myself I’ve stumbled onto a major worldwide conspiracy. This company is feeding into a cosmic entity like a greedy pig and I’ve discovered the paper trail to prove it. Listen to this.
What I have here are the previously recorded statements I’ve made into my tape recorder thus far. Now, let’s talk about the statements. Can we talk about the statements, please? I’ve been dying to talk about the statements all day. “Jonah Magnus,” this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Magnus’ statements are getting sent back to me. Jonah Magnus! Jonah Magnus! I look in the files and this whole box is Jonah Magnus! I say to myself, “I need to find his full history! I need to go up to Director Bouchard’s office and put these historical documents in the guy’s goddamn hands! Otherwise, he’s never going to see their importance and he’s going to keep coming back down here with insidious ploys against me and help the rest of them kill me just like they did Gertrude Robinson!” So I go up to Director Bouchard’s office and what do I find out? What do I found out?! There is no Elias Bouchard. The man does not exist, okay? Whatever he was before is completely wiped out. So I decide, “Well shit. I need to dig a little deeper.” There’s no Elias Bouchard? You have got to be kidding me! When I clearly have all these statements of Jonah Magnus for him! All right. So I start my way over to Martin Blackwood’s desk and I knock on his table and I say, “Mahtin! Mahtin! I need to talk to you about Elias!” And when I open the door what do i find? There’s not a single researcher left in the archives. There…is…no…Magnus Institute. Half the employees in this building have been taken over by the Fears. This institute is a goddamn ghost town!
You didn’t know you needed an update of this meme, did you?
