---
layout:          post
title:           "MAG160.10 - Rusty Fears Competition Winner - Nox Mare"
date:            2020-03-19 11:00:00 -0400
categories:      incomplete
tags:            []
voiced:          []
episode_title:   'Rusty Fears Competition Winner - Nox Mare'
episode_number:  '160.10'
summary:         "As we build up to Season 5, this week's episode is the first of two winning stories from the Rusty Fears 3: Fearsome writing competition. <br/><br/><i>Nox Mare</i> is written by <b>Elizabeth Wynn</b> and read by Jonathan Sims. <br/><br/>Note: this is a piece of standalone fiction and not a part of the Magnus canon."
content_flags:   [Drowning]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/themagnusarchives/rustyfearscompetitionwinner-noxmare
formats:         
official:        false
unofficial:      http://www.youtube.com/
unofficial_name: YouTube CC
unfinished:      true
wiki_url:        
---

hi everyone

alex here with a quick introduction to

today's episode some of you might

remember we ran a writing competition

inviting listeners to provide their own

stories for the Magnus treatment well

we've done it again

today's episode is the first of our two

new writing competition winners the

second story will be available next week

as before please be aware that this

story is a standalone work and should

not be considered part of the Magnus

archives Canon that's all for now we

hope you enjoy the episode hi everyone

Alex here I just like to take a moment

to thank some of our patrons ethylene

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Darcy Morgan Maury POF Jacque off Kovas

cos ink icon three one five thank you

all we really appreciate your support if

you'd like to join them go to

www.petland.com

[Music]

