---
layout:          post
title:           "RQG008 - Londons All the Way Down"
date:            2015-07-22 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
voiced:          [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
categories:			"rqg"
podcasts: ["rqg"]
title_prefix:	"RQG"
prev_categories: ["rqg"]
prev_prefixes: ["RQG"]
prev_episode:   ['007']
prev_episode_num:		['007']
prev_episode_title:		["Squelch"]
next_categories: ["rqg"]
next_prefixes: ["RQG"]
next_episode:   ['009']
next_episode_num:		['009']
next_episode_title:		["Squelch"]
episode_title:   'Londons All the Way Down'
episode_number:  '008'
summary:         "Join Alex, James, Bryn, Ben and Lydia as they continue to play an extended Pathfinder Tabletop Roleplaying Campaign: Erasing the Line.<br/><br/>In this episode Sasha and Hamid are hearing voices, Bertie is a ventriloquist and Zolf is sleeping on the floor."
content_flags:   ["Underground & tunnels", "Discussions of: rot & sewage, violence", "Mentions of: bombs & explosions, floods, food, smoking, blades, alcohol", "SFX: continuous running water, dripping, background chatter, ticking"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/rustyquillgaming/rqg-8-londons-all-the-way-down
formats: 
    # DOCX: 
    # PDF: 
    # Google Doc: 
official:        true
wiki_url:        https://rqg.fandom.com/wiki/RQG_8_-_Londons_All_the_Way_Down
---

##### [Show Theme -- Intro] 

#### ALEX

Hello again and welcome to episode 8 of the Rusty Quill Gaming podcast! I'm your host and GM Alex Newall and wiz me... _(beat)_ wiz me?

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

#### ALEX

*Wizard* -- wizard me --

#### JAMES

*Whoosh!*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

With me as ever I have: 

#### LYDIA

Lydia Nicholas. 

#### BEN

Ben Meredith. 

#### BRYN

Bryn Monroe. 

#### JAMES

James Ross. 

#### ALEX

And who are you playing? 

#### LYDIA

I'm playing an awkward rogue, "stab first, ask questions never."

#### ALEX

Called? 

#### LYDIA

Sasha Racket. Sorry -- I *told* you she was awkward!

##### [PLAYERS CACKLE]

It's not autobiographical at *all.* 

#### BEN

_(like a superhero name)_ Zolf Smith, Smelly Cleric.

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

Hamid, the halfling sorcerer. 

#### JAMES

Sir Bertrand "Bertie" MacGuffingham, the nemesis of all tables. 

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Cool! And the last thing that happened is, you guys had managed to basically head down into the sewers, having followed... the bombers, we'll call them. You found yourself a chunk of Simulacrum in a big basin of _(delicately)_ excrement, and Zolf, in a fit of foolhardy bravery, decided to fetch another one!

#### BEN

_(laughing)_ From a Wisdom 18 character!

#### ALEX

Oh yeah!

#### BEN

Really roleplaying my stats there. 

#### ALEX

Yeah yeah, went for a quick swim, went for a longer swim than he anticipated, ended up in a brief *lake* of -- _(beat)_ yep -- and then got hauled back up by everyone with the help of Hamid. So, last thing that happened is you guys dumped a lump of *something* on the side of the sewer.

##### [FAINT WATER NOISES SET IN]

#### BEN

Yes, the last thing that happened is I want to be *cleaned.*

#### BRYN

The first thing I do is cast Prestidigitation. I use it to clean Zolf -- 

#### BEN

Oh, thank goodness. 

#### BRYN

-- to clean myself, and to clean the strange device.

#### ALEX

Alright. You, er, faff, we have another blizzard of hankies -- that's got to be a spell. 

#### EVERYONE

A Blizzard of Hankies. 

#### ALEX

A Blizzard of Hankies. And nonetheless, you finish with your blizzard and expose... the head!

##### [LYDIA GASPS]

Of the Simulacrum. It appears to have been torn from the neck. 

#### LYDIA

Can I do a Perception check -- can we all -- to see if it would react, and try and maybe...

#### BEN

Poke it in the eye! 

#### JAMES

I'm going to try talking to it before anybody sees whether it's alive or not, because I think that's the sort of thing that my character would do?

#### ALEX

Okay. 

#### BERTIE

Hello, hello. Metal person! Hello!

#### JAMES

I'll start tapping it on the head.

#### BERTIE

Knock knock. Anyone in? *Aaaanyone* in?

#### JAMES

And I'll open, try and open an eye?

#### ALEX

Uh-huh.

#### JAMES

And go --

#### BERTIE

Hello, hello. 

#### ALEX

The eye looks like it has been shattered. Like the actual eye -- it looks like it's made of glass or some kind of gem or *something.* I mean, you're no expert, but it certainly looks like it has cracked and been punched or hit or something. It's basically imploded, the eye that you lift up. 

#### BERTIE

Oh! Right, well, sorry about that.

#### JAMES

Close that one, open the other one.

#### BERTIE

Hello! Hello.

#### ALEX

There's an eye there that's dull and unmoving.

#### JAMES

Mm.

##### [BEAT]

#### HAMID

I think the most important question at this point is, are there going to be any other pieces of it down in that big lake in the vault? 

#### ZOLF

I didn't notice any more, but to be honest I wasn't really paying attention. 

#### HAMID

_(overlapping)_ It's quite big, do you think we can ascertain? 

#### SASHA

I think that sounds more like, I was going to say, if we took this to the City Guard. They could drain the lake. Because that sounds like something you need a lot of people, who are gross, to do that. 

#### BERTIE

Yes, delegating! I think it's the first task of leadership, is learning when to delegate.

#### ZOLF

Well, I actually think the bigger question is -- why did they do that? Now they obviously weren't trying to steal the Simulacrum for -- being a Simulacrum, so was there some kind of maybe magical engine? Or did they just want to destroy it?

#### HAMID

Well, it's full of precious materials, but...

#### ZOLF

But why throw bits away? 

#### HAMID

To travel more easily? I mean, we're going to struggle to carry these, aren't we?

#### ZOLF

True.

#### HAMID

Do we need to keep following the trail, or, remember, just around that corner there was a...

#### SASHA

There was a massive door. 

#### HAMID

Big bolted door. 

#### ZOLF

Mm.

#### SASHA

How about -- 

#### ZOLF

Should we --

#### SASHA

I can look in at the door? 

#### ZOLF

-- probably scout, see what's going on. 

#### HAMID

Check it for the traps, remember, that manhole was a trap. 

#### SASHA

Yep. Yeah, I'll do that. 

#### HAMID

You probably knew that, sorry. 

##### [SASHA STAMMERS FOR AN EXTENSIVE PERIOD]

#### ZOLF

_(putting Sasha out of her misery)_ That's nice. Do what you do, do what you do. 

#### SASHA

_(awkwardness physically painful)_ Okay.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

I'll awkwardly go to the door.

