---
layout:          post
title:           "RQG009 - Other London"
date:            2015-07-29 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
voiced:          [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
categories:			"rqg"
podcasts: ["rqg"]
title_prefix:	"RQG"
prev_categories: ["rqg"]
prev_prefixes: ["RQG"]
prev_episode:   ['008']
prev_episode_num:		['008']
prev_episode_title:		["Londons All the Way Down"]
next_categories: ["rqg"]
next_prefixes: ["RQG"]
next_episode:   ['010']
next_episode_num:		['010']
next_episode_title:		["Eels and Dogs and Acid, Oh My!"]
episode_title:   'Other London'
episode_number:  '009'
summary:         "Join Alex, James, Bryn, Ben and Lydia as they continue to play an extended Pathfinder Tabletop Roleplaying Campaign: Erasing the Line.<br/><br/>In this episode Hamid gets uncomfortable, Zolf samples the local cuisine, Sasha meets an old friend and Bertie commands the loyalty of eels."
content_flags:   ["Dead animals (rats)", "Comedic bullying & classism", "Threats of violence & extortion", "Physical violence", "Discussions of: food", "Mentions of: fire, bombs, drugs, blades", "SFX: loud vocalisations, dripping, continuous background chatter"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/rustyquillgaming/rqg-9-other-london
formats: 
    # DOCX: 
    # PDF: 
    # Google Doc: 
official:        true
wiki_url:        https://rqg.fandom.com/wiki/RQG_9_-_Other_London
---

##### [Show Theme -- Intro] 

#### ALEX

Hello again! And welcome to episode 9 of the *Rusty Quill Gaming* podcast. I'm your host and GM Alex Newall, and with me:

#### JAMES

James Ross.

#### BRYN

Bryn Monroe.

#### BEN

Ben Meredith.

#### LYDIA

Lydia Nicholas.

#### ALEX

And who are you playing? 

#### JAMES

I am Sir Bertrand "Bertie" MacGuffingham. 

#### BRYN

I'm playing Hamid, the halfling sorcerer and man about town. 

#### BEN

Zolf Smith, a now-clean dwarven cleric. 

#### LYDIA

Sasha Racket, the, er... don't know where I'm from, no one -- no one -- no one knows. I am just, no, why am I even here. Nope. It's fine...

##### [OUTBURST OF LAUGHTER]

...stop looking at me.

#### BEN(?)

Lyd's just having an existential crisis in the podcast!

#### LYDIA

Stop looking at me. No, it's my character! It's my character, there's a difference!

##### [THEY MANAGE TO GET THEIR LAUGHTER UNDER CONTROL]

#### ALEX

Okay. So quick recap: the fire at Edison's, the Simulacrum was either destroyed or stolen or something. You guys managed to save a bunch of people, chase down the people who had taken it -- well, I say "chase down," they managed to get away. But! You tracked them down, like, the route that they took into the sewers, and there was a brief period where Zolf was swimming in poo. 

#### BEN

Yes!

#### ALEX

You guys managed to find both the head and arm -- I've never spelt that out, the *right* arm of the Simulacrum.

#### BEN

Ah, okay.

#### BRYN

As opposed to the *wrong* arm!

##### [Group makes appreciative noises]

#### ALEX

See, James, that was brilliant. 

#### JAMES

Well, we returned the right arm... to the long arm of the law, and now the narrative continues.

#### BEN

So it can do no more h...arm!

##### [BURST OF CACKLING]

#### ALEX

No more, no more. Seriously, stop trying to give me a hand. 

#### LYDIA

He needs to *el*-bow out!

##### [EVERYONE GROANS]

#### ALEX

Right! So you guys managed to return the right hand of the Simulacrum -- *no puns.* Right hand of the Simulacrum to Sergeant Haringay, who then paid you. You guys have gone to rest at Hamid's and accepted the further investigative work of tracking down the people that took it. Any plans -- either take them if they've made any more, destroy them and bring people back, by hook or by crook. So.

#### JAMES

But first, we're going *shopping!* 

##### [EVERYONE LAUNCHES INTO INCOMPREHENSIBLE FALALALADADADADA SINGING]

##### [ALEX CACKLES]

#### BRYN

Luckily, we completed the shopping trip between episodes!

#### ALEX

Yeah, shopping in Pathfinder takes a long...

#### JAMES

During the commercial break. 

#### ALEX

_(snickers)_ Of a week! Basically the week where they -- bought things. 

#### JAMES

We went off to Dubai, that's basically the only purpose of Dubai... 

#### ALEX

Oh, that's what we do, we just go on holidays all the time.

#### JAMES

Yep.

#### ALEX

So they all did their shopping already, and what we're going to do is we're going to say that basically we'll join the party after you guys had a good night's rest. There was the awkward moment of you all waking up in the same flat that you managed to navigate, and you did your shopping. What I'll ask is what you guys bought, but there's really no need to go through how we worked everything out. We will do a metacast at some point discussing equipment and good uses for different classes and things, but right now, just, if people can let me know what they bought.

So, starting with you, James. 

#### JAMES

Cool. So my character, he -- during the previous, one of the previous episodes, one of the falcon pauldron eyes got knocked out. So I've had that replaced with, I believe the technical term is an ever-burning torch? But it's been re-skinned. 

#### ALEX

Sure, yeah. We're re-skinning that as basically working it into the armour, I don't have a problem with that. 

#### BRYN

Like basically a gem that performs the same function. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. Technically you should be paying more because it's an item that you don't have to hold, *frankly* I don't care. I just don't care. I *should,* but I don't.

##### [BEN SNICKERS]

#### JAMES

For extra fanciness it can be switched on and off, because the falcon has got, like, a little eye patch. And you lift it up and the light shines out, and you close it and it's no longer shining. 

#### ALEX

Sure. The item that it is actually from, the ever-burning torch, is normally meant to be a literal, like, "fire on a stick," as Ben's described it before. It's a flaming torch, the idea being that it only goes out if -- I think if it's wanted to. But you can take it under water, you can take it into oxygenless environments and it will still burn. But, yeah, it makes no difference to me whether you reskin...

#### LYDIA

How much does it cost? 

#### JAMES

An ever-burning torch costs 110 gold, which brings me down to 100 gold, because I started off with the Rich Parents stretched ability. _(snorts)_ I have the ability to have rich parents. That's not the way that opportunity works, I'm afraid, but carry on. 

#### ALEX

And Bryn, what did you buy? 

#### BRYN

So I bought -- I also had rich parents, but I had a lot more money *left* from my rich parents than James' character. I spent 250 gold on five potions of Cure Light Wounds, and distributed them amongst the party. 

#### ALEX

Sure, and...

#### SASHA

That's well nice, Hamid, is-is-is there anything -- I don't have anything to give you, is that, I...

#### ZOLF

I didn't buy *you* anything. 

#### HAMID

We're a team! You don't need to --

#### SASHA

_(stammering)_ Okay.

#### BERTIE

Bottoms up, hey!

#### SASHA

Mm.

##### [BEAT]

*No,* Bertie, no!

##### [PLAYERS CACKLE]

#### BERTIE

Huh? Oh.

#### ALEX

And Ben? 

#### BEN

I bought a health potion myself, so I now have two. And a healer's kit for the mundane healings -- so setting broken bones and making sure things don't get infected, and just general useful things. 

#### ALEX

Yep. And last but not least? 

#### LYDIA

I only had the 110 gold that came from that sort of distant payment, and so I spent 100 of that on Masterwork Thieves' Tools for the picking of the lockings. 

#### ALEX

Definitely. We'll be doing a metacast guide at some point about how to, basically, good ways to play rogues. Your first thing you should buy should really always be expert thieves' tools if you can get them. 

#### LYDIA

And the remaining 10 I spent on two daggers, because I had thrown daggers into the fire in the previous fight.

