---
layout:          post
title:           "RQG010 - Eels and Dogs and Acid, Oh My!"
date:            2015-08-05 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham, Ashen]
voiced:          [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham, Ashen]
categories:			"rqg"
podcasts: ["rqg"]
title_prefix:	"RQG"
prev_categories: ["rqg"]
prev_prefixes: ["RQG"]
prev_episode:   ['009']
prev_episode_num:		['009']
prev_episode_title:		["Other London"]
next_categories: ["rqg"]
next_prefixes: ["RQG"]
next_episode:   ['011']
next_episode_num:		['011']
next_episode_title:		["The Rackets"]
episode_title:   'Eels and Dogs and Acid, Oh My!'
episode_number:  '010'
summary:         "Join Alex, James, Bryn Ben and Lydia as they continue to play an extended Pathfinder Tabletop Roleplaying Campaign: Erasing the Line.<br/><br/>In this episode Sasha picks a fight, Hamid panics, Bertie takes a nap and Zolf tosses his eel."
content_flags:   ["Combat", "physical violence", "graphic description of injury", "aggressive dogs/dog attack", "harm to animals", "acid attack inc. burns", "temporary loss of senses", "SFX: loud boom"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/rustyquillgaming/rqg-10-eels-and-dogs-and-acid-oh-my
formats: 
    # DOCX: 
    # PDF: 
    # Google Doc: 
official:        true
wiki_url:        https://rqg.fandom.com/wiki/RQG_10_-_Eels_and_Dogs_and_Acid,_Oh_My!
---

#### ALEX

Hello again and welcome to episode 10 of the *Rusty Quill Gaming* podcast! We're coming to you from London, as always, and with me today, I have: 

#### LYDIA

Lydia Nicholas.

#### BEN

Ben Meredith.

#### BRYN

Bryn Monroe. 

#### JAMES

James Ross. 

#### ALEX

And who are you all playing? 

#### LYDIA

Sasha Racket, who likes stabbing things and not making eye contact. 

##### [ALEX SNICKERS]

#### BEN

Zolf, dwarven cleric of Poseidon, who currently has an eel.

##### [ALEX SNICKERS SOME MORE]

#### BRYN

Hamid, the halfling sorcerer. The *very sexy* halfling sorcerer.

##### [ALEX CHUCKLES]

#### JAMES

Sir Bertrand "Bertie" MacGuffingham. Loves money, dislikes timewasters.

#### ALEX

Mhm.

##### [GROUP LAUGHTER]

And before we get any further, I actually have a couple of shout-outs! 

##### [EVERYONE CHEERS]

I know. We're going to be doing some shout-outs for people who've been leaving five-star reviews around the place. But before then, people have already gotten back to us. 

#### BEN

_(snickers)_ I'm hoping they're leaving five-star reviews on our podcast page, not just *anywhere.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

No, they'll just write it on the wall! 

#### BEN

On the pavement, write a five-star review!

#### JAMES

Very strange form of leprosy, they have to leave positive critical judgements. They just flake off you.

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Great at parties. "Take a positive flake." "Ooh, thank you!" 

#### BRYN

You see a lot of them in Edinburgh every summer. 

#### JAMES

Yeah... 

#### ALEX

So *anyway,* my first shout-out has to go to Aaron, an awesome guy who has given us loan of a full set of miniatures!

#### LYDIA

Yayyyy! 

#### ALEX

All of it, the whole lot!

##### [DEMONSTRATIVE CLUNKING OF MINIATURES ON TABLE]

So we've got, like, dual-wielding rogues and barbarians, and it's just awesome. So thank you so much for that, Aaron. It's great. 

#### JAMES

For the benefit of the tape, Aaron, I've taken this, erm, very underdressed barbarian character because he's roughly Bertie's build? But he does look like he should be on the cover of *Men's Health.* Quite disquieting.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

I also have another shout-out for Withnall, someone who has been getting in touch with us regarding rules. Just pointing out some things we had to skip past and other things like that. It's been actually genuinely really helpful, so thanks for that, Withnall.

And last but not least, Le Dom, who contacted me to let me know how castles catch fire and burn down!

##### [GROUP CHEERING]

#### LYDIA

That's amazing! How *do* they catch fire? 

#### BEN

I'm terrified. 

#### ALEX

It's awesome...

#### BEN

*Never go into a castle, guys.*

#### LYDIA

Le Dom has been experimenting! 

#### ALEX

It's to do with, like, the timbers that hold up the floors catch fire, which causes the mortar to lose its consistency, so the stones shift, which alters the structural integrity. So actually, that's... _(delighted)_ I know how castles burn down! 

#### JAMES

Next time I need to burn down a castle, I know who I will call! 

#### ALEX

Yeah! So thank you --

#### BRYN

I'd like to say, if you'd like to discuss any of these points further, you can come on to our forum!

##### [MORE GROUP CHEERING]

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, good point!

#### BRYN

Which currently is just not very lively, but it's going to get much more exciting very soon.

#### ALEX

Yes, that's...

#### JAMES

By the time this episode goes out, I imagine I'll probably be there.

#### BRYN

Who knows, who knows! 

#### ALEX

And that's available on... 

#### LYDIA

All the cool kids. 

#### ALEX

...rustyquill.com, and it's been moderated by our lovely Bryn and our Community Manager, who not people have had a chance to meet, although you've been talking to him online. A guy called Steffan. He's been running all of social media and so on. He helps us out --

#### BRYN

There's the Facebook and the Tweetin'!

#### ALEX

He's the one that's sociable so that we, who know not how to be, can be, to people...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

Well done for demonstrating the exact problem you were talking about! 

#### BEN

I am talk good. Hello. 

#### JAMES

What *is* people?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

We just don't know!

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Science can't tell us. 

#### ALEX

All the people I talk to have little bases to keep them upright. It's on my table!

Okay, so, to pick up where we left off last week. Everyone had tracked down, apparently, what has happened to the Simulacrum, which was taken from Lord Edison's house.

#### LYDIA

We have bits of it. 

#### ALEX

Well, that's the problem. Bits of it in a large waste pool and, having reported back, got sent back down by Sergeant Haringay to find the people who had done it and bring them back -- pretty much dead or alive -- and any traces, plans, anything that you can find... 

#### BRYN

We are trying to trace them, as I remember, through their supply lines. 

#### ALEX

That's the one. 

#### BRYN

We're looking for whoever sold them all the grenade-type things. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, all their equipment, because obviously they were well-equipped. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Having done so, you've gone through Other London. Bertie briefly had his pocket picked... 

##### [THE PLAYERS GROAN]

#### JAMES

_(as Bertie)_ Grrr!

#### ALEX

And then before you could get hold of the guy, he ended up passing on some information to an old face that Sasha seemed to recognise...

#### LYDIA

_(cryptic)_ Mmmmm. 

#### BRYN

But hasn't said anything to the rest of us yet! 

#### LYDIA

I don't say much, to be fair.

##### [A FEW SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

And so the last thing that happened is she spotted trouble coming a mile away and took a little bit of sneaky stab in the back... 

#### LYDIA

STABBING! Yaaaay!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

However, now that person... 

#### LYDIA

The back is the best place to stab! 

#### ALEX

Now that person is aware of you guys, and there are apparently a few other people in this marketplace homing in. 

#### BRYN

As I recall, and correct me if I'm wrong, I made a *fantastically* good Perception roll and had seen all this developing as well, and I even cast... Message.

#### ALEX

_(overlapping)_ Also, she was reporting it via your walkie-talkie, because you had Message set up on every party member, I think. 

#### LYDIA

No, I think --

#### BRYN

I don't -- I still haven't found the rule that tells me whether I can have two running simultaneously or not. 

#### ALEX

At the very least, I think you have one set up with Sasha. 

#### LYDIA

Maybe someone...

#### BRYN

Yes. 

#### ALEX

I think the old ones will have expired by now. 

#### BRYN

Okay.

#### LYDIA

_(trying to advertise in a natural way; very woodenly)_ Someone could tell us on the forums.

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

#### BRYN

Yes, they could.

#### LYDIA

Somebody with skills!

#### BRYN(?)

Help me with some rules. 

#### JAMES(?)

What we really need is a spell that allows us to set up a small WhatsApp group for the whole party.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

So, very brief question. I remember something about eels. But that's the only impression I have. 

#### BEN

We were having eels... 

#### LYDIA

I told you guys that when you come down to my district in Other London, you need to try the salted eels. 

#### ALEX

Oh, and Zolf had managed to buy you and him, I don't know whether Hamid, I don't think Hamid... 

#### BRYN

I chose not to participate.

#### JAMES

Do I have eels in my possession? 

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### ALEX

Just the one. 

#### BEN

You have one eel in a bun. 

#### ALEX

You are holding one eel in your inventory. 

#### BEN

_(laughing)_ I don't know if it's in a bun! 

#### ALEX

No, they're eel in bun, I've decided. 

#### JAMES

Eel in bun. Eel in bun.

#### BEN

Eel dogs.

#### JAMES

Now can I... this may or may not become... 

#### LYDIA

Still wiggling! 

#### JAMES

Is it an alive eel? 

#### ALEX

It is not a live eel. 

#### LYDIA

Awww.

#### JAMES

It's a dead eel. 

#### ALEX

I'm afraid this is a dead eel. 

##### [LYDIA LAUGHS]

#### JAMES

Alright, okay. So I can't command the loyalty of my eel dog... 