#### ALEX

You get to the end and you get to that door, that looks like it has been sheared or something?

#### LYDIA

Checking it for traps.

#### ALEX

Give me a Perception roll.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

That was nine. 

#### ALEX

Nine plus your Perception of --

#### LYDIA

-- is six. 

#### ALEX

Fifteen? You see another tripwire.

#### LYDIA

_(softly)_ Ooh!

#### ALEX

The door is slightly ajar, and this tripwire is very, very narrow, but it seems to be a similar setup as the first one. 

#### JAMES

We're all behind you at this point, along the corridor, and I'm carrying the head presumably because nobody else is --

#### LYDIA

I -- I gesture to stay back, silently, assuming that you understand the downward sort of... 

#### JAMES

I'm carrying the head, I'm thinking I'm going to have a go at a bit of a ventriloquist's act.

##### [PLAYERS SNORT]

#### BEN

And I'm going to put my clothes back on. 

#### JAMES

Yeah.

##### [ALEX CACKLES AT THE REMINDER]

#### BEN

I was in me undercrackers and my dolphin, and that was all I was wearing, so. 

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

Bottle of beer, bottle of beer! Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba baaaa. 

#### ZOLF

What are you *doing,* Bertie? 

#### BERTIE

Can any of you chaps get the head talking? 

#### HAMID

_(patient)_ *No,* we'll deal with that later. 

#### LYDIA

I am gonna Disable Device. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, sure, give me the roll.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

So 8. Plus 7, so 15. 

#### ALEX

Fifteen? Again, yeah, you have a bit more trouble with this one, but as before, same -- it's ultimately -- it's the same mechanism, it's just a bit more fiddly because it's a much narrower space for you to reach and sort it. But yeah, you manage to hold the tripwire, snip the wire, reach in. And unfortunately you don't manage to, sort of salvage the whole thing?

#### LYDIA

Aww.

#### ALEX

You make a *slight* error. And basically it starts to -- you hear a little _(makes clicking noise)_ as it's trying to ignite and you're like "Oop! Nope." You start, you know, plucking a couple of components out so it can't go off? But you can't really salvage it. 

#### BRYN

It's not going to be usable. 

#### LYDIA

I don't retrieve my lovely second thunderstone and vial. 

#### ALEX

No. Basically the oil vial breaks as part of it -- the way that you stop it going off in your face is you break the oil, it dribbles on the floor. The thunderstone sort of sparks but doesn't go off, and then nothing happens. 

#### JAMES

So you can't make a pair of *incredibly* dangerous earrings. 

##### [SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

_(mourningly)_ No.

Okay, so can I listen to the door?

#### ALEX

Uh-huh.

#### LYDIA

Can the door have *woes?* 

##### [LAUGHTER, BURST OF CROSSTALK]

#### BEN

What does the door have to say? "Hello." 

#### ALEX

The door is so saaaad.

#### BRYN

At this point I assume you'll carry the gauntlet, Zolf? 

#### BEN

Yeah, no, no, I'm happy carrying it in my backpack. 

#### BRYN

I'll sneak up next to Sasha now that the trap has gone, to help her just scout a bit, but obviously again letting her take the lead.

#### ALEX

Sure.

#### LYDIA

Yep. Listening...

#### ALEX

Would you rather take two Perception rolls? Yeah, give me two Perception rolls. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Nineteen plus -- so 25. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, much better than me, 18 total. 

#### ALEX

*Both* of you hear distant voices. And you cannot make out any words and you cannot make even the genders of the voices -- they seem quite low but you can't really make out much more than that; there's that much echoing and reechoing and so on. And the doorway -- you haven't opened it, the door is still just ajar as it was -- it seems to lead to a metal staircase.

#### HAMID

Stay here, I think it may be better if we go just a little way ahead. 

#### SASHA

Yeah, this...

#### ZOLF

What's down there?

#### HAMID

There's some voices. Just be quiet.

#### SASHA

There's people and there's a clanging like it's made of metal...

#### ZOLF

I understand.

#### SASHA

So Bertie, stay.

#### HAMID

We'll shout if we need you. 

#### ZOLF

And me. 

#### SASHA

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Tap my leg, not going to happen, but I will get my trident out and just basically ready --

#### ZOLF

Just yell if you need us and we'll come down. 

#### BERTIE

You do that, um -- brain walkie-talkie spell thing. 

#### HAMID

It doesn't have a very long range, but I guess I could give it a go.

#### BRYN

I cast Message. 

#### ALEX

Okay, what's the range on it? 

#### BRYN

110 feet. 

#### ALEX

Okay. Who'd you cast it on? 

#### BRYN

I'll cast it on both of them, it's a cantrip so I can cast it -- 

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### BRYN

-- as many times as I like. 

#### ALEX

Sure. So currently Bertie and Zolf are connected now, to you. 

#### BRYN

I'll cast it on... Sasha as well. 

#### ALEX

They don't connect to each other. 

#### BRYN

No. 

#### ALEX

Basically you're holding a conference call, but you're the only one that can hear. 

#### JAMES

It's -- somehow we've set up a chatroom, it's just like --

#### BRYN

Okay, yeah. 

#### LYDIA

So we go down the stairs, I flow like a spilled bottle of extra virgin olive oil.

##### [BEAT]

_(sadly)_ It's not as good --

#### BEN

"Extra virgin"?

#### JAMES

Over the back of a silken seal. 

#### LYDIA

Over the back of a silken seal, yeah. 

#### ALEX

We'll get there. Collectively, we will get you there in a sufficiently flowy fashion. 

#### LYDIA

The seal quivers in delight.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Give it a massage. 

#### ALEX

And the door is just jealous.

#### BRYN

Stealth checks from both of us? 

#### ALEX

I think that will be wise. 

#### BRYN

Come on, dice. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

So that's...

#### BEN

The dice is with you. 

#### LYDIA

Twelve plus seven. 

#### ALEX

Twelve and seven is 19. 

#### LYDIA

Nineteen. 

#### BRYN

Eighteen plus six, 24. 

##### [EVERYONE OOHS]

#### ALEX

So yeah, Sasha is flowing like an oily seal. 

#### LYDIA

An oiled seal, and he's just a better oiled seal. 

#### ALEX

And then Hamid is exactly the same but *quieter!* Which has got to be galling.

##### [SFX: FLOWING WATER SOUNDS GRADUALLY FADE OUT, REPLACED BY SOUNDS OF SLOWLY DRIPPING WATER]

Um, but yeah. You guys are basically making your way down this metal staircase, it's quite old. On the flip side of the door that you passed, you see that there is -- there is no bolts on this side, so it's very clear that it was meant to be locked from the upper level against the lower level, rather than the people in the stairway closing it from people coming in from where you have.

#### JAMES

So they were meant to keep people like us out, originally? 

#### ALEX

No, they were meant to stop people from coming up the stairs, rather than people going down the stairs. 

