---
layout:          post
title:           "MAG200.19 - MAG Outtakes - An Editor's Perspective"
date:            2021-08-05 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      special
tags:            []
voiced:          []
categories:			"tma"
podcasts: ["tma"]
title_prefix:	"MAG"
prev_categories: ["tma"]
prev_prefixes: ["MAG"]
prev_episode:		['20017-mothership-3']
prev_episode_num:		['200.17']
prev_episode_title:		["Mothership - Part 3"]
next_categories: ["tma"]
next_prefixes: ["MAG"]
next_episode:		['20020-martinpoetryanthology2']
next_episode_num:		['200.20']
next_episode_title:		["Martin Poetry Anthology 2"]
episode_title:   "MAG Outtakes - An Editor's Perspective"
episode_number:  '200.19'
summary:         "The editors of <b>The Magnus Archives</b> have witnessed a fair few things in their time, let's take a moment to hear things from their P.O.V."
content_flags:   ["Innuendo", "Screaming & groaning", "Discussions of: exercise", "Mentions of: alcohol", "SFX: occasional beeping"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/themagnusarchives/magouttakes-aneditorsperspective
formats:
official:        false
unofficial:     ''
unofficial_name: 'Anonymous'
---

> __Transcriber's Note:__ All swears are bleeped out. That said, they are generally very clear anyway, so I have indicated censored swears in brackets.

##### [THE *MAGNUS* THEME FADES OUT]

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

_(humming)_ Doo-boo-do-do *do*-do-do-do -- do-do... _(quietly)_ *Ow.*

_(exhales)_ It has been a loooong day, editor. A long, *Magnus*-filled day. Which is not a good thing. Mostly it's been sad down the microphone while Jonny gets to be *scary* down the microphone.

Just once I want to be scary, I want to be like, "Rahhh! I'm gonna get ya!" But no, it's -- sad Martin, sad Martin time.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

_(snorts)_ Made me just realize what's on the desk. _(robotic monotone)_ Bee-boop bee-boop. I am Alex. _(whirring noises)_ I am here to: READ. _(whirr, whirr)_

Can you spot the guy that's been recording *way* too much. _(laughs)_ Okay. Well, well -- let's try this again. Alright.

##### [CLEARS THROAT]

_(warming up)_ Martin Martin Martin. Oh no, sorry -- *Also*-Martin. Right. Softer, close to mic. _(softly)_ Here we go.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Whoof. Okay. _(clicks fingers)_ So that is all of the Martin-only takes.

People are going to hate me by the end of this editing, like, "Alex, stop! This is like *four hours* of audio!" And I'm going to be like, "Yee-up." And they're going to be like, "WHY are you doing this, Alex?!" And I'm going to be like, "Cos Jonny hates you. And hates me, and made us do this."

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### HELEN

Sorry, I just -- when my brain says, "You're acting now," I'm like, "Ah! I'm on a stage!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

"To the gods!"

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Can we go with, er, Take 4 subbing in from Take 3, erm... eh, screw it, either Take 3 or Take 4, but please make sure to use the funnest bits from Take 4.

##### [SNICKERING]

#### LYDIA

Make us sound cool!

#### SASHA

Add some powers.

#### LYDIA

Yeeeah!

#### ALEX

Yeah, basically, in which case, then, we can all stop recording, I think we're good there.

#### ALL

Okay!

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Three, two, one.

##### [EVERYONE CLAPS]

I never noticed, but you clap with the force of a thousand suns!

#### HELEN

I do. I do.

##### [ALEX MAKES EXPLODING NOISES]

##### [HELEN SNICKERS]

#### HELEN

That's how one claps.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### LYDIA

Please use "I want my cat back" from the pickup. And Alex has confirmed that you use the *sauciest* "Unoccupied."

##### [GROUP LAUGHTER]

Okay -- okay, no he hasn't. He's unsure whether to go saucy or not. But, like, he's right. I probably shouldn't have made it so saucy.

-- I just can't -- _(mock-tortured)_ It's my raw sexual energy, Alex!

##### [SNICKERING]

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

##### [ALEX CLEARS HIS THROAT MULTIPLE TIMES, WHACKS HIS CHEST]

#### JONNY

You alright?

#### ALEX

Yeah, my vocal fry's real bad today.