#### ALEX

You cannot command the eel, but...

#### BEN

I mean, you can, it's very easy --

#### JAMES

_(laughing)_ Yeah! 

#### BEN

"Lie still. Thank you very much for that." 

#### BRYN

I think you're forgetting the crucial point, that I had *warned* you we were about to be attacked, and so actually we had begun preparing to be attacked and had drawn weapons -- 

#### LYDIA

Oh, yes. 

#### BEN

I have got a -- I've readied in my combat eel... 

#### LYDIA

Trident, we call it.

#### BEN

No, I've drawn my trident as well! 

#### BRYN

And I've drawn my crossbow. 

#### JAMES

And I've drawn my sword. 

#### LYDIA

I've stabbed someone. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so we are jumping into combat. So first thing that I'm going to need from everyone is an initiative roll. So if everyone can do me a favour and roll their respective D20s.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

I actually... yes! It's not, like, a 2! 

#### ALEX

So what have we got? Zolf? 

#### BEN

18!

#### ALEX

18\. Hamid? 

#### BRYN

21\. "Sorry to steal your thunder --" 

#### BEN

Aww! 

#### BRYN

-- he lied!

##### [BEN CACKLES]

#### ALEX

James? 

#### JAMES

Oh, sorry. Modifiers? 

#### ALEX

Your initiative is up top. 

#### JAMES

Yep. Oh, so I have a total of 10. 

#### ALEX

A formidable 10, there, from Bertie. 

#### LYDIA

I mean, I did already stab someone... do I...? 

#### BRYN

That was your surprise round. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, that doesn't factor in.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Oh God! 

#### ALL

Eyyyy! 

#### LYDIA

One!

#### ALEX

Okay, so, with all of the initiative rolls for all of the NPCs, let's just describe the set-up for listeners.

##### [NOISES OF A BUSTLING MARKETPLACE FADE IN]

We are in Other London, so obviously we're sort of underground with constructed stuff above us, and we're in what looks to have once been a town square. There are columns all around the outside, sort of a colonnade, with some remainders of what used to be shops lining all of the walls, and these are still active but they're obviously crumbling and people have taken up residence in what once were shops.

Also, set up in the middle of the square are a bunch of market stalls. I count eight, plus there's two in the middle that are selling food, an eel stall, and what looks to be some kinds of pie -- probably rat. But they're... they're just little cloth, temporary things.

The party are stood in the middle of this square, apart from Sasha, who's up by the edge of the colonnade, having just snuck in, seen that person that she knows, and then stab them in the back. Just a friendly Other London hello, really. There are...

#### LYDIA

I mean, I *did* find him by following the guy that picked Bertie's pocket, sneaking up behind him and then hearing him threatening that he would try and get us --

#### ALEX

So he gave you a friendly Other London hello --

#### LYDIA

He gave a --

#### ALEX

-- and you gave him a friendly Other London hello back. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah! That's how we bond. 

#### ALEX

And there are three major street entrances into this square, and one side which just opens onto what look like houses or something, not shops necessarily.

So, getting this going straight away, we are going to start with -- after the initiative rolls -- Hamid. 

#### BRYN

So I've been trying to keep myself in space and kind of keep track of everything that's going on. I can see Sasha stabbing some dude in front of me, but I'm more worried about the dogs that are about to charge to us. So I'm going to fire my crossbow, which I've already loaded, at *that* dog to my left. 

#### ALEX

That should be fine, but you will be firing over the top of a counter of one of the stalls. Which is fine, but it will be giving the dog some cover. 

#### BRYN

Ah. 

#### ALEX

However, the dog at the other end is without cover, but... 

#### BRYN

That one's much less likely to attack me...?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

So presumably you are attacking that nearest dog, even with the cover. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, I will. 

#### ALEX

Sure, give me the roll.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

I hit a 8. 

#### ALEX

An 8, that's... 

#### BRYN

Oh no, a 9 -- that's still not enough.

#### ALEX

A 9, no, that's not going to hit. Especially not with cover.

#### BRYN

I'm now going to take my move action and I'm going to use it to back off slightly --

##### [SNICKERS]

And place myself between the two people wearing armour. 1, 2, 3, 4.

#### ALEX

Uh-huh. And just a reminder for everyone, because it's been a bit of a while since combat. Whenever we're counting like that we're counting squares on the table. Each square is five foot and as a small character, Hamid's move speed is just the 20 feet, so that's the four squares.

Okay. So next on the list is one of the dogs!

#### LYDIA

Ooh! 

#### BEN

Damn dog is having higher initiative modifier than me. 

##### [LYDIA LAUGHS]

#### ALEX

It holds its action. Zolf, you're up. 

#### BEN

Hello. Okay, so how large is this eel in a bun? 

#### ALEX

This eel in a bun is roughly the size of your forearm. It's sort of like a foot-long hotdog. 

#### JAMES(?)

Big eel! Big eel. 

#### BEN

I was wondering if I could stuff it into my face before combat? 

#### ALEX

There is mustard. I -- I feel necessary to point out, there is mustard. 

#### BEN

Oh, I do like mustard. 

#### LYDIA

I could peer over the person that I've just stabbed... _(as Sasha)_ "ooh, eels!"

#### BEN

I will throw the hotdog at the dog that Hamid shot the crossbow at, which is the one to my left.

#### ALEX

Mhm.

#### BEN

Yes, my left. I will attempt to get it as far as possible. Basically hoping to buy a tasty treat that isn't my face! 

#### BRYN

To distract the dog. 

#### ALEX

So you're not hitting it with anything. That's fine. Just give me an attack roll and then I'll see how far it goes from there.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Ha, ha, not very much! That was a 3 I rolled, and plus my Dex bonus, that's a 3. 

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Okay, okay. If someone can just place on that table a bit of a... a bit of eel that's landed on the floor.

#### BEN

The eel is now a D4. A nice... pyramid eel. 

#### ALEX

It's also almost the *size* of Zolf, so... 

#### BEN

You said it was a big eel!

##### [MORE SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Okay. After that... 

#### BEN

Oh, sorry, actually... and the second thing I'm going to do, I'm going to get my shield out. So I have my trident and my shield ready. 

#### ALEX

Sure. 

#### BEN

And I know we look all directions at once...

#### ALEX

__Thousands of eyessss.__ 

#### BEN

Yeah. But I'm going to turn to face the guys on the left. 

#### LYDIA

Just something that in the Pathfinder universe no one mentions the fact that we have stalks. Extra eye stalks... 

#### BEN

Everyone's a beholder. 

#### ALEX

Mm. Apart from beholders, which are people. It just went all weird. 

#### BEN

They're fractal beholders! 

#### LYDIA

Ahhh!

#### ALEX

Okay, so the first of the enemies actually moves. He takes a... _(slowly)_ 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30...

#### BRYN

Right into smacking range!

#### ALEX

Takes a big ol' smack straight at Bertie. 

#### BEN

A thirty-to-Bertie! 

#### ALEX

Okay, so...

#### BRYN

I don't think he's going to come off well in this exchange. 

##### [AGREEING MMS]

#### ALEX

This guy seems to be wielding a shortsword, rather than a knife or anything like that. So it's a *bit* heavier.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And misses. Just.

##### [PLAYERS SNORT]

That was a 2, I'm not even going to bother playing the mass. It was a terrible, *terrible* 2.

He runs up and we're forgetting that, of course, Bertie has had himself kind of stuffed up and he's wearing his cloak. So this guy has come up behind Bertie, ready to shank him and gone -- "dink." And just found out that he's not *quite* so squishy as he'd have hoped underneath that cloak. After that, it's immediately Bertie's turn. 

#### BERTIE

_(annoyed)_ Hullo!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Right, okay. So I'm going to attack that chap, obviously. I don't think there is anything else that I'd particularly want to do, apart from try and cut him in half. Bisect him from... 

#### BRYN

When you're higher level, that kind of move would be ideal for you, because someone puts themselves next to *you* --

#### JAMES

Yep. 

#### BRYN

-- you get to full attack and mince them into little bits. But currently we're level one --

#### ALEX

Yeah, you don't have many... 

#### BRYN

-- and it's the same...

#### JAMES

Cool, yeah. I swing my mighty sword. 

#### ALEX

_(snickers)_ Roll the attack. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

12\. 

#### ALEX

A 12. Plus your modifier...

#### JAMES

Which is... 3, I think, for Strength. Oh no, hang on, attack bonus is 4. 

#### ALEX

So... 

#### JAMES

16 in total. 

#### ALEX

That is a hit!

#### ALL

Ey!

#### BEN

_(French accent?)_ Roll your damage.

#### JAMES

Okay, what am I rolling here... D10 plus 3. 

#### ALEX

That's the one. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Ooh, 9, 12. 

#### ALEX

_(delighted)_ Ooh!

#### BRYN

That is squish. 

#### BEN

That's a lot for a level 1. 

#### JAMES

Yes. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. The guy is... 

#### BEN

That would just down me. I would just be down! 

#### BRYN

I would be halfway to dead! 

#### BEN

Yes! 

#### ALEX

So yeah, the... it's an absolutely solid hit. Again these guys also seem to be wearing cuirasses, but you bodily lift him off the ground with a blow to the torso, throw him backwards. He lands on his feet, but it's literally torn right through the cuirass and got him underneath.

##### [LYDIA MAKES AN AMUSEDLY HORRIFIED NOISE]

He looks terrible. He's not down. He is not down, but he's having the worst day.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Just the *worst* day! 

