---
layout:          post
title:           "MAGP 6 - Introductions"
date:            2024-02-15 16:00:00 # in UTC = GMT = London time
episode_type:      episode
tags:            []
voiced:          []
categories:			"tmagp"
podcasts: ["tmagp"]
title_prefix:	"MAGP"
prev_categories: ["tmagp"]
prev_prefixes: ["MAGP"]
prev_episode:	['005']
prev_episode_num:		['005']
prev_episode_title:		["Personal Screening"]
next_categories: ["tmagp"]
next_prefixes: ["MAGP"]
next_episode:	['007']
next_episode_num:		['007']
next_episode_title:		["Give and Take"]
episode_title:   'Introductions'
episode_number:  '006'
summary:         "CAT1RB4824-09022024-12022024<br/>Injury (needles) -/- intimidation [999 call]"
content_flags:   ["Needles", "Sadism", "Stalking", "Implied eye trauma", "Mentions of: mugging, implied murder", "SFX: pained screams"]
acast_url:      https://shows.acast.com/themagnusarchives/episodes/the-magnus-protocol-6-introductions
formats:
    Official PDF: https://rustyquillcom.sharepoint.com/:f:/g/ElFMfJSzHzRMhhWGghFX8E8Bg27o0_Amiemvu0Hqq8D6Yg
official:        true
notes:          "Transcript edited with help from [qwills]; content warnings edited with help from Anonymous"
---

#### ANNOUNCER

This episode is dedicated from Eric Crabtree to LaWanda Anderson -- You will always be my chipmunk and I love you always. You taught me that it's okay to seek help and know my value as a person. I spent so much time hunting for reasons to exist and with help I learned that the reason lives inside me all along. This world shines brighter because you exist in it. I love you always. 

##### [Intro Theme]

#### ANNOUNCER

Rusty Quill Presents: The Magnus Protocol.

Episode Six -- Introductions. 

##### [Music]

------

<!-- 1. INT. OIAR OFFICE -- NIGHT, CLEAR (COMPUTER) SAM is typing away on his computer, though the rhythm of it is unsteady. He is exhausted and keeps almost drifting off to sleep before jolting himself back awake. From her desk, ALICE starts to whistle a lullaby at him.  -->

##### [The microphone of the decrepit OIAR computer once again turns on]

##### [Slow, unsteady typing noises]

##### [Sam yawns]

##### [From nearby, Alice starts singing a wordless lullaby]

#### SAM

Not helping, Alice. 

##### [He sounds exhausted.]

#### ALICE

I'm sorry, I'm meant to be helping now? 

#### SAM

I'm going to get another coffee. 

#### ALICE

Have you considered simply bypassing your mouth altogether and injecting the beans directly into your bloodstream? 

#### SAM

_(exhaling)_ Great idea. Why didn't I think of that? 

#### ALICE

Not enough coffee beans in your blood. 

#### SAM

Of course.

##### [Beat. More typing.] 

#### ALICE

Real talk, though, if the first three coffees haven't helped, I wouldn't get another. More caffeine isn't going to make you more awake, it's just going to make you shake and puke. 

#### SAM

_(yawning again)_ I'll have to risk it. I'm really struggling here. 

#### ALICE

Oh sure. Ignore the woman who's worked nights for almost a decade. What would she know? 

#### SAM

So what would you suggest? 

#### ALICE

Going back in time and buying those black-out curtains like I told you to. 

#### SAM

I know, I know, I just -- we barely see the sun as it is, it feels wrong to actively shut it out entirely. 

#### ALICE

Oh, *Sam.* The sun is the *enemy!* It rules the world of light, but we who dwell in darkness feel only its wrath. _(normal again)_ Get the curtains. 

#### SAM

Yeah, maybe. 

#### ALICE

Or get fired for falling asleep at your desk. Your call. _(she stops typing)_ Incidentally, did you know you make this adorable little, "mlem" noise when you drop off? 

#### SAM

_(snickers; affectionately:)_ You really punish people for daring to be your friend, you know that, right? 

#### ALICE

My justice is harsh but fair. Anyway, you'd best get your nap out of the way. We need you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when you meet the new guy. 

#### SAM

Aren't I the new guy? 

#### ALICE

Pffft. You wish. You're old news, Sam, basically a dinosaur. There's a *new* new hire coming in. It's all in Lena's email, which you would probably have read if you were conscious. 

#### SAM

Is someone else leaving? 