#### JONNY

Mm. I mean, from here on in, I think, Martin's allowed to have as much vocal fry as he needs.

#### ALEX

From this point it's okay, the issue is that the previous recording was comparatively clean, as I remember.

##### [JONNY MAKES COMMISERATING NOISES]

#### ALEX

So I need to -- I need to transition into Haggard Alex.

#### JONNY

_(really high-pitched)_ "Oh look! It's Elias!" _(much deeper whisper)_ "What do we do about him?"

#### ALEX

Yeah, little bit.

My voice is broken, Jonny. We started this so long ago, and I've gone through all these changes and there's this *hair* everywhere, Jonny -- _(exaggeratedly teary)_ I can't play Martin anymore, I don't know what's going on! Heaaaargh!

#### JONNY

Well, I mean, it had to happen eventually, didn't it.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### JONNY

A Bouchard body.

#### ALEX

It's a Bouchard Bod.

#### JONNY

A Bouchard Bod. The Bou-Bou. _(pause)_ The Bou-Bod.

#### ALEX

The Bou-Bod.

#### JONNY

The Bou-Bod.

#### ALEX

Bou-bonic plague.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Yeah, there we go.

#### JONNY

Grand.

#### ALEX

_(typing something out)_ Okay...

#### JONNY

_(singsong)_ Thank-you-editor.

#### ALEX

_(laughs, starts singing too)_ Thank-you-editor, thank-you-editor.

#### ALEX & JONNY

_(harmonising)_ Thank-you-editor, thank-you-editor, this take has a da-da-da...

#### ALEX

Okay.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Right, let's... One thing, Chioma, is when doing the sounds marker, just because we've come to be aware of something with the equipment. If you can, please click -- _(clicks his fingers)_ -- rather than clap. If you can't click, just make it a sort of light golf clap. _(claps)_ I can't remember -- I can't remember if we knew that the last time, that you were recording.

#### CHIOMA

No worries, I can click away. _(clicks her fingers over her words)_ I -- I'm quite proud of my clicking, so.

##### [SOME MORE RHYTHMIC CLICKING]

#### ALEX

Excellent. In that case, then -- _(pause)_ I just -- Everyone [fucking] loves clicking! It's just the universal truth, that if you can click, everyone's like, _(admiring)_ "Yeahhhh."

#### CHIOMA

I love it, yeah. I can click! _(clicks)_ I feel so offended on people who *can't.*

#### JONNY

I heard some behind-the-scenes audio of the *Rusty Quill Gaming* crew roasting me for clicking too dramatically.

##### [CHIOMA BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

#### CHIOMA

_(clapping lightly on each word)_ How does one click dramatically?

#### ALEX

Allow me to do an impression of Jonny clicking. This is important. Right.

Normal human click: _(click)_

Jonny click: _(extended pause...)_ _(click)_

##### [OUTBURST OF CACKLING FROM OTHERS]

#### JONNY

It's --

#### ALEX

He clicks like a magician, just before the curtains have PULLED ASIDE and the assistant has disappeared.

#### JONNY

It's --

#### CHIOMA

That's *so* _(inaudible)_

#### ALEX

Every time, I love it.

#### JONNY

I click like a normal human man.

##### [CHIOMA STILL DYING OF LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

I think it's a Mechanisms click, honestly. It's the... _(extended pause...)_ _(click)_

#### JONNY

Normal human man click.

##### [(TAPE) CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Three, two, one.

##### [EVERYONE CLICKS THEIR FINGERS]

#### ALEX

_(jokingly)_ Sorry, Jonny, that was a bit of a rubbish click, can we, uh --

##### [JONNY GROANS EXAGGERATEDLY]

##### [SNICKERING FROM EVERYONE ELSE]

#### FRANK

Just realized that since this is being recorded, everyone's gonna see how I lick my fingers for every silence marker because my hands are dry.

#### SASHA

Well, they *weren't gonna* until you *said* that there.

#### ALEX

Oh, god, could you imagine. Everyone else clicks. For Zim it's the *actual lick itself* that's, that's the marker. Eurgh.