#### BERTIE

Terribly "sorry"! Sorry is in inverted commas there. I don't know if you can tell. 

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### ZOLF

Witty as always, Bertie. 

#### ALEX

At which point things are... I feel like Sasha is about to have a bad day. 

#### LYDIA

_(wincing)_ Oh. 

#### ALEX

Because the guy that she just shanked... 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, he knows that you're there. 

#### LYDIA

Mhm. 

#### ALEX

Turns around.

#### LYDIA

Ough.

#### ALEX

Manages to get out one word which is just --

#### ALEX (ASHEN)

_(hissing)_ *Sasha.*

#### ALEX

And then proceeds to also... 

#### BEN

He sounds like a lovely chap! It's the voice of a nice man! 

#### ALEX

He... with that dagger that he was already holding, immediately takes an attack at Sasha. 

##### [LYDIA GROANS]

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

And also misses. As I roll a 3! 

#### BEN

Eyyyy!

#### LYDIA

_(relieved)_ Oh my gosh! 

#### ALEX

Okay, so this D20 is going in Bryn's naughty pile for a little while.

##### [DICE IS TOSSED ASIDE]

So yeah... 

#### LYDIA

He could have cut me in half, so that is a lucky... 

#### ALEX

He's caught unaware. He just on instinct, just slashes randomly, whizzes straight over Sasha's head. She's way too fast for it.

##### [LYDIA CHEERS QUIETLY]

At which point, another one of the men is... here. He is going to be a bit sneakier than the first guy. He's moving up. His dog then inserts its action -- so his dog is still with him. 

#### BEN

So they've moved up to face Bertie.

#### ALEX

Correct. However, I've just realised the dog has even *more* movement! 

#### BRYN

Dogs are pretty fast.

#### ALEX

So what's happened is the guy has run up and gestured through his dog and it seems to be obeying some sort of, some sort of tactical plan that, you know, he's taught the dog over... probably a period before now. 

#### LYDIA

_(snorts)_ As opposed to in the future!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay, so. Just let me re-arrange this initially more now that someone has inserted their action. To spell it out, I can't remember if I have for listeners, you can sometimes hold your action, which is where you don't feel like it's sort of a good idea for you to move right now, so what you do is you hold your action and then insert it in the order, later, sort of further down the line, which is what's happened there with the dog. There's also something called a readied action which Zolf has already done, because he used it to catch a diplomat once upon a time. 

#### BEN

I did. 

#### ALEX

But this isn't one of those. This is just... it's just re-ordering the initiative and taking a hit to order so that you can coordinate with people.

Then, a third person does a similar action to the first one. So he'll move 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. And his dog will similarly accompany him and end up 10 foot closer, again sort of around the side. Then it is Sasha.

#### LYDIA

Okay. So I can see that three different guys have run up to my mates in the centre of the town square, two of whom have dogs, one of whom has been bashed thoroughly by Bertie, but the other ones are looking quite threatening. And in front of me stands a... *nasty* man.

Er, and I think at this point -- I mean, the instinct would be to _(high-pitched)_ "run away!" There just isn't really anywhere for me to flee, is there. I should just stab this dude. I should just stab him lots. 

#### BEN

Have yourself an epic duel. 

#### LYDIA

It will have to be... it won't be very... I'm *very* small and quite frail but I can, I can, I'm fast. I can try stabbing the dude. 

#### ALEX

Mhm! Of course if you were to attack right away you'd get your... 

#### LYDIA

I'd get my two... 

#### ALEX

...you'd get your two attacks straight off the bat which is... for a double hit. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, how much damage did I do the first stab? 

#### ALEX

Off the top of my head, it was about five. And that's already sort of factored in, so yeah --

#### LYDIA

Ah, okay. 

#### ALEX

-- he's already taken a decent hit. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, cool. 

#### ALEX

And you're taking double the number of attacks at him.

#### LYDIA

Right. I'm going to stabby him twice.

#### ALEX

So yeah, just to point it again, because that minus one on the Strength... 

#### LYDIA

Uh-huh. 

#### ALEX

You will be taking the minus one to the damage because you're not flanking him, so that Dirty Fighter that we gave you doesn't sort of bump that back up yet. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, this is the problem with rogues, is keeping them flanking. But at level one I don't really see what else I can do.

#### BEN

You get more utility. A lot of early classes are, "I hit the thing and I maybe do a class ability sometime."

#### ALEX

It's level 1 and you're alive. You're doing well.

##### [AGREEING NOISES]

Very well. 

#### BEN

You haven't been killed by goblins or rats! 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Which is great. 

#### LYDIA

I'm going to try stabbing this guy and... 

#### ALEX

Go for it! 

#### LYDIA

...and if it barely touches him, it barely touches him.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Ooh, a 16 and a 10. 

#### ALEX

A 16 and 10 plus your modif... yep. So in total, so it's 11...

#### LYDIA

Yep, 11 and 17. 

#### ALEX

11 and 17. One of them hits. 

#### LYDIA

Aw! 

#### ALEX

Sorry. And I'm afraid that you won't be getting a sneak attack because he's not flanking him. 

#### LYDIA

Noooo. 

#### ALEX

But if nothing else, you're keeping him away from engaging the others. 

#### LYDIA

_(laughing)_ Keeping him away from engaging stronger people! 

#### ALEX

So, if you can roll yourself a D4 for the damage for the dagger. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

2\.

#### ALEX

So it's just the one damage. 

#### LYDIA

Aww. 

#### ALEX

But, again, you did get the 5 in at the start.

#### LYDIA

_(darkly)_ Rubbish.

#### ALEX

So compared to everyone else, you've actually done -- with the exception of Bertie, you've done really well. 

#### BRYN

It's true! 

#### BEN

Hey, I threw a hot dog.

#### ALEX

Okay, so now, back round to Hamid. 

#### BRYN

Right, so I can see the... one man and a dog. One man and his dog approaching Zolf from one direction. I can see one man and his dog approaching Bertie from the other direction... 

#### BEN

Who's already fighting another man. 

#### BRYN

Who's already fighting another man... 

#### BEN

With no dog.

#### BRYN

And to be honest, they're both wearing lots of armour and so I'm less worried about them.

#### ALEX

Mhm.

#### BRYN

But looking over in front of me, I can see that *Sasha* is engaged in combat and I know that she is perhaps less, er...

#### ALEX

You're squishy, sort of, together! 

#### BRYN

...armoured. Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

Great. I mean, can you remind me what he looks like? 

#### ALEX

Sure, so obviously from backstory, we've gone over that Sasha already knows him. He's quite tall. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Lanky, very wiry. Looks like he's got a lot of strength to him. Even if he's not very broad-shouldered, but it's Other London. I mean, the number of broad-shouldered people there are... I mean, it's kind of hard to, on a diet consisting entirely of eels and sort of pale cabbage.

#### LYDIA

Hey, eels are delicious! 

#### BRYN

Mm. Pale cabbage!

##### [LAUGHTER]

My favourite of the cabbages! 

#### ALEX

So yeah, he... 

#### LYDIA

Wrapped in rats. 

#### ALEX

He doesn't seem to be a sort of hulking brute, but he certainly seems physically a match for Sasha. 

#### LYDIA

He's a large guy. 

#### ALEX

Mhm.

#### BRYN

Right, so I'm going to take a five-foot-step... 

#### ALEX

Yep. 

#### BRYN

To place myself directly between my two well-armoured friends... 

#### ALEX

_(drawling)_ Classic sorcerer. 

#### BRYN

And I'm going to cast Magic Missile at the guy who Sasha is fighting. 

#### LYDIA

Yay! Thank you. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

And I will do three damage! 

#### ALEX

Three damage, okay. 

#### BRYN

And of course Magic Missile doesn't... 

#### LYDIA

And suddenly he turns around to look at the person that threw the... because then I would be behind him... 

#### BRYN

I'm not threatening. There is a technical term called "threatening"... 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### BRYN

Which interacts with all the other rules. I'm not -- because I'm too far away, I'm not threatening him. 

#### LYDIA

So he just gets "ow!" in the back of his head but doesn't turn around. 

#### BRYN

Yes. 

#### ALEX

We'll just say that his natural hatred for Sasha overwhelms any sense of self-preservation.

#### LYDIA

That sounds plausible.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

The lovely thing about Magic Missile, of course, is if I tried to do that with a crossbow, I'd take a massive penalty for firing into melee combat. 

#### ALEX

And would almost certainly hit you because that's the way that rolls. 

#### BRYN

*But*... 

#### LYDIA

Although the guy is between me and...

#### ALEX

Oh, but I'm an incredibly cruel and unfair GM. 

#### LYDIA

Fair enough. 

#### BRYN

But the rules, as well, say that you've basically got a chance of hitting both people. 

#### LYDIA

To be fair, he just stabbed over my head and I ducked down in front of him... 

#### BRYN

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

Well, we were in melee. 

#### BRYN

It's because you're both moving so much, exactly. But Magic Missile is *unerring!* 

#### LYDIA

Yay! 

#### BRYN

And smacks him in the face, even though he's facing away from me. 

#### BEN

It does it because it's literally magic! 

#### BRYN

Literally magic. 

#### ALEX

Zolf, you're up. 

#### BEN

Okay. I -- 

#### BRYN

Oh, sorry, I still have a move, actually. 

#### ALEX

Oh, of course you do. 