#### ALICE

Hope not, but this job has kind of a high turnover rate, so Lena likes to hire a couple of replacements when an old-timer leaves. 

#### SAM

What, and just assumes one of them won't stick it out? 

#### ALICE

She's usually right. And at this exact moment, my snoozy darling, the smart money's not on you. 

#### SAM

What happens if both of us thrive here? 

#### ALICE

Then we draw lots and one of you gets eaten at the Christmas party. 

#### SAM

_(amused)_ Well, let's hope the new guy isn't too stringy. 

#### ALICE

Ooh, fighting words!

##### [Footsteps: GWEN enters from the break room.]

#### SAM

Hey, Gwen, you hear we've got a new hire coming in? 

#### GWEN

_(unenthused)_ Whoop-de-doo. 

#### SAM

Not you too. 

#### GWEN

Training someone up takes a lot of time, and we're massively behind as it is. 

#### SAM

True, but once they're trained up, it's another pair of hands to help. 

#### ALICE

If they stick around. 

#### GWEN

Which they won't. _(she sits)_ Now, like I said, massively behind. 

#### SAM

...Sure, sorry.

##### [Everyone resumes typing in silence]

##### [Sam continues to yawn]

##### [Suddenly, the computer starts playing a casefile]

##### [There is a ringing as a phone call is made, then tinny phone audio:]

<!-- They resume typing in silence, until the computer starts to play a casefile. 2. CYBER -- N/A, N/A (999 CALL) There is a ringing as a call comes through.  -->

#### OPERATOR 1

Emergency, which service? 

#### NEEDLES

What a fantastically good question.

#### OPERATOR 1

Police, ambulance or fire? 

#### NEEDLES

Well no-one's on fire, so probably not that one. Although they also do rescue, don't they. And this poor fellow really would benefit from a bit of rescuing right now. 

#### OPERATOR 1

Sir, describe the situation and I can transfer you as appropriate. 

#### NEEDLES

Hang on, I'll ask him.

##### [The phone is jostled a bit as Needles moves]

##### [We hear a man whose breathing is ragged and pained]

#### NEEDLES

_(slightly distant)_ What do we think? Police or ambulance? 

#### VICTIM

_(pained and mumbling)_ ...help... 

#### OPERATOR 1

Sir? Sir, are you in danger?

##### [The phone is brought away from the victim]

#### NEEDLES

_(clearer again)_ You'll have to forgive him, he's full of needles at the moment, you see.

##### [He giggles] 

#### OPERATOR 1

Sir, can I please have your location? 

#### NEEDLES

Oh, I thought you got it automatically? 

#### OPERATOR 1

Not on mobile, so --

#### NEEDLES

*Wonderful!* I have longer than I thought. In that case, we'll have a little natter at our end, and call you back once we come to a decision about which service!

##### [He laughs again, more maniacally]

#### OPERATOR 1

Sir, don't hang up --

##### [A scream of agony from the victim]

##### [The line goes dead.]

##### [Another ringing as a second call goes through to 999:]

#### OPERATOR 2

Emergency, which service? 

#### NEEDLES

We've been discussing it, and we're going to go with police. Final answer. 

#### OPERATOR 2

Transferring you now.

##### [The call is put through.]

#### POLICE OPERATOR

Police, what's your emergency? 

#### NEEDLES

Yes, hello Police! I've got a man here and, well -- let's just say he's been quite stabbed. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

Are you in any danger? 

#### NEEDLES

_(amused)_ Me? Gosh no! No. I suspect he thought I was at first, though. The way he postured and pulled out his little knife. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

Is the attacker still in the area? 

#### NEEDLES

Oh yes, very much so. Although I really wouldn't go so far as to call him an attacker. In fact, in many ways it was an act of affection by the end. An embrace. ...A cuddle, even! Ha! Yes, let's call it a cuddle.

##### [He starts laughing to himself]

#### POLICE OPERATOR

Are you sure you're okay? Panic is normal in these situations. Have you been hurt? 

#### NEEDLES

Of course it hurts, how couldn't it? But I've come to rather enjoy the pain by now. All those teeny tiny holes, bright and sharp... 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

I'm going to need you to stay with me. The man, the one you said was stabbed, is he still there? 

#### NEEDLES

I doubt he's going anywhere ever again. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

...Is he breathing? Does he need an ambulance? 

#### NEEDLES

Absolutely. But that isn't the real question, is it? 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

I can dispatch an ambulance, but I need your location. Do you know your address? Do you know where you are? 

