---
layout:          post
title:           "MAG170 - ########-10 - Recollection"
date:            2020-06-04 12:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            [Martin Blackwood, The Archivist, Martin's Mother, Chairs, Empty Houses, Labyrinths, Getting Lost, Fog, Cold, Forgetfulness, Amnesia, Isolophobia, The Lonely]
statement_of:    [Martin Blackwood]
recorder:        []
voiced:          [Martin Blackwood, The Archivist]
categories:			"tma"
podcasts: ["tma"]
title_prefix:	"MAG"
prev_categories: ["tma"]
prev_prefixes: ["MAG"]
next_categories: ["tma"]
next_prefixes: ["MAG"]
prev_episode:		['169']
next_episode:		['171']
prev_episode_num:		['169']
next_episode_num:		['171']
prev_episode_title:		["Fire Escape"]
next_episode_title:		["The Gardener"]
episode_title:   'Recollection'
episode_number:  '170'
case_number:     '#######-10'
statement_date:  
recording_date:  
event_date:      
summary:         "The recollections of Martin Blackwood. <br/><br/>Recorded in Situ."
content_flags:   ["Isolation", "Depression", "Anxiety", "Depersonalisation & self-disorder", "Self-hatred", "Financial distress", "Elderly neglect", "Emotional / Caregiver abuse (mentioned)", "Neurological impairment / Mental deterioration", "Instances of memory loss", "Funerals (mentioned)", "Perceived abandonment", "Persistent droning (SFX)"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/themagnusarchives/mag170-recollection
formats: 
  Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FkTrjJs2LTNyZM5WC7Qon55NgUInJUXZERkP1RUVeS0/edit
  PDF: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SBsNXSkd61_bXXyZdEo-KkAJ50BdANbL/view
official:        false
unofficial:      https://tmatranscripts.tumblr.com/post/620005067301486592/mag170-recollection-case-10pdf
unofficial_name: tmatranscripts.tumblr.com
wiki_url:        https://the-magnus-archives.fandom.com/wiki/MAG_170:_Recollection
---

##### [INT. A HOUSE]

##### [TAPE CLICKS ON.]

##### [There's the creaking air of a large house. A few drawn-out shuffles of movement. The groaning floorboards of languid motions as someone moves across the floor. Underneath it all, the obtrusive tick-tock tick-tock of a clock.]

##### [A static builds.]

##### [The movement stops.]

##### [When Martin speaks, his voice is just the slightest bit echoey.]

#### MARTIN

Oh! Hello. _(bit of a halting laugh)_ ...What are you? Do I -- Do I know you? _(heh)_ Can't --

##### [The floorboards creak as he shifts.]

#### MARTIN

Can't tell through the -- fog, sometimes. You feel -- n,not friendly. Familiar?

Shape of you in my hand. I talk to you, don't I? We talk. What do we -- do we say? _(under breath)_ *Can't quite --*

##### [Movement.]

#### MARTIN

_(normal)_ Th-There's something there, but I just can't see it.

Anyway. _(slight sigh)_ Ni-Nice to sit down. Take a load off.

##### [He sits down in a chair with a *scoot*.]

#### MARTIN

Not a comfortable chair, of course. No-None of them are, here. I've -- I've been all over this house looking for a nice place to sit. _(unsure)_ I -- think.

Is that what I was looking for? _(remembers himself)_ Um. Ei-Either way, this place is so huge... so... empty, by the time you find your way to anything at all, you've probably earned a sit-down.

##### [He lets out a small laugh.]

##### [Then there's a creaking sound -- like a door opening? Or just the floor and walls again?]

#### MARTIN

_(small laugh)_ I don't think there's anyone else here, I --

##### [Another creak.]

#### MARTIN

Pro-Probably never has been. Not that I can remember, at least.

##### [The wind/air begins to pick up.]

#### MARTIN

Is it my house?

It must be, right? It must be, 'cause -- why else would I be here?