#### ALEX

And they're under a house, currently. 

#### LYDIA

Yep, they are currently... So I now have six daggers, which I think is a nice, a nice amount. 

#### ALEX

It's a nice round number. 

#### LYDIA

_(agreeing)_ It's a nice round number. 

#### ALEX

Even numbers are your friends when you're a two-handed, duelling fighter. 

#### LYDIA

Yup. So I've got two of them are winched into my lovely, the spring-loaded wrist sheaths that I already had, which are lovely, lovingly hidden in my... 

#### ALEX

Oh, they are going to get better when you put wands in them. You can put a wand. 

#### LYDIA

Wands...

#### JAMES

_(thoughtfully)_ Spring-loaded wand sheaths. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, _(laughing)_ you can fire fireballs from your sleeves!

#### LYDIA

Ah... I don't like it.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Okay, so we will pick up where you have just finished your shopping trip. _(singsong)_ Fa la! You guys are stocked up, shopped up, and you're currently stood, let's say, the square outside Edison's again. It's a nice known place that's fairly central.

Erm... go!

##### [THE DISTANT NOISE OF PEOPLE TALKING FADES IN]

#### SASHA

I suppose...

#### ZOLF

Right.

#### SASHA

Does an -- I don't remember where the manhole cover is, I don't think -- does anyone? Because I think --

#### HAMID

_(cutting off the stammering)_ I do, yes, I wrote it down. 

#### SASHA

Oh. _(quiet)_ Okay.

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

#### ZOLF

Well done, Hamid. 

#### BERTIE

Good man, Hamid. 

#### HAMID

You said you had contacts in Other London who might be able to help us? 

#### SASHA

Er -- no, like, what I *said* was that I know my way around. 

#### ZOLF

That's fine. Look, we'll be in and out as quick as possible. First sign of trouble, we'll make sure to, well -- 

#### BERTIE

Hit it, hit it really hard with *this!*

#### JAMES

Draws my sword, and then I'm going to unsheathe the eye patch --

##### [BERTIE STARTS MAKING LOUD ALARM NOISES:]

#### BERTIE

EEE-OOO-EEE-OOO-EEE --

#### SASHA

So... _(louder)_ so... Bertie.

#### ZOLF

B-Bertie.

#### BERTIE

_(over them)_ OOO-EEE-OOO-EEE-OOO-EEE --

#### SASHA

Bertie --

#### ZOLF

*Bertie.* 

##### [BERTIE STOPS]

#### SASHA

Bertie!

#### BERTIE

What? I'm *practicing.* 

#### ZOLF

That's nice, that's good.

##### [BERTIE STARTS UP THE ALARM AGAIN]

#### ZOLF

No --

##### [BERTIE STOPS]

#### ZOLF

That's good, let's save it for the, do it on the night. 

#### SASHA

Right. 

#### BERTIE

_(grumpy)_ Spoil my fun. 

#### JAMES

Sheathe the sword.

#### SASHA

You're going, like, you're going to be so obvious down there. It's going to be, it's going to be -- I mean, you're obvious up here, but like, that is -- 

#### ZOLF

Think about it. If you're standing next to him, who are they going to go for? 

#### SASHA

Well, that's always the plan, right? 

#### ZOLF

There you go. 

#### SASHA

But you're --

#### BERTIE

Me, I'm brilliant. 

#### ZOLF

There you go, exactly. 

#### BERTIE

They'll come straight to me, and I will shake them heartily by the hand and say, "I..."

#### SASHA

What I'm saying is --

#### BERTIE

"...I am Sir Bertrand 'Bertie' MacGuffingham..."

#### SASHA

-- is that if --

#### BERTIE

"...you can call me Sir Bertrand." And they will love me. 

#### ZOLF

That will go down a storm, I imagine. 

#### SASHA

-- *If* there was a way to maybe make us look a bit less neat, or... obvious -- like, Hamid, you look pretty glamorous in that suit, that's going to stick out. Just while we're down there.

#### HAMID

_(absolutely baffled)_ You want me to look... not my best? 

#### SASHA

Think of it --

#### HAMID

I don't...

#### SASHA

Think of it like being your best "for Other London."

#### ZOLF

Can you use, can you use that hanky thing to make yourself look... *less* good?

##### [ALEX TRIES AND FAILS TO NOT LAUGH]

#### HAMID

I suppose, maybe... I mean, I don't know. _(voice climbing in confusion)_ I mean, how would that even *work?* 

##### [ALEX IS FULLY LOSING IT]

#### BERTIE

I'm not sure I understand. 

#### SASHA

Right, so like, if we want to be able to ask anyone questions instead of them just ripping off all your fancy suits, you're going to need to at least look... normal. 

#### ZOLF

_(amused)_ It depends on the question you ask. 

#### SASHA

Yeah.

#### HAMID

I do look normal! This is how I always look!

#### SASHA

You don't look... normal. 

#### ZOLF

We need to blend in. 

#### SASHA

Yeah! Think of it like being *fashionable* -- 

#### HAMID

_(finally getting it)_ Like a disguise!

#### SASHA

Yes! 

#### ZOLF

Disguise yourself. 

#### SASHA

Yes.

#### HAMID

Oh, okay. 

#### BERTIE

Oh!

#### ZOLF

You are playing a role, pretending to be another person. 

#### BERTIE

Like fancy dress, but fancy dress... as *poor people.*

#### HAMID

_(dry)_ Yes, well done, Bertie. As always you've cut straight to the heart of the matter.

##### [EVERYONE LOSES IT]

#### BEN

_(imitating Bertie)_ "Hello, I've come as a poor person!"

#### ALEX

_(imitating Bertie)_ "Look how poor I am, goodness me, look I don't have pockets, oooh!"

#### BRYN

I cast Presti -- Prestidi -- urgh! I can't say that word! 

#### ALEX

_(in a whisper)_ I believe in you! 

#### BRYN

I cast... Prestidigitation.

##### [PLAYERS CHEER]

I mask my hair, I create the appearance of holes worn through and patches in my suit, and I apply dirt as... _(sounding extremely pained)_ as liberally as I am capable of doing without hating myself. 

#### BEN

_(laughing)_ A single tear rolls down your cheek.

#### SASHA

That's good, that particularly, that is good, that will make you fit in.

#### BERTIE

I have seen poor people crying, that is very good.

#### SASHA

The line of tears, yeah.

#### ALEX

I'm going to be honest, Sasha, I mean, looking at Hamid when he has put on as much dirt as he can handle, what he has done is a really artful kind of smudge. Just on the one cheek, to make him look kind of pained and artistic, as opposed to, you know, rolled in dirt or anything.

##### [A BEAT]

#### LYDIA

It will only last five minutes until he gets filthy anyway. 

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### SASHA

Right, I mean, you don't think that me and Zolf need any... scuffin' up?

#### BERTIE

No, I think whatever costuming you've done, you've been really *very* effective. Well done, both of you.

#### ZOLF

I do try my best. 

#### SASHA

Thank you... very much, Bertie. 

#### BERTIE

You in *particular,* young lady, yes. 

#### SASHA

_(faintly)_ It's a new leather jacket!

#### BERTIE

Well -- and... well. Very -- very -- very nice, very sharp it looks too.

#### ZOLF

So Hamid, if you want to work your magic on, er, Bertie here? 

#### BERTIE

I don't think that's necessary. 

#### HAMID

Um, I don't know *how* I would, really. 

#### ZOLF

Can you -- can that thing, I can see you've put holes in, can you put dents? Fake ones!

#### BERTIE

Er...

#### HAMID

Er...

#### BERTIE

Er...

#### ALEX

From a gamemastering point of view, you can do minor changes like that, but you couldn't do a disguise from it.

