---
layout:          post
title:           "RQG003 - The Simulacrum"
date:            2015-06-17 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
voiced:          [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
categories:			"rqg"
podcasts: ["rqg"]
title_prefix:	"RQG"
prev_categories: ["rqg"]
prev_prefixes: ["RQG"]
next_categories: ["rqg"]
next_prefixes: ["RQG"]
prev_episode:   ['002']
prev_episode_num:		['002']
prev_episode_title:		["Bertie! Wellington!"]
next_episode:   ['004']
next_episode_num:		['004']
next_episode_title:		["Fire and Pianos"]
episode_title:   'The Simulacrum'
episode_number:  '003'
summary:         "Join Alex, James, Bryn and Lydia as they play another session of the original Pathfinder Tabletop Roleplaying Campaign: Erasing the Line.<br/>In this episode: Edison reveals his greatest invention and chaos naturally ensues."
content_flags:   [Alcohol consumption/drunkenness, fire, explosions, injury, temporary loss of senses, mass death, mild jokes related to a character's disability]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/rustyquillgaming/rqg-3-the-simulacrum
formats: 
    # DOCX: 
    # PDF: 
    # Google Doc: 
official:        true
wiki_url:        https://rqg.fandom.com/wiki/RQG_3_-_The_Simulacrum
---

#### ALEX

Hello and welcome to episode 3 of the Rusty Quill Gaming podcast, an actual play podcast for extended tabletop campaigning, and we're coming to you from London, England. I'm your host and Game Master Alex Newall, and with me I have: 

#### LYDIA

Lydia Nicholas. 

#### BEN

Ben Meredith. 

#### BRYN

Bryn Monroe. 

#### JAMES

James Ross. 

#### ALEX

And brief words about what your characters are? 

#### LYDIA

I play Sasha. She is a slightly awkward ex-antiques appraiser who moves a little too silently and stabs a little too hard for anyone to believe that's her whole past.

#### BEN

Dour Cleric of Poseidon, ex-sailor and pirate, now erstwhile mercenary band leader.

#### ALEX

You sound so much more hardcore.

#### BEN

Oh, Zolf Smith as well, yeah, I better say that!

#### ALEX

_(snickering)_ Oh yeah, good point!

#### BRYN

Er, I am playing Hamid, the playboy halfling Sorcerer.

##### [ALEX SNICKERS SOME MORE]

#### JAMES

I'm Sir Bertrand "Bertie" MacGuffingham, a posh idiot who likes hitting things quite hard.

#### ALEX

Cool! And where we left off last week, Lord Edison in his townhouse had just stepped out onto a stage for the reveal of his next Big Thing, and all of you have managed to get yourselves in, by hook or by crook or mostly by --

#### JAMES

Bertie...

#### ALEX

-- Lord Wellington being _(imitates blustering noises)._

So. _(clears throat)_ Edison steps out and led by Hamid, I believe it was, there's a polite round of applause.

##### [SFX: POLITE APPLAUSE]

He waves it down and gestures behind him.

##### [APPLAUSE DIES DOWN]

A curtain pulls apart and a cart -- there are four guards, two pushing it, two either side, push forward a cart.

In terms of game mechanics the cart is Large, so that's about 10 foot by 10 foot, give or take, and the thing upon it is round about the 10 foot tall mark, something like that. It's draped in a large white cloth, very hard to pick out a form. It's cuboid, taller than it is wide, but there's no real discerning of it. It's, it looks like it's probably in a box or something.

But they wheel it out and the guards are being very, very careful to sort of look around and so on. In the room, there are sort of the crème de la crème of upper London society: lords, ladies, statesmen, that kind of thing. There's a couple of other guards, but it's mostly up towards the stage area for obvious reasons.

#### LYDIA

Mhm.

#### ALEX

And there is a lectern to the right hand side of the stage, stage right for anyone who is using that thing, so I suppose that'd be the left from the audience -- oh it's been a while _(laughing)_ it's been a while since I had to remember that! And on stage left, which'd be the right hand side if you're sat in the audience there, there's a grand piano, and --

##### [SFX: piano begins to play] 

#### ALEX

-- again there's someone who's been playing a little bit of underscoring as Edison walks out. Everyone hushes and the music goes down.

##### [piano quiets back down]

#### LYDIA

Is it worth doing a Perception check? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, please, feel free. Any time you want to do a Perception check go for it, I'll just let you know if it's a waste of time. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Er. Okay, 2, so 8 in total. 

#### ALEX

Eight. You notice there are also a couple of, sort of waiters who are just holding, like, trays of empty glasses up towards the back near you and Zolf. But they're just stood there. I mean, there's nothing really extra to discern at the moment. So yeah, Edison steps up to a lectern and he sort of reaches down, pulls a lever. 

#### BRYN

How subtly do you think it's possible to cast Detect Magic? 

#### ALEX

Erm, well, what is the description of it, does have a vocal or somatic component? 

#### BRYN

Yeah, it's got -- almost every spell has both verbal and somatic. 

#### ALEX

I should spell out, actually, for listeners who aren't familiar with the, sort of tabletop things. A lot of spells have a vocal or a somatic component and there's some other ones which have some others, but what it comes to --

#### BRYN

It's very common to have, er, material components as well --

#### ALEX

Sure. 

#### BRYN

But as a Sorcerer I _(sounding very wise)_ eschew materials. 

#### BEN

And as a Cleric I do the same! 

#### ALEX

So with those materials it's talking about what are required for the casting of magic. So a vocal component is that you have to speak. It defines it as -- it has to be audible, like, so that you can't, you know, be stood behind someone and do it silently. There are, like, feats you can take so that that allows you to do things silently, but there's no way you have that at level one.

A somatic component is, it requires a sort of gesture -- hand gestures. It's the equivalent of, if you think of Gandalf holding his big staff up, that's a vocal component and a somatic component because he's got to hold the staff up and he's also got to go _(vocalises magical sounding-gibberish)_

And then the material components are stuff like, oh, in order to set this person on fire I would need eye of newt and also a lit flame, which -- the way the game covers it is they give you these, these bags...

##### [LYDIA CHUCKLES]

#### ALEX

Which hold "all useful components that aren't expensive," which is kind of a get-out clause, but a lot of them -- the Cleric and the Sorcerer just don't need them, because they're kind of naturally imbued with the stuff or dei --

#### BEN

"Well, my god does it!"

#### ALEX

Yeah, exactly. You basically go: "Oi! Oi, Poseidon! Need a hand!" _(imitates explosion)_

#### BEN

"Okay! Thank you!"

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### BRYN

Those silly wizards who have to study and memorise for years, *they* need them, not *me.* 

#### ALEX

Yeah, I mean they get some of the more exotic-y spells but faff, you know? Admin. Paperwork. Who likes that? I mean we're roleplayers, it's not like we like huge amounts of paperwork and maths...

##### [SOFT LAUGHTER]

Where was I? Edison, yes. So. He steps up, pulls the lever on there, *ker-chunk!* There's a faint hum and his voice is coming out sort of from across the room, and you look up and notice some unobtrusive speakers have been worked into the ceilings and stuff. 

#### LYDIA

Ooh, we have speakers in this world? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, yeah, there's electricity! 

#### LYDIA

Good, cool. 

#### ALEX

And basically there's a:

#### ALEX (EDISON)

_(clears throat, American accent)_ Is it on?

#### ALEX

Tap-tap-tap.