#### LYDIA

Gotcha. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### LYDIA

Okay.

#### ALEX

So sneaking down the stairs, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, a little bit of a more, _(clearly enjoying this)_ sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. There's a brief moment where you go quiet -- "was there someone there," you hear voices, a little bit more sneaky. You get down until you're at the range of your Message, and the voices are discernibly louder.

##### [SFX: DISTANT BOISTEROUS VOICES]

You hear multiple -- and they don't seem to be hushed, and you can make out women's voices as well. But yeah, it's as far as you can go without dropping out of range.

#### BRYN

I'll just whisper through the Message --

#### HAMID

We're going out of range, but we'll shout. Just -- stay, uh, stay vigilant. 

#### ZOLF

We're ready. 

#### ALEX

You go down a couple more staircases and come up against another door, like, at a lower level, and the staircase continues lower as well.

#### LYDIA

Goodness me. 

#### ALEX

You can see the bottom maybe another five floors down, it's a pretty deep stairwell.

#### BRYN

I'll whisper --

#### HAMID

Could this be a path into Other London? How deep do you have to go? 

#### LYDIA

Ah, I don't know, but Sasha would, so. Alex, this is...? 

#### ALEX

It's certainly deep enough. I mean, ultimately certain parts of Other London would be coming up to almost, like, just below that sewer that you first entered. You're *certainly* deep enough to be drawing near to Other London. Impossible to know whether, like, this is connecting into that, but just sort of how far you've come and your experience of it -- yeah, certainly. 

#### BEN

To clarify then, with Upper London and Other London, is Upper London effectively on stilts? Or is, is Other London completely underground and it has basically been subsumed, a bit like, for example, Ankh-Morpork's undercity.

#### ALEX

Upper London is built on London. Basically, the London got built up over the top, and you know that there were... the floods, which -- if anyone is interested in this stuff, I'm deliberately being a bit esoteric because it's all there on the website.

#### BEN

Ahhhh. 

#### ALEX

You just go into, if you go into Rusty Quill Gaming and then across to Story-World, I've got a bunch of things explaining the story-world in greater detail. But following the floods from the initial lightning rail experiments, Under London -- or Other London -- was subsumed, and it was just much easier to just effectively turn what was a second story into a basement, and just... build across the top.

#### BEN

Right. 

#### ALEX

Start again, do it better. 

#### BEN

Fair enough! Cool.

#### ALEX

That's certainly all that your character would know, no more. 

#### BEN

Yeah, fine. 

#### BRYN

So what can we hear, the voices? 

#### LYDIA

So I would then answer in character, I'm guessing, saying --

#### SASHA

It's entirely possible, like -- like, there's places much less deep than this but... 

#### HAMID

Sure, okay. 

#### SASHA

But it might even go straight *past* Other London to, like, maybe there's another London before that, and then another one before that.

#### BEN

Is it Londons All The Way Down? 

##### [BURST OF LAUGHTER]

#### HAMID

Okay.

#### ALEX

Do you continue to go down or you're currently near...

#### LYDIA

Oh right.

#### BRYN

We're listening on this level. 

#### LYDIA

Let's listen. 

#### ALEX

It certainly sounds like the voices are coming from this floor rather than the lower floor.

#### LYDIA

Excellent.

#### ALEX

And basically there's a corridor leading away from the stairwell that just takes an immediate left turn, another 90-degree. So you can't necessarily see a door but it's, the noises seem to be coming from round the corner.

#### LYDIA

Take a listen. 

#### BRYN

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

Sure. You make out a babble of multiple voices -- um, ten, maybe twelve, that you can hear discernibly...

#### BRYN

But not -- so not possible to pick out a conversation, because there's so many. 

#### ALEX

You make out a very, very faint conversation, and you occasionally catch the word "bread," and the word "ridiculous." Er...

#### BEN

"What ridiculous bread we have!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

"That's what you get for setting up a *clown* bakery!"

#### HAMID

Do you think we can -- 

#### SASHA

Well, it sounds like --

#### HAMID

-- have a look without being spotted? 

#### SASHA

Yeah. I mean, you're small, or, like -- I'll do it, I'll, I'll -- it's fine, I'll do it, I'll... fine.

##### [ALEX SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

So, I -- *very* in character there. 

#### BEN

The world's most reluctant rogue.

#### LYDIA

_(inaudible)_ So, I -- okay, so yeah, I'll go pop my head round the corner. 

#### ALEX

You see another door almost identical to the one that is at the top of the staircase. The bolts have been sheared. The bolts were designed to be opened, this time, from inside the stairwell --

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

-- rather than from outside the stairwell.

#### LYDIA

Uh-huh.

#### ALEX

And the bolts have been sheared and it's slightly ajar. 

#### LYDIA

Okay. Is it, I mean, am I now hearing lots of clear conversation? 

#### ALEX

The voices are definitely coming from the other side of the door, and there is what looks like firelight, sort of occasionally glimmering on the wall... 

#### LYDIA

Can I now hear what these people are talking about? 

#### ALEX

You hear an equivalent to:

#### ALEX (VOICE 1)

This is ridiculous, this is absolutely ridic -- I'm not paying that for bread!

#### ALEX (VOICE 2)

Well, you can pay for it somewhere else. Or, you know, you can pay for it here?

#### ALEX (VOICE 1)

It's ridiculous! Who pays that for bread?! I could eat a rat for that! *Two,* maybe.

#### LYDIA

Do I recognise these voices? 

#### ALEX

You recognise the tone and the accent as Other London. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

But the specifics...

#### LYDIA

Okay, so... still not particularly sure if these guys are enemies, but it doesn't *sound* that much like it. But then why would we come down the corridor, out of the... okay, I'll just open the door.

#### ALEX

Just brazenly?

#### LYDIA

Very sneakily. I want to take a tiny peek through the crack. 

#### ALEX

It explodes in your face! No, it doesn't, it doesn't. 

#### LYDIA

Aw. Aw.

#### ALEX

You open the door --

##### [VOICES BECOME DISTINCTLY LOUDER]

And you're looking into a large industrial under-complex, as it were. So lots of steel walkways up high. You're coming out onto a very high steel walkway. And it's almost like someone drained the vaults that Zolf landed in?

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

It isn't actually designed for the holding of liquid or anything, but the scale, the kind of architecture -- there are pipes that run in and then flow but they flow *past* this. A lot of metal grillwork, multiple levels. And you appear to be above what looks like some kind of... market, that has been set up across the metal grilling and just across the various levels of the complex.

#### LYDIA

Okay.

#### ALEX

It's very familiar to you, as it's one of the bazaars, there's a few. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

You know that -- you recognise it, and you realise that you've never seen this door that you're looking in through? You've never seen that open before. To be honest there's so many doors that are just locked and bolted that you don't really notice them eventually. 