You don't just wander around other people's houses alone; you don't just...

You don't just... just wander. _(under breath, smaller)_ *No...*

##### [He trails off.]

#### MARTIN

_(bit dazed)_ What, what was I saying? I don't...

##### [A squeak -- again, possibly a door -- and some background rattling.]

#### MARTIN

_(to tape)_ Do *you* remember? You store them, I suppose. Keep, keep stuff locked up in those little wheels. That's memory, isn't it? _(movement)_ Computers used to be like you. Big, whirring things with loads of -- uh, tape. They called that memory.

But it's not -- not, not really; it's just numbers and... _(trails off)_ _(movement)_

Maybe you're blank as well, same as me.

Are you? Can you remember what I've already said, -- _(movement)_ -- cause I -- I, I can't; the words keep creeping away? Like -- like, like when I try to think back, to focus -- um, focus on -- um --

##### [He's trying very hard to remember.]

##### [Static swells.]

#### MARTIN

_(pleasantly surprised)_ Oh, oh! Oh. Hello! What are you; I can't quite -- see. You feel -- familiar. Do I know you, do we talk?

I hope so. _(slight laugh)_ It's good to talk with people. It's -- hm.

##### [Pause.]

#### MARTIN

Oh, I, I met someone; did I tell you? _(movement)_ He's -- I, I don't know. I like him. He doesn't like me, though. Not really. I don't blame him.

I don't like me sometimes, and I *am* me. Plus he's -- he's my, my boss? Is that right?

Ei, Ei,Either way, it's probably for the best. Wouldn't really be appropriate. You don't need to worry; I'm not doodling his name on my desk or anything. _(heh)_ His uh -- his -- his, um. His... name...

Wait.

##### [Squeak, like a door opening.]

#### MARTIN

Wait, what *is* his name? _(distressed)_ I don't -- _(more distressed, sharper)_ *Why, wha-- Why can't I remember his name?*

His, his face, I don't --

##### [More movement, and a thud. The door closing?]

##### [Martin steps into the next room.]

#### MARTIN

_(still audibly agitated)_ Wh-Where am I? This, This isn't my house!

H-Hello?

I don't like it here. I can't see anything with all this --

##### [He moves something that sounds like a curtain on a metal rod aside.]

#### MARTIN

This fog; this -- this is nothing out the windows, and it's, it's so cold.

##### [The rushing of the air increases in volume.]

#### MARTIN

_(audibly shivering)_ The fireplace is dead and the curtains... there are mirrors but no...

No. Not mirrors.

Someone's standing in them but I don't, I don't know who.

That face, who is... who is that? _(under breath)_ I need to sit down.

##### [He walks to find a chair, his breaths coming slightly shakier and faster, though still soft in volume.]

##### [The chair creaks as he sits in it.]

##### [The clock ticks at a slightly different pace.]

##### [A static rises.]

#### MARTIN

_(pleasant surprise)_ Oh! Oh, hello. _(small laugh)_ Who are you, then?

Hmm. Hm. Can't quite make out a -- A tape recorder? _(heh)_ Can't remember the last time I used a --

##### [Creak.]

#### MARTIN

Hm. Blast from the past! Familiar...

Well, it's good to have someone to talk to. Otherwise you can go strange, you... I, I don't...

Hm. What was I saying?

This... this chair, -- _(an *ugh* and chair scraping back)_ -- really isn't comfortable. I had a look-round for better places to sit -- did I tell you that? -- but it's, it's big house.

My house, I think. _(heh)_ Nowhere comfortable. So I suppose this is it.

It *is* my house, isn't it? Must be. Must be.

I don't really remember. Just... so tired. It's hard to think when you're this tired, hard to... to focus.

No, no, no, no, not, not tiredness, just the -- fog. I -- can't see through the fog, and it -- it *smells!* _(movement)_ _(sniff)_

What -- _(sniff)_ What *is* that? Damp, sort of -- chemical, almost. _(larger sniff)_ I don't like it.