#### BRYN

I'm using my move action to reload my crossbow.

#### ALEX

Aha, clever. Zolf, you're up. 

#### BEN

Right, I will ready an action. 

#### ALEX

Mhm. 

#### BEN

And my action is, stab the first enemy that enters my threat range. Which, because I have a trident, is 10 foot around me.

#### ALEX

Because your trident's bigger than you are! 

#### BEN

Because my trident is bigger than I am. 

#### ALEX

Yep. 

#### BEN

And then I will just shout out --

#### ZOLF

You don't need to do this, guys! We can work it out!

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### JAMES

Alright. 

#### LYDIA

_(laughs)_ The dude without a stomach... 

#### BEN

Well, y'know... 

#### BRYN

Technically, technically, we stabbed them first. 

#### BEN

Actually, we, us three, did nothing!

##### [BRYN LAUGHS]

And maybe I'm not even aware -- I am but I'm lying -- that Sasha started it.

#### ALEX

The person who's facing Sasha hears this and goes,

#### ALEX (ASHEN)

_(drawling)_ Oh no we can't.

#### ZOLF

Suit yourself! 

#### ALEX

So, your action is now readied. The person that you are facing off against now moves closer and...

#### BEN

Just a beeline. 

#### ALEX

Pretty much beelines. Hang on. 

#### BEN

There's an eel there. 

#### JAMES

Is he going to slip on the eel? Is there a mechanic for that?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

He moves...

#### BEN

"Eel Slippage." 

#### ALEX

The one who you're facing off against moves to *just outside* your threat range, whilst pulling something out from under his cloak. 

##### [LYDIA INHALES]

#### BEN

Okay. 

#### ALEX

He then throws it right into the middle of all three of you. 

#### BRYN

_(gasps)_ God, he's got an area effect weapon. Why did I hide behind you?! 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

Ooh! And it's a good hit. Let's say he's aiming at Hamid. That is a... let me do the maths... er, 18 to hit, although Hamid does have cover behind Zolf. Of course, meaning that if he were to miss with a roll that high, it's just going to hit Zolf in the face. 

#### BEN

Yaaaay! 

#### ALEX

So what's your AC, Hamid? 

#### BRYN

My AC is 13. 

#### ALEX

13\. So we'll give you full cover plus the four takes it to... 

#### BRYN

_(groaning)_ 17\.

#### ALEX

Meaning that... 

#### BRYN

It still hits! 

#### ALEX

Yeah. So, this is the first of our splash weapons! Okay? So that means it affects everything within an area... 

#### BEN

I do hope it's a water balloon.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Rather than the oil flasks which were being thrown, which were actually a direct hit. So this, he pulls out from under him, it's green, it has some sort of a conical glass flask. He hurls it overhand, straight at Hamid, and it smashes into Hamid's shoulder and splashes... 

#### BEN

I know this might be a *little* retroactive... 

#### ALEX

Mhm. 

#### BEN

But when pulls and throws it straight at my... throw over my head, can I attempt to bat it with my shield? 

#### ALEX

No, because you have a readied action... 

#### BEN

Ahhhh. It's preventing me from doing stuff.

#### ALEX

So you are so prepared to do that... 

#### BEN

Yep. 

#### ALEX

...that you can't take any other action. 

#### BEN

That's his problem... 

#### ALEX

So, he hurls it overhead. It slams into Hamid and splashes onto both Bertie and Zolf --

#### LYDIA

Oh no! 

#### ALEX

-- dealing one D6 acid damage. 

#### LYDIA

_(wincing)_ Ooh.

#### BEN

That is rude. 

#### BRYN

When I'm a dragon, I'm going to come back and burn this whole place to the ground.

#### LYDIA

Hey, it's my home! 

#### ALEX

Now, I'm going to be setting a precedent here for splash damage which applies to all of you. A lot of people aren't going to like it, but it speeds combat up *immensely.* I am going to roll a single dice to determine the damage it does for all of you. It tends to make combat a bit more... "either everyone's annihilated or everyone's fine," but it will speed things up. 

#### ALL

Okay. 

#### ALEX

So, you all take --

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Ooh. 

#### ALEX

6 acid damage. 

#### BEN

I... hate you, Alex.

#### LYDIA

Oh, brutal! 

#### ALEX

However, that works both ways. So that when Bryn's doing things like Fireballs and things like that, and at 30 people and he rolls high, all of them will get annihilated. 

#### BEN

Okay, so yeah. 

#### ALEX

But that was an acid flask. 

#### BRYN

It's not going to help, because I'm not going to survive that.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay, and now that he's moved, his dog will be following suit, but there's an *eel* in the way.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And it fails a Will save --

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Eyyyyy! 

#### ALEX

Distracted by the eel. 

#### BEN

*Yes.*

#### LYDIA

Nom nom nom nom. 

#### JAMES

Nom nom nom nom.

#### BRYN

So place the eel with the dog... 

#### ALEX

Within the dog's stomach and it will be... that's its move, I'm afraid. I'll have it. Failing its Will save against delicious, *delicious* eels. 

##### [BEN LAUGHS VILLAINOUSLY]

#### BRYN

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

Mustardy, salty goodness. 

#### ALEX

Okay. So, Bertie, you're up. You've just got a splash of acid that's working its way through your armour and onto your skin, and it hurts. 

#### BERTIE

Ah! My armour, my lovely armour. Oh, ah, *ah,* _(inhales)_ I smell barbecue!

##### [SNICKERS]

#### JAMES

Right, so at this point, Bertie can see the heavily-wounded chap that he's just given this, you know, delightful new slashed-torso look to, in front of him. 

#### ALEX

Mmhmm. 

#### JAMES

Plus the lovely doggy. 

#### ALEX

And a third person who's rapidly on the approach. 

#### JAMES

Okay. Cool. So I think... I mean, I'd quite like to finish off the chap that I started. I'd also maybe like to try and win a new animal friend, using my eel and my charm. There's no way that I can do both of those things in one turn, is there? 

#### ALEX

Not really. Also, when it comes to Handle Animal, this is a skill that's more geared towards taming wild animals. 

#### JAMES

Right. 

#### ALEX

And sort of, if you were to encounter a hostile wild animal... 

#### BRYN

It's a slow, considered process. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### BRYN

It's not really appropriate for combat. 

#### LYDIA

Come on to my side! Come on, come on, doggy, my side, my side, yes! 

#### ALEX

This isn't the dog whisperer, basically. 

#### JAMES

Okay, fair enough.

#### BEN

Also, I'm the cleric, I'm the one who should go "wirr-oo" and then turn the dog blue. 

#### JAMES

Right, okay. 

#### ALEX

So honestly, I think your best bet would be to just remove the guy from combat who you already can. 

#### JAMES

Right.

#### HAMID

Kill him! Kill him dead! 

#### ALEX

_(laughing)_ Was that in character there? 

#### BRYN

Probably. I'm really badly hurt. 

#### ALEX

I was going to say, yeah, you're worse for wear. So I'd recommend eliminating people when you can because it just removes the number of people who can hurt you. 

#### JAMES

Cool. I'll do that then. Alright. So I'm going to have... yeah, I'm going to attack that chap.

#### ALEX

Uh-huh.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

8\.

#### ALEX

Plus your modifier. 

#### JAMES

Plus 4 is 12. 

#### ALEX

12\. It does not hit. 

##### [PLAYERS GROAN] 

Yeah. You do still have a move action, should you wish. But honestly, I mean, you're in a pretty optimal position, really. 

#### JAMES

Yeah. I mean, I could do something like take a five-foot-step forward so that I could be engaged in the...

#### ALEX

You could. You could. That's not a bad idea. 

#### BRYN

They, they would then be flanking you... 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

And they'll be getting huuuuge bonuses. 

#### JAMES

Right, I won't do that. Right, I'm fine, I'm done then. 

#### ALEX

Okay. The one is facing off against Sasha takes more swing at Sasha...

#### LYDIA

Please miss.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

Ooh. What's your AC? 

#### LYDIA

13\.

#### ALEX

13\. It is a hit. 

#### LYDIA

_(quietly)_ Oh no! 

#### ALEX

He rolled higher than your AC anyway. 

#### LYDIA

Yep.

#### ALEX

So, he will be dealing... let me double check. A decent amount of damage because he's the boss.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Three damage.

#### LYDIA

Ooh. Is there a pencil? 

#### BEN

There is a pencil. 

#### LYDIA

Hooray for the pencil. 

#### ALEX

And the one who was approaching Bertie from the side, what does he... he attempts to sort of sidestep, 5, 10, 15... 

#### BEN

And he's entered into my range! 

#### ALEX

...and has entered into... yes he has! Entered into your range.

#### BEN

Ha-ha!

#### ALEX

Thus your readied action goes off. 

#### BEN

Take trident, nasty man!

#### ALEX

That's what you get for trying to be too sneaky and flanking. 

#### BEN

Well, he wasn't paying attention to me being like, "hah hah!"

##### [SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

An acid-covered dwarf that has a spite... 

#### JAMES

Yes, there is a burnt halfling. 

#### BEN

Well, you know, it's, er, I rolled a 2.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Let's quickly gloss over that failure! 

#### ALEX

So it's a huge swing and miss. He then proceeds to *try* an attack on Bertie. Just the one.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

What's Bertie's AC? 

#### JAMES

20\.

#### ALEX

Ooh, no. No. *No.* No. It's a decent attempt but no. Noooo. 