#### JONNY

Getting you a case of E45 cream, just for the pads of your fingers.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

##### [EXTENDED SILENCE]

##### [SUDDEN LAUGHTER]

#### JONNY

That was a very funny joke, editor, that was a very funny joke from Lowri... _(exaggerated remorse)_ that you will *never know.*

#### FRANK

Lowri made a great joke, it was a callback to something that *I've* said that you *also* didn't hear. So, uh... _(laughing)_ I'm sorry.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

##### [NOISES OF METAL TWISTING, MAYBE CLOSING A WATERBOTTLE CAP?]

#### ALEX

Okay, fine, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to use the *magic sauce.*

I'm going to stand the [fuck] up.

##### [EVERYONE GASPS DRAMATICALLY. SOMEONE SAYS "WHAT?!"]

##### [A PAUSE AS ALEX PRESUMABLY STANDS UP]

#### ALEX

Oh hey, lower back, I remember you! _(laughing)_ I've not -- I've not *used* you in more than a year. How're you doing.

#### LYDIA

You know what, I've literally had several messages, while we've been recording, about -- my partner got a standing desk and a *wobble board.*

##### [SOMEONE OOHS]

#### ALEX

A wobble board! What a [fucking] champ!

#### LYDIA

And says that it is a *full-body* workout, that like, you spend the next day, like -- you have to build up slowly, cos if you overdo it then the next day is like, "Oh! That's one of the small muscles that I forgot I had!"

#### LOWRI

I'm intimidated just by the thought.

#### ALEX

Yeah, wobble board's next on my, er, next on my list. _(laughs villainously)_ And then I'll be that [dickhead] who also sits on an exercise board and there'll be no going back.

#### FRANK

Oh, my god.

#### LYDIA

A wobble board, *on an exercise board.*

#### FRANK

Oh, I hate this man.

#### JONNY

Just that thing where you're like, a bit bored in a tabletop session and you're just building towers of dice, except with Alex --

##### [OUTBURST OF LAUGHTER]

-- and various exercise equipment.

#### LYDIA

I was so proud of, like, investing in a desk that has shelves that come out and then finding a second screen that fit in the little thing?

#### ALEX

_(admiringly)_ Nice.

#### JONNY

You're tethered to the sitting world.

#### LYDIA

That's it. That's it, Jonny. I'm tethered to this.

#### JONNY

_(dramatically)_ That second screen a *nail* through your feet.

##### [OUTBURST OF CACKLING]

-- No, a nail through your ass, into the chair.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, yeah. Oof! Yeah.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Like-kee-live, everyone!

#### FRANK

Thanks for adding the direction, "Super awkward."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Needs more. Needs more awkward.

#### JONNY

Okay, the cat is -- *howling* outside the door, so give me a second.

##### [A DOOR ROLLS OPEN]

##### [THE OTHER ACTORS START SINGING PLEASANTLY]

#### JONNY

_(distantly, to cat)_ Go away!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Waow, waow, waow.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### JONNY

_(yawning)_ Are you sure about that? I had some really clacky headphones, cheap ones I stole from work.

Oh, are you really still recording that, Lowri, cos that *was* a confession of theft from my employer --

##### [EXTENDED BEEP]

-- as was the time --

#### ALEX

*Ugh,* dammit.

#### JONNY

Now currently --

##### [MORE EXTENDED BEEP]

#### JONNY

-- part of --

##### [EVEN MORE EXTENDED BEEP]

##### [ALEX SIGHS]

#### JONNY

I stole those --

#### ALEX

Legitimately that all has to be bleeped or cut, whoever's editing this. Please do bleep or edit *all* of this out. Thank you.

##### [JONNY CACKLES WILDLY OVER ALEX'S WORDS]

#### JONNY

_(still laughing)_ They were the [shittiest] headphones in the world, they -- they were like a fiver --

#### ALEX

Gotta keep bleepin'! Gotta keep cuttin'.

#### JONNY

Yeah, I know, I know.

#### ALEX

The second that you said which employer, the ship [fucking] sailed. Thanks for that.

#### JONNY

_(overlapping, extremely pleased with himself)_ Mhm. Mhm. You're welcome.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Hearing people have flexibility issues as I'm basically just going through life in a perpetual T-pose, I'm *that* inflexible.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Like, ugh.

#### JONNY

Alex's whole body gradually ossifying.