#### LYDIA

Right. Okay, is a, like is it going to be a *hugely* obvious thing if I walk out of this, like am I visible to the entire market because I'm coming from such a high place? 

#### ALEX

I'd say that if the market was looking up, yes. You are, like, you know, 30 feet above all of the stall-tops and stuff, which also actually have awnings --

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

-- as if they were going to be rained on, but it ain't rain that they are protecting themselves from. 

#### LYDIA

Right. 

#### ALEX

But yeah. You, you would be visible, but it's not like anyone's looking up there, you know. 

#### LYDIA

Right. So bringing Bertie is going to be difficult.

Yeah, so I go back to you, to, um, Hamid, and say --

#### SASHA

Go back and send them a Message. It's just a market, it's just -- like, we can, we can go in, we can ask people if they've seen anyone come past. It's like, it's just normal people. 

#### HAMID

Well, shall we head back up and the four of us can work out what to do next?

#### SASHA

Yeah.

#### HAMID

I mean, at this point the trail has probably gone cold, and maybe we just need to start asking around in Other London anyway --

#### SASHA

_(overlapping)_ And you want your sleep. 

##### [ALEX SNORTS]

#### HAMID

Well... _(giving in)_ yes.

#### SASHA

Alright. I mean maybe when we get them -- I bet there will be, like, an inn or somewhere we can get down there. I mean, it won't be what Bertie is used to, or you. 

#### HAMID

Well, let's go and talk to them. 

#### SASHA

Right. 

#### BRYN

We'll just head back up to the main... 

#### ALEX

Okay, sure. We'll cut to Zolf and Bertie mid-conversation, *go!*

##### [SEWER WATER NOISES ARE BACK]

#### ZOLF

So -- _(clears throat)_ the aroma, I would say, is probably...

##### [LAUGHTER]

...had a certain, I can't see the -- sort of *indescribable,* really. Like nothing -- I've been in some pretty grim bilges in my time, but, er, this was --

#### BERTIE

Grim.

#### ZOLF

_(simultaneously)_ Extraordinary.

#### BERTIE

Grimmer, *grimmest.*

#### ZOLF

Er... Not quite grimmest, but I'd say...

#### BERTIE

Somewhere between grimmer and grimmest. 

#### ZOLF

One of my top three grim moments. 

#### BERTIE

Top three grims. 

#### ALEX

_(laughing)_ At which point Hamid and Sasha rock up. 

#### HAMID

So down that staircase there's a doorway into a bazaar. 

#### SASHA

Yeah, like it's one of the Other London markets. It will be, you know, it's just...

#### HAMID

It's quite crowded. 

#### ALEX

If you give me a Knowledge: Local, Sasha, I can see how much information you have. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Oh... _(perking up)_ Oh, ten, I thought that was a two. 

#### ALEX

Ten. And what's your modifier? 

#### LYDIA

Seven. Seventeen. 

#### ALEX

Ooh! Okay, yeah. 

#### LYDIA

I know stuff about *Local* Things! Local Knowledge from Local People.

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

One of the things that they fixed, I think, in Pathfinder, was Knowledge: Local refers universally. So if you were in Paris, you would still have better Knowledge: Local than everyone else, because the idea is that you are good at just figuring it out. It's very much -- I find myself in Budapest, _(confidently)_ I know how cities work! And then, you know, an hour later you're in a hashish bar making *all* of the friends.

#### LYDIA

In my case, annoying *all* of the people. 

#### ALEX

*All* of the people. 

#### JAMES

To you Budapest is barely a Buda-nuisance. 

#### LYDIA

Ayyyyyy! 

#### ALEX

Oh, James!

##### [PLAYERS GROAN, SOMEONE POUNDS THE TABLE]

#### JAMES

Ah, that was great. Come on. 

#### ALEX

That's your worst one for the day. 

#### JAMES

*I* enjoyed that.

##### [LAUGHTER]

I enjoyed that enough for everybody. 

#### ALEX

So, you know, it is a bazaar, it is a bazaar that specialises in food products. It's near enough to the sewage pipes that there is -- think of it as a hydroponics garden that has actually been set up, where a few enterprising folks have been using it as manure, effectively. And there's a part connected to that which is for the cleaning of them to remove all of the stray sewage, blah, blah, blah.

It's mostly for the buying of food, it's also mostly for the buying of food, sort of wholesale? So people would be coming up here to buy, like, thirteen cabbages, to then take it to their inn and make cabbage soup for forty people or whatever. It's not so much -- "oh, I'd like to buy a cup of a coffee here," kind of deal.

#### SASHA

I don't know, like there's nowhere around there you could sell a... 

#### ZOLF

I don't think we're going to pick up that trail by following it, we'll have to ask around. 

#### HAMID

We've got these -- we've got these big, um, pieces...

#### ZOLF

*Actually,* good point, *not* really that keen to go into Other London with something that's probably worth... the amount that Other London is. 

#### HAMID

I mean, should we take these back to --

#### ZOLF

We should take these back to the Sergeant.

#### HAMID

_(overlapping)_ To Haringay, and then we can try and pick up the trail tomorrow morning? 

#### SASHA

After a sleep. 

#### ZOLF

Well, either that or... if he pays us, job's a good 'un!

#### BERTIE

Job done! 

#### SASHA

Job done. 

#### BERTIE

This Simulacrum looks pretty dead to me. 

#### ZOLF

That's what he wanted. 

#### BERTIE

That was *basically* the fulfilment of most of the conditions. 

#### HAMID

Well, he might want us to find the people that did it as well, which is still a concern.

##### [AGREEING CROSSTALK]

#### ZOLF

Then he can pay us some more. We are, after all, mercenaries. 

#### HAMID

Indeed. Right.

##### [BEAT]

#### ZOLF

If you're not comfortable with this whole kind of... 

#### BERTIE

Very comfortable, I'm *extremely* comfortable. 

#### ZOLF

...commerce, you know, focused then... 

#### HAMID

Just not used to it, is all. 

#### ZOLF

Right, okay.

#### BERTIE

I am *intensely relaxed* about being filthy, filthy rich. 

#### ZOLF

And if anyone has got any concerns, don't worry, if we see people being mugged or anything like that I'm not going to ask them to pay me before I help.

#### SASHA

_(surprised)_ Oh, you're not?

##### [ALEX CACKLES]

#### ZOLF

Well, you know, we can assess the situation but... 

#### HAMID

I mean the other thing is, it would be quite nice to *prepare* before, you know... I was literally just on my way home, I didn't bring -- you know, everything I would have needed with me --

#### ZOLF

I-I see.

#### HAMID

And then we were in a fight with some people and...

#### BERTIE

Bertie-Hamid road trip, ooh!

#### HAMID

Fight with some people, and then we came down to the sewers, and -- it would be nice to have everything I needed. 

#### ZOLF

As someone who has gone for a swim in lots of poo, I can't agree more with going back and having about fifteen baths. So...