#### NEEDLES

I know exactly where I am. I grew up here, you know. It was a decent place back then. Nice people lived here, you understand? Not like now, now it's a dreadful place. Not safe to walk at night. I take some pride in that, actually. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

_(enunciating)_ Sir, I need an address or a landmark. Tell me where you are. 

#### NEEDLES

Oh the land is definitely marked now, same as me. And it feels *good.* It satisfies in a way I never really thought anything would. It fills that hollow, lonely hole inside quite nicely. It's not sadism or masochism, I tried both of those already.

I think it's the fear. The look in their eyes once they realize their mistake -- _(audiibly grinning)_ it just makes me want to hold them close, so I do. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

The injured man -- did you stab him? 

#### NEEDLES

Ah, well, that's a tricky one. Sort of? In many ways he stabbed himself *on* me. By the time he saw the needles we were already *very* close. Close enough to smell his sweat and cheap aftershave. In fact, he barely had time to be afraid before we embraced. He's terrified now, of course... 

##### [Whimpering from the man in the background]

#### POLICE OPERATOR

I need to put you through to my supervisor. 

#### NEEDLES

_(suddenly sharp and fast)_ If you leave this call I shall embrace him again and I sincerely doubt he would survive.

_(returning to jocular)_ You know what? I'd like to change my answer. I did stab him, yes. I certainly repositioned myself to make sure he got some in his face. In his eyes. Does that count? _(laughing)_ He keeps touching them like he's going to be able to pull all the metal out but I *told* him, it will only drive them deeper!

It won't last too long, thankfully, he'll finish bleeding out any minute now. But in the meantime, that fear wafting off him as he lies there, half afraid of death and half afraid of living with what has happened to him -- it's quite delightful. And it drowns out the aftershave nicely. 

##### [Beat.]

#### POLICE OPERATOR

_(slowly, disturbed but keeping it together)_ Give me your address and remain where you are. 

#### NEEDLES

Do I frighten you? Mr. Operator. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

Is that why you called? To try and scare whoever picked up? 

#### NEEDLES

Call it dessert. But you're not afraid, are you? Unsettled, off-balance, but -- nothing more. Why is that? 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

I guess I'm just not scared of needles. 

#### NEEDLES

_(suddenly enraged)_ Not *sca*-- This isn't some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor-sharp points pushing into your flesh. We're talking about the embrace of an iron maiden, an excruciating agony formed from a thousand tiny hurts. 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

_(slowly, loudly)_ Sir, you're clearly not... well. And I believe you've hurt someone who may have tried to mug you, so if you give me your location I can send someone over to help. 

#### NEEDLES

Oh, I see. You don't believe me.

Yes, I suppose that makes sense. It is somewhat outlandish, and that's only exacerbated by the distancing effect of the phone.

...Yes, the more I think on it, the more obvious it is that this call was never going to give me what I was after. I wonder, though, which of the police contact centres you're hiding in! Hendon? Lambeth? 

#### POLICE OPERATOR

Excuse me? 

#### NEEDLES

_(low, teasing)_ Lambeth, then, and I am sure I could recognize your voice now.

##### [Beat.] 

Ah, there it is. There's the fear. Not much, just a little prick, but we found it in the end, didn't we?

#### POLICE OPERATOR

_(voice cracking)_ I'm transferring you to my supervisor now. 

#### NEEDLES

Then I'll be going. I have no interest in speaking to them, and besides, we agreed that if you left the call my friend here would have a last little cuddle before I go.

I do hope we speak again soon, Mr. Operator. See if we can't find some other frightful little pinpricks we can explore together...

##### [The call ends with a click.]

------

##### [We return to the OIAR computer recording]

##### [Sam lets out a noise of bemusement at the case]

<!-- The others clearly weren't listening.  -->

#### SAM

Huh? Is that it? 

#### GWEN

_(was not listening)_ Is what it? 

#### SAM

The case. It just kind of ends. 

#### ALICE

_(was also not listening)_ What sort was it? 

#### SAM

Didn't you hear it? 

#### ALICE

I barely hear my own. You tune them out after a while. 

#### SAM

_(snorts)_ It was a pair of emergency services calls. 

#### ALICE

Oh, yeah, you're not getting any closure from those. You might be assigned the follow-up coroner's report if something weird happens to the body, but that's pretty rare. _(amused)_ Why, were you enjoying it? 

#### SAM

I wouldn't exactly go that far. 