#### BEN

This man has a lot of armour. And to be awful to players, but he is being flanked right now. 

#### ALEX

It's still not enough. 

#### BEN

Fine, yep. 

#### ALEX

At which point, Sasha, you are up. 

#### LYDIA

Okay. I have this fire vial... in fact, I have quite a few of them. How much damage do they do? 

#### ALEX

Those did one D6 damage. You couldn't hit him in melee, but you could just take a five-foot-step and just hoof it straight at his face. 

#### LYDIA

I think that that is a thing that I'm... cause otherwise I just do ones and twos. And also that takes me a step away from him, right?

#### ALEX

Mhm.

#### LYDIA

Which means he then... 

#### ALEX

Has to take a step to get towards you. 

#### BRYN

It would open up a charge action for him.

#### LYDIA

Right.

#### BRYN

Which means he can get a bonus. 

#### LYDIA

Even if I step behind the pillar? 

#### ALEX

No. If you were behind the pillar, then... 

#### LYDIA

But then I can't --

#### BRYN

As long as he can travel in a straight line...

#### ALEX

But he wouldn't be able to. But you wouldn't be able to throw, similarly. There's another option available to you, which is: you do have a thunderstone as well, don't you. 

#### LYDIA

But that would mess up us -- mess us up as much as the others. 

#### ALEX

You'd have to be careful where you used it, yeah. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

So... 

#### LYDIA

So that... because it was a massive range and it blinds and deafens people, right? If I were to whisper, "Everyone, shut your eyes," like through our Messaging... 

#### ALEX

Oh, you can totally do things like prep everyone to just, you know, duck, or you just yell something so that they, you know, get massive bonuses. Because they're aware that the thing is about to happen. You could do that. 

#### LYDIA

Mm. You guys are not looking well. 

#### BEN

We are covered in acid.

#### LYDIA

Yes.

##### [SOMEONE MAKES A HISSING NOISE]

#### ALEX

I'm not sure what burnt halfling foot *sounds* like. 

#### BEN

Apparently, snakes! 

#### JAMES

Screaming. Screaming is what it sounds like. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I think that that might be... maybe we can manage another round. Maybe... I'm going to step... I'm going to take a step back and throw the vial thing at him. 

#### ALEX

Mhm! Mhm. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

#### ALEX

So that would be rolling a D20. And it's Dex-based, so that's playing into your hands. 

#### LYDIA

Hooray! Come on.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Oh, gosh! 2 plus 3. 

#### BEN

We're not having good rolls here. 

#### LYDIA

Aw, this is -- I'm going to die so hard. 

#### ALEX

So Sasha wildly overestimates how hard she has to throw it. And *launches* the vial of oil right into the eel stand. 

#### LYDIA

Oh no!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

She flubs it and it just slams into the eel stand. You don't know if it's going to catch fire yet, but it is certainly... 

#### BRYN

But it fills the entire battle area with a delicious aroma of frying eels. 

#### ALEX

Ooh, yeah. Ooh.

#### BEN

Tasty. Maybe it's attracting the dogs. Maybe the thug's main weakness is cooked eel...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Ooh, that's a big, desperate grab there... 

#### LYDIA

Down here that's pretty true. 

#### ALEX

Well, at the end of that round, we're going to take a short break and then we'll get back to the action in a couple of minutes with the smell of roast eel.

#### BEN

Yeah, to reflect on how... 

#### LYDIA

Burnt flesh! 

#### BEN

...awfully screwed we are! 

#### LYDIA

Yep.

#### ALEX

Okay, so we'll see you in a couple of minutes. 

---

##### [AD BREAK]

---

#### ALEX

And welcome back. Okay, so into a new round, keeping it moving. Hamid, you're up. You've just been splashed by acid. It hurts. Lots.

#### BRYN

Hamid is literally about to fall over. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### BRYN

I think I only have one option here. I mean, I've got... I've still got my big dudes either side of me, but I'm currently being threatened by one of the muggers. I'm going to take a five-foot-step backwards. I'm going to draw a potion, and drink a potion... of Cure Light Wounds.

#### ALEX

Yes, that's fine. 

#### BEN

Ohhhhh, I actually forgot we had those. Remember, guys, we have potions which are useful for not dying. 

#### ALEX

Shopping... 

#### LYDIA

Ya big softie. 

#### ALEX

...the saviour of all your problems. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

Is the potion for Cure Light Wounds D8 plus one or D8 plus three? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, it will be one D8 plus one. 

#### BRYN

Okay, I regain three hit points. 

#### LYDIA

Hooray! 

#### BRYN

Which is almost half my hit points!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Yeah, but you know, eventually you're going to have wings. So, swings and roundabouts. We're playing a long game. 

#### JAMES

Does HP in your case stand for "Help, Please"? 

#### BRYN

Yes. Yes it does.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Is there anything else you want to do with your turn? 

#### BRYN

That is, I took a five-foot-step. A move action and a standard action. 

#### JAMES

I think he might have a little cry. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, you can cry! Zolf, then, you are up. 

#### BEN

Okay. I am going to take a five-foot-step. Oh, do I need to take five steps to move it into his...

#### ALEX

No. 

#### BEN

Oh, actually, he's not threatening me, I've got a weapon, ha ha! 

#### ALEX

No one's threatening you, you're just threatening everyone else. Like a *bully.* 

#### BEN

Yeah, and I will take... I'm kind of keeping myself, to describe, like, protecting with my shield. Now I'm ready for another acid flask and, like, jabbing like a spear with my trident. 

#### ALEX

Give me the attack.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

That's better. That is a 13. 

#### ALEX

13 all in? 

#### BEN

Er, yes. 

#### ALEX

13 all in. Let's have a look. 

#### BEN

Come on! 

#### LYDIA

_(faintly)_ Come on!

#### ALEX

It is not a hit. 

#### BEN & LYDIA

Noooo!

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### JAMES

What are you even for?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Aawww! 

#### LYDIA

What are any one of us, apart from Bertie, for? 

#### ALEX

Harsh! Is there anything else? 

#### BEN

Er, no, no, that's it. 

#### BRYN

Luckily, at least if he tries to throw another vial you're now threatening him and will get an attack of opportunity as well. 

#### BEN

Yes. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so one of the men attacking Bertie, who is now flanking him...

#### JAMES

The injured one or the non-injured one? 

#### ALEX

The non-injured one. 

#### JAMES

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Takes an attack at Bertie with the flanking bonus.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Doesn't hit. 

#### LYDIA

Hooray. 

#### BRYN

_(starts chanting)_ Bertie, Bertie --

#### LYDIA

_(joining in)_ Bertie! Bertie! Bertie!

#### BRYN

The rest of us will be... 

#### JAMES

_(as Bertie)_ Stop, chaps! Stop! Really, stop! Keep going. Stop! Stop! 

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

The rest of us will be lying unconscious whilst Bertie wades through the bodies of our enemies.

#### BEN

And then goes, _(as Bertie)_ "How do I do this healing thing...?"

#### ALEX

Bertie, you are up. 

#### JAMES

Hullo. Right. So, Bertie has... yeah, chap to his left, chap to his right and a dog straight ahead, so... 

#### ALEX

You've got fools to the left of you, jokers to the right... 

#### JAMES

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

...and here you are, facing down a dog. 

#### JAMES

Stuck in the middle with... 

#### BRYN

A dog!

#### JAMES

And what is by now a heavily eroded quarterling.

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

I'm going to try and finish neatly bisecting that chap. 

#### ALEX

I think you've just been unlucky so far.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Oh, that's a good 'un!

#### JAMES

14\. Plus 4, 18. 

#### ALEX

Oh, yeah. Yep, that's a hit. 

#### JAMES

Cool. So that's 1D10 plus 3 --

#### ALEX

D10! That bastard longsword. Oof.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

4 plus 3 is 7. 

#### ALEX

7, oh yes --

#### BRYN

Keep the ones you're likely to need separate. 

#### ALEX

He's very down. 

#### JAMES

Okay. 

#### ALEX

He's very down. He... you take another swinging attack, this time just an overhead slash, and it bites into his torso. You've probably broken a collarbone at the very least. But he's very, very unconscious. _(laughing)_ Very, *very* unconscious. And would you like to move at all? 

#### JAMES

Erm, is it helpful? I mean, I think I'm... I suppose I'm no longer being flanked by this chap. Because he's the only one who's attacking me.

#### ALEX

Correct. You're now no longer being flanked. 

#### JAMES

So I don't think I need to move? It's still a good idea for me to stay blocking what's left of Hamid. So... 

#### BRYN

I drank a potion. I'm... not fine!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

That's fine. I don't think there's anything else that I can or want to do here. 

#### ALEX

Sure! 

#### BEN

Does Bertie want to shout some sort of witty aphorism. That's not even the right word! 

#### JAMES

Witty retort. 

#### BEN

Witty retort, yeah.

#### JAMES

Erm...

#### BERTIE

Gosh! I bet that hurt!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

And on that, let's head back to the one who's facing up against Sasha. He... what does he do. He starts being quite sneaky and instead of facing off against Sasha, he starts heading *away* from Sasha. He starts looping around the market stall. Probably got some really cunning plan and technique that he'll make use of at some point. 

#### BRYN

Or the GM has just realised that he's about to kill us all. _(laughing)_ One of the two! 

#### ALEX

No, no, that would be fine. _(drawling)_ Because there's more splash damage where that came from.

#### BEN

Oh goody.