#### ALEX (EDISON)

Oh, hell-hello, hello ladies and gentlemen. I am very, *very* pleased to see all of you here today, and naturally this is a monumental occasion for myself, but I'd like to think that all of you are going to be having a good time as well. The food's on me, obviously, so's the drink, some of you are having a bit more than others, I'm looking at you, Byron!

##### [QUIET SNORTS FROM PLAYERS]

But so, obviously I'm prattling, I'm not a talker, that's not what I'm here for, I'm an inventor, I invent things, that's what I do.

#### LYDIA

_(laughing)_ This guy rolled a low Charisma check! 

#### ALEX

_(laughing)_ He is not a charismatic man! 

#### ALEX (EDISON)

But, er, yeah, enough about me prattling, and prattling about prattling _(laughs)_ am I right? I'm right. I-I'm always right. But you see here behind you? Behind me, even? The sum total of my recent years' work. I would like to think that if the lightning rail made the world smaller, this is gonna make the world *bigger,* in a *really exciting way.*

So. Obviously there are a lot of you here, you'll notice that there are representatives, we have a few of our representatives from Japan over there and a couple from France, hello. Naturally what a lot of you are aware of, is this is going to be an auction, because I am a private citizen who likes having nice things, and the way I get nice things is I *sell* things! So this is going to be to the highest bidder, although I suspect we're all going to be getting one very soon.

##### [EDISON LAUGHS TO HIMSELF. IT IS A LITTLE AWKWARD]

So! Without further ado. I give you...

##### [LONG, DRAMATIC PAUSE]

I'm sorry, I can't help myself. I give you: the Simulacrum!

#### ALEX

He sort of reaches up and tries to pull the sheet off in one go, it doesn't really... it's not particularly glamorous. Eventually he sort of gestures to the guards, who roll their eyes and pull it off, revealing a crate. He then reaches across and undoes a latch, and then he goes:

#### ALEX (EDISON)

_(louder)_ *The Simulacrum!*

#### ALEX

Pulls it and all of the sides of the crate open and reveal a humanoid. Ten foot tall, shining, very, very, like, burnished. And yeah, it looks -- I suppose the closest thing you could think of is a robot, but there's a bit more to it than that, he -- or it, I should say -- large, huge parts of sheet metal put to him so it's very smooth, very burnished, shining. The joints look like they've got sort of white material -- do any of you have Knowledge: Engineering, anything like that? 

#### EVERYONE

No...

#### LYDIA

Because I was supposed to have something mechanical, wasn't I? 

#### ALEX

I think you are covering it in "Disable Device" -- 

#### LYDIA

That's it. 

#### ALEX

-- but Engineering and Disable Device aren't quite the same thing. 

#### LYDIA

No, they're not. 

#### ALEX

You're more for the dealing of components rather than like large, complex machinery. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

That's fine. So you notice that it's got, um -- the metal has a very peculiar visual quality to it, it's got lots of whorls, as in W-H-O-R-L, like kind of swirly patterns in it. I would say actually, *Sasha:* give me a Perception roll.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

_(snickers)_ Fail! 3! Which, which turns into 10. 

#### ALEX

The rest of you notice that the metal is unusual. Sasha, you've seen a version of that metal before. You can't quite place it, it's an unusual metal and that would help you, sort of -- if you were to go away you could figure out what it was, it's just, it's kind of eluding you at the moment. So yeah, it's, it's not covered in precious stones but it's very much --

#### BRYN

Would a Knowledge: Arcana check reveal any helpful information? 

#### ALEX

Certainly give it a Knowledge: Arcana check. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

Er, 2 plus 7. 

#### ALEX

Not really. It's a machine. 

#### BRYN

Yep.

##### [SOFT SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Whilst it doesn't have like precious stones built onto it or things, you're seeing certain gleams at like elbow joints and knee joints and things, what look like gold wires or tendons or something, like, clearly there's quite a lot of expensive stuff in there. 

#### JAMES

Is it worth a Knowledge: Nobility check to see if there's anything that relates to, like, its origin of *manufacture* or anything like that? If it's a s -- or is that a bit of a stretch? 

#### ALEX

Not, not, not really. Knowledge: Nobility's more to do with the... 

#### JAMES & ALEX

People. 

#### ALEX

And things to indicate them rather than -- 

#### BRYN

People and heraldry, mostly. 

#### JAMES

Well, it was the heraldry angle I was thinking of, in case there was any heraldic significance or --

#### ALEX

There, the answer's not, to save you a roll. 

#### JAMES

Okay, cool, fine. 

#### ALEX

And it stands there, it's very, very tall. It has a genderless figure. You could -- it doesn't have like particularly broad shoulders and narrow waist reminiscent of a man, but similarly it doesn't have the, the curves you'd associate with a woman. It's very much sort of a blank humanoid template, almost.

Edison kind of looks at you, goes:

#### ALEX (EDISON)

I know, right? I *know,* right? Look at it! It's brilliant! I mean, look at it! Isn't it just so shiny! I like the shiny ones. But um, no, in all seriousness, this is the Simulacrum. Say hello!

#### ALEX

There's kind of a lot of... bemused faces, Byron in the back:

#### ALEX (BYRON)

HELLOOO!

#### ALEX

_(to James)_ Oh, I'm sorry--?

#### JAMES

Yes, can I do a Perception check on Byron? 

#### ALEX

Mm hm. What you're -- what are you trying to discern? 

#### JAMES

His general state of mind and health and wellbeing?

#### ALEX

Sure.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

13... oh, minus 1 so that's 12. 

#### ALEX

Healthy and drunk.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Okay!

#### ALEX

That's Byron!

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

That's Byron! That's our Byron! 

#### ALEX

Healthy and drunk! So yeah, Edison, basically, he reaches over and goes:

#### ALEX (EDISON)

Oh, I'd forget my own head, honestly. If I wasn't so amazing I'm sure you'd all be worried! _(little laugh)_

#### ALEX

Reaches up, sort of tweaks a little something, and then suddenly the Simulacrum gives a little bit of a shudder and then it stands up a little bit straighter, and then you see the eyes start to glow a golden colour. And it just sort of turns its head. And the first thing you see, it's very smooth, very graceful, it's not juddering, it's not robotic.

#### ALEX (EDISON)

Now of course many of you will be aware that there are clockwork servants around. Primitive! Primitive, *horrible* things. Clanky, clickety, ugh! Don't like them. They can do the same job again and again, very boring. Who wants that? No one wants that, it's terrible, it's useless. But this... _(quiet, excited)_ This is the *next thing.* Aren't you? Say hello.

#### ALEX

The thing sort of turns around, examines its hands for a moment.

##### [BEAT]

#### ALEX (SIMULACRUM)

_(mechanical, low)_ HELLO.

#### ALEX (EDISON)

_(squealing)_ I know, right? It's great!

_(sobering)_ But the thing is, it's obviously I mean a big tall thing, it can move, great, why, why would you want this? Ladies and gentlemen, this is not just a thing. Okay, this is, this is as close to a person as there can be. And I would argue, potentially, it *is* a person. A person with an off switch, but you know, hit someone over the head and they'll fall down, I'm told.

So this, this is, this is the next thing. You need someone strong, he's strong -- she's strong -- I, I don't really know, I didn't bother with the bits. But more than that, this is a person that's able to make more of itself. You don't need two to make this, no, no, no, *people* take two. Two's rubbish. This can make more of itself on its own. You buy one of these and you're not buying *this,* what you're buying is *all of them.* They're all yours. You just tell this guy: "Go make more of yourself!"