#### ALICE

Well who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and they'll kill again. What was it? 

#### SAM

Like... A guy made of needles, I think? 

#### ALICE

Needles? Is that scary? I've been working here so long I can't tell anymore. 

#### GWEN

Maybe if you're scared of needles? 

#### SAM

To be fair, he did sound kind of... sensitive about that. 

#### ALICE

Huh.

##### [Footsteps as LENA enters] 

#### LENA

Good evening, everyone. 

#### ALICE

Lena! Little bird told me the new hire was coming in today. 

#### LENA

Please refrain from referring to me as a "little bird," Alice. 

#### ALICE

Big bird, then. So where's the fresh meat? 

#### LENA

She's getting a cup of coffee from the break room. Her name is Celia, and I trust you will all make her feel welcome. 

#### GWEN

We'll certainly try.

##### [Footsteps as CELIA enters]

<!-- with a cup of coffee and a little donut.  -->

#### CELIA

_(through a mouthful of donut)_ Lena, these little donuts are amazing! Where do you get them? 

#### LENA

Celia, these are your co-workers. 

#### CELIA

Oh, god, of course, I'm sorry! _(swallows)_ Hello everyone! 

#### SAM

That's alright, we're a bit of a letdown after mini-donuts. 

#### ALICE

Lena likes to put them out when someone new joins our little family. 

#### LENA

Just ensure you eat them on site. Now I'll leave you all to get acquainted, I have some intake paperwork to finish. Alice, I'll have a word with you about training later tonight. Celia, come by my office once you're done here, we have some last papers to sign. 

#### CELIA

Will do.

##### [Footsteps as LENA departs.] 

#### CELIA

So, yeah! Never worked somewhere with mini-donuts before! 

#### ALICE

I wouldn't get too excited. They're probably still left over from when Sam joined us. 

#### SAM

Well, I liked them just fine. 

#### CELIA

You're Sam, then? 

#### SAM

Yup. Only just joined myself. 

#### CELIA

Awesome! Actually, can I ask you a question? Your interview...

#### SAM

Oh my god, yeah, *suuuuper* weird, right? 

#### CELIA

Thank you! I was sat there like "whaaaaaaat?" 

#### ALICE

You should both be proud. Lena only tries to talk you out of it if she thinks you're worth talking to in the first place. 

#### CELIA

Yeah? It's been a while since I had an interview, but *that* was... 

##### [She exhales]

#### ALICE

Yeah, she used to have a real problem with turnover, people would take the job and bail after a couple of weeks, so she changed up her interview style to make sure she only got people who were...

#### SAM

Suitable!

#### ALICE

Desperate. 

#### CELIA

_(cheerful)_ And I'm both, the system works! Also, I don't know if I caught your name. 

#### ALICE

Alice. I'm the longest inmate down here, so let me know if you have any questions: where are the toilets? Do they have any sharper knives? How do I make the nightmares stop?

##### [Celia snickers]

#### ALICE

Anything at all. And that chatterbox over in the corner is Gwen. 

#### GWEN

Sorry, Celia, was it? It's lovely to meet you, I hope you have a good time here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a *lot* of work to do.

##### [She returns to her typing.]

#### CELIA

_(unperturbed)_ Sure, no worries. I'll be honest, I thought there'd be more people working here, given the size of the building? 

#### SAM

Yeah, no, we're, um... 

#### ALICE

Streamlined? 

#### SAM

Streamlined! Sure. Oh, there is an IT guy as well, though you might want to steer clear of him... until you've got your bearings a bit.

##### [Alice chuckles slightly to herself at the memory of pranking Sam.] 

#### SAM

But mostly it's just us. 

#### CELIA

Four weirdos in a basement reading scary stories. Dream job. 

##### [Sam laughs]

#### ALICE

If you say so. 

#### SAM

Fair warning, some of these cases are... They're not *fun* to read. 

#### CELIA

I appreciate the concern, but I'm sure they'll be alright. I don't scare so easy these days. 

#### ALICE

Yeah, you got that hardened killer look in your eyes. 

#### CELIA

Damn, and here I thought I'd hidden it behind a sweet and bubbly demeanor!

##### [Sam laughs]

#### CELIA

Anyway, I'd better go check in with Lena. Lovely to meet you all! 

#### SAM

_(calling)_ Lovely to meet you too!

##### [Footsteps as Celia leaves] 

#### SAM

_(excited)_ She seems nice!

#### ALICE

_(thinking)_ Yeah... 