Rustique will presents knocks male by

Elizabeth win there's something in the

water every morning I sit on my porch

steps and watch the wakes it leaves so

like the wind across the surface that's

what my mother told me when I used to

come crying to her about the nightmares

it's the wind too feeble to stir more

than gentle waves the wind I can tell

the difference between disturbances that

come from above and ones from below I

always thought I loved the ocean I grew

up about as far inland as you can get

among mountains that scraped the steely

clouds the closest thing we had was the

lake in that didn't count you could see

the shore all the way around on summer

holidays we drive hours to my

grandparents house on the coast and my

cousin's my brother and I would spend

the days burying each other in the sand

racing down the beach trying to keep

beach balls in the air in the evenings

I'd return with my mother and we'd sit

for long hours watching the sunset

turned the sky cottony pink and yellow

then red then deep purple I loved to

watch the waves pull in and out I loved

to follow the shadows in the breakers

the dark shapes moving within them I

loved letting the foam lap at my toes

it never occurred to me that no one else

saw the dancing shadows it never

occurred to me the loving the ocean

might mean going in because there's

something in the water

my little brother Jamie loved the ocean

too he was always running into the surf

the second we arrived kicking sandals

aside and plunging through the cold

water until he was in up to his neck he

told me he loved feeling the waves break

over him pulling him back and forth back

and forth

he loved the sand shifting around his

feet making him stumble he loved the

little fish that brushed past nibbled at

his leg hair and scurried away when he

dunked his head to look at them

sometimes it scared me watching him

stare down a wave that I could see was

full of writhing sharp shapes I always

held my breath for the seconds it

crashed around him and he vanished from

view ready to cry for help when he

didn't come back up

he always did of course but I wonder if

he knew that Beach was too cold to have

fish when I was 14 we moved from the

house in the mountains to the nearest

city and my grandmother passed away

leaving the beach house empty four years

later I moved out for school but I

stayed close to are now aging parents

Jaime ended up living on the coast of

course when he visited home he always

smelled like those summer holidays

sunscreen and seaweed and saline

I dreamed about him often during those

years I dreamed that he came out of the

water first as a child and later as an

adult and salt-encrusted every inch of

his skin it turned his eyelashes white

shaped his hair into a mimicry of waves

every time the dream repeated the

minerals encasing him would be a little

thicker his face a little more warped

underneath it all but he still moved

towards me with the ease of a trickling

stream and every time he reached me his

eyes would snap open shattering the salt

shell they would be bright orange

glinting like amber or a fish's eyes and

I'd wake up gasping and choking the

taste of seaweed laced with something

filthy filling my mouth and nose

the first time he drowned Jamie was 19 I

left class to find eight calls from my

frantic mother my father already enroute

to the coast he picked me up and we

drove straight through to get to the

hospital at 1:00 in the morning

Jamie's heart had stopped for two

minutes before they could resuscitate

him he'd been out sailing with friends

when their boat capsized in the initial

panic none of them noticed he hadn't

resurfaced they tracked the disturbances

to where he was sinking quickly flailing

all the while one of his friends

muttered that it looked like something

was pulling him something dark and thin

and twisting I'm not sure if anyone else

heard him he had gone very pale my

parents wanted Jamie to move back in

with them but he told them in no

uncertain terms that he would do no such

thing

he said he wanted to keep the life he'd

built the friends and job he'd found but

I knew he didn't care that much the

truth was they still lived in the city

and he wanted to be near the ocean he

thought he needed it

eventually he agrees to give up sailing

and a few of his other more dangerous

activities and they let him stay the

second drowning was two years later he'd

gotten very drunk and fallen off the

pier near his house and this time no one

was around to pull him out

he washed up on a beach four miles away

at 5:00 in the morning an unspecified

amount of time after he'd gone in so no

one knew how long he went without

breathing either the doctor assumed he

must not have been in the water for long

but late that night Jamie gestured me

closer I remember it he rasped all of it

and I didn't fall in it pulled me it was

barely midnight I wasn't even that drunk

Jamie rambled on but his eyes stayed

locked with mine

they were wide and fearful and his

lashes were crusted white for an instant

his irises flashed amber my chair

squeezed across the linoleum it startled

him out of his trance but I was already

gone the third drowning happened when he

was 25

nothing stranger than a riptide dart

parents weren't around anymore to

chastise him for not recognizing a

riptide after all his years practically

living on the beach for my part I was

well aware it had not been a riptide I

hadn't spoken to Jamie beyond funeral

planning since the last incident but I

got my boyfriend to drive me to the

coast anyway I wasn't too rushed given

Jamie's apparent tenacity but we still

got there faster than was feasible if

you were diligent about speed limits

Jamie's skin picked up blue undertones

in the hospital lighting the remaining

grit of sand and drying saltwater looked

almost scaly but I knew I wasn't looking

for scales the flickering of his

luminescent eye is under their lids was

much more concerning I set my jaw to

press down the roiling unease and stayed

by the bed later he told me he coughed

up seaweed mixed with foul shade for

hours after we got him home there's

something in the water he whispered

voice still rough with salt I know I

said rubbing his back as he coughed

again I know it took my hand he said and

the sound went muffled and wet he was

gentle this time and let me deeper and

deeper and I could almost see

[Music]