#### SASHA

And we could, like, have a bed in a hotel, like, one that's paid for and everything.

#### BERTIE

We could rest, using all of this *money* that we've just picked up that looks a lot like a head and an arm.

#### ZOLF

_(patient)_ The mercenary guild will gut us. 

#### HAMID

I have an apartment in, in town. 

##### [BEAT]

#### SASHA

_(quiet)_ Woooow. 

#### ZOLF

Fair enough. _(louder)_ To Hamid's apartment! 

#### SASHA

Hooray! 

#### BERTIE

All back to Hamid's. 

#### ZOLF

Well, we'll have to go, er, go --

#### BEN

My accent went a little weird there.

#### ZOLF

We go past the Sergeant and, uh...

#### HAMID

...deliver this and see what he says and what he wants us to do next. 

#### ALEX

So. Spell out your plan specifically to me. 

#### JAMES

We go all the way back up to the surface; we go and see Sergeant Haringay. 

#### LYDIA

Is there -- does the, does the metal staircase keep going *up,* further up than the door that we came through, so maybe straight to the ground level? 

#### ALEX

It did head further up. It didn't disappear into the distance, it only looked like it went up a few more levels.

#### BEN

We're not that far down. 

#### LYDIA

I think we should try that, yeah.

##### [AGREEING CROSSTALK]

#### BEN

That's probably a good route back, yeah.

But, yes, our plan is get out, find the Sergeant and give him the head, hopefully collect our payment, see if he wants to pay us to do anything more, and then go to Hamid's for parties and ablutions.

#### LYDIA

Right. 

##### [BEAT]

#### ALEX

End of campaign!

#### LYDIA

Yay!

#### BRYN

_(high-pitched)_ No, I'm not a dragon yet! 

#### JAMES

Cut to the four of us just sat in a hot tub -- "ahhhh." 

#### BEN

Yeah, we'll just sell this on the black market and retire to Sweden.

##### [PLAYERS CACKLE SOME MORE]

#### JAMES

That's the first time I've ever heard the phrase "retire to Sweden" as if it's a happy ending. 

#### ALEX

To be honest, the way Pathfinder works, you could totally sell it and head off to Sweden. I can make that work. 

#### BEN

Yeah, that's fine, but, uh... 

#### LYDIA

That sounds like less trouble than sticking around in London.

#### BEN

I'm an honest mercenary.

#### LYDIA

_(quiet)_ Aw.

##### [ALEX SNICKERS]

#### BEN

You may not be but... I certainly am. 

#### ALEX

So you guys head up the staircase --

#### JAMES

_(overlapping)_ We're going up there, up the spiral staircase. 

#### ALEX

Sure.

#### LYDIA

I check for traps on the -- on the door. 

#### BRYN

Where does it come out? 

#### ALEX

So you head up, you head up the stairs, it takes a while -- "clang, clang, clang," because Bertie's with them --

##### [RUSHING WATER SOUNDS ARE REPLACED WITH DRIPPING WATER SOUNDS]

And you make it to the level that you came out in originally, sorry, then up a few more rounds of the staircase and you get to just a door. It is bolted, and it appears to be bolted like the one that you came in through, so that people from the stairwell can't get out. 

#### LYDIA

Agh, okay. 

#### ALEX

You might be able to...

#### LYDIA

Lockpicking! 

#### ALEX

Yeah, so having a quick look -- yeah, there is a lock that you can pick. 

#### LYDIA

So I have just basic thieves' tools and my lockpicking... 

#### ALEX

So you're not taking any penalties, but you're not getting any bonuses? 

#### LYDIA

No. 

#### BRYN

Disable Device. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, that's right. Do-do-do-doo...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

So for listeners because this is the first time, Disable Devices for lockpicking. If you have thieves' tools you take no penalties. If you're doing it without thieves' tools, you take a minus 3, I think, or minus 4. Most rogues will go for a masterwork set as soon as possible because they are comparatively cheap and get you just a plus 3, which is why -- you know, they're useful.

#### LYDIA

That was fifteen.

#### ALEX

Fifteen total? 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Okay, fifteen total, um... it takes a decent amount of time, just as Bertie is starting to get a bit grumbly and impatient. 

#### BERTIE

_(quiet)_ Ugh, hungry! 

#### ALEX

You manage to get the sort of -- clank and then pull down the lever, and you feel the bolts _(imitates scraping and unbolting)_ and you can pull the door open. 

#### BERTIE

Are there any biscuits in there?

#### LYDIA

*Are* there any biscuits in there, Alex? 

#### ALEX

There are no biscuits in there.

#### BEN

It's a biscuit factory! 

#### JAMES

Perception check for biscuits! Kidding, carry on.

#### ALEX

It appears to be a service tunnel that runs for at least 100 feet, and just has a lot of pipes, sort of in the walls and in the ceiling. It's just a long straight service tunnel.

#### SASHA

Mhm. So I mean, this looks -- what do we want, down here or through the...?

#### ZOLF

This is a service tunnel, it's got to have an exit because someone's got to get in, so...

#### SASHA

Yep.

#### ALEX

Okay, yeah. So you start heading down --

#### ZOLF

_(stage whisper)_ And it's not covered in poo! So that's a win in my book.

#### BERTIE

Bonus!

#### ALEX

You guys make it down the corridor without *any* encounters with anything to do with the human digestive system --

##### [BEN AND LYDIA CHEER QUIETLY]

And make it to another manhole cover, ladder's leading up to it. It's a bit of a longer ladder, it's like a 25 foot ladder or so, and there's a manhole cover at the top, which is covered. And it looks like there's sort of light-dark-light-dark, same as the one in the other direction.

Who leads the way? Give me an order.

#### JAMES

Sasha, and then probably me. 

#### LYDIA

Yep. I flow like...

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Something that flows uphill, up a ladder! 

#### BEN

Like -- like cheddar gratings out of a grater.

#### LYDIA

Yeah! Like --

#### JAMES

Grated at *speed!* 

#### LYDIA

Like a weasel through a Hamster City toy set. 

#### ALEX

_(laughing)_ So, like really cramped and quite difficult? 

#### LYDIA

*No,* weasels are really small! 

#### BEN

Was that some product placement? Are Hamster City paying you? 

#### ALEX

Oh gosh. I wish they were.

#### LYDIA

Or like a stoat, they're the smaller ones, right? So even smaller, like, *tiny.* And *deadly.* 

#### ALEX

So you go up a ladder like a stoat, that's what I'm hearing. You get up to the manhole cover. There doesn't seem to be anything attached to it, at least from this side. Do you try and lift it? 

#### ZOLF

Mind your head! 

#### LYDIA

Yep. 

#### ALEX

Give me a Strength check? 

#### LYDIA

I can't do this, probably. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Two.

##### [SNORTS]

#### LYDIA

I do *not* manage it. 