#### ALEX

Okay, now, it is... a man and his dog. Hmm. 

#### LYDIA

The dog that failed the Will save? 

#### ALEX

No, the other dog. So, the man readies an action. The dog goes 5, 10, 15, 20, so it loops round *behind* Bertie, thus flanking him, attacks, at which point the readied action of the man goes off. So the dog attacks first, flanking --

##### [DICE ROLLS]

It's a natural 1. _(sighs)_

#### BEN

Yes!

#### BRYN

He drops his tea...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Basically, the dog comes round and it's obeying... clearly it's obeying that free-range thing... 

#### JAMES

And it just sits. 

#### ALEX

It just, yeah! It just... it places itself and then clearly isn't really paying attention? It doesn't... I'm not even going to say it attacks. 

#### JAMES

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

It just gets there and then doesn't really twig that it's meant to have attacked yet. 

#### LYDIA

"Woof?"

#### JAMES

"Arf?"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Meanwhile, the man opposite goes "Oh, you -- d'argh..." and then attacks. He...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

*Oh!*

##### [PLAYERS GROAN]

#### BEN

What is this!

#### ALEX

...he rolls a natural 20. 

#### BEN

He's got to confirm it. 

#### ALEX

He has to confirm a critical. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

But he does not. 

#### ALEX

He does not confirm a critical. 

#### JAMES

I don't know what any of those words mean. That's fine. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so if you're in a critical range of your weapon, normally the upper edges of the dice rolls, you can get a critical. In that case, you roll a second dice to confirm whether it hit or not. If it does, you take double weapon damage. So for you, anything that you can do to increase your critical range, so how many it is or how much damage you do, because you're doing a D10, which is, like, more than anyone else... 

#### JAMES

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Obviously that's a really big deal. He didn't make his critical but it still counts as a hit. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### BEN

That was the first... when you nutted than man in an alleyway... 

#### JAMES

Oh yeah. 

#### BEN

...that's the one that just went out.

#### ALEX

Straight away, because you just doubled everything you did to him. 

#### JAMES

I remember that. Heady days! 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

And he deals you 7 damage. 

#### JAMES

I -- am down to zero hit points. 

##### [MORE GROANS FROM PLAYERS]

Yeah. 

#### BRYN

What! How?!

#### JAMES

Because I took 6 damage from *somebody's acid,* cause somebody hid behind me making a splash attack. 

#### ALEX

He has taken a decent amount at level 1. 

#### JAMES

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

Bertie is now unconscious. 

#### LYDIA

Ohhh... my God.

#### BEN

Uh-oh. That is not good. Things are looking dire for our plucky heroes.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Still, while unconscious, having about the same level of constructive rational thought. And equally likely to pass a Perception check. So... 

#### ALEX

Okay. At which point another man and his dog attack, and then it will be Sasha. 

#### BEN

Okay. 

#### LYDIA

Go on, Zolf. 

#### BEN

We'll see. 

#### ALEX

The first man takes a five-foot-step towards Zolf so that he doesn't get that trident to the face.

#### BEN

Darn him!

#### ALEX

And he'll give an attack.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And misses. 

#### LYDIA

Hooray! 

#### BEN

Serves him right. 

#### ALEX

His dog... 

#### LYDIA

Is chowing down on eels. Has he finished the eels? 

#### ALEX

Will try to loop round, even though it's going to be coming within range of Hamid. 

#### BEN

And he's moving through my threat range? 

#### ALEX

Ah, is he? 

#### BEN

Well, yeah. But if we move... 

#### BRYN

Cause he's got a double. 

#### ALEX

Sure, well, it's only a dog. It ain't that smart. It will move through your strike range, thus you can take an attack of opportunity. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

That is a 19! 

#### ALEX

19\. So that's... 

#### BRYN

So that's, does that threaten a crit? 

#### BEN

I'm assuming not, because I haven't it written it down. And I would have, because that's quite important. 

#### BRYN

Fair.

#### BEN

So that is a D8. 

#### ALEX

Excellent. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

5\. 

#### ALEX

5\.

#### BEN

Plus my Strength which will be... one, so 6. 

#### ALEX

Let's have a look. 

#### BEN

I can add 5 to 1. 

#### LYDIA

Yay. 

#### BEN

That was only mildly challenging for me. 

#### ALEX

Okay, the dog... 

#### BEN

There you go. That's my use -- I've got a big stick, with pointy bits on the end of it. 

#### LYDIA

Hooray! 

#### JAMES

Do you use it to beat dogs with? 

#### ALEX

Okay, yeah. So the attack of opportunity annihilates the dog, it takes a big hit. It's still going, but it's looking very much the worse for wear. It continues its attempt to loop round behind Zolf. 

#### BEN

Still moving within my threat range? 

#### BRYN

You only get one attack of opportunity per round. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### BRYN

Unless you have Combat Reflexes. 

#### ALEX

And upper levels, given that you will have a reach weapon, it may be worth you taking that. 

#### BEN

Yeah, sure. 

#### ALEX

But for now, it's taken that hit and then carried... 

#### BEN

Yes, that's fine.

#### ALEX

...its movement. And... 

#### BEN

Oh wow, they've managed to flank everybody. Everybody is flanked now. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. And... 

#### BEN

Flanks forever. 

#### ALEX

And it will take its attack, or at least attempt to take its attack.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And miss. 

#### BEN

_(hissing)_ Yes. 

#### ALEX

You guys are getting very lucky and it's a good job too! 

#### BEN

We were really unlucky in *our* rolls, so... 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Everyone's being incompetent. 

#### ALEX

Sasha, you're up. 

#### LYDIA

I Message to Hamid, saying --

#### SASHA

Cover your eyes and ears --

#### LYDIA

And I throw... because I can see about four things that's happening to these guys. And I throw a thunderstone into the middle. 

#### ALEX

Into the middle of the mess. 

#### LYDIA

Into the middle of the mess. 

#### BRYN

I...

#### ALEX

You are able to relay that to everyone, if you want. 

#### BRYN

Well, he's unconscious. 

#### ALEX

_(snickering)_ Well, yeah.

#### LYDIA

That's why you need a thunderstone. You don't have Bertie, who is himself a thunderstone. 

#### JAMES

In my unconscious dream state I suddenly hear my mother shouting disapprovingly. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, I'll relay that to Zolf. 

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### LYDIA

So what do I need to do to throw? 

#### ALEX

To throw it? Give me a ranged attack roll and pick where you'd like it to land. 

#### BRYN

You might need to move a little closer, to reduce the range. 

#### LYDIA

Right, okay. Could you tell me how big the range of the thunderstone itself is? 

#### ALEX

Okay, so just as a reminder for the thunderstone, it's a ranged attack with a range increment of 20 feet. So that means that for every 20 feet you are away from your target, you're taking a minus 1. So not like your daggers where it's 10 feet. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

It's twice as easy to throw. And it makes a big bang, it's a sonic attack. Each creature within 10 feet... 

#### LYDIA

Ohhh, it's small. 

#### ALEX

So that is... well no, it's still sort of six squares by six squares. 

#### LYDIA

Oh, right. Okay. 

#### BRYN

That will cover the... 

#### ALEX

It will cover everyone in the middle, but not yourself or the guy who's sort of sneaking around the sides. Each creature must make a DC 15 Fortitude save or be deafened for an hour. And such creatures would have, like, a minus 4 on Initiative, 20% chance of a miscast, loose spell, things like that. And you can just choose to aim at a particular square which only has an AC of 5. So if you roll higher than... 2, because of your Dex, you're going to be landing it where you want. 

#### BEN

So it's either a hit or a critical fail.

#### LYDIA

And if I tell them to cover the ears, what kind of bonuses do they get at that stage? 

#### ALEX

I'm going to be -- I'm not going to tell you what number it is --

#### LYDIA

Okay, so I'm going to move forward a couple of... yeah, so it's within 20. And throw it to there. And I, yeah, I tell them to cover their ears.

#### ALEX

You can move forward one more square for that. Yep, there you go.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Do you get a 2 or better? You get a 2!

##### [LAUGHTER]

So that's enough to hit! 

#### ALEX

Right, so you chuck that thunderstone. It lands with a crack and then suddenly, just a split second afterwards, there is a --

##### [SFX: GIANT EXPLOSION NOISE]

And the dust starts falling from the ceiling, and you see all of the awnings fall off the tents, bulge outwards briefly, and immediately basically everyone has an urge to just slap their hands to their ears. 

#### LYDIA

But they already have their hands. 

#### ALEX

They were already prepared. So give me your Fortitude saves, both guys in the middle.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

7, plus whatever the bonus is. 

#### BRYN

14\...

#### ALEX

14\. Hamid is fine. 

#### LYDIA

Yaaaay! 

#### ALEX

The 7... with the modifier... I'm afraid you've had a thunderstone. 

#### BEN

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Hamid was fine. Even with the preparation you just didn't quite get your ears... 

#### BEN

Right. Does it deal any sonic damage? 

#### ALEX

It doesn't deal sonic damage --

#### BRYN

Okay. 

#### ALEX

But it's a very effective distraction that will frankly disturb a bunch of them because it's quite high-end stuff. Let's see. 