#### LYDIA

Those actually, like, overlap. I always thought I was way too stiff, but that's cos my muscles are desperately trying to hold... everything together. So they --

#### JONNY

_(snickering)_ Hold your bones in.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, people are like, "Oh. Just relax your shoulders!" And I'm like, "That's -- they *are* relaxed."

#### ALEX

Aw.

I think I'm just hitting old man puberty early, that's all. I have weird urges to yell at people to get off my lawn. I don't have a lawn that they're on, but I just want them to get off it, you know?

#### JONNY

You've got a little lawn out back!

#### LYDIA

You've got a lovely lawn!

#### FRANK

Are you sure it's not rigor mortis?

##### [OUTBURST OF HORRIFIED LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Aw, no, you know what? _(extended bleep)_ Feck off.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

Test one, test two. Blobby with friends, blobby with friends. Confirm?

#### JONNY

_(overlapping)_ Test one, test two, uh... confirm, blobbying with fr--

#### ALEX

_(overlapping)_ Argh! Argh!

#### JONNY

Are you, are you alright, Alex? What's going on?

#### ALEX

Yeah, I'm gonna be yelling in this scene I.

#### JONNY

Argh!

#### ALEX

It's gonna be your "Argh! Aaaargh!"

#### ALEX & JONNY

Aaaargh! Aaaaaaaaaargh! _(extremely high-pitched, pained-sounding)_ *Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!*

#### ALEX

How's your spectogram?

#### JONNY

Yes, fine.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX

_(fancy announcer voice)_ A dress *spontaneously appears* over both of them! And they Charleston out of there! It's *fabulous.* Everyone's like, "What a show. What. A. Show."

##### [JONNY MAKES BA-BA-BA FANFARE NOISES OVER ALL OF THIS]

#### JONNY

_(fancy announcer voice)_ Standing ovations, all around.

#### ALEX

Do you ever get the feeling that we're utterly heartless and we just undercut everything because there's not actually anything going on -- _(inhales)_ behind the flesh of our forms?

##### [WATERBOTTLE CAP TWISTS OPEN]

#### JONNY

We're millennials, we find it difficult, we find, uh, sincerity difficult. We compulsively undercut it.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### LYDIA

_(really high-pitched)_ Oh, no, no!

#### SASHA

Oh, goodbye, editor! Oh my word!

#### FRANK

Yeah, goodbye, editor.

#### LYDIA

_(dramatic)_ This is *so, so sad!* It's been so good...

#### FRANK

Uh, we'll never hear from each other again.

#### SASHA

The last thing... ever.

#### FRANK

You'll never hear my voice ever again. There is *no possible reason --*

#### SASHA

I will Cease To Exist --

#### FRANK

-- you could hear from me, as I will vanish unto the winds.

#### SASHA

-- in three, two...

#### FRANK

Into space. I will become dust.

#### LYDIA

_(snickering)_ I'm so -- I'm just laughing at everyone else so I don't also... I'm like, "Yeah!"

#### FRANK

And, uh -- thank you for making me sound incredible.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly it. _(high-pitched Spiderman voice)_ "I don't feel so good..."

That's what happens when Alex takes the microphone away from us. We just, like, freeze. And then there's no more existence for you. _(high-pitched)_ Goodbyeeeee!

_(normal)_ Ever -- no, seriously, goodbye. Thank you.

##### [CLICK]

------

##### [CLICK]

#### JONNY

This might be my last ever record--

I mean, to be fair, they'll be ordering -- they'll be *editing* it much more in order, so... like, it's not the last time *they'll* be hearing me. It might be the last time I'm speaking into this microphone saying words as the Archivist.

#### LOWRI(?)

Gosh, it's a momentous occasion.

#### JONNY

I'm gonna be real, I'm pretty sure there are going to be a couple of pickups, so... but --

#### LOWRI

We should open a bottle of Prosecco or something.

#### JONNY

If it is the last -- ough, it feels lovely. But if it's not the last, it feels normal.

##### [LOWRI SNICKERS]

Actually, editor, you have control over this file so you'll probably know if there's any more recordings to be done. So just delete as appropriate:

_(dramatic award show voice)_ Ohhh, I can't believe it's over. What a journey.

Or:

This is another normal recording. I foresee more talking into microphones in the future.

##### [CLICK]

##### [THE *MAGNUS* THEME FADES IN]