#### ALEX

The machine sort of turns, looks, starts to walk away.

#### ALEX (EDISON)

No, no, not now! St-stay. Stay.

##### [LYDIA SNORTS]

#### ALEX (EDISON)

But what you have here is the potential for an entirely new industry. An *entirely* new industry. The workforce? You won't need them! This'll -- this can do that job. Yes, he may not be the smartest thing *yet,* but give him time. What, what you have here is the next, the next step in industry. People won't need to be involved in industry, we can all do fun, crazy things like this. Think how brilliant that's gonna be?

Now obviously such an *excellent advance* is gonna be _(laughing)_ a little bit expensive, which is why it's an auction! So obviously a lot of you here have already provided minimum bids so that we can decide what our minimum was. So I'm going to hand over to my auctioneer now, and I'm basically going to start doing some maths and figure out what I can buy!

#### ALEX

Sort of goes over, sits down on a chair, he's a little bit awkward. Faffs around a little bit and then sits. A gentleman in a peacock waistcoat, very posh, well-to-do, chin up, steps out onto the stage and goes over to the lectern.

#### ALEX (PEACOCK GENTLEMAN)

Thank you very much, Mr Edison. The bidding will begin at, er, 700 white gold and naturally we're expecting larger amounts. So without further ado, 700 white gold from our Japanese representative.

#### ALEX

There's a nod. The bidding starts. It's a very ordered affair, it's not people yelling or anything like that. There's a couple of muttered conversations and so on, but yeah, the bidding starts, it climbs up, and given that it starts at -- for future reference by the way, I have mentioned this in the worldbuilding, white gold... For the sake of maths in Pathfinder, I personally rule white gold as 1,000 gold, because it's just easier, because a lot of things come in the thousands and it's easier to just go: 1 white gold. 

#### JAMES

In terms of, like, purchasing power parity or whatever, what would that buy you? Like 1 white gold, that is, 1,000 gold.

#### ALEX

So um, 1 white gold is a wealthy person's yearly salary. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

I don't mean like a billionaire's yearly salary but if you think of, it's something like -- I believe 50 gold is the yearly salary of someone who is getting by. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

So it's a solid investment. So their minimum bidding is actually *quite* high. The figures that are being bandied around, your family could have been bought and sold a number of times. 

#### JAMES

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

At their -- 

#### JAMES

At their peak.

#### ALEX

At their biggest peak.

#### JAMES

Yeah.

#### ALEX

Hamid will be familiar with the kind of figures that are involved, but your family have been involved in moving money between states. For Zolf this is, this is like when people talk about billions in terms of like the stock market, it has no real world value to you. 

#### BEN

Much of a muchness. 

#### ALEX

Similarly to Sasha. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. No idea. 

#### ALEX

Like, you wouldn't need to have known numbers *this high.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

Like, this won't have come up in your life. Unless you've sat and counted grains of salt, you know? But yeah, the bidding picks up. Can everybody give me Perception checks? 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

*Yes!*

Nat 20. 

#### ALEX

Anyone higher than a nat 20? _(laughs)_

#### JAMES

A 6 including modifiers. 

#### LYDIA

I'm at 18. 

#### ALEX

18. Bryn? 

#### BRYN

Er -- 13 plus 6, 19. 

#### ALEX

19.

#### BEN

And a total of 24 on the nat. 

#### ALEX

Sure. So basically everyone apart from Bertie -- shocker!

##### [LAUGHTER] 

#### JAMES

I put my helmet on the wrong way round! 

#### ALEX

He's sat there going: I can't turn the lights up!

#### JAMES

_(imitating Bertie)_ Hello? 

#### ALEX

You guys notice that a few people in the crowd are just already out of it. Like they heard the minimum bid and went: "pffft!" They're not leaving but they're just sat there with arms crossed waiting to see what happens. The representatives -- which are, basically there's sort of three diplomats it looks like, they're sat. Prim, proper, suits. One of them looks vaguely familiar to Hamid, but you can't put a name to the person, it's probably just a face you've seen. 

#### JAMES

Could I try Knowledge: Nobility...? 

#### ALEX

No. Won't work. 

#### JAMES

No, okay. 

#### ALEX

Basically they'll put the occasional bid in but it's very, very reserved, it's very orderly. Byron doesn't really seem to be paying particular attention, his attention wandered. But you also notice that the waiters are moving through and they're still taking empty glasses from people, they're not giving any more alcohol but you know, it's an auction. So I'm sure some will be along soon. 

The bidding ranks up and Edison starts chuckling to himself. He keeps waving at people, and one person waves and realises they've just bid and has a hairy moment where they think -- 

##### [LYDIA LAUGHS]

#### ALEX

-- they've actually just spent their entire country's wealth before the bidding moves on. But, um...

What you do notice though, you three, is that the waiters are working their way forwards towards the front, because they've sort of worked their way from the back to the front. Anyway, there is sort of -- things are drawing to a close, the time between the bids is starting to slow down a bit, and it's pretty much between the diplomat from Japan and a... basically it was the one that you recognised earlier --

#### JAMES

Deputy Prime Minister? 

#### ALEX

Deputy Prime Minister, she's actually doing the bidding herself, she doesn't have someone bidding for her. And basically it's between those two and they're slowing down.

The figures are enormous, *ludicrously* enormous. It's very clear that a select group of people have already been able to see and examine the thing ahead of the auction. It begins slowing down and then the auctioneer's sort of, he's standing there with his gavel.

#### ALEX (AUCTIONEER)

So, we have a final bid. Any further takers? Any further takers?

Going once...

Going twice... 

#### JAMES

Pause for a sec -- who is immediately in front of me in the seating arrangement? 

#### ALEX

Immediately in front of you would be Dr Colgate. 

#### JAMES

I would like to just give the seat in front of me a bit of a nudge, to try and startle Colgate into reacting. 

#### ALEX

Er -- yeah, okay!

##### [SOFT LAUGHTER FROM THE OTHER PLAYERS]

#### JAMES

What would I need to roll to do that? 

#### ALEX

I'll just let you do it. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

Ok, so you just nudge him. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Ten.

#### ALEX

He gives a bit of a, a thing, turns around, l-looks at you.

#### ALEX (AUCTIONEER)

Is that a bid we see in the corner?

#### ALEX (COLGATE)

NO! No. No, that, no! Noooo. No. No, it is not.

##### [SNICKERING]

#### JAMES

Does he go very white? Does he go whiter than white?

##### [BEAT]

#### ALEX

You're on *thin ice.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

And not the minty ice that you can put on your tongue that dissolves. 

#### JAMES

Yeah, yeah. Okay. 

#### ALEX

You be *careful,* young man! 

#### LYDIA

Can I roll a Perception check on these waiters that are moving nearer to the thing, you know? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, sure. 

#### LYDIA

I work security now, I'm taking my job seriously! 

##### [LAUGHTER]

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Oh, I don't perceive very much, that's a 3. That becomes a 9. They're humans, roughly! 

#### ALEX

Basically they're at the front. You see that they've worked their way from the back of the room to the front of the room for the final bid. 

#### BEN

Do I get anything for the nat, or...? 

#### ALEX

On the natural 20 from the Perception from earlier? Yeah, I'm leading into it. 

#### BEN

Oh, building up to that, fine. 