#### LYDIA

The dogs... what does it do --

#### BRYN

It's probably much worse for dogs. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

Yeah! Dogs have certain things to do with their ears. So let's see. Let's do the dogs first.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And that second dog...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And then person 1...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

...And second person.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Okay. So, both of the men give a yell, clap their hands to their ears, and you'll see them sort of staggering around. Not in the "dazed" condition, which is a specific thing in Pathfinder, but certainly it appears to have worked. "Argh, argh." One of the dogs gives a yelp -- doesn't run off, but turns tail as if it's likely to. And the second dog sort of gives a yelp but seems *just* about to be...

#### LYDIA

Oh for goodness sake! 

#### ALEX

...just about to be okay. But you still manage to get three of them. 

#### LYDIA

Nothing works! 

#### ALEX

All of them are now taking their penalties, et cetera. 

#### BEN

You say nothing works. 75% of the enemy's been affected --

#### LYDIA

I mean, I thought that the dogs would run away screaming! 

#### ALEX

Well, they can't. It's not their action. 

#### LYDIA

Ahhhh. 

#### ALEX

So, Hamid. You're up. There's been an enormous boom, the person that everyone is facing it off seems to be quite deafened. One of the dogs looks like it's about to leg it, and the dog that's beside you could go either way. 

#### LYDIA

But you're fine. I'd like to remind you that you are fine! 

#### BRYN

I'm still surrounded by dogs, which is making me quite nervous. 

#### ALEX

You're flanked by dogs, yes. 

#### BRYN

Can dogs take attacks of opportunity? Is that a thing they can do? 

#### ALEX

I can look up but you wouldn't know. 

#### BRYN

No, I have no idea! Um, despite the risk of splash damage weapons, I am *completely* terrified. I will take a five foot step so and go back-to-back with Zolf... 

#### ALEX

Ohh, classic! 

#### BRYN

And just be like --

#### HAMID

Aaaaaah!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

And I almost forget I'm holding a loaded crossbow.

##### [LYDIA SNICKERS]

But just in time I go --

#### HAMID

_(still terrified)_ AH!

#### BRYN

And sort of swing it *wildly* in an attempt to shoot that dude.

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

Who's right, who's still standing in this...

#### ALEX

That will be the one that just took Bertie out. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, exactly.

#### LYDIA

If he's blinded and deafened, isn't this a sneak... doesn't it count as a sneak attack?

#### BRYN

I don't get sneak attacks.

#### LYDIA

Ah, cool.

#### BEN

You have _(inaudible)_ benefits for sneak attacks.

##### [LYDIA GROANS]

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

I hit. 

#### BEN

On an 18 rolled. 

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, that's a hit. 

#### BRYN

But I do one damage. 

#### BEN

It's better than "you do none damage."

#### JAMES

You've just pierced his ear. That's what you've done.

##### [A FEW SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

So how much damage did you do? 

#### BRYN

1\.

#### ALEX

1 -- ooh. Woof. Right. 

#### LYDIA

Hey, doing one damage isn't anything to be ashamed about. _(mock-bitter)_ Those guys with the *big swords.*

#### ALEX

And that was the dog, wasn't it? 

#### EVERYONE

No.

#### BRYN

No, that was the man. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, that's the man. Okay. 

#### BRYN

I'm especially scared of him because he made Bertie fall over. And Bertie's like my safety blanket?

##### [LAUGHTER]

I'm now double scared. 

#### ALEX

Zolf. 

#### BEN

Er, right. So I am deaf and blinded? 

#### ALEX

You are not blinded. You are deafened. 

#### BEN

Fine. That doesn't affect my ability to stab people, right up?

#### LYDIA

Yay!

#### ALEX

Not at all. 

#### BEN

*Good.* Since this dog is obviously having serious issues right now -- it looks like it's losing the will to fight -- I'm going to stab the man.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

I might actually -- no, I'm going to fail to stab the man. 

#### ALEX

What did you get as a total? 13. 

#### BEN

Yep. No, does he have a minus on anything for being, like, dazed or dea... 

#### ALEX

Ooh --

#### BEN

Or not dazed but --

#### ALEX

I'm afraid it won't here. 

#### BEN

_(sighs)_ Throw me a bone, Alex, come on! _(laughs)_ Yeah, okay, that's fine. 

#### JAMES

You can toss him an eel. 

#### BEN

Yeah. I've already tossed the eel. 

#### JAMES

Aww.

#### ALEX

Anything else you'd like to do, because currently you've only used an attack. 

#### BEN

No. 

#### ALEX

Okay!

#### BEN

Because that means moving away from Hamid and leaving him exposed. 

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### LYDIA

You've got no potions or anything...? 

#### BEN

Oh, that's a very good point. _(laughing)_ Yes, I have potions! 

#### ALEX

You've got potions comin' out the wazoo!

#### BEN

I'm going to drink a potion!

#### BRYN

It's a move action to draw a potion. You're just out of action to drink the potion. 

#### BEN

_(faintly)_ I can't do that!

#### ALEX

You can *draw* a potion ready for next round. 

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### BEN

No. I have a shield. I can't, yep, no.

#### ALEX

True. Okay. 

#### LYDIA

_(amused)_ We are rubbish.

#### ALEX

You are just a bit outmatched. 

#### BEN

We're outnumbered. That's, yep.

#### ALEX

Pretty much.

#### JAMES

I think we should have -- there should be a magic item which is basically like a stadium buddy for potions. 

#### BEN

Also, again, um...

#### BRYN

There's a potion belt. 

#### BEN

Again, not helping, but rules... shouldn't James be bleeding out right now? 

#### ALEX

When he comes round to his round, he has to make a save. 

#### BEN

Oh, he's only fallen down the last round!

#### ALEX

He's only just fallen down. 

#### BEN

Oh, yeah, yeah!

#### JAMES

So much time --

#### LYDIA

A lot has happened. 

#### JAMES

I know. Time flies when you're having fun and *bleeding on the ground.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay. So. The one that took Bertie out, is deafened, banged, and quite frankly he, er... 

#### BRYN

Pierced.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Gained a new earring.

#### ALEX

He's, he's not having a particularly good time. So, not being a particularly brave fellow, he takes a few steps back. And he's just going to be there. He's just keeping his distance from Sasha and everything and he's pretty much going round... "mm-ah, mm-ah," he can't hear anything. He's just... he's still just taking a moment to try and get his bearings, hoping that he'll, you know --

#### BEN

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Pull himself back together. Bertie. *Now,* Bertie has to make a save against bleeding out. 

#### BEN

Ah!

#### JAMES

What am I rolling? 

#### BEN

Roll a D20. 

#### JAMES

D20.

#### ALEX

Mhm. And this is factoring in against your Fortitude save to check that you don't start bleeding, basically. 

#### JAMES

Okay. I have a Fortitude of 5?

#### ALEX

You have a *formidable* Fortitude save. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

11 plus 5 is 16. 

#### ALEX

Er, off the top of my head, that's fine. You have stabilised, so you're just having a snooze.

##### [JAMES MAKES SNORING NOISES]

##### [SNICKERS]

#### JAMES

You see, most people would dream about counting sheep. Bertie dreams about counting money. 

#### LYDIA

Attacking tables. 

##### [JAMES CHUCKLES]

#### ALEX

Okay. The boss character is now... he *vaults* --

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Into the tent and is out of your sight. 

#### BEN

Okay, so he's in here. 

#### ALEX

He's in there somewhere, but you don't know what he's doing. 

#### BRYN

Set fire to the tent!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

He's doing parkour, which I think is reason enough to kill him.

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

But did the fire -- flame thing that I threw into the eel stand actually make it catch fire?

#### ALEX

It's still taking a little while to catch. It hasn't gone, like, *bursting* into flames or anything. But it's still on fire. 

#### LYDIA

Is it already possible to set fire to the tent that the dude is... 

#### BEN

I imagine eel stands, though, are quite *wet.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

True -- is that a shop, has he vaulted into a shop for kindling? 

#### BEN

The water shop! *Sparks-R-Us!*

#### ALEX

Petrol and Kindling. "All of your fire needs!"

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### LYDIA

It's the Mad Max trope.

#### ALEX

Okay. The dog flees. 

#### LYDIA

Yaaaay! 

#### ALEX

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35. It's...

#### BEN

That's the back of that.

#### ALEX

It's fled. Turns out the really loud noise was not something that it was particularly happy with.

#### BRYN

You can take an attack of opp as it fled.

#### BEN

Um --

#### BRYN

But you're not a cruel man.

#### BEN

No, I also don't want to stab a dog in the bum when...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

When a man with a sword --

#### BEN

When a man with a sword might evoke an attack later. Not my primary concern right now. 

#### ALEX

Okay. The person facing off against Zolf takes an attack. 

#### LYDIA

Wait, the dog or the man? 

#### ALEX

The man.

#### LYDIA

Right. That dude.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Probably not, AC of 17. 

#### ALEX

_(laughs)_ No! Noooo. He's still deafened and "argh, argh, urgh." He takes a wild, wild swing. He's not really... 

#### BEN

Deflect it with my shield, get that doing some work. 

#### LYDIA

You know, *Archer* is the only show -- the only show with gunfire that really does this sort of ringing ears. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

For ages afterwards it's just, _(high-pitched)_ *eeeeeeee!*

#### ALEX

Aw, yeah. 

#### LYDIA

And this is -- I'm imagining this as, like, just, you in the tin can of your helmet, *eeeeeeeee!*

#### BEN

Stumbling around like, "Argh, this is not..."

#### ALEX

Everything is blurry and everything is a bit confusing. But yeah, the second dog backs up and goes beside its... one of the owners. 