#### HAMID

Ooh! I could, I could try doing this --

#### BRYN

I use Prestidigitation to make it look like his armour is rusty.

#### ALEX

Yeah, you can do that.

#### BEN

So it's still falcons everywhere, but...

#### JAMES

But all the falcons look *sad* now. Alright. 

#### BEN

_(laughing)_ Sad falcons.

#### ALEX

I'm letting you stretch Prestidigitation about as *faaaar* as it can go. 

#### LYDIA

I've got a disguise kit.

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, like, if you try to help him out, you can make a big difference. 

#### LYDIA

So, yeah, I'm pretty sure... 

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### ALEX

Prestidigitation, like I said, it's non-mechanical so it's... 

#### LYDIA

...I'm gonna, I'll be like --

#### SASHA

Right, so. Hamid, much as I appreciate your efforts, I'm just going to step in here a bit.

#### LYDIA

And so I just pick up some dirt and apply liberally. And in the disguise kit it has the lovely sort of oil-based paints that look like... 

#### ALEX

Oh, yeah, yeah. 

#### LYDIA

...they would stay, you know, so I can apply it predictably.

#### ALEX

Okay, give me a Disguise check for Hamid and a Disguise check for Bertie. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Oh good Lord. Okay, so. 

#### ALEX

This will be Hamid first because I said his name first. 

#### LYDIA

Hamid: four plus three.

#### BEN

Do you get a, does Disguise give you a bonus or? 

#### LYDIA

I've got a disguise kit. Yeah, I couldn't remember what it... 

#### ALEX

As far as I'm aware the disguise kit... 

#### BEN

Or is it just "allow it"? 

#### BRYN

I think it's about *not* getting a penalty. 

#### ALEX

I think it just negates, like, a minus 3. 

#### LYDIA

So seven...

#### ALEX

So seven is for, he basically looks the same, maybe a little bit more dirt on him. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. But he's... _(laughs)_ but resentful. I don't see him from the resentment. 

#### ALEX

The resent will help! That goes down well in Other London. 

#### LYDIA

Right.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And so for Bertie, 12 plus three, so 15. 

#### ALEX

Fifteen, hmm. How... I'm now -- as a game master, how would you go about disguising armour?

#### LYDIA

Er, right, so obviously... 

#### JAMES

Hello! I am a tank in man form! A gleaming tank, made of gold. 

#### LYDIA

Obviously I can't really --

#### JAMES

Make me look poor.

#### LYDIA

-- I can't disguise much of it, but so there's -- I make his shirt or anything that is hanging out at all, like any --

#### ALEX

In fairness you could probably find something like a cloak covering or something, you can make the armour more tarnished or...

#### LYDIA

So I'm going to put a cloak round him. I'm also going to really scuff up the handle of his sword, like, so that looks all -- yeah, there's grub all over his face.

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### LYDIA

And so it just looks, so he just looks like he has been through a lot of sweaty fights, but has not really cleaned. 

#### ALEX

Sure.

#### ZOLF

_(pleased)_ You're looking much more like I think a mercenary should, actually. 

#### SASHA

Yeah. 

#### BERTIE

_(grumbles under his breath)_ Hmm. 

#### HAMID

_(faintly)_ I don't like it. 

#### JAMES

Should I note down any, like, mechanical effects? 

#### ALEX

Not really. It's going to come down to people, whether they recognise you or not. 

#### JAMES

Cool. So I'm quite well disguised. 

#### ALEX

So you're in the middle of the square and everyone has watched Sasha cover you with dirt and all kinds of muck. 

#### LYDIA

Thinking about it, that wasn't the best move. 

#### BERTIE

We're rehearsing a play, everyone relax. 

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### HAMID

We probably should have done that before we left the house. 

#### SASHA

Or down the sewer. Down the manhole.

##### [BERTIE MAKES GAGGING NOISES]

#### ZOLF

It's alright. If we don't think it's taken, I'll just kick you guys in that drain. Get to find out what it's like.

#### ALEX

So what do you guys do then? 

#### HAMID

Time to head down, I guess. 

#### ZOLF

Yep, definitely is.

#### SASHA

I guess... _(hopefully)_ I mean, if we want to spend more time on the disguises --

#### HAMID

No, let's go. 

#### ZOLF

No, let's go. 

#### ALEX

_(snickers)_ So presumably Hamid leads the way for you, knowing where the manhole was. Cool. Yeah, you guys head there, you get to the manhole cover. It looks like it has been replaced. It is not a tall order for Bertie to remove it once he is, you know, at the right level, and blah, blah, blah. So you guys head back down. 

##### [THE SOUNDS OF PEOPLE TALKING FADE OUT]

#### BEN

I'll put it back.

#### ALEX

Which one do you go down, I should clarify. Do you go down the one that was Willikins and Brothers, in his shop, or by the external one? 

#### BEN

The external one is what I was thinking. 

#### BRYN

The one right over the staircase where we came out. 

#### ALEX

I assumed as much.

#### BRYN

Yeah.

#### ALEX

So you head down that, and you start clomping down the staircase, presumably.  Clang, bang, clang, bang, clang, bang, clang, bang. Eventually you make it down to the level that Sasha poked her head out and saw a bazaar.

##### [THE RHYTHMIC DRIPPING OF THE SEWERS, AND ALSO THE NOISES OF A DISTANT MARKET, COME IN]

#### HAMID

Should we start asking now, or should we go further down? 

#### SASHA

I mean, maybe one floor down we'd come out at floor level of the market, rather than above all the awnings.

#### HAMID

That's definitely a good idea.

#### ZOLF

Yep.

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### ZOLF

And taking, like, we'll take our lead from you, you're the one who's experienced. 

#### SASHA

Right. So, the thing to remember down here is the, no one will tell you nothing. Er, no one will trust you. And no one will have seen anything. And...

#### BERTIE

Guh, that sounds hard. Urgh! 

#### SASHA

So... 

#### BEN

I don't know, it's pretty much along the lines of Bertie's Perception checks.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### SASHA

So we'll have to find some way to convince people or, like, get them to trust us, which...

#### HAMID

We could bribe them?

#### SASHA

Well, I don't, I don't have cash, but we'll see. 

#### HAMID

I've got a little bit. I didn't bring very much, I thought that wouldn't be a great idea. 

#### SASHA

There's many ways to lever a person down here, um, and we've got skills in them all. 

#### ZOLF

I mean, I've got a big pointed stick. 

#### SASHA

Yeah, I've got small pointed sticks. 

#### BERTIE

I have charm and this face!

#### JAMES

Smiles winningly at, almost too winningly, excessively winningly, at all of the other members of the party. 

#### LYDIA

We, I suppose, leave you smiling and go down one more floor. 

#### ALEX

Sure, yeah. You head down one more floor and you come across a door which is not intended to be opened from the other side. So basically there's bolts and stuff. You could pull it apart, you'd have to unlock it because it still would require a lock, but... 

#### BEN

We can use your master locksmith! 

#### LYDIA

_(delighted)_ I can try out my new lock things!

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Fourteen plus three. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, you're good.

#### LYDIA

Right, cool.

#### BEN

Many bonuses. 

#### LYDIA

Beat that lock. Yeah! Boo to you, lock. 

#### ALEX

You don't need to. You don't need to hit it, you can use your little pick. 

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Oh, why didn't I think of that? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, so --

#### BEN

"I've got a master in locksmithing."

##### [ALEX STARTS MAKING HAMMERING NOISES]

#### BEN

"It's just a hammer! It's just a hammer." "Well, it works." 

#### ALEX

So you open that lower door and you -- it opens outwards, and you open it a little bit and encounter a bit of resistance, like you've pushed up against something. And there is the sound of voices very close to it.

#### LYDIA

Can anyone see through? 

#### ALEX

If you poke your head through.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I look through.