he trailed off I couldn't speak through

the feeling of rotting seaweed in my

throat that night I dreamed the same

scene from the past seven years and he

this time it didn't end when his eyes

opened

neither of us looked away as his hand

wrapped around my wrist surprisingly

warm and soft without the salt he led me

into the water and only as it started to

lap around my knees did I feel fear

creeping up my legs and curling into my

stomach there were no waves

I realized or rather there was just one

on the horizon a wall of water building

drawing itself higher and higher until

it blocked out much of the sky I can't

describe how the panic tasted as it rose

in my throat I tried to run but the sand

shifted under my feet and Jaime's grip

had gone hard and I see something else

slick and dark slid around my calves all

I could do is the water pulled us

stumbling closer to the curling mass of

ocean and shadow

was trying to slow my breathing so when

the wave hit my first inhalation

wouldn't be too soon after I don't

remember how it ended I woke up

completely still held on my side so good

with sweat my mouth tasted like nothing

but sea air and somewhere that wave was

still building

I thought the lake was safe otherwise I

never would have gone back I certainly

wouldn't have encouraged Jamie to come

with my boyfriend and I in any case a

few days after my dream we made plans to

move back into the mountain house our

parents had never sold I thought Jamie

would put up more of a fight about

finally leaving the beach but his eyes

were bruised and bloodshot and he kept

complaining of a rushing noise like a

shell held to his ear he wasn't in much

shape to argue and maybe I was feeling

hopeful that this last incident had

scared him off the ocean forever it

certainly had me once we arrived my

dreams actually did vanish Jamie seemed

better to his skin regaining its color

and his hair relaxing without the

constant salt but more than once my

boyfriend came into the kitchen to find

both of us gazing out the window of the

glittering lake

all else forgotten in the rapture it's

waves

Jamie was always perfectly still while

my whole body shuddered like I was

trying to run and my feet were buried in

the sand otherwise though we were doing

quite well

there was no drowning there were no

dreams there was nothing in the water

only the wind across its surface

one night my boyfriend sat bolt upright

in bed staring out the window

my eyes were gritty with sleep but i sat

up to squinting out of the lake Jamie

stood on the shore looking out over the

choppy water at first I thought it was

just a trick of my vision but after I

rubbed my eyes it was still there he was

glittering ever so slightly the edges of

his silhouette were warped by the salt

crusting his skin as we watched he

stirred and took one step then another

then another into the lake fluid there's

a winding stream my boyfriend yelled and

stumbled out of bed

I didn't follow

he stared at me wild-eyed and confused

it won't make a difference tonight or

tomorrow I heard myself say he won't die

might as well get some sleep I could see

he wasn't convinced and I know he didn't

sleep because I didn't either but he got

back into bed and uneasily pulled the

covers up

I took a comfort in the warmth of his

body the dry sheets and solid mattress

my back was to the window and the lake

beyond but I stared at the wall and saw

rippling water until sunlight refracted

across it

we ate intense silence my grandmother's

rowboat was still in the shed and though

I'd never seen anyone but my mother use

it we dragged it down the sandy

two-track road to the shore and pushed

off as soon as we were sure the oars

were functional I leaned forward to scan

the water and shore line for signs of

Jaime the terror was a surprise a shock

even

I looked over the side and immediately

realized the lake ran far deeper than I

had ever imagined the Sun lanced into it

threading the green surface with

impossibly thin golden lines a meter

down even the brightest rays could go no

further below there was nothing but

shadow of course shadow can hide so many

things so many things can hide in shadow

there's something in the water at first

it was nothing but a difference between

blacks like the new moon against a

cloudless sky maybe a fish or water

plants but I'd seen that kind of

writhing before carefully so carefully I

sank down to sit on the floor of the

boat I asked my boyfriend what he

thought we should do seeing as I had no

intention of jumping in but he wasn't

there I wasn't surprised but I felt the

sudden loss as a dull thud in my chest

a bassy counterpoint to my shrill fear

far away I could see him on the shore

yelling for me it sounded muffled and

wet

the surface of the water was smooth as

it was a windless morning nonetheless

the boat rocked as it drifted first

gently and then much more violently I

pictured myself a tiny triangle of metal

cradling me in the center of an

unfathomably deep green lake and

underneath something incomprehensibly

huge twisting closer closer

I thought distantly about grabbing the

oars and desperately rowing back to

shore it was too late a particularly

hard disturbance and the boat tipped I

gasped in a last deep inhale though who

was immediately shocked out of me in a

spiral of white as I plunged into the

freezing water useless

I didn't flail what would be the point I

could still see the surface rippling

like sheets in the wind but with every

thump of my pulse in my ears it drifted

farther away I couldn't be sure I was

looking up at all I was suspended in

dark so complete it pulled

something inky and beautiful grasped my

ankles dragging me faster into the

depths despite myself a whale wrenched

from my chest more white bubbles that

only disoriented me more was this what

Jaime felt the first time

as his friends took to the mundane task

of writing their boat and counting heads

weight sliding around his knees tugging

at his wrists the Riptide that was never

a Riptide tearing at him as it pulled

him inexorably away did he feel this

week as the last air was crushed out of

him this small a hand slipped into mine

it was wall against the growing numbers

the pressure had increased so even as I

turned my head towards its own and my

eyes were forced shut behind my eyelids

I still saw the orange glow the

flickering of iridescent and nictitating

membranes the last of my air side past

my lips in relief

I keep being saved all those times

before Jamie was going to save me

fingers tightened around mine and they'd

gone sharp and slippery went and

crystalline there was nothing I could do

as what was once my brother set my feet

in the silt but ignore the dancing

darkness the ruthless

crushing assault and take my first

breath there's something in the water

and it won't let me go

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