#### BEN

Has it traversed a difficult terrain?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

It goes all the way round, because it's a dog. 

#### LYDIA

It's because of Bertie. 

#### BEN

Fair enough.

#### ALEX

It doesn't look particularly happy, but neither has it fled. 

#### BEN

Sure, so it's standing next to the guy whose back is to... 

#### ALEX

Mhm. They're taking a moment and then the... Sasha. The Sasha, you're up. 

#### LYDIA

The Sasha. Er, right. So I've seen... 

#### ALEX

By far the most effective move so far, by the way, chucking that thunderstone. 

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Probably -- well, if we survive it -- it would've been the thing that saved us, I think. 

#### LYDIA

Right, so, I can see those guys are backing off and I know... I *know* that the boss dude is a *horrible* man and that he has not gone into this tent for shopping for Christmas presents.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Surprise! 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### BEN

The orphans have --

#### ALEX

Except it is Tinder-R-Us so he's just going to be giving you all sticks. 

#### JAMES

If it's Tinder-R-Us, he's going to be in that tent swiping left about every single one of us.

##### [PROLONGED GROAN FROM EVERYONE ELSE]

#### LYDIA

So I'm -- quite genuinely, I need to know -- can I see what it's in... what that shop is selling. What kind of stuff is dangling on... cos I'm looking, I can see sort of sideways into the awning if anything is hanging there. 

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### LYDIA

Just if it's a weapons shop, or a fire...

#### ALEX

Give me a Perception roll for... this is sort of retroactive for when you were looking round the market earlier, so you can discern what you saw.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

14\.

#### ALEX

14\. Okay, yeah. So what you saw was, it was selling tomatoes... 

#### LYDIA

Okay, wet things. Mm.

#### ALEX

But, *but,* it was selling "tomatoes" in an inverted comma --

#### LYDIA

Oh, right. Drug shop!

#### BEN(?)

Grenades!

#### LYDIA

Grenade shop!

#### ALEX

And certainly it was selling something where he handed something in a vial to another person that was from underneath a... 

#### LYDIA

That was quite a lot of Perception I did. 

#### ALEX

You did quite well. I mean in fairness... 

#### LYDIA

I did roll a lot of Perception checks today. 

#### ALEX

...you walked around and you were being very careful and you snuck quite close and you were being *really* paranoid. 

#### LYDIA

I was. 

#### ALEX

It looked like it was a flask similar to the things that are being thrown around, but you don't know whether it was full of acid, or... 

#### LYDIA

Oh dear! 

#### ALEX

...oil. It could be full of water and potions. You don't know. 

#### BEN

The potential to go full Michael Bay on him, though. 

#### LYDIA

Right. What do I... 

#### JAMES

You could fly a fighter jet into the tent.

#### LYDIA

I have another thunderstone...

#### BEN

Alright, partial Michael Bay! 

#### LYDIA

...and I'm trying to think what -- if I could run to the front of the shop and throw something in, that would mess him right up.

And I wonder as well, I mean, I don't know if this is something that mechanically remote, if you throw something that has a pulse that big into something that's full of glass vials of acid...

#### ALEX

It's a GM discretion. 

#### LYDIA

Right, yeah. I mean, because that would be the hope.

#### BEN

Do you have quick draw? 

#### LYDIA

Er, no. 

#### BEN

Just because likewise you can't move-and-draw-and-throw. You have to either move-and-draw or draw-and-throw. 

#### LYDIA

I mean, I am *very* quick. 

#### BEN

That's -- not how that works.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

What else have you got, inventory-wise, at the moment? 

#### LYDIA

I've got one thunderstone and two flasks of fire. Um, and a disguise kit and playing cards.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### BEN

Flick cards in! 

#### LYDIA

Gambit! 

#### ALEX

Right, I'm going to pressure you, what are you going to do?

#### LYDIA

Uh, oh, gosh.

#### ALEX

Snap decisions are the best decisions!

#### LYDIA

They are! I am going to... yep, I know that he was the biggest threat. I am going to run up to, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I mean, it's easy. I'm looking into the shop and seeing what he's doing and *then* I will decide whether to attack him. 

#### ALEX

Okay. Looking into the shop. You see that he's pulled the tent, sort of flaps aside... 

#### LYDIA

Uh-huh. Ooh, flaps. 

#### ALEX

Yep. In the middle of the thing, he hasn't noticed that you are looking at him, and it is very clear that the second that the tent flaps were aside, this thing is *chock-full* of those oil flask things. 

#### LYDIA

Oh gosh. 

#### ALEX

The ones that the bombers were using, it looks like. So not an acid splash, but literally just vials of oil. And he is... he's holding a, what looks like a bag or something, and he's grabbing and yanking.

##### [LYDIA SUCKS IN A BREATH THROUGH HER TEETH]

Also, it looks like there's someone unconscious on the floor.

#### LYDIA

Oh no!

#### ALEX

There were people in the other shops, they've all been sort of...

#### LYDIA

Run away... 

#### ALEX

I mean, it's only been a few seconds, but since that thunder a few people have been "ooh, arr, arr," people have been sort of coming out from their stalls and running away. Most of them honestly seem to have drawn swords from underneath their counters, or cudgels and things. They aren't fleeing, they're just watching it play out.

#### LYDIA

This is not unusual. 

#### BEN

What did the eel merchant do? 

#### LYDIA

Yeah! 

#### BEN

His *poor stall.* 

#### LYDIA

It wasn't that damaged by the fire. 

#### BEN

We don't know yet. 

#### LYDIA

True.

#### ALEX

None of you have been able to discern... you haven't been paying attention what happened to the eel man. 

#### BEN

So after this is he -- we're just going to fade to black.... and then, "the fate of the eel man."

#### ALEX

So yeah, you see these stocking up on flasks of oil. 

#### LYDIA

If I were Bertie, I would attack the shop. That sounds like a wise thing to do. 

#### ALEX

I'm afraid, though, chucking something in, you wouldn't be able to do this round. 

#### LYDIA

I am not strong enough to pull down the awning. I can throw a dagger at him. 

#### ALEX

You could draw something, because you've only just moved over so far. 

#### LYDIA

I've got spring-loaded wrist shooters. 

#### ALEX

True.

#### JAMES

I don't know if you can do this or not, but if I were this chap and I was sitting in a room full of exploding things, and somebody drew a flask full of fire and threatened to throw it at me, that might give me pause. I don't know if it's a thing... 

#### LYDIA

That is not a thing that Sasha would think -- that sounds like a Charisma move. Intimidate is not something she...

#### ALEX

So, what's left in your turn? 

#### LYDIA

Just the attack thing. So I -- can I throw, still? 

#### ALEX

You could use your wrist sheath and throw a dagger at him. 

#### LYDIA

_(makes throwing noise)_ Pssssht. Throw. 

#### ALEX

Go for it. Give me the attack roll.

#### LYDIA

Oh, gosh.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

_(despairing)_ 5\. 

#### BEN

Ow. No.

#### LYDIA

No.

#### ALEX

No, won't hit. So on that we're going to call this episode!

##### [GROANS, LYDIA MOCK-WAILS]

Ooh, peril! Danger! Disaster! 

#### JAMES

No! Scenes of peril! Aaaargh! I'm under 12 years old and I find this very distressing! 

#### ALEX

I would say this is bordering on *moderate peril.* There's a tent full of flammable things, there's an eel stand that's already on fire -- which is impressive, because it's mostly water. 

#### JAMES

I'm sleeping and Bertie has night terrors. That wasn't in the background. 

#### ALEX

But, you know, you're at least holding your own so far. So we're going to call it there, and we will re-join the action next week. And so until then, that's bye from all of us.

#### BEN

Goodbye. 

#### LYDIA

Bye. 

#### BRYN

Goodbye. 

#### LYDIA

Hopefully live to see you again!

##### [JAMES MAKES SNORING NOISES]

##### [SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

Night Bertie!

##### [SHOW THEME -- OUTRO]

#### ALEX

*Rusty Quill Gaming* is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today's episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening. 

------

#### ALEX

Is everyone good?

#### EVERYONE

Mhm.

#### ALEX

_(warming up, wavery)_ Hiiii. Iiiiiii.

##### [GENERAL WARMING UP FROM OTHERS]

#### LYDIA

Yellow lorry, red lorry.

------

#### ALEX

So from now on, Hamid's known as WhatsApp, and... er, yeah. So --

#### BEN

What's app, Hamid?

#### ALEX

-- with -- _(groans)_ uuuuuurgh.

#### BEN

It's actually, the pun's built into the name, so it's not really a good joke.

##### [A FEW SNICKERS]

They did set that up --

#### BRYN

So what you're saying is, you used a *corporate pun.*

#### BEN

Look --

##### [LYDIA MOCK-GASPS]

#### BRYN

_(shame-on-you)_ Ooooo. Oooooooooo.

#### BEN

My branding is very strong. Alright?

##### [LAUGHTER]

------

#### JAMES

Tossing an eel to distract the dog. Is that an option?

#### ALEX

I --

##### [A BIRD DELICATELY TWITTERS OUTSIDE]

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Bryn's gone, "I'm going to have to edit from 'tossing my eel.'"

##### [GROUP LAUGHTER]

##### [BRYN LAUGHS FOR SO LONG IT STARTS SOUNDING PAINED]

#### ALEX

Get it out your system, Bryn!

#### BRYN

_(catches his breath)_ Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

##### [SNICKERS]