#### ALEX

Sure. You're basically in the back wall of someone's stall. Like, it's a door that's just -- it's always been locked, so why would anyone bother, so they've set up a stall just plonked right in front of it. So you're opening up into what looks like a, let's call it, it's a shop that's selling butchered rat. 

#### LYDIA

Alright.

#### BEN

*Nice.* 

#### LYDIA

Okay. Is the shopkeeper there? 

#### ALEX

The guy is there on the other side. He's going, "this is prime rat, this is prime rat, *obviously* it's prime rat, look at it, this is bigger than your arm! Maybe not your arm. Bigger than my arm!" The guy is not particularly tall, and no one has noticed you yet.

#### LYDIA

I try and sneak out the side of the stall. So I get out the back -- I begin to realise as I'm doing this that this won't work for the whole party. 

##### [PLAYERS SNICKER]

#### ALEX

Do you know what, I'm not even going to get you to do a check for this one, because it's home turf and no one's looking out for you. So yeah. 

#### LYDIA

I slide out and then --

#### SASHA

_(whispering)_ Only come through when I've made it ready.

#### ALEX

I tell you what, we'll say there is a rack of shelves which the door was pushing up and just pushed forward a little bit, so you're behind a rack of shelves with rats sort of hanging from them. 

#### SASHA

Come out when the coast is clear, okay? Zolf, you tell him when to come out.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ZOLF

Alright, will do. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, so I sneak out and I try and get round the front, to the front stall where the rats are... 

#### ALEX

No problem. 

#### SASHA

_(extremely awkwardly)_ Hel-lo!

##### [BEAT]

##### [EVERYONE BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Powerful opening gambit! 

#### ALEX

I love your charisma!

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### LYDIA

I've got minus one Charisma, guys! You guys are my friends, this is as, that is as good as it gets. Urgh...

#### BRYN

While she's talking to the shopkeeper I'm going to attempt to sneak out without attracting attention. 

#### ALEX

Sure, we'll do the sneaks and then we can roleplay the conversation depending on how successful people are. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### SASHA

_(very strained)_ Hello, what is it that you're selling? 

#### BRYN

I rolled an 18, so once again 24 on my Stealth check. 

#### ALEX

Yep. _(makes a whooshing sound)_ Hamid's out, quick and easy. 

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Well this is, this is prime rat cut.

#### SASHA

What makes it prime rat --

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Sorry, bear with me, lovely. _(to someone else)_ If you're not going to buy something, go away!

#### ALEX

The other person goes away.

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Right, so, well, this is prime rat. I mean, look at this! This one -- this is hand-reared. I reared this *myself.*

#### SASHA

Where do you do the rearing?

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Where do you do the rearing? Well, obviously it is all reared *locally,* we locally source all of our organic rats.

#### SASHA

Right. What do they... eat, the rats?

#### ALEX

I advise another Sneak roll, by the way. Basically, when you guys decide to roll is when I'll assume you'll start exiting out. 

#### BEN

I'll kind of sidle out and just see if... 

#### ALEX

Give me a Sneak roll, because you're clanking and stalking... 

#### BEN

I'm not really trying to sneak, I'm just sidling, like, just being unobtrusive, but not like a "ooh." 

#### LYDIA

I can see you so I begin to talk loudly. So --

#### SASHA

_(much louder)_ I don't believe that you could rear rats *this* good in this kind of place. You --

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

How dare -- how *dare* you! Obviously the way that you rear a good rat, is you feed it a good diet, i.e. *rat.* Right, these are *rat-bred,* *rat-fed,* rats. 

#### SASHA

Right, but that doesn't make any sense!

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Of *course* it does! It seals in the flavour, love. 

#### SASHA

It seals in... what flavour, the flavour of --

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Rat!

#### SASHA

You're, you're a *liar!* 

#### BEN

I think we're rolling now.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

You were rolling first. You were definitely out first.

#### BEN

I'm not sneaking, I'm just sidling out, but when I saw that he was arguing I was just like... 

#### ALEX

He wasn't even bothering.

#### JAMES

Oh, right. 

#### ALEX

She deliberately started an argument. But, um, you're going to have to. You're wearing full plate armour, and you're not exactly subtle *without* it. 

#### JAMES

Yup, okay. So what count am I on here? 

#### ALEX

I'm waiting for you to come out singing your own theme tune. "Da, da, da, da, da, da. Bah, bah, bah, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak!"

#### JAMES

It's like a sitcom. "Hey everyone!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

Okay, er... what, what --

#### ALEX

Sneak, that's down by the S's on the Stealth checks. 

#### JAMES

Oh, yeah, sorry... minus 8.

##### [CACKLING]

#### LYDIA

Oh, God!

#### ALEX

Do your roll, take your medicine. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Seven, -1, is my Sneak roll. 

#### ALEX

Excellent. 

#### SASHA

No, you can't feed rat like that.

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

Well obviously you can... 

#### SASHA

That's stupid. 

#### ALEX

*Crash!*

The door sort of -- you try and sneak through, like you're being *really* careful, really adorably careful. However, as you sidle out, the shelves lean more, and more, as more of your breastplate sneaks out. 

#### BEN

Can I make a Reflex save to stop it since I'm there sort of beckoning and...? 

#### ALEX

Um -- yeah, you know what, I'll allow it. I'll allow that. Go on. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Ooh, no, six. 

#### ALEX

You can try. 

#### BEN

I will try! 

#### ALEX

So what happens is basically you knock the shelves off, Zolf steps out to grab them, it falls on Zolf, *covering* him in this guy's rats.

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

What -- what are you doing in my stall?! What are you doing in my -- _(realizing)_ YOU.

#### ALEX

Just turns to look at Sasha. 

#### LYDIA

Actually, I've already turned and gone round the corner. 

#### ALEX

Nice. He turns to look at Sasha, she's not there.

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

I -- *I'll have you* --

#### ALEX

He reaches down and starts trying to dual-wield rats. 

#### JAMES

At this point, Pomp and Pageantry, with Intimidate. 

#### ALEX

Roll it first. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Nine Intimidate, plus one is 10. Oh, and the Charisma is the thing I'm rolling on with that... or is it?

#### BRYN

But it should already be included in your Intimidate score. Yeah, so the reason you have one for Intimidate is because your Charisma. 

#### JAMES

Oh right, cool, so I have 11.

#### ALEX

Eleven.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Roleplay it and you'll see whether it worked. 

#### JAMES

Right, so what was the last thing that you said? 

#### ALEX

"I'll have you" -- and he sort of picked up these two rats. 

#### BERTIE

Now, young man, are you absolutely sure --

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

"Young man"?! I'm twice your age, mate. 

#### BERTIE

Very. Young. Man. Are you *absolutely* sure, you absolutely sure?

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

I've had bigger than you. 

#### BERTIE

Really. If you cast your tiny mind back, have you, in *all* your long, depressing, tedious, tiny, irrelevant, common, poor-people years --

##### [ALEX STARTS CRYING WITH LAUGHTER]

Have you ever had anyone as big as me? Anyone as big... as my *thigh?* I'm willing to bet I could kill you by breathing on you a little bit harder than I already am.

#### JAMES

Leans *right* in.

#### BERTIE

Any closer. Any closer -- if I breathed any harder, I'd mess your eardrums right up. 

#### LYDIA

Are you sure this isn't seduction?

##### [OUTBURST OF LAUGHTER]

#### BERTIE

_(growling)_ This could be a seduction if you want it to go *that badly.*

#### ALEX

The guy just goes --

#### ALEX (SHOPKEEPER)

What do you want, right, I've got no money, I've got rats. 

#### BEN

During this little altercation, I'm clambering out from underneath the shelves.

#### ZOLF

It was just a mistake! I just tripped. 

#### BERTIE

Don't mind us, just passing through, nothing to see here.