#### GWEN

Don't get attached. 

#### ALICE

Wouldn't dream of it.

------

<!-- 4. OIAR BREAKROOM -- NIGHT, CLEAR (CCTV) Sam is making himself another cup of coffee. He sighs to himself waits for the coffee machine to finish dispensing. Alice enters with Celia as he picks up the mug.  -->

##### [We are now listening through the echoey CCTV of the breakroom]

##### [Coffee machine whirs; Sam sighs to himself]

##### [Footsteps as Alice enters with Celia]

#### ALICE

And here we reach the highlight of our tour. The breakroom! 

#### CELIA

Mmmm! It's -- quite a sight. 

#### ALICE

While I understand you're awed by its magnificence, I must warn you that flash photography can spook the local wildlife. 

#### SAM

_(snorts)_ The "local wildlife" is just getting another coffee, if you want in? 

#### ALICE

_(pointed)_ Against my warnings. 

#### SAM

It's fine. I'm fine. I'm still adjusting to the nights, that's all. 

#### CELIA

Ah. I can't say I'm looking forward to that aspect of the job either. 

#### SAM

Has Alice tried to sell you her secondhand curtains yet? 

#### ALICE

*Alice* had not yet gotten to the advice section of the tour, but it was next on the agenda. 

#### SAM

You sure I can't get you anything, Celia? Tea, maybe? I think there's some ancient hot chocolate hidden behind Alice's "secret" biscuit stash. 

#### ALICE

_(gasp)_ I knew it was you, you little thief! 

#### CELIA

Thanks, but I'm alright for now, Sam, honestly. I might take you up on it later? 

#### SAM

Sure thing. 

#### CELIA

Am I good to head back, Alice? Colin said he'd have my workstation set up by now. 

#### ALICE

Go for it. I'll be over in a bit to take you through your first cases. 

#### CELIA

Perfect. _(calling)_ See ya, Sam!

##### [Footsteps as Celia leaves]

##### [Beat] 

##### [Alice exhales:]

#### ALICE

Wow. 

#### SAM

What? 

#### ALICE

*Wow.* 

#### SAM

What are you going on about now? 

#### ALICE

_(grinning)_ You have got it *bad,* son! 

#### SAM

Oh for god's sake, Alice. 

#### ALICE

"I think there's some old hot chocolate"? Why don't you just get her name tattooed on your arse while you're at it? 

#### SAM

You're being ridiculous --

#### ALICE

"Would you like tea, Celia? Coffee, perchance? My heart carved from my chest and arranged on a little doily?"

#### SAM

_(quietly)_ *What?*

#### ALICE

"Please, Celia, cut out my tongue so I can always be there to lick your stamps for you!" 

#### SAM

_(amused)_ Okay, firstly, this place is making you really morbid. Secondly, if you knew anything about stamps you'd know that modern prints are self-adhesive so actually --

#### ALICE

Also, how do you know where I hide my biscuits. 

#### SAM

It's literally the same place you did when we were students -- back of the top shelf in the upper leftmost cabinet. Where you think people won't be tall enough to see them. 

#### ALICE

...Touché. But you should be very careful about sharing such knowledge. Choco Leibniz are simply too powerful for the common palate. 

#### SAM

If you say so. Anyway, I need to get back to --

#### ALICE

Staring into the eyes of your beloved?

##### [Beat] 

#### SAM

I'd have an incredibly witty retort for that if I wasn't so *completely* shattered. 

#### ALICE

Awwww! I know, sweetums. I know. 

------

##### [Music]

#### ANNOUNCER

The Magnus Protocol is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International License. The series is created by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall, and directed by Alexander J Newall.

This episode was written by Jonathan Sims and edited with additional materials by Alexander J Newall, with vocal edits by Lowri Ann Davis, soundscaping by Tessa Vroom, and masting by Catherine Rinella with music by Sam Jones.

It featured Billie Hindle as Alice Dyer, Shahan Hamza as Samama Khalid, Anusia Battersby as Gwen Bouchard, Lowri Ann Davies as Celia Ripley, Sarah Lambie as Lena Kelley.

The Magnus Protocol is produced by April Sumner, with executive producers Alexander J Newall, Dani McDonough, Linn Ci, and Samantha F.G. Hamilton, and Associate Producers Jordan L. Hawk, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius d'Raven, and Megan Nice.

To subscribe, view associated materials, or join our Patreon, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us online, tweet us @therustyquill, visit us on facebook or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening.