Alrighty. My multichapter fic (Believe Me, Darling) is done. And I need to talk about it because I am excited.
- First of all, I should’ve used Amnesia Was Her Name for all the chapter titles for this. I was listening to the song earlier (to check the lyrics for the final two chapters) and thinking Fuck. These lyrics work so much better. I did have those last two planned since the very beginning, but still. “C'est l'amour / et blessures” especially would’ve worked so well at some point.
- The reason Jon loses his memories is partially from being undercooked (waking up too early) and partially from the Unknowing having Effects! I don’t thiiink that was ever explicitly said.
- -> Fun Fact I forgot the reason that Jon lost his memories and retconned it so it would fit with the timeline in the original pod. Might go back and change that now that it’s all posted because that makes more sense. However the reason I did that was so that Lukas was settled in the Institute and had taken Martin properly, because I wanted him to have something Lonely to give Jon at the end there.
- A couple of chapters into writing this I saw someone (unrelated to this fic) say “Every line Elias says has to be secretly shitty” or something along those lines and that changed how I wrote him, I think. I was being wayyy too nice too early on. He wasn’t enough of a bastard! He can be nice once he’s had character development, but to begin I need to want to put him in a blender
- Elias sees Jon losing his memories as a great opportunity to manipulate him (and he’s right tbf) and doesn’t start by loving Jon. However, he catches feelings.
- This does not change what Elias actually does, though, apart from taking moderately more care than he normally would have.
- Elias vaguely forcefems Jon (and does other things like that) because he’s possessive of Jon. He has control over Jon and he wants to show it; Jon is, of course, happy to oblige because he knows no different.
- Jon was really hard to write for this reason and I’m not sure if I did him justice. He doesn’t remember anything from during canon, which means he would be different from how we know him. He also has Elias’ influence, telling him to act differently (and encouraging him to do things he wouldn’t’ve done in canon, e.g. feeding)
- It is a shame he didn’t get to realise the horror/harm of feeding, there just wasn’t time !! That would’ve been really fun to go in to
- He is much more Eye-coded for this reason, willing to do what Elias tells him is right. Because it feels right to him, and he’s being told it’s right, so it must be, right?
- He’s also very afraid of Elias. He is essentially a stranger to Jon. He was literally in prison for murder when they first meet (which I completely forgot until right now. Probably should’ve addressed that tbh.) But the fear of what Elias could do to him motivates him to stay with him.
- And what else could he possibly do in this situation? He doesn’t know where his own home is – he was told he lives with Elias – and he’s been told that everyone wants to hurt him (which is partially true tbf). So where else would he go?
- This is vaguely addressed in the fic, but not to the extent I would’ve liked. Probably should’ve just given Jon a soliloquy at some point where he can just air his grievances, but that probably would’ve been dull to read and ooc.
- One thing I’ve learned from this is that I should finish writing fics in their entirety before I start posting them, especially if they have a specific ending/plot
- If it’s just a sandbox then it’s fine – a less specific au would probably be alright because they’re doing something different each week yk? There’s no end point to work towards
- but while writing this I kept forgetting little plot threads, which caused the story to become a little disjointed and confused
- Fun fact #2: This fic was built around 3 plot points that I had in my head. 1- Jon going to Elias with no memories, and misunderstanding their relationship (as the Tumblr post this stemmed from said). 2- Jon enacting the ritual and the Assistants interrupting. This was supposed to be when they saw Jon for the first time post-coma. I forgot I planned this and did the whole Archives thing instead. Whoops. 3- Jon Remembering at the last moment, and not being able to take it back. I got this one right, thank God.
- For a moment I was considering Jon being able to stop and ganging up against Elias w the Assistants, but decided I liked Bad Ending more. What can I say, I love tragedies.
- Fun Fact #3: This whole story was originally thought of during Whumptober, and was going to be a smutty dubcon one-shot. Jon was going to be spat out from Michael’s Corridors with no memory in Elias’ office, and Elias was going to take advantage of this weakness. I found the draft after finishing the last chapter, dusted it off and finished it :)
- Finally, I think I’m done talking about this. I’ve been working on it for 4 months, and now I will finally put it to rest. Good Lord. Goodnight.