#### JAMES

Bertie just strolls out.

#### ALEX

It seems to have worked. The guy is glowering after you, but he doesn't seem to have tried to beat you up with a rat or anything. 

#### JAMES

Alright.

#### LYDIA

I've left because I have -- oh gosh, no, I didn't have any coins left. 

#### ALEX

You're right back into standard Sasha. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, standard Sasha. I have -- maybe I've taken, I could take a coin from... 

#### BRYN

Whilst all this has been going on, I've been starting to scout the other stalls.

#### LYDIA

Nice.

#### BRYN

Are they all food stalls here?

#### ALEX

Yeah. It is all wholesale food, rats, and there's cabbage. A lot of the greens look kind of pale, and -- you know what, Sasha would know this. If you want to tell him this, feel free, I'll just update you though. 

#### SASHA

Well, there's strange sort of... eels -- not fish -- hanging down, things that obviously grow in sort of shallow pipes and low light.

#### HAMID

Where will we go to find our chemical supplies, that's what we need to look for. 

#### SASHA

Far away from here, maybe another level down? North London is good for our chemicals. 

#### HAMID

Well, let's head in that direction. It's a long walk. The quicker we start, the quicker we'll get there. 

#### SASHA

Er, yeah. I mean, a lot of the thing is that people do this stuff under the table. You're not going to get, like, because they don't want to attract the police. 

#### ZOLF

Well, you must know some people, right?

#### BEN

Whoa, what happened to my accent?

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ZOLF

_(Ben tries again)_ You must know some people, right? 

#### SASHA

I know some of the places people would go. 

#### HAMID

Well, let's just head there, then. 

#### SASHA

Yeah, so like, let's go to the North end, there might be some of the shopkeepers that can tell us things. My contacts aren't people that you want to talk to, not -- it's not just for me I'm saying that. 

#### ZOLF

That's fine. 

#### BERTIE

I don't mind talking to people! I love talking to people. People are lovely. 

#### ALEX

I'm going to say that you guys are starting to walk as the conversation carries on, basically. So, you know what, everyone give me a Perception check.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Ooh, not terrible!

#### LYDIA

Wahey.

#### JAMES

I might even have the highest roll. I have 17 minus one which is 16, which for Bertie is... 

#### ALEX

Well, everything is bright, new and shiny down here, by which I mean mucky, smelly and horrible. But it's still new. 

#### BEN

Eighteen.

#### BRYN

Ten. 

#### LYDIA

Twenty-three. 

#### ALEX

Shocker. In fairness, it makes sense that Sasha would be walking through a bazaar and knowing what she is seeing.

Yeah, so you start walking through. It becomes readily apparent that most of the stuff is grown down here. The stalls that you do see that are selling stuff that you would recognise -- "you," sorry, the Upper London gang would recognise -- as, you know, proper produce is, like, clearly the best stalls. They are probably paying people to bring it down here and stuff like that.

Erm, you keep going through the market stalls, and eventually you work your way through the crowds. 

#### SASHA

Guys, guys, you've *got* to try some salted eel. It is --

#### HAMID

I'm absolutely fine. I just think we should get on with what we came here to do. 

#### SASHA

You sure? Zolf, you never tried salted, do they serve it on ships --

#### ZOLF

I have tried salted eel, actually, I've tried it from all over the world! 

#### SASHA

Well, do you want to try some special Other London? 

#### ZOLF

We do have a job to do, but tell you what, afterwards we'll do a tour. 

##### [BEAT]

#### SASHA

_(mumbling)_ We're going to be walking quite a long way. 

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

#### ZOLF

I had a big breakfast. 

#### ALEX

You get to a, um, basically a doorway that is leading through to what looks like another bazaar, and there is a couple of well-muscled guys who are holding what look like clubs, effectively just a length of pipe and a length of wood. Just standing there. You, Sasha, recognise this as a standard toll. You ain't going to be going from one room to another without paying at least a few copper. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

#### SASHA

Guys, what we probably want to do as soon as possible, not even with the guards, is change one of your golds to something that people notice down here. A silver, a copper -- like, no one uses gold down here.

#### HAMID

I've got some silvers and coppers. 

#### SASHA

You've got silvers and coppers.

#### HAMID

Yeah.

#### SASHA

Alright, so as we go through they are going to ask you for a couple of coppers. 

#### HAMID

Oh, that's fine. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, basically the two guards are just, you know, arms crossed, shoulder to shoulder. 

#### HAMID

I'll give them a silver for the four of us. 

#### ALEX

They raise their eyebrows, give a bit of nod and just step aside, let you through. 

#### SASHA

Next time, don't do that, don't pay -- don't be generous, generous gets talked about. 

#### HAMID

Oh. Okay. 

#### ALEX

Cool. You guys carry on heading through, and you seem to be heading through something that is closer to what you'd recognise as a more normal market -- like, not specialised. So it's, you know, clothing, food, basic items. You're noticing that most of the stuff, like the real high-end shops here, look like charity shops.

##### [BEN SNORTS]

You're in -- it almost feels like those Victorian stations that you'll get in England sometimes, with, like, metal trellis work and stuff. So it seems like this is a larger area rather than the sort of sewage-y bits that you were going through.

Erm, there's remnants of buildings along the edges of it. It looks like you're walking through a large square, but there are the crumbled-down remains of what looks like an old bank on the left-hand side, some kind of tailor.

#### LYDIA

How high are the ceilings? 

#### ALEX

The ceiling is, you know, maybe 50 feet up, something like that. It's a decent height. It's clearly load-bearing, though, like it's big iron girders and things.

The shops that are at the edges -- some of them look like they are still in use and those are *clearly* the upmarket ones. By upmarket I mean Bertie could buy something that would feel like he'd bought it third-hand on top. And they are like, you know, they are clearly the upmarket -- they have their own lighting, for instance, stuff like that.

Heading through you see a few kids are playing some kind of bat and ball game. Most of them are barefoot. The floors, in fairness, don't seem to be terribly covered in, like, glass and stuff, but it's most likely because of the amount of traffic. It's really crowded, and there is this kind of mulchy underfoot, which is probably half, like, paper, rubbish, and just maybe this kind of urban mulch.

As you head through, though, Sasha, you notice a few kids start swarming around Bertie -- just because he's a guy in armour, you don't see it often. They are kind of pawing at him a bit. Give me one more Perception roll? 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Oh, 5 plus 6, so 11. 

#### ALEX

Eleven, yeah. One of them is reaching up and just trying to reach his pocket. 

#### SASHA

Bertie! Bertie, Bertie. Just, er, pay some attention to -- 

#### JAMES

I pick up the child --

#### ALEX

Give me a Reflex save.

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

It's a small kid and they're fast. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

My Reflex -- that's five. 

#### ALEX

The kid quickly plucks, let's say one of your money belts. It would be stupid to keep everything in one, but nonetheless he sort of plucks a money pouch, sees Sasha looking. It's a young boy --

#### LYDIA

I dive after him. 

#### ALEX

Give us a Reflex save. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

What have I got? 

#### JAMES

Fifteen. 

#### LYDIA

Fifteen, plus five. 

#### ALEX

Okay. The kid makes it away, but only just. Like, you're sort of scraping the back of the thing and he starts darting off, running through the crowds towards a sort of more open area on the left-hand side. Looks like he's making his way -- er, in fairness it looks like he's making his way to North, but he's making his way through a door at that time and reaching into the pouch as he runs. He doesn't look older than about ten.

On that, before you decide what you're going to do, I'm going to take a brief break and we'll get back to this in a couple of minutes!

#### LYDIA

Cool.

---

##### [AD BREAK]

---

#### ALEX

And welcome back. So! Sasha has just, *just,* by, like, centimetres, missed grabbing the orphan kid who's tanking it off towards a door, basically, whilst running off with Bertie's coin purse.

