2025-04-17 20:03:34 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

archiverot:

> # non-exhaustive list of jon headcanons

> 1. jon drinks black coffee for the caffeine and pretends to enjoy it

> he used to add cream and sugar and then got embarrassed because that’s not the “mature” way to drink coffee. so, he decided to train himself by creating a structured regimen to gradually reduce the amount of cream he added each day until he was drinking it black

> he still hates it

> 2. jon is rude to service workers

> this is my most unfortunate headcanon for him. he starts out polite and then the moment something doesn’t go his way he throws a fit about it

> (for example, when I worked at best buy processing applecare claims, this was a common situation: someone is owed a new phone or pair of airpods or whatever, and I have to order it from apple. about 50% of the time they would look at me like I was the dumbest motherfucker alive and say “just grab one off the shelf!”, and I would try to explain that there are two different inventories, packaged and tracked differently, and unfortunately I can’t substitute one from the other without losing my job, and they’d look at me like i had just told them the earth is flat

> that’s jon. jon would do that.)

> 3. jon is a morning person

> you can throw rocks at me but this is the truth in my heart. he doesn’t WANT to be a morning person, his body just decided that for him. he gets sleepy around 10pm and automatically wakes up at 7am every day— independent of how much sleep he’s gotten or how tired he is

> 4. jon either writes in creepily meticulous print or completely illegible cursive

> it’s less “cursive” and more “i’m writing too fast to bother lifting my pen off the page”

> 5. jon is scared of horses

> they just kind of freak him out

> 6. jon is a forum moderator and considers this to be his primary responsibility outside of work

> could be for a paranormal forum, or maybe some sort of niche nerdy hobby (railfans, obscure vintage toy collecting, fountain pens, etc.)

> he’s a power-tripping asshole of a mod and everyone there despises him. despite this, they still miss him when he suddenly goes quiet around 2017