Why does my house smell like that, I -- It can't be *my* house.

##### [He starts walking again.]

#### MARTIN

No, no, no; my,  _(sniff)_ my -- _(sniff)_ My house doesn't smell like this! My house smells... s-smells different. _(pause)_ It's sort of weird, isn't it? Smell can trigger memory so... powerfully. Like this one, it, it makes me think of -- _(large inhale)_ Hm. _(inhale)_ Hm. I -- I don't know. Is it a person? A place?

No, no; people -- people don't smell like that. Besides, I'm all alone.

##### [Creak.]

#### MARTIN

I'm all -- _(movement)_ I'm all alone. _(distressed)_ Why -- Why am I alone? I, I shouldn't be alone; there should be people! It's such a -- such a big house, *my house* -- there mu-- there must be other people! People who care!

##### [Opening and creaking of the door, more walking.]

#### MARTIN

Hello?

##### [He keeps going. The door creaks behind him.]

#### MARTIN

He-Hello?

##### [He keeps walking.]

#### MARTIN

All these rooms... I think they're the same as this one. I, I don't know why I'd decorate my house like this; I don't *like it!* I like -- _(breaking off)_ Wh-- I, It's not my home; it *can't* be. Do I have a home? This -- this place feels like it's all for me, I think, but I don't --

##### [Door creaks open.]

#### MARTIN

_(shaky)_ I don't like it here.

It -- It can't be cheap living here, house this big. I really need a job.

Started lying on my CV; did I tell you that. I didn't want to. I-I mean I tried to be a good person, but we're really up against it, and I -- and I -- I know they're going to find me out; I just know it.

They'll ask something, or I'll say something stupid, and then -- and then they'll know. They'll know, and then -- _(shaky exhale)_ _(under breath)_ Oh, [unintelligible] _(normal)_ What am I doing; I can't afford a place like this! I need money, not just for me, but for -- for... _(suddenly less agitated)_ Wait. Wait, no; it is -- it *is* just me, isn't it? It's always been just me.

##### [The same static as always begins to rise from the background.]

#### MARTIN

No... No, no, no, that's not right! I-I'm not alone, no! Not alone, there's -- there's -- J-J-John? John. _(suddenly realizing)_ John! John!

##### [A thump. Martin starts walking.]

#### MARTIN

_(suddenly to John, frantic)_ John? John, I'm here; can you hear me? I can't -- it's -- it's this place, I -- wh-where are you; I need you, I nee-- _(laugh, but humorless)_ -- I need you, John.

##### [There's an uneasy discordant tone playing in the background.]

#### MARTIN

Where -- Where did you go.

##### [A couple more steps.]

#### MARTIN

_(voice about to break)_ Please don't leave me. I can't do this on my own. Please. _(inhale that could be a sob)_ I'm not enough on my own.

Alone. _(small, shaky)_ All. All alone.

##### [He starts to cry, softly, as he walks on. There's some rustled movement.]

##### [And then -- the static rises.]

#### MARTIN

_(pleasant surprise)_ Oh. Oh, hello. What's this?

*Wow,* retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just -- listening?

That's okay. It's nice to have someone to talk to.

##### [Creak.]

#### MARTIN

Maybe you can keep a better handle on things than me.

It's this fog, you know? Makes it so hard to *see.* _(under breath)_ WhatwasIsaying? _(normal)_ I feel like there's somewhere I need to *be.* But no, no; this is *my* house; where else would I need to be?

I just --

##### [*Scoot*.]

#### MARTIN

I wish I had comfortable chairs. _(inhale)_ Would be nice to have somewhere relaxing to sit down. Rest a bit when Mum's asleep.

Did I tell you about my mum?

##### [Creak.]

#### MARTIN

_(half-whisper)_ We should try to keep quiet actually, you know. Make sure not to wake her. The drugs -- they, they hit her pretty hard, but -- if you make enough noise and she wakes up, and -- _(quieter)_ and yeah, it's not good. _(bravado)_ Not a good time!