#### JAMES

I think I have been explicitly warned not to flash the cash around, and I'm dim, but not *that* dim, so I think --

#### BERTIE

_(thinking)_ Ah, oh goodness, oh -- _(grumbles)_ what a young scallywag. Agh, that's 20, 20, aaaargh! Right down the drain.

#### LYDIA

The little kid has already looked in the pouch, hasn't he, so... 

#### ALEX

Yeah. The kid was running, looked in it quickly, closed it, and accelerated *very* quickly when he saw what was in it. 

#### LYDIA

Right. I think it's more sensible to stick with the team because they are *obviously hapless.* So, I...

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

#### BEN

_(snickering)_ I resent that. 

#### LYDIA

*Some* of the team are obviously hapless, so.

#### ALEX

Bertie is still surrounded by kids, by the way. 

#### LYDIA

So I run back and I'm just like --

#### SASHA

Get off him! Get off him, get off Bertie. You can't -- no!

#### LYDIA

Just, like, push them away.

##### [ALEX MIMICS THE NOISES OF KIDS YELLING AND STUMBLING]

#### ALEX

They basically give you rude signs and stick their tongues out, and...

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I know, I know, I can read their signs.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Got Other London sign language down. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, you do! But, yeah, they back off, they -- all of these are clearly marks, they are not so much with you.

#### SASHA

Guys, you've got to be careful. Like -- once he *tells* everyone how much was in there, like, that's more than a lot of these shops are worth. _(pause)_ They'll be after you. Like... 

#### ZOLF

Then let's keep moving. 

#### JAMES

Sorry, just out of character, would there be a way for me -- because I'd like to conceal money now that I've had something stolen. I think even Bertie will even realise that maybe that much money...

#### ALEX

Sure. It would be as simple as literally taking it off your belt and hanging it, like, inside your cuirass. There's a bit of space there, stuff like that. 

#### JAMES

I do that, yeah.

#### ALEX

Yeah, that's fine. That makes sense.

#### SASHA

Everyone, hide everything of value. 

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### LYDIA

So we keep going North, I guess. 

#### ALEX

Okay, yeah. You keep going North. You're still heading in the same general direction as the kid who happened to run in the same way.

#### LYDIA

Mhm.

#### ALEX

Obviously, eventually you reach the edge of the bazaar into the empty space that the kids were playing ball, and they turn and look at these guys because honestly they are interesting. Nothing -- they are not running over or anything, it is mostly just, "Hmmm! Look at that. Hmmm!" You make it to another door with a couple guys there who are asking for a bit of cash.

#### LYDIA

Er, are they still asking only for some coppers? 

#### ALEX

These guys are only asking for some coppers. The kid slipped past them and it didn't look like the kid, like, paid them or anything. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### BRYN

I will hand them a few coppers. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### BEN

The appropriate amount of money changes hands!

#### ALEX

Sure, that's fine. They don't raise an eyebrow, and let you through. 

#### LYDIA

Have I recognised anyone so far? 

#### ALEX

You've not recognised any personal friends or anything like that. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

You have recognised a couple of the kids you've seen before, and certainly some of the stalls -- they've been there a *long* time. Whether the kids have recognised you --

#### LYDIA

Yeah, standing with such obvious people. 

#### ALEX

That would be Sense Motive. That would be Sense Motive -- if you want to know, you can. 

#### LYDIA

Can a Sense Motive work in sort of seeing if *anyone* has? 

#### ALEX

Sense Motive is, it's quite a broad one, it tends to come down to a GM discretion. What *I* tend to say is, the broader the scope of the Sense Motive, the less detail you're going to get. If you're in, like, an intense interrogation and use Sense Motive, that's going to be a very different result because you're reading, like, microfacial stuff. But if it's a big group of kids, you'll know... animosity, do they recognise you, big broad strokes.

#### LYDIA

Okay, so I'm going to do Sense Motive on the kids that are staring at us. 

#### ALEX

Sure. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Ooh. One. _(snorts)_

#### ALEX

One?

#### LYDIA

Yeah, natural one. I scream my motive! 

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

You start trying to get a bead on them and then you see someone moving sort of amongst that group, and you get *completely* distracted, and for a brief moment you're convinced that someone's about to try and mug them, and then it's like, "Ope, no, oh. No -- agh," and then the moment has passed and the kids are playing again, so.

#### LYDIA

Right. Okay, well, we keep heading, I guess. 

#### ALEX

Sure. 

#### LYDIA

I think I'm going in that rough direction. 

#### ALEX

You start heading, you head in between sort of buildings and now you're heading down -- we'll call them "streets" in inverted commas. Have you ever seen, like, photos of bombed-out buildings and things like that, like post-disaster stuff?

##### [AFFIRMING NOISES FROM PLAYERS]

It's very much a case of, people just set up shop in what was left of the buildings and make do. So there's lots of sort of, there's corrugated iron across what used to be a hole that was caused by a flood and things like that. Lots of housing, it's very, very dense. It's not *quite* a slum, but it's dark, all of the lighting is coming from inside -- out of the buildings, there's no ambient outdoor light, no one is doing street lamps or anything. It's very much, you sort your own light out, and there's so many people doing so that there's enough to go by. So for Zolf, tch, no problem. For Hamid, you don't have no light, so. 

#### BRYN

I don't get vision, no? 

#### ALEX

You and Bertie, it's quite dim. 

#### LYDIA

I keep advising you to keep the...

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

...falcon's eye covered. 

#### JAMES

Yeah.

#### ALEX

Yeah, that's a bright light. So heading through there's a few kids and stuff like that. You seem to be heading through a sort of residential district. You're starting to draw near territories that you would have encountered, though, Sasha. Erm, like, the far, far edges of your old one. 

#### LYDIA

I put on a disguise. 

#### ALEX

Sure. Describe the disguise for me. 

#### BEN

Oh, and where do you put it on? 

#### LYDIA

Oh, yeah, so -- good point. I duck behind -- I say,

#### SASHA

Guys, just wait.

#### LYDIA

I assume since this is bombed-out buildings that whilst large spaces will have been taken over to be dwellings, there might be the odd kind of little architectural quirk where I can just dive behind, quite subtly. 

#### ALEX

There is, there is. There's like, there's still a couple of -- I mean, most of the rubble has been reappropriated, but you duck behind what looks like it was part of a wall or something that's too stone and mortar to remove.

#### LYDIA

So I have dark hair, which is irritating. It's not easy to change colour. Maybe I put some red through it, so it looks kind of like a sort of... 

#### ALEX

I'm happy to say that you picked up a couple of dirt-cheap, like a couple-of-copper wigs when you went shopping.

##### [A FEW SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

I don't --

#### ALEX

More of a mop!

#### LYDIA

Something in there that helps me, kind of, like -- so I put a hat on and there's just a little fringe of, because I only had very short hair to start with, a thing of, like, red hair is peeking out from. 

#### ALEX

Sure, I get you. 

#### LYDIA

So that it at least looks like I've got that colour hair. And just a little bit of contouring to make my face look slightly different. I don't really know how contouring works, so I'm gonna --

#### JAMES

You can add shadowing so that it makes your cheekbones more prominent. And it, er...

#### LYDIA

So I just look different. 

#### ALEX

Sure. 

#### LYDIA

Obviously it's just a basic disguise kit, so...

#### ALEX

It's a quick fix.

#### LYDIA

...someone that knows me really well in a chance encounter will still get it, but. 

#### BEN

Well, we'll find out. 

#### ALEX

Give me the roll. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Nine, plus -- oh, I suppose Disguise so it's three, so 12? 

#### ALEX

Twelve? It's solid.

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

#### ALEX

It's enough to deter a casual glance but not much more. Presumably you re-join the group and carry on?