#### ALEX

No, not even a little bit. And on that failure --

#### LYDIA

Aww.

#### ALEX

I think we're going to take a brief break, and be back here in a couple of minutes! 

------

##### [AD BREAK]

------

#### ALEX

And welcome back. So, er, yeah, you've successfully failed at lifting a manhole cover.

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

#### BERTIE

Stand aside, young lady!

#### JAMES

Bertie...

#### ALEX

Clang clang clang!

#### JAMES

Clang clang clang clang clang, how long's the ladder? 

#### ALEX

It was -- what, 25 to 30 feet. 

#### JAMES

*Clang* clang clang clang clang.

##### [LAUGHTER]

There's a montage. 

#### ZOLF

Bertie! 

#### JAMES

Montage concluded. I'm at the top of the ladder. 

#### ZOLF

Make sure you don't get your head knocked off by a cart! 

#### BERTIE

Very well! 

#### ALEX

I'd recommend taking 10. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

You eventually manage to _(imitates lifting noises)._ It's clearly night, not like 2am or anything, it's coming up to... I mean, you're not a survival expert. The streetlamps are on. There you go, Bertie, it's night and the lights are on.

##### [SNICKERS]

There's not much traffic. You're coming up right in the middle of a street. It's an upmarket area. You're not too far from Edison's, to be honest -- you're only, like, maybe a block away, something like that.

#### SASHA

So where's this, like, fancy apartment that was going to be all, like, wine and... 

#### ZOLF

We're finding the Sergeant's first.

#### SASHA

Aww. 

#### ALEX

Right, so you're presumably heading to Central, I'm guessing? 

#### JAMES

City of London, presumably? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, yeah, Zolf knows his way there.

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

You head through. You head out of the upmarket back into, if you remember, where Zolf was doing his interviews. Kind of a bit more merchant-y. And there's a large official-looking building, some faux columns out front: Central Precinct. And it has like a badge and an emblem, which is... oh, I think it's a rose and a baton, crossed.

Um, and, yeah. Heading up there's a wooden counter with someone behind the desk, behind some glass.

##### [SFX: TYPING, OFFICE CHATTER]

#### ALEX (DESK WORKER)

Can I help you?

#### ZOLF

We're here to see Sergeant Haringay. 

#### ALEX (DESK WORKER)

Alright. Erm, name?

#### ZOLF

Zolf Smith. 

#### ALEX (DESK WORKER)

And...? 

#### ZOLF

Oh, sorry. Er...

#### BERTIE

Sir Bertrand MacGuffingham. And guest!

#### JAMES

Holds up the head, does a little ventriloquism.

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

Hello! I'm a metal person!

#### ALEX

Yeah, the guy behind the counter is clearly aware of what's, er, happened today... 

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

Bottle of beer, bottle of beer.

#### ZOLF

That's why we're here to see him. 

#### ALEX (DESK WORKER)

Alright, I'll be back in a second.

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

In your own time!

#### JAMES

Done in a ventriloquist voice with the metal head. 

#### LYDIA

_(imitates ventriloquism)_ Ah mah mah, mah... 

#### LYDIA & JAMES

Mah mah mah mah mah.

#### ALEX

He goes and he heads back. In a couple of minutes, out from down a corridor, steps Haringay.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

So, that was fast. Any news, anything like that?

#### ZOLF

Bertie, show him your trick. 

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

We just flew in from Other London and, boy, are our arms tired!

#### JAMES

Through ventriloquism, though the big metal head.

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

Why not give him a wave? 

#### ALEX

_(cackling)_ You guys are *way* too whimsical!

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

My office, *now.*

#### BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)

Very well, on we go.

#### JAMES

Again, ventriloquism, all the way through.

##### [SFX: TICKING CLOCK]

#### ALEX

Yeah, basically you head down. You head into, it's a small-ish office. He's clearly high up enough, but by no means is he running the precinct. 

#### BRYN

Higher up than he used to be! 

##### [SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Oh, yeah! Basically, you see huge mounds of paperwork on his desk. A significant portion of it looks like it's been done in a hurry and probably relates to what's today. There's a bookcase on the side which covers some legal documentation, things like that. There's two chairs for people on the other side of the desk. There's a coatrack, which has got basically his helmet and his steel cuirass attached to it. There's a window behind him which looks out onto the street, and a gas lamp on his desk and a gas lamp in the ceiling, both of which are at a sensible level.

Erm, it's modest, but by no means is it ramshackle.

#### JAMES

I'm going to put the head on top of one of the piles of papers like it's a massive paperweight. 

#### ALEX

Half of the papers slide immediately onto the floor. He doesn't really seem to care, to be honest.

#### BERTIE

Whoops! 

#### ALEX

He sits down.

##### [BEAT]

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Alright. And the rest of it?

#### ZOLF

Couldn't locate it. We tracked them into the sewers. Found these two pieces discarded, just down a drain.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Down a drain?

#### ZOLF

Yeah.

##### [HARINGAY SIGHS, IN CLEAR ANTICIPATION OF HOW MUCH WORK THIS WILL BE]

#### ZOLF

I had to swim in and get it, so thank you.

#### BERTIE

You're welcome.

#### ZOLF

And then, uh --

#### SASHA

It was a good team effort. 

#### BERTIE

Team effort.

#### SASHA

_(Lydia laughing)_ Good team!

#### BERTIE

Team! Team!

#### JAMES

I put my hand out for the sort of team American football bonding thing. 

#### LYDIA

I try and react in the wrong way, like go for it as if shaking hands. Move around...

#### BERTIE

Team. Team?

#### HAMID

We can give you a possible location for more pieces. We weren't able to ascertain whether they were there, because it was a rather large vault filled mostly with water and excrement. It might take a team to drain it to discover if the rest is there.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

So basically, they've destroyed it?

#### HAMID

_(beat)_ As far as we can tell. We recovered these two pieces. 

#### JAMES

At this point Bertie shakes the big head, and turns it up and says,

#### BERTIE

All signs point to yes!

#### ALEX

As you're saying that, like, a bit more of the sewage drops out onto Haringay's floor. Just from the inside, just a little bit of a deposit.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Do me a favour -- er, Hamid, is it? Close the door. 

#### BRYN

I do so. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

*Good.*

#### ALEX

Picks it up, looks at it.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Bad news, don't want it. You're saying it's at the bottom of some big old vat of?

#### ZOLF

We can't confirm that. We followed the trail to a bazaar in Other London. At that point --

#### ALEX

He reacts to that. 

#### SASHA

We don't know, though, like, 'cause they could have gone up, the people that we were following. 

#### ZOLF

What, up to the service hatch? 

#### SASHA

Yeah, they could have gone up. 

#### ZOLF

And back into Upper London? 

#### SASHA

Yeah, they could have gone back into Upper London at the street. 

#### ZOLF

But from that branding, the way they were dressed, they were from Other London. Why -- where else would you go? 