#### LYDIA

Ah! 

#### ALEX

So as he's sort of drawing near to a close, Zolf, you specifically basically see one of them is, one of the waiters is just reaching underneath his clothing.

##### [LYDIA DRAWS A BREATH]

And then just as the gavel comes down he goes:

#### ALEX (AUCTIONEER)

So, final call...

#### ALEX

He starts bringing it down. Erm...

#### BEN

_(uneasy)_ I'm gonna start to move forwards. 

#### ALEX

Sure. 

#### BEN

When I see him start to put his hand in in the obvious "I'm gonna bring out a weapon!" kind of way, start to walk forwards, basically get in range for an icicle if I need to. 

#### ALEX

Sure. You basically start running forward. The guy who you're looking at just yells really clearly: 

#### ALEX (WAITER)

NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW *NOW!*

#### ALEX

At which point, presumably you launch your icicle? 

#### BEN

Yep. 

#### ALEX

_(imitates sound of icicle being fired)_ *Phew!* An icicle starts firing, across at which point there is a *massive explosion.*

##### [SFX: RUMBLING EXPLOSION, THINGS CRASH]

A huge explosion. All of you are --

##### [SFX: HIGH RINGING TONE]

It's kind of like that bit from 'Saving Private Ryan', you know there's a "boom" and then it's just ringing in the ears, all of you are kind of -- blacked out. 

#### LYDIA

Where exploded? 

#### ALEX

It feels like everywhere!

##### [LAUGHTER]

Basically what I'm gonna say is that you are all immediately knocked over. None of you -- you've all lost vision and sound briefly, and as you're coming to, I will get you guys to roll Initiative. Okay? So.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Lydia. Initiative? 

#### LYDIA

Four.

#### ALEX

Four. Ben? 

#### BEN

_(smug)_ Five!

#### ALEX

Oh ho ho, big numbers here! Bryn? 

#### BRYN

Nineteen.

#### ALEX

Nineteen. James? 

#### JAMES

Nine.

#### ALEX

Nine. Okay, so looking round the music room and, just got the battle map here.

##### [SFX: Fire crackling and burning]

There's craters all over the place, and the bits in black are enormous holes in the floor where it's just broken through into sort of a cellar, there's clearly a fire down there, there's a few bits of the room are on fire as well.

We have -- Colgate and Byron are off to the left hand side of the auditorium, yep? Byron is clearly unconscious, Colgate appears to be tending to him.

We have Sasha and Zolf towards the back -- the back left is pretty much gone in a crater. The back right, the diplomats appear to be okay but are behind a large, basically, wall of fire. They appear to be trapped. 

#### BRYN

The magical spell "Wall of Fire"? Or --

#### ALEX

No, a --

#### BRYN

-- a *patch of fire?* 

#### ALEX

A patch of fire that is quite high, almost wall height.

##### [LAUGHTER] 

#### JAMES

A small "w" wall

#### ALEX

_(snickering)_ Welcome to Pathfinder, where that kind of clarification's actually required! So yeah, they're trapped basically, caught between craters that they can't get past and fire which appears to be working its way towards them. One of them is trapped beneath some kind of masonry or something similar. Clearly chunks of the ceiling have fallen in as well, so there's piles of stuff. Yep?

#### JAMES

Is the ceiling continuing to fall down, or...? 

#### ALEX

Looks unstable. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

The three guys that we can see up near the stage are -- the two waiters that were making their way forward are both sort of flanking the stage and facing towards the audience, and there is a third one who is standing over what looks like the dead body of the auctioneer, right next to a gaping hole in the stage where the Simulacrum was.

Almost every other member of the assembled people who were here bidding are dead.

#### LYDIA

Oh! 

#### ALEX

The Police Commissioner -- gone. Wellington and Chessington -- gone. 

##### [JAMES GASPS]

#### LYDIA

No! 

#### ALEX

All of the old crowd are gone. Deputy Prime Minister, she's gone. 

#### LYDIA

How did Bertie -- so I assume it's because the explosion was focused on the mass of people in the centre? 

#### ALEX

Basically it's a bit of a bodge job, but yeah, they were trying to get rid of all of the people in the centre. Like get as, cause as much problem and get rid of as many people as possible, and also get rid of the Simulacrum.

#### JAMES

But I've come in fancy dress as a tank so I'm fine!

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Yeah, basically Bertie sitting in the middle was wearing armour, it's very clear like I'm gonna start with you guys prone but it's clear that your armour basically is the reason you're alive.

You guys were okay because you were towards the back and then you're working your way forward. You were okay because you were right at the front and obviously they didn't want to blow *everything* up. You guys are all coming to, Prone. So mechanically, try to make sure that the base of your miniature is in the square that you were gonna be, just so we can keep track. Yeah, something like that.

For people who are listening at home, "Prone" is basically -- your character is on their back. There's a bunch of mechanical modifications to it, and what it means is that you need to spend a move action to stand up, a full move action, but... you can still do stuff from Prone but you're taking penalties. There's *few* situations where it's better to lie on your back and do the doing in Pathfinder.

And for all of the grammar people who obsess over words, there is no "Supine" in Pathfinder, there is only "Prone." So if you're lying on your front it's still known as Prone. There's your fun fact!

It's not that fun, is it?

#### JAMES

No...

##### [LAUGHTER]

The vocabulary pedants might take issue with that bit of it! 

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### LYDIA

_(academic voice)_ I'm not sure that's what "fun" means... 

#### JAMES

_(follows Lydia's voice)_ Well actually I think you'll find... 

#### ALEX

_(follows Lydia's voice)_ Now, the only way to beat this challenge is by telling me pi to *sixteen* places...

#### JAMES

Ooh! 

#### ALEX

No, okay. So. In order, we have: Hamid, you basically, when I'm saying that it's your turn at this point, this is you getting your stuff together and being like: what happened? You basically have what I just described happening. Those are the servants that I was talking about. 

#### BRYN

The waiters?

#### ALEX

The waiters. Waiter, waiter and third one. These two appear now to be wielding... where is it? A shortsword, one of them's wielding. Another one appears to be holding some kind of flask of something, the one on the left. And the one on the right of the stage are, *is* holding a sword. 

#### LYDIA

So that guy on the left has the flask? 

#### ALEX

Yes. 

#### LYDIA

And those two have swords? 

#### ALEX

Yes. 

#### LYDIA

Gotcha. 

#### ALEX

The guy at the back isn't holding any weapons. 

#### LYDIA

Oh, right!

#### ALEX

The guy who's on the stage isn't holding any weapons, he appears to be faffing near the piano. Behind the piano, you don't know what. Oh, Edison by the way? Edison *is* dead --

#### LYDIA

Oh!

#### ALEX

-- I should spell out.

##### [SOMEONE GASPS]

#### JAMES

Deadison... 

#### LYDIA

_(groaning)_ Ayyy, ah you're losing your touch! 

#### ALEX

Or at least he appears dead. He's sort of fallen from -- oh, sorry -- he's fallen from the stage next to one of the servants, it looks like. And the servant who's holding a flask is faffing with Edison, don't know why. So --

#### JAMES

Sword, sword, flask? 

#### ALEX

Yes. Er, no. Sword, flask, nothing with the guy at the back at the moment. 

#### JAMES

Sword, flask, nothing. Okay. 

#### ALEX

So, Bryn, i.e. Hamid? 

#### BRYN

I... rise from Prone. 

#### ALEX

Yep. 

#### BRYN

And... move, _(miniature clonking)_ one, two, three, four, five. 

#### ALEX

What's your move speed? 

#### BRYN

Oh! I'm a *halfling...*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Yeah. To spell out by the way for people who are asking. When it comes to move, you can trade your standard action, so the doing thing phase, for another move. So he can use one move to stand up and then another move but he wouldn't be able to do anything else. 

#### BRYN

Four. Four squares. 

#### ALEX

Because your move speed being 20. 

#### BRYN

Indeed. 

#### ALEX

And the squares are obviously five foot each. So that's your turn?

#### BRYN

Yep.

#### ALEX

Okay. So --

#### BRYN

I'm just taking stock of the room, basically. 

#### ALEX

Sure. 

#### BRYN

Assessing everything that we've just discussed. 

#### ALEX

First thing that happens? The guy who's holding a flask clocks you standing up and backing away, just, sort of flicks his finger with the flask and hurls it straight at Hamid. 

##### [LYDIA GASPS QUIETLY]

#### BRYN

Okay.

#### ALEX

Where is my D20... ah there it is, thank you. Okay.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Ooh! That's a fine hit! So that's rolling a 19, we're not into the crit for it but nonetheless, would a 21 hit?

#### BRYN

Yes.

##### [A FEW SNORTS]

As a magic user? *Yes.* 

#### ALEX

Yeah. How many hit points you got? 

#### BRYN

...some?

##### [MORE SNORTS]

#### ALEX

Okay. So you are going to be taking -- let's see how much you get.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

3 fire damage. 

#### LYDIA

Ooh! 

#### ALEX

You don't catch fire, it doesn't have that as an option, but basically he sees you, chucks it over one of the craters and it just cla --

#### BRYN

_(pleasantly furious)_ He will be first to die!

#### ALEX

It shatters against your shoulder, it doesn't make it through all of your clothes but you're getting kind of singed and burnt, and you've got to take that moment to sort of pat it out. It -- it hurts. 

#### BRYN

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

After that we have... Bertie. 

#### JAMES

Cool. So I get up. 

#### ALEX

Yep, so stand yourself up, that's your move. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

You now can either -- you now still have a standard action and a swift action. 

#### JAMES

Er, help me out there? 

#### ALEX

Okay, so standard action is you can, say, attack someone, cast a spell or move. Realistically, given that you're melee, it will be moving. 

#### JAMES

Yep. 

#### ALEX

A swift action is, they're kind of like an extra little action, things that can be done quickly. So it's stuff like... anyone off the top of your head?

#### BRYN

I would... er... 

#### LYDIA

They're things... 

#### BRYN

Speaking!

#### LYDIA

Like my, my daggers --

#### BRYN

Yeah.

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, so, yeah, your daggers, good example.

#### BRYN

The most sensible option at this point would be to use your standard action to move whilst drawing.

#### ALEX & JAMES

Yes. 

#### ALEX

Very much so. 

#### JAMES

Okay, good. Well in that case that is what I will do. Um...

#### ALEX

You won't be able to charge any of them because you'll notice you can only charge in straight lines over --

#### BRYN

A charge is a full round action as well, of course. 

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, good point. Fair point. 

#### BRYN

I mean you've got one...two... you can engage this guy with a, with your sword drawn, I mean he will get to swing at you before you get to swing at him, but --

#### ALEX

-- you're kind of built for that.

#### JAMES

Yeah, I think I'm probably comfortable with that unless I want to go somewhere in the middle here to make it harder for these guys to reach over here? 

#### BRYN

I should be okay. 

#### JAMES

Okay, all right, I'll do that in that case and move towards that... 

#### ALEX

So move yourself. 

#### JAMES

Um, what is my move, what do I --? 

#### BRYN

20, so four squares. 

#### ALEX

5...10...15...20. So you're now face to face with the guy wielding the sword. 

#### JAMES

Yep. 

#### ALEX

He looks less than happy to have drawn the short straw and be facing the tank, who seems to be -- oh, to clarify for everyone else who can see, Bert -- technically Hamid because he's the one that came through first, yeah. Bertie's armour? Covered in soot, lot of scratches, got some masonry fallen.

##### [LYDIA GASPS]

#### JAMES

I'm *very cross!*

#### ALEX

I'm gonna be honest, I don't think the lights in your falcon on the helmet are working. 

##### [JAMES GASPS WITH HORROR]

#### ALEX

They got clocked with some masonry. 

#### JAMES

Ohhh! 

#### ALEX

Yeah, he's not looking pleased to be facing against you. 

##### [JAMES GROWLS, BUILDING LOUDER AND LOUDER]

#### ALEX

Did you draw a rapier or bastard sword, I mean technically this is a formal occasion!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Er, I've drawn the bastard sword I think, in this. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, shocker. 

#### JAMES

On this occasion! 

#### ALEX

Er, again for the sake of simplicity of mechanics, I'll allow you to be having your shield on you, because I'm *nice.* 

#### JAMES

Thanks. 

#### ALEX

Okay. After Bertie we have -- M3 -- okay, so the guy who is upon the stage holding nothing, he's sort of faffing behind the piano, stands up. Everyone give me a Perception roll. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Ooh!

#### JAMES

Six.

#### LYDIA

Twenty-two.

#### ALEX

Ooh, 22 from Sasha. 

#### BRYN

Twenty-five.

#### ALEX

25 from Hamid. 

#### BEN

*One.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Well, technically, that actually makes sense, because Sasha's only just sort of meant to be coming to and you're --

#### BEN

Yeah, and I'm, I'm still out. 

#### JAMES

Welcome to the inside of my helmet!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Ooh, it's very spacious in here! 

##### [JAMES CACKLES]

#### ALEX

So er, both, I'm afraid I'm gonna make it Hamid actually, just because you're still a bit KO'd. Hamid can see the guy has stood up and he's holding what looks like a *folder* of something. It's quite large, like A4-sized, it was upon the lectern, quite thick, a portfolio of something. Basically like a legal doc sized. Don't know what it is, but it's fairly thick.

He stands up, sees that there are still people kicking around, and then without further ado... jumps down into the hole which is at the stage, and drops down out of view. 

#### BRYN

I'll shout,

#### HAMID

We need to follow him if we can!

#### ALEX

_(laughing)_ This is over the falling masonry, the --

#### BRYN

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, no, why not. The guy who is facing Bertie -- _(surprised)_ "Ah!" -- does his immediate reaction, which is: he basically takes a swing, straight off the bat.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

That will be a miss!

##### [SNORTS]

I rolled a 2, which is nowhere near, I mean your AC's what, 20? 

#### JAMES

My AC is 20. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, it's...

#### JAMES

Yeah! 

#### ALEX

Um yeah, he basically, he swings and misses, it doesn't even connect with the armour. At which point, we'll take a short ad break!

------

#### HELEN

Allo everyone, it's Helen again, voice of Azu, Enola, and Laverne. And this time, I'm telling you about the Storage Papers!

The Storage Papers is a biweekly horror anthology podcast, exploring a series of documents about unexplained phenomena in southern California. Our protagonist Jeremy won these papers at auction, and is now immortalizing them in the form of a podcast. But he's found himself in a middle of a sinister plot. Things are not what they seem. And you can find it wherever you listen to your podcasts, or visit www.rustyquill.com, or www.thestoragepapers.com, for more information. Have fun, and see you later.

------

#### ALEX

Hi guys, Alex here. Normally we put an ad break at this point, letting you know about new developments at Rusty Quill, mention sponsors, or just recommend other shows that we think you'd enjoy. But today we just want to take the time to thank you. It takes a lot of time and effort and money to make podcasts like this. And it means a lot to us that you've decided to listen. So thank you. You're awesome. In fact, you are so awesome that we want to keep making great content for you and introduce you to loads of new shows! But in order to do that, we need your help.

The more listeners that we get, the more content we can make. It's as simple as that. And the best way that we can get listeners is by word of mouth. In the credits at the end of the episode, we include details about how you can get involved online, but honestly, the best way that you can help us is by recommending us to people that *you* know. Tell a friend, tell a coworker, tell your pet iguana. If just one of the people or lizards that you talk to subscribes, that's going to be a huge help to us.

We're looking forward to making loads more content for you in the future. And we want to share it with everyone that you care about. So thanks again for getting involved and we hope we get to meet you, your friends, and all your lizards real soon.

Well, that's everything for now. So sit back, relax, and let's get back to the show.

------

##### [SFX OF FIRE FADES BACK IN!]

#### ALEX

Zolf, you basically get your stuff together. Can you pass me the pencil? Cheers. 

#### BEN

_(grandly)_ I stand! 

#### JAMES

It takes him 20 minutes.

##### [LAUGHTER] 

#### ALEX

And take the 15 minutes -- actually do you have the, do you take a penalty for standing up with a peg leg?

#### BEN

Er, not that I've seen...

#### ALEX

I don't believe there is one, but I'm asking because obviously you've done the research. 

#### BEN

Not, yeah, not that I was aware I think, but yeah. 

#### ALEX

Okay, cool, that's fine.

#### BEN

If I need to do it in an acrobatic way there'd be a -3, but er...

#### ALEX

If you were trying to do anything acrobatically with a peg leg I'd have a problem! Yep. 

#### BEN

And I will... run, I think. 

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### BEN

Which gets me... 

#### BRYN

Run is a full-round action. 

#### BEN

I won't run!

##### [LYDIA CHUCKLES]

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, you can't because you're wasting your move action to stand. 

#### BEN

I will... walk and draw.

##### [MINIATURE CLONKS TWICE]

##### [EVERYONE BREAKS OUT IN COUGHING LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

Really, *10 foot* is your move speed? 

#### BEN

Yeah!

#### BRYN

It's not 15? 

#### BEN

No! 

#### ALEX

He's a *peg-legged dwarf.* I want you to know, this campaign has chase sequences!

#### BEN

That's fine, I have my floating disks. Soon, I will be able to scoot about. Or I'll get roller skates! 

#### BRYN

Is it -- I thought it was a five foot penalty, for the peg leg? 

#### BEN

Um, _(unsure)_ not from the research I did? 

#### BRYN

Fair enough, yeah, you -- I believe you. 

#### ALEX

You know what, take a bit of time to have a look again, just on the off chance, because that'll massively change the game. 

#### BEN

Cool. 

#### ALEX

But nonetheless, Sasha, you're up.

#### LYDIA

Er, up. Draw my daggers -- *ch-wink,* I got the spring loads! And then I come over to be in the position to fi --

#### ALEX

It's gonna to be too far this turn, I think. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I know. So I got 6, and I wanna... _(clonks miniature six times)_ 'Cause I can't do two diagonals in a row, can I? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well -- you can, it's just that cost-wise it --

#### LYDIA

Actually, that's -- yeah. 

#### BRYN

So the first diagonal is 1 but the second diagonal is 2. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, so you know, we went over that first episode, 5 foot, 10 foot, 5 foot, 10 foot.

Okay, so you've moved between _(laughs)_ -- you've overtaken Zolf incredibly easily, and you're in between him and Bertie, who is engaged in melee combat with someone who's regretting the decision.

#### BEN

And a quick update, it *does* take 10 foot off of my normal moves, unfortunately.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Yeah, I -- it sounded about right to me! Okay.

In the meantime, the diplomats in the corner start crying out for help. The fire appears to be creeping towards them. 

#### LYDIA

_(quiet)_ Oh no!

#### ALEX

So they, the two who are still sort of with it pull the, their downed comrade -- looks like the Japanese diplomat -- right back into the corner. They're crying out:

#### ALEX (DIPLOMAT)

_(French accent)_ Help, please! Could you please help me! Help me!

#### ALEX

Yeah, obviously, they're trapped.

Um, Hamid, you're up. 

##### [HAMID DRAWS A BREATH]

#### HAMID

*Ow!*

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Oh yeah! Pathfinder: because everything that just happened, happened simultaneously! 

#### BRYN

Sort-of-ish.

#### ALEX

Sort-of-ish. Turn-based combat, you gotta love it!

#### BRYN

I... _(sounds somehow flat and excited at the same time)_ cast Magic Missile! 

#### ALEX

On...? 

#### BRYN

_(duh?)_ The guy who hurt me.

##### [SOME SNORTS]

#### BEN

You are nothing if not vengeful.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

_(still flat)_ I do 2 points of damage to him.

##### [ALEX STARTS CACKLING, HIGH-PITCHED]

#### BEN

_(mimicking Bryn's flatness)_ Pew-peeeew.

#### ALEX

You're so, you're so enthused today! Okay. 

#### BRYN

Oh, it's *sad* when you have a D4 and you roll a 1.

#### ALEX

Okay --

#### BRYN

A D4 is so unimpressive to begin with.

#### ALEX

Make sure to keep calling out your rolls as you roll them, so that we can follow the maths of it. Okay -- the guy who basically was facing off against you, who threw the oil --

#### BRYN

Yep. 

#### ALEX

-- draws some more oil, chucks it at you again.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

It's another fine hit!

##### [PAINED CHUCKLES FROM PLAYERS]

##### [DICE ROLLS]

For 1 fire damage. 

#### BEN

Oooh, exchanging 1s!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Ohhh, it's a war of attrition! 

#### JAMES

They're gonna shave each other to death! Grr!

#### BRYN

I need some cover, and a pencil. 

#### ALEX

As he chucks it, he calls out to the other one --

#### ALEX (WAITER)

Guy's away!

#### LYDIA

Hmm... 

#### ALEX

Hm! Bertie, you're up. 

#### JAMES

Cool. I'm going to attack him with my sword. _(pleased)_ Big sword. 

#### ALEX

Big sword! 

#### JAMES

Big sword! Right, I'm rolling D10 plus 3?

#### ALEX

Mm hm.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

2 plus 3 is 5. 

#### ALEX

5?

#### BRYN

No? You have to hit him first... 

#### JAMES

No? Oh, sorry! 

#### ALEX

I did wonder what you were... 

#### JAMES

I've done all of that wrong because I don't know what I'm doing! 

#### ALEX

That's fine. 

#### JAMES

What -- what do I do? 

#### ALEX

So when you're facing off against him --

#### JAMES

Yep. 

#### ALEX

You roll your D20, assuming that you're doing an attack. 

#### JAMES

Yes. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. So --

#### BRYN

So your attack bonus with your bastard sword is 4. So you roll D20 and add 4.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Three.

#### ALEX

You have rolled a 3...so you have a total of? 

#### JAMES

Seven.

#### ALEX

Yep. 

#### BRYN

Which will not be enough to hit him. 

#### ALEX

Which is not going to be enough to hit him.

##### [JAMES MAKES A DISAPPOINTED NOISE]

When actually doing attacks in Pathfinder, I can't remember if I spelt this out: the person who's rolling the attack adds their base attack bonus and their roll, and then if it matches -- *matches,* mind you -- the AC, which is the armour class of the opponent, which is sort of a factor of their Dexterity, how much armour they're wearing, things like that, then that counts as a hit. And after that you then are rolling in damage and so on.

Okay. So with that in mind, _(knocks on something)_ that happens. _(mysteriously)_ Things you can't see. And then, the guy facing off against Bertie takes! A!

Hmmm.

##### [BEAT]

Eh, let's say that he'll toe-to-toe, he'll try toe-to-toeing for now because he needs to buy a bit more time.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

##### [SNICKERS]

Rolls a 2 *again.* Takes another massive swing. It's --

#### BRYN

So this guy's constantly rolling 2s, who's attacking the guy in massive armour with loads of hit points.

#### ALEX

Yep. 

#### BRYN

This guy who's attacking the squishy, squishy wizard is constantly rolling 17s and 18s --

#### ALEX

18, 17, 18, 17! What can I say, it's, it's --

#### BRYN

We live in the *worst* of all possible worlds.

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay, Zolf, you are up. 

#### BEN

Yay. Um -- so the -- 

#### ALEX

_(audibly smirking)_ Starting to regret that peg leg, eh? 

#### BEN

No! 

##### [ALEX CHUCKLES EVILLY]

#### BEN

It's a character decision that I made. 

#### JAMES

Can't you fire some water at the fire or something? 

#### BEN

No. I've been scouring my spells, best I could do is maybe fire an icicle at it but that's not actually got much *water* in it. 

#### ALEX

Mm hm. 

#### BEN

This crater though, here. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### BEN

When you say crater... 

#### ALEX

So the fall has -- the fall, the *floor* has fallen away. The timbers which were holding up the floor have broken as well, it looks like about a 30 foot drop into what was clearly a wine cellar, like a large wine cellar. But there's lots of broken crates down there, it's actually, it looks like there's a layer of wine upon the cellar floor. Lots of broken casks, broken metal, masonry down there, and the flooring around the crater looks quite weak? It should be okay, but to put it bluntly, Mr Peg Leg wouldn't be able to, say, do a running leap.

#### BEN

No, that's fine, that wasn't my plan. 

#### ALEX

Okay. That said, if any of you, I will make a point of --

#### LYDIA

Some of us were *thinking* of making a running leap. 

#### ALEX

Sure. You'll notice that I've only described the floor. If it's -- if you want to get into things like: are there balconies, are there ch-chandeliers and stuff, I'm gonna expect you guys to ask me. 

#### BEN

And draw it up. 

#### ALEX

I'm gonna give you the basics, and then if you're looking to get environmental and clever with me, it's on you. There is a thing in Pathfinder where you can spend basically a turn doing like a "Focused Perception" check or something similar. I'm gonna only -- I'd only do that if you're looking for something *really* specific. If you're looking to see "is there chandeliers?" You know, it's not something that you're gonna have to go -- "hm, I'm gonna take 6 seconds, look up, consider, compare that..." You know what I mean.

#### BEN & LYDIA

Yeah, yeah. 

#### ALEX

So yeah, there's a floor that looks like it leads down into a wine cellar that's also been annihilated. 

#### BEN

Cool. So -- my action is move 2. 

#### ALEX

Mm hm. 

#### BEN

Scream at the top of my lungs:

#### ZOLF

*Get over here!*

#### BEN

To the diplo -- the diplo -- the diplomacy-mancers!

##### [LAUGHTER]

The diplomats. 

#### ALEX

Yep. 

#### BEN

And then I'm going to cast Stepping Stone there. 

#### ALEX

Okay, draw it on the map for me. And do you have the spell description for Stepping Stone to hand? 

#### BEN

Er, one Floating Disk per four Cleric level, one minute per Cleric level. It's very brief. 

#### ALEX

What was the size of the floating disk? 

#### BEN

It's a five foot disk. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Can I do it -- although it's a grid, can I hit it a --

#### ALEX

Er no, you have to place it upon the grid. 

#### BEN

I suppose it still turns into a five foot leap so I'll put it...

#### ALEX

I'll be generous and say that that is, that this black line is right up, so you've basically made it next to...

#### BEN

Yeah, yeah. 

#### ALEX

...the edge. 

#### BEN

Cool. 

#### ALEX

Cool. So you've got now a floating disk over the drop to the wine cellar. The diplomats obviously hear and see you.

#### BEN

Yep, I'm waving my arms around! 

#### ALEX (DIPLOMAT)

Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you so much!

#### ALEX

Sasha? 

#### LYDIA

Right. So I was thinking of sq -- jumping over there and helping them to the doors but now they all, they'll be moving *away* from the doors, because the doors are on the other side of the fire. So it's... 

#### ALEX

What I will chip in and say is, remember that people came from on stage, there may be doors behind the stage?

#### LYDIA

Clever man!

#### ALEX

There may not. 

#### LYDIA

Mm. 

#### ALEX

They could have just been waiting there. 

#### JAMES

The chap did go down the hole and you're probably the only person who could --

#### LYDIA

Follow him. 

#### JAMES

-- get down there without dying. 

#### BRYN

You could help *me,* I'm *dying.* 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I could. Unfortunately I'm about as squishy as you are and I don't really fight people face-to-face, I do side-fighting. But yeah, so, what -- hm. So you seem to have the diplomats covered, Bertie is fine and _(laughing)_ will remain fine -- 

#### ALEX

Fine forever!

##### [LAUGHTER]

Until he hits *water!* _(evilly delightly)_ And sinks like a stone!

#### BRYN

This guy isn't currently holding a weapon --

#### LYDIA

That's true. 

#### BRYN

So he's much easier to hit. 

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, he's been drawing a weapon every time and because he doesn't have, presumably, quickdraw, he's having to waste time doing so. 

#### BRYN

But also if he tries to do it again, you would get an attack of opportunity against him. 

#### ALEX

If you're up in his face. 

#### BEN

And do people count as -- might be a different system, but do people count as flat-footed if they're in armed combat with no weapon? 

##### [BEAT]

#### ALEX

Um, what --

#### BEN

Because they can't --

#### ALEX

No, how Pathfinder kind of works is that you provoke an attack of opportunity if you attack unarmed. 

#### BEN

Right, okay. 

#### ALEX

So if I was trying to hit you with a fist, I automatically, before my attack even gets to connect, you get to have a hit on me. 

#### BEN

Right, okay, sure. 

#### ALEX

They don't have a thing where if you're unarmed you basically just have to take everything on the chin, it doesn't really work like that.

#### BEN

Sure. 

#### LYDIA

Right, uh... 

#### ALEX

Although no doubt Deputy Bryn'll correct me if I'm -- if I'm wrong! 

#### BRYN

I'm just checking because I don't remember the rule. 

#### ALEX

Sure, sure. 

#### LYDIA

The one thing I should probably check but might be a bit... more complex is, so I've written down daggers for throwing. Is it the same... 

#### ALEX

It's exactly the same item. Later on --

#### LYDIA

Right. But I mean do I have the same rolls and everything if I sneak up --

#### ALEX

You will do, because your Dex -- you're using Dex to hit. 

#### LYDIA

That's very true. 

#### ALEX

And so it's -- it's one of the cool things is that it doesn't really affect you. What I would say though, is you have to remember to factor in those range increments. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

Because your daggers are basically: you have no penalties, you're very accurate over 10 feet. 

#### LYDIA

Mm hm. 

#### ALEX

Then obviously 20 you're taking a penalty, 30 you're taking a penalty, 40 you're taking a penalty, and it's meant to reflect just, you know, standard mechanics -- the further it is, the harder it is to hit. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, so what I think I might do -- sorry, how high is the stage? 

#### ALEX

The stage is five foot off the ground. 

#### LYDIA

And if I've got my lovely Acrobatics skill, does that -- does that present a big difficulty for me, or is that step up something I need to think about when I'm thinking about moving up to say, there? 

#### ALEX

For the sake of factoring it in quickly I'd say that it is the standard, because it's only five feet. normally with Acrobatics how it works is if you move *through* a space using Acrobatics, it negates the penalties of movement, but takes twice as much movement as a flat standard. So you could get up on that stage, and even though you're only moving one square laterally which is 5, if you roll successfully it counts as 10.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, uh huh. 

#### ALEX

It sounds like it's a bad trade but once you start doing things like, on a rooftop! Where if you were to not do Acrobatics and get it wrong you fall off. Suddenly those penalties start looking a lot fairer.

#### LYDIA

Yeah. So if I move one, two, three, four, five.

#### ALEX

Yeah. And bear in mind --

#### LYDIA

That's my total and then I'm within 10 feet of him to throw -- 

#### ALEX

Er... no, you're not. 5, 10 or 5, 10, you're one square short.

The way it works for the range increment for you would be, there can be one -- if you want to be at maximum range increment, sorry minimum range increment --

#### LYDIA

Yeah, so 10 foot --

#### ALEX

-- so there's no penalties, there can only be one square between you and him, like an empty square between you, because it's five into that empty square and then five from the empty square into *his* square.

#### LYDIA

Oh! 

#### ALEX

But you could still throw, the penalty is only something like -1. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, but my attack bonus is 1.

#### ALEX

So you'd just be -- you'd be doing a flat roll against his AC. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. Yeah. 

#### ALEX

Which at first level's not actually that terrible. That, that starts being silly when you're getting +10 and he's getting a +50 but at these levels, not too much of an issue.

#### LYDIA

I don't -- yeah. I mean, I might as well do that. It's -- yeah. That sounds fun. _(clonks miniature)_ I think I end up there. 

#### ALEX

Okay. And you're gonna take the dagger throw? 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

Go for it. 

#### LYDIA

Um, so --

#### ALEX

So you're rolling a D20 to hit. 

#### LYDIA

So you asked me for this Hamid, you asked someone to come over, but, uh --

#### ALEX

_(whisper)_ D20!

#### LYDIA

-- but, er, I throw tiny knives!

##### [ALEX SNICKERS]

Remember there are two.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Four. 

#### ALEX

That won't hit. 

#### LYDIA

Nope.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Sixteen... 

#### ALEX

Er, when throwing, you don't get to use a two weapon bonus do you? 

#### BRYN

Um, it's irrelevant. You can't take multiple attack actions unless you're taking the full attack action, which is a full-round action. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, so you wouldn't be able to throw both. What that means is --

#### LYDIA

Why was I able to use both last time then? 

#### BRYN

You have to already be standing next to someone. 

#### LYDIA

Oh, okay. 

#### BRYN

If you're not -- if you, if, so, so the normal thing is a stand -- a move and a standard. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### BRYN

A standard is a single attack. 

#### LYDIA

Okay.

#### BRYN

If you forego your move, you can take something called a *full* attack, which allows you to attack multiple times. So the -- even with the two weapon fighting stuff you can only take the two attacks...

#### ALEX

When you're in position and ready to use it. 

#### BRYN

...When you're in position and ready and taking the full attack action. 

#### ALEX

It's something we haven't spelt out before to you, which was foolish actually, but -- effectively what it means is, it comes into play at higher levels a lot more because everyone starts getting a second attack, a third, whereas you'll be getting four attacks, *five* attacks. So all it means is if you move and then try and hit someone --

#### LYDIA

Mm hm. 

#### ALEX

You only get to make one attack. 

#### LYDIA

Ah. 

#### ALEX

If you have moved, are in position --

#### LYDIA

Oh, okay!

#### ALEX

-- and are engaged in a fight, then you get to use all of your massive, like, numbers. 

#### LYDIA

Okay.

#### ALEX

But even when throwing, unless you took a, like, multi-throwing feat... Two weapon is for the, for the melee fighting --

#### LYDIA

Ah, okay. 

#### ALEX

It doesn't just give you two attacks every single time. 

#### LYDIA

_(regretful)_ I wish I'd chosen something simpler like a bastard sword.

##### [JAMES SNORTS]

#### ALEX

Er, the thing... 

#### LYDIA

I've just got a plethora of daggers! 

#### ALEX

The thing with yours is that what, honestly having played it before, it was -- the first character I ever played was a two-handed rogue, I got really, really intimidated at first and didn't really get the hang of it, and then suddenly it actually becomes quite straightforward because it limits your options. The thing that I find when it's just "I hit it" there's so many options that you start getting that kind of choice paralysis.

#### LYDIA

Okay.

#### ALEX

Whereas as a Rogue it's very much: "how do I engineer the situation so that I'm behind this person --"

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

"-- one turn ahead." It's more puzzle-y, I suppose. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, yeah. 

#### ALEX

I think of the combat as more of a puzzle for Rogues. 

#### LYDIA

But yeah, so, that was useless.

##### [LAUGHTER]

I think someone else is up? 

#### ALEX

We'll just do these diplomats. So they basically start dragging their fallen comrade, so they will go... _(counting under his breath)_ 20, and drag their fallen comrade to there. So they will next turn be able to start getting on to that floating disk, and I believe we're going to have to call time on this episode! We will pick this up right where we left off next time, but until that time thanks for listening, it's always good to have someone listening in, and that's goodbye from me. 

#### JAMES

Bye bye! 

#### BRYN

See ya! 

#### BEN

Bye-bye! 

#### LYDIA

Bye! 

#### ALEX

Have a good one!

------

##### [OUTRO MUSIC]

*Rusty Quill Gaming* is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today's episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening. 

##### [OUTRO MUSIC FADES]

------

#### ALEX

Give me a bit of a wiggle?

##### [SOUND QUALITY... WIGGLES... A LITTLE]

Yeah, good, okay. Um, so... 

#### LYDIA

_(tough advertiser voice)_ More wiggle than you expected!

##### [ALEX AND JAMES SNICKER] 

------

#### JAMES

_(loudly)_ Click click click click click click.

#### ALEX

Okay, good.

#### JAMES

Om nom nom nom nom! 

#### ALEX

_(politely)_ Thanks. 

------

#### LYDIA

She could've come through a time portal. 

#### JAMES

She could. She could've done that --

#### LYDIA

You could be a space pirate that has dragged her through a time portal --

#### JAMES

Yup. To a murder scene in a country house. A *space* country house!

#### LYDIA

Like you've gone, you've gone back in time to prevent the murder or to solve the murder, right, and you've brought your rag-dag clue -- rag-bag crew, and are, and have fallen for the _[mistress/mysteries?]_ of the house when you turn up.

#### JAMES

Yup. 

#### LYDIA

We could at least write this comic book!

##### [LAUGHTER]