I-I *know* she loves me; I-I *know* she does.

But that doesn't make it easy. There's always so much to do, and I'm *always* forgetting something.

I do try, you know? I mean, I *really* try to keep on top of things, but I'm just -- I'm just so forgetful, and she -- she --

Sometimes I wonder if I forget things on purpose. Easier not to think about them, I guess. Easier to just let them... slip away. They can't hurt you if you don't think about them; they can't shout at you or call you names. _(increasingly emotional)_ And I, I always think of Mum's face when I've done something wrong, and I -- _(dead sober)_ Wait.

##### [He shifts.]

#### MARTIN

Wait, her face, I -- I don't -- I don't remember her face.

Did -- Did she have a face? _(berating)_ D-Don't -- Don't be stupid, Martin; of course she had a *face!* _(increasingly agitated)_ You just can't remember it 'cause -- _(breathing heavy)_ 'Cause you're a *bad son*; because you left you left her to rot in -- _(brief pause)_ _(despondent)_

Wh-Where did she go?

She didn't like it; *I* didn't like it. S-Smelled. It smelled like --

Where am I? This isn't right; I shouldn't be here; I should be --

Somewhere, someone that -- there, there are people who trust me, people who love me, so why can't I remember them? Why, why can't I see them?

Sasha. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, I, I remember; there was -- there was Sasha! I can see her face!

No -- no, wait, no; not, not Sasha, some -- something else. The thing that *isn't* Sasha, that, that took her, and, and made her -- something else, and her -- face, her -- her face, I can still see it; it's -- laughing.

##### [He's breathing heavier, now.]

#### MARTIN

Telling me that there's -- there's nobody else. I'm alone. The only people who could ever stand to be around me are gone. Even from my mind. _(tearful)_ Where is this place? So cold. And I can't see anything through all this -- *fog.* _(hm)_ I must have -- left the window open. _(struggles with the next word)_ L, L-L,Let the fog in.

Oh, my heating bills must be through the roof, *stupid*; can't afford that!

At least I've got a job now; did I tell you I've got a job? I mean, the interview was weird, I-I don't really remember the man who talked to me. Just his *eyes*.

They stared at me. Th-Through me, and -- and I knew *he* knew what I had done.

*God.* I was so *scared,* but then he smiled, and shook my hand.

What was his *name?*

He said I *'had the job,'* _(heh)_ that he *'looked forward to working with me.'*

I was still so scared I could barely move my arm. I was so terrified I'd let him down.

##### [The static is once again starting to rise.]

#### MARTIN

And then I met John, and I -- _(realization)_ John -- John! John! John? John, I'm here! John, I-I think I'm lost, I think -- I don't -- _(losing his grasp)_ *John.*

##### [But he's losing his words again.]

##### [Another creak.]

##### [The clock ticks on.]

##### [The static rises again with a little squeak.]

#### MARTIN

_(pleasant surprise)_ Oh, he-hello! What are you?

Huh. Didn't even know I had a tape recorder. Do you still work, or...

##### [He taps on it.]

#### MARTIN

Yeah, seems like you're running all right. _(beat)_ *Hey,* I should do some poetry! You could give it a little, little bit of that *funky* lo-fi goodness! All the cool poets love a bit of tape hiss, right?

Maybe find somewhere different to sit, though.

##### [He scoots out of the chair.]

#### MARTIN

_(under breath)_ *Hate* these chairs. Don't even know where I *got* them.

Did I tell you I've been writing poetry? N,Nothing much really, just fragments, thoughts. Haven't written anything like it since I was a *teenager,* -- _(small laugh)_ -- but my new job's a lot, and -- I don't know. Something about that place, it just -- it makes me feel weird?

But -- the sort of weird you just have to *get out* somehow.

Maybe I -- Maybe I should do some open mics, or something. Just for me, really, I think.

Oh! You -- You want to