#### SASHA

Why do you assume it's Other London people, it could have been people from Above London. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Right, right, right.

#### SASHA

Just picked up some tricks. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

As fun as this is, where would the -- if they had gone up, where would the service hatch have come out?

#### SASHA

It was just, like, a block away from that Edison place. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

A block away. 

#### ZOLF

It makes no sense. It makes absolutely no sense. 

#### HAMID

They'd be s-seen...

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

I'm going to be honest, I've had -- the second that this happened, I've had most of the officers that I have running the area, I mean...

#### SASHA

There were other doors coming out of that, that... out of the staircase at different levels. Or maybe they put it, maybe it all went into the -- there was the other manhole, right, the other manhole out in the other direction. Could've...

#### ZOLF

It seemed -- most likely that...

#### SASHA

_(quietly)_ I think it's unlikely. 

#### ZOLF

Can I -- actually, just, if you don't mind -- do you want to, just -- can you step outside with me, please.

##### [SASHA MAKES RELUCTANT NOISES]

Please.

##### [MORE RELUCTANT NOISES]

As your employer.

#### SASHA

_(still reluctantly)_ Yes. 

#### ZOLF

Thank you. Give us a moment.

#### BEN

Open the door. 

#### ALEX

You'll head out, we'll follow you and then we'll cut back into the office. 

#### ZOLF

What is this about? Why are you so --? 

#### SASHA

I just don't think that there's any need for us to go down there. There doesn't seem like there's enough evidence. 

#### ZOLF

Right. Just because you're scared of Other London because of whatever has gone on, don't, right, jeopardise our reputation. Do you know what you just told him? There were loads of other avenues that we could have explored and we didn't, alright? Do you know that looks. He's *paying* us! Just because you're scared to go back there -- you're supposed to be a mercenary!

#### SASHA

If they came out of that door they would have had to carry, like, probably most of the, like, the thing!

#### ZOLF

What is your problem with going back to Other London? 

#### SASHA

...It's just not a good place. 

##### [A PAUSE]

#### ZOLF

It's our job to go to not-good places. 

#### SASHA

There's not good places and there's not good places, you know? Some...

#### ZOLF

I'm assuming by the way we met you have some sort of history with people in Other London. As part of the team, we will protect you from those people. Like, as a team, we'll work as a team, keep each other safe. But we have to be able to do our job, or -- or we can't do our job. Now I said we will try and find somewhere outside of the city, but we have to do the job at hand first. Then we'll move from the city. Deal?

##### [BEAT]

#### LYDIA

My face coils up like an angry teenager's.

##### [LAUGHTER]

And I nod as if there was a sour sweet stuffed into both of my cheeks. 

#### ZOLF

Look, I'll buy you a drink as well, alright? 

#### SASHA

Alright. 

#### ZOLF

Fine.

#### BEN

Go back in.

#### ALEX

Haringay, meanwhile, has, um -- in the meantime, cleared his desk. He has literally just swept all of the stuff onto the floor, with distaste put the Simulacrum on sort of a side-coffee-table thing, and has been spreading out a map of the area, which has a couple of things for sewers. It doesn't go as deep as you guys have -- it just has that top layer, and then it doesn't get as far as the staircase. And you guys have -- like effectively, he's pointing out the staircase?

#### BEN

Yeah.

#### ALEX

And he just says staircase and he's going, "so here." 

#### BRYN

Well, I'll walk him through everything that happened to us.

#### HAMID

So the two -- you know, it's very possibly they dismantled it and chucked it *all* down there, but we can't be certain. So if there's possible to get people who can check into that, into the big lake and see if there are other bits at the bottom, that would be good.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Trawl it.

#### HAMID

Obviously we didn't know if you wanted us to try and track these people beyond just the device, but we felt...

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

No, that's fair. 

#### HAMID

This was enough to bring back to you to at least confirm that it's a -- 

#### SASHA

It's a dangerous thing to be carrying around, you know, we wanted to get it to you.

#### HAMID

-- no longer functioning.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

No, it's fair, you did right, good job. I have enough officers for up here, what I don't have is any officers to go down. I don't. As it is, I'm looking at about fifteen other people who are all trying to take command and none of them actually know what they're doing.

_(inhales)_ I can cover up here, what I can't do is I can't send people down there. It's as simple as that. You've done a good job so far. You've done better than I thought, to be honest -- I figured it would take you a while to at least find the stuff. The fact that you brought it back in pieces is only making me happier.

It seems like you deserve to be paid, and maybe we can discuss maybe furthering this investigation. Everyone alright with that?

#### SASHA

Er, yeah. 

#### HAMID

Yeah, I think so. We did think of some other leads that could be pursued -- I mean they have clearly, this outfit has clearly equipped themselves quite well, and, you know, if we can track down any merchants that they bought these devices from, as well.

#### ALEX

He turns to Sasha and gives a calculating look.

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Hypothetically, would you happen to know someone who would happen to know Other London well enough to maybe show these guys around, and effectively where they could buy some things like that?

#### SASHA

Ye-es. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Good.

#### ALEX

He reaches down into his desk, pulls open a drawer. You see him pluck out a key from under his neck, open a strongbox, plucks out what looks like a heavy bag.

#### JAMES

Hello, money!

#### LYDIA

It looks like the sour sweets have been extracted! 

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Do they flow away? 

#### LYDIA

They, they flow into non-existence and are replaced by lovely marshmallows. 

#### JAMES

Bertie and the money's eyes lock.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

I will grab the bag and stick it in my, my bag. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Well, Zolf, your two friends here, they've done a fairly decent job explaining how much trouble it was. You'll find 400 in there. That will cover expenses as well -- I expect that to cover the expenses for the beginning of the next investigation.

#### ZOLF

Yep. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

There'll be more where that comes, at least that much, if you can return to me and get me... who they are, something like that.

#### ZOLF

Excellent. 

#### SASHA

Do you --

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

I want people, not names. If you have to drag a body in here -- I want *people,* not names.

#### SASHA

Alright. As well -- we was wondering if there was, like, any more information about, you know, the tin man? Because, like -- so Hamid said, earlier, that what if there was, like, an engine in it that they was after and they don't care about these bits despite all the gold and everything. Like, what do we -- is there -- like, any clues there? 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

I'm going to be honest. I shouldn't be sending anyone to Other London at all. As it is, this payment I'm going to have to be disappearing under some kind of pension fund. _(beat)_ Which I'm not okay with, by the way.

##### [A FEW SNICKERS FROM PLAYERS]

On top of that I have the fact that this... *thing,* maybe may be in pieces, maybe it's just missing an arm and a head. I don't know if that thing can run without them, who knows. But I currently have...

#### HAMID

It does seem very unlikely, Sergeant. I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

No, you wouldn't, I would. My job. What I'm looking at is the fact that if *not* the machine itself, then the people who know where parts of it are, are currently in Other London.