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### BEN

I was going to say, while Lyd's doing this I turn to you two and go --

#### ZOLF

So, gents, how are you enjoying Other London?

##### [BERTIE GRUMBLES]

#### HAMID

Well, let's stick with, could be, er, getting on with things a bit quicker. 

#### ZOLF

_(pause)_ Fair enough. Not comfortable? 

#### BERTIE

Don't like it.

##### [A PROLONGED BEAT]

##### [ALEX STARTS LAUGHING]

#### ALEX

Is that all?

#### ZOLF

Excellent opinions from you both. 

#### ALEX

Oh, Hamid's not liking this. Hamid is *not* liking this. Okay, so you re-join them and presumably carry on. You make your way through the residential district and you start making your way in towards a significantly seedier district. And... can all of you give me Perception checks?

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Five. 

#### BRYN

24.

#### BEN

23.

#### LYDIA

21.

#### ALEX

Okay.

##### [LAUGHTER]

##### [JAMES GROANS]

#### ALEX

_(encouragingly)_ Yeah, but you've got a big sword! 

#### JAMES

That's true, yeah.

#### ALEX

So, yeah, you head in, and all three of the people who have sight see that there's a lot of barely-concealed underhanded stuff going on. As in, it's very much, like, there is a shop that sells "tomatoes" and it has like a bucket of... "nominally tomatoes."

#### BEN

Brackets: drugs! 

#### ALEX

Except he keeps reaching in, lifting a tomato and handing something to someone and it's not a tomato, and replacing the tomato he picked up. 

#### BEN

It's an orange!

#### ALEX

It's nominally a market, and honestly for the two of you who aren't from Other London -- why would they bother? You know, it's so blatant. But it's very clear that Sasha has brought you to the right place. Hamid, *you* notice off at the edge of the market, the boy that nicked Bertie's pouch is talking to someone in the shadows of sort of an alleyway between two remnants of a building. 

#### BRYN

I cast Message, targeting Sasha, so I can whisper to her without even stepping next to her. 

#### ALEX

Ahhhh. Clever.

#### LYDIA

Oh, he's a smart one. 

#### BRYN

And point it out. 

#### ALEX

Describe casting Message, bearing in mind it has a vocal and somatic -- I'll allow it to be subtle. In fact, I think you can do a Concentration check to make it unobservable.

#### BRYN

Basically, it's going to look like I'm muttering and sort of scratching at my face a bit, and, like, adjusting...

#### ALEX

Okay. Can you do me a favour and give me a Concentration check --

#### BRYN

Yep.

#### ALEX

Just because, like, you are trying to disguise it. So normally, to spell it out for listeners, when you're casting a spell it's big, it's flashy, blah blah blah. You can take effort to minimise that with a Concentration check, but it's not, it's not making it silent or unnoticeable, it's just passing it off. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

Erm, I rolled a 12. 

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### BRYN

On the Concentration check. 

#### ALEX

That will be enough. It's, you're in a busy place and no one is really -- 

#### BRYN

Yeah. So I'll point that out to Sasha. 

#### ALEX

Do it in character, you may as well -- it's a Message. 

#### HAMID

_(whisper)_ Sasha. Over at our 2 o'clock, um, I think that's the boy who stole Bertie's pouch. 

#### SASHA

_(whisper)_ Ah. You're right. Er --

#### LYDIA

Do I get to Message back? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, yeah yeah. It's like a whispered conversation... 

#### BEN

Unrelated, because we're getting to a seedy area, I'll get the trident out ready -- just have a readied weapon, basically. 

#### ALEX

Mhm. A lot of people turn and look at the most unusual weapon that has been here in a while.

#### BEN

Yeah.

#### JAMES

I have no idea what's going on. I think I'm in a *greengrocer's.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

"I'll have three bananas!" 

#### JAMES

"Oh, yes. We have no bananas, we have no bananas."

#### BEN

"Awwww."

#### LYDIA

I sneak over to where the little boy is talking to the other guy, to get a better look at who he is talking to.

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### BEN

Do you just wander away from us? 

#### LYDIA

I'll say, I'll tell him via Message --

#### SASHA

Keep them quiet. And -- maybe try some -- there's a salted eel stall there, which is *genuinely* a salted eel stall? It's not even drugs. So maybe try it. It's very good.

#### ALEX

So, so basically it's -- "Hamid, you look after the kids, I'm going to go and have a look and then I'll come back."

#### SASHA

They're really delicious!

#### LYDIA

-- I say as I walk away. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, I'll just sort of go --

#### HAMID

Ooh, guys, do you think maybe we should just pause here for a second?

#### SASHA

Don't pay more than two coppers!

#### HAMID

And think, you know, what we're going to do next. 

#### ALEX

And I'm going to cut across to Sasha while she sneaks. Give me the Sneak check. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Nine plus, er, seven. 16. 

#### ALEX

Okay, you are sneaking up. The kid doesn't seem to notice you. You manage to get close enough -- I say you're, I say there's, it's a narrow alley between the two buildings. There's sort of a column, uh, column...e?

#### JAMES

Colonnade?

#### ALEX

Column...

#### JAMES

If there's a series of columns, then it's a colonnade. 

#### ALEX

Yeah! Colonnade, sure. You basically are hiding behind a column on a colonnade, and you're able to --

#### LYDIA

Using my listening skills. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. I'm not even going to give you a Perception, you managed to sneak close enough to just pick it up straight away. Right, looking around the column, they can't see you. You can see the kid's lips, but not... 

#### LYDIA

Ayyyy!

#### ALEX

Yeahhhh!

#### LYDIA

But not his...

#### ALEX

...but not the person they're talking to. And the kid is just going, I don't even need to do the voice --

#### ALEX (KID)

Yeah, 20 gold. No -- _(snaps fingers)_ 18 gold.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX (KID)

Definitely it was 18 gold. No, it's the big guy in the middle, yeah. I reckon you can have him. 

#### LYDIA

I'm within 110 feet of you, aren't I? 

#### ALEX

Definitely, definitely. 

#### LYDIA

So I can say, like --

#### SASHA

_(whisper)_ There's a guy here planning to attack for more of Bertie's gold. Er, get ready. I'm going to try and take him out before it comes to it, but I can't guarantee.

#### HAMID

_(whisper)_ Okay, we'll be ready.

#### BRYN

And again I'll just lean in a bit closer to you guys and be like --

#### HAMID

_(quietly)_ Sasha thinks we might be attacked soon. Don't -- don't do anything too obvious yet, but just, you know, be ready to respond --

#### BERTIE

I'm hungry, I want --

#### ZOLF

Salted eels? I'd *love* some! Let's go and get some salted eels. 

#### BERTIE

Urgh! 

#### ALEX

The kid then heads down that alleyway. You see the pouch change hands and the kid kind of resist, but a larger, *definitely* an adult hand comes out, grabs it and plucks it away. And you see a guy step out and, Sasha, you recognise it as Ashen. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

The guy is, he's fairly, fairly lanky. He's not well built. He's got a few, a couple of scars on him -- nothing particularly massive or anything, it looks more like he's picked a few fights that he was too big for rather than anything else.

#### LYDIA

Mm.

#### ALEX

He is, however, fingering a dagger in one of his hands, and you can see that he is sort of looking out over the crowds and nodding to a couple of other people. I'm not even going to get you to do a Perception check -- it's obvious that he's nodding to at *least* two, maybe three other people.

#### LYDIA

I tell, uh... I tell Hamid.

#### ALEX

Two of the people, to spell it out as well, have dogs.

#### LYDIA

Oh.

#### BEN

Hmmm! Animal violence.

#### ALEX

Like pitbull things. 

#### BEN

Use your Handle Animal skill!

#### JAMES

I do, I have --

#### BRYN

While Zolf is buying an eel, I'm just going to be leaning against another column a bit further down this colonnade, and I'm going to -- I'm just fiddling, but I'm just starting to load my crossbow and winch it back subtly...

#### ALEX

Sure, sure. No one is batting an eyelid that there's a weapon here. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, yeah yeah.

#### JAMES

Did we actually buy eels? 

#### BEN

I am -- I am buying eels.

#### JAMES

You are buying eels. 

#### BEN

As a...

#### JAMES

Have *I* got eels? 

#### BEN

You -- I've given you an eel. 

#### JAMES

Thank you. 

#### ALEX

Bertie has got his priorities, that's all. 

#### JAMES

He wants eels. Well, I'm asking for mechanical reasons for the various tasks coming up, and one of the few things I am good at is Handle Animals, provided I can *spot* the animal...

##### [SNICKERING, CROSSTALK]

#### ALEX

If it's a small animal and it's a big crowd, not so much.

#### LYDIA

And identify that it is an animal! 

#### JAMES

"Where's this elephant? I don't know, but I'm sure when we do meet we'll get on famously. That's --" Anyway, sorry. 

#### ALEX

So Sasha, basically you see two guys with dogs and two other guys, in addition to the one who is sort of giving the nods, start closing in. The guy who has been giving the nods holds off until the others start closing a ring around everyone... 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

And then he joins suit. They are still very innocuous, sort of moving between the stalls. They are just caaaarefully positioning themselves so that they've got the group -- unaware of you -- surrounded. 

#### LYDIA

I am going to sneak up behind Ashen and try and stab him. Non-fatally, if that's a thing that I can do?

#### ALEX

Yeah, you can. 

#### LYDIA

Although that does make it more difficult, doesn't it? 

#### ALEX

Here's the thing...

#### LYDIA

He probably won't die. Okay, so I try and stab him --

#### BRYN

You're unlikely to kill him in one hit. 

#### LYDIA

From the behind.

#### ALEX

There's a bit of metagaming here. Technically I should go, "Yes, you have to do a non-lethal." Honestly, metagaming is fine in some scenarios. 

#### BEN

You're also aware that there's a cleric. 

#### LYDIA

Yes. Yes, exactly. 

#### ALEX

Like, there's no way -- unless you were to do, like, a crit roll, a hundred percent on everything, then *maybe* you could bring him down in one -- but even then I don't think you could kill him. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, right, cool. 

#### ALEX

So you sneak up. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Give me one final Sneak to position yourself for an attack. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Ninetee... oh, no, 13, plus my Stealth, so...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Twenty.

#### ALEX

Okay, he doesn't see you approach.

##### [LYDIA CHEERS]

So presumably you're, _(mimicking dagger-winching)_ ch-ching. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, ch-ching. 

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### BRYN

I just mutter to you guys --

#### HAMID

Reaaaadddyy. 

#### BEN

Tighten my grip on my trident.

#### ALEX

Yeah. Also spelling out, by the way, this is totally how you play a rogue. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. Stab him in the back. 

#### JAMES

I've been ready, so I'm now drawing my bastard sword, using Bertie's idea of what subtly drawing your bastard sword is. 

#### ALEX

Describe what Bertie's idea of a subtle draw is? 

#### JAMES

Going, "not drawing MY sword!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

Pulling it out massively and holding it quite high.

#### BRYN

I think Bertie probably knows that *holding it high* is obvious. 

#### JAMES

Well, not high... not drawing my sword here. 

#### BRYN

Just getting it mostly out of the scabbard. 

#### JAMES

Just... not... here.

#### BRYN

Just checking it's... 

#### JAMES

Looking at this for, gosh, I have a lovely complexion. 

#### ALEX

Right, so finally... 

#### BEN

I was going to say as well, I've a trident in one hand but I've got my eels in the other, because it will become a combat manoeuvre, so.

#### ALEX

_(laughs delightedly)_ Oh, there is one, actually, I'll tell you about it after the episode.

#### JAMES

Are you going to command the loyalty of dead eels?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

"Fight for me!"

#### JAMES

"Rah, to the best of your ability, rahhhh." 

#### ALEX

So you've fought long and hard for this. Make your full attack, two-weapon, sneak attack. Roll your 2D20. Which is one for -- which is left hand and which is right hand, it matters.

#### LYDIA

Okay, my black is... 

#### ALEX

Which -- is your character left- or right-handed, out of curiosity? 

#### LYDIA

She's right-handed. 

#### ALEX

Okay, cool. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, so, uh...

#### BRYN

Does it matter? 

#### ALEX

Well, main and off hand, it's a good habit, really. I don't believe --

#### BRYN

Because of her feats? 

#### ALEX

Sure. It's a fair point, like, mechanically it won't make a difference, but I really want people to get in the habit of saying whether they are using their on hand or their off hand, because on hand is your dominant one. If you do things with your off hand, then it's explicitly stating, you know, "I'm hitting someone with my shield and I don't have abilities." You *have* to take penalties. So I really want people to separate it. 

#### LYDIA

I have specifically worked to be a dual-wielding fighter. 

#### BRYN

Yes.

#### ALEX

You're fine, you're fine. I'm just setting a precedent. 

#### LYDIA

So black is right and white is left, in this case 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

17 on one and five on the other. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so what's your attack bonus? 

#### LYDIA

It is... nought.

#### BEN

No, no, it's on there. 

#### ALEX

Including the dagger, it's one. 

#### LYDIA

One. 

#### ALEX

And the crit range of a dagger won't include the 17, sadly. You get one hit, though, so you roll the damage for that one hit, which is a D4 and a D6. Plus you get your Dirty Fighter of a minimum of one.

#### LYDIA

So one plus four, five, six. 

#### BRYN

Well, no, because you got -1 Strength as well, which effectively cancels out the Dirty Fighter bonus. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, so 5. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, that's the one. 

#### LYDIA

Aw. 

#### ALEX

Honestly, it's solid. The thing is when it comes to playing a rogue, you scale up on the damage *really* hard compared to everyone else. For Bryn's Magic Missile, by level 20 it's going to do about, like, twice as much, maybe?

#### BRYN

It's 5D4. 

#### ALEX

Yours is kind of -- it's almost a logarithmic, like, it scales up really hard. 

#### LYDIA

_(mock-in-denial, quavery)_ You don't need to, it's fine, I'm fine, I don't, I'm not disappointed.

#### ALEX

I just don't want you down on rogues, rogues are my favourite! Okay, so you do your five damage.

#### ALEX (ASHEN)

Agh!

#### ALEX

He sees you, but -- he turns around, sees you, *and* we'll begin combat. 

#### BRYN

Roll for initiative!

#### ALEX

No, we're going to break there --

##### [GROUP GROANING]

#### ALEX

And then we'll carry on again next week! Cool, well, that was a fun one. 

#### LYDIA

Yayyyy! 

#### ALEX

Good to see Sasha in her element, even if she *hates* her element. But yeah! 

#### LYDIA

Good to see Bertie *out* of his element. 

#### JAMES

My element is gold!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Well, thanks for listening as always, and we hope you have a good week. And we'll see you again next week, so... goodbye, I suppose.

#### EVERYONE

Bye!

##### [SHOW THEME -- OUTRO]

#### ALEX

*Rusty Quill Gaming* is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today's episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening. 

---

#### ALEX

We're recording.

#### JAMES

You don't want to test me, then?

#### ALEX

Uh, I -- your waveforms are rather obvious, James.

##### [SNICKERING]

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### LYDIA

Ooh. He's been lookin' at your waveforms!

##### [BACKGROUND OOHS FROM OTHERS]

#### JAMES

"Waveforms are rather obvious..."

#### LYDIA

Quite a waveform you've got going on there.

#### BEN

Disgusting, walking around with your waveform hanging out!

#### JAMES

Just the way I'm sittin'.

##### [LAUGHTER]