#### SASHA

We don't *know* that, we're just *assuming.* 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Fair. But they're out there. And my point is, is that people can be taking this thing apart right now. I don't know what it runs on, it could run on -- bottled -- fireballs. I don't *know.* My point is I don't want that out in the city, or Other London, or anywhere else. And if I'm frank, if anyone was going to weaponize something that was left, it's going to be Other London.

It's not a criticism of the people that's down there --

#### SASHA

Right. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

-- but we all know who ends up down there because of the way the city works.

#### SASHA

_(quietly)_ Yes. 

#### ZOLF

That's fine, we will, um... 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

If you find any pieces, I need them back here, under lock and key. If you find plans, bring them back here. If you find out that someone has been making *more* of these things, if you can, destroy them all. If you can't, you bring the info back to me, and I will find someone who can. I do not want these things in my city.

#### HAMID

Thank you, Sergeant, we'll, we'll get on it. 

#### ZOLF

We'll prep and we'll set out in the morning, we'll get something to you as soon as we can. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Get some rest. You look like --

#### BERTIE

Handsome! I look like handsome. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Yeah, that. Yeah.

#### LYDIA

I look like black paint on the wall, slightly smeared. 

#### ALEX (HARINGAY)

Well, don't let me keep you.

#### ALEX

He just opens a folder and begins -- not sure whether it's a power play or whether he's actually doing some paperwork, but he opens a folder and begins marking it up.

#### BERTIE

It's upside down, Sergeant. 

##### [SNICKERS]

#### HAMID

Yes, well, let's -- let's head there. 

#### ZOLF

Excellent. 

#### ALEX

Fair enough. 

#### ZOLF

And we can divvy up the, er, the takings.

#### SASHA

Hooray.

#### HAMID

Um, so I think the other thing is, do we need anything to prepare, if we're going to venture down into Other London? I certainly understand that some healing potions are often useful.

#### ZOLF

Well, most of the shops are closed, so... 

#### HAMID

Ah, well, we can get these tomorrow morning if we head down there.

#### ALEX

Oh actually, I should spell out -- there was a clock at the precinct at the front desk. It's about, it's coming up to midnight. It's like 11:50pm. 

#### LYDIA

So it's still early then. 

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

#### ZOLF

Yeah, we'll bed down for the night, rest up. 

#### HAMID

There's the guest bed and there's the sofa, but only really enough for three, um... 

#### ZOLF

That's fine, I'll go on the floor. 

#### BERTIE

Well, of course I'll have yours, and that's *very* generous of you to offer, Hamid, thank you so much. 

#### HAMID

You -- you won't fit, Bertie. 

#### BERTIE

Oh, that's a point. Well --

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

_(cackling)_ I love the idea! Not even bothering to take his armour off. It's just like Snow White and the dwarves --

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### HAMID

The guest bed is big enough for a human, but I'm afraid that the master bedroom... is not. 

#### ALEX

Keep going, but we'll say you're having this conversation as you're walking down to Hamid's apartment. 

#### ZOLF

Yes. So we'll -- we'll stay there.

#### HAMID

There's a very nice bath, so we can all have a bath. 

#### ZOLF

Good. 

#### HAMID

Or three. 

#### ZOLF

Good. We'll prep in the morning, head down when we can. 

#### SASHA

I need to stock up on daggers, I threw a few too many. 

#### ZOLF

Sure.

#### ALEX

Okay, well -- 

#### BERTIE

This chap --

#### JAMES

Pointing at the falcon.

#### BERTIE

-- needs at least a monocle.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

I still reckon an eye patch would look very dashing. 

#### ALEX

You guys carry on heading to Hamid's. He lives in a relatively upmarket part of the city. You get there, there is a locked gate and what looks like a sort of central courtyard. Presumably you head straight in, Hamid.

#### BRYN

Yeah, just head straight in. 

#### ALEX

Open the gate, you head up the stairs and you head into what looks like a pretty upmarket -- actually, bachelor pad. It's a...

#### SASHA

How many people do you share with, then? Do we need to be worried about them? 

#### HAMID

No, it's just me. 

#### SASHA

Oh. Okay. 

#### BERTIE

A bit pokey really, isn't it, a bit small. I suppose for *you* though... 

#### ALEX

In fact, describe your apartment for us. 

#### BRYN

So it's very nice -- it's not opulent, there's nothing flashy about it. It's just, you know, it has got everything it needs. There's a couple of, there's a sofa, there's a couple of very nice chairs, there's a table, there's a little kitchen area, you know -- the carpet is pristine and very welcoming to one's feet. The curtains are heavy and you can keep it dark, there's -- you know, you can control the lighting level. It's just...

#### LYDIA

It's a seduction pad!

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

#### BRYN

It -- basically, yeah!

#### BEN

Not showy, but all the mod-cons. 

#### BRYN

Yeah. You know, there's no flash -- there's no pomp or ceremony to it all, but it's -- everything is very welcoming and comfy and...

#### ALEX

And presumably very clean and orderly? 

#### BRYN

Yes, absolutely. 

#### BEN

So when he lets us in I'll say --

#### ZOLF

_(light)_ Son of a banker.

#### LYDIA

Ayyyy.

#### ALEX

You know what? I think I'm going to leave, I'm going to end, I'm going to end on "son of a banker."

#### BEN

Son of a banker. 

#### ALEX

You guys are hunkering down for the night. 

#### BEN

Yep.

#### JAMES

Perception check to find the drinks cabinet.

##### [A FEW SNICKERS]

Sorry, carry on. 

#### ALEX

I'm going to say that with Pomp and Circumstance and taking 20, you managed to find it. 

#### BERTIE

Helloooo! I'm going to drink you and gain your courage! 

#### BRYN

I'll pour you a brandy. 

#### BEN

"Hello, alcohol, my old friend!" 

#### JAMES

La la la, I see myself inside you! Sorry, go on. 

#### BRYN

I offer Zolf the first bath.

#### ZOLF

Very kind of you, much appreciated. 

#### ALEX

Right, we'll close on that then. 

#### BEN

Ah yes. 

#### ALEX

So thanks for listening as ever! Be sure to leave reviews if you like what we're doing, and we hope that you join us again next week. So, er, bye everyone. 

#### EVERYONE

Bye!

#### LYDIA

I can't help waving, even though I know they can't see. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, I do it too. Wave, we're waving, we're all waving. 

#### JAMES

Wave. 

#### LYDIA

Appreciate our futile waves. 

#### BEN

Bye.

##### [SHOW THEME -- OUTRO] 

#### ALEX

*Rusty Quill Gaming* is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today's episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening. 

------

#### LYDIA

_(singing)_ Oh, I do like to be an awkward roooogue! 

------

#### BEN

Do I know this person?

#### BRYN

It's your reflection.

#### BEN

*Meeee!*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Gosh, we're handsome. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so... 

#### JAMES

Do you come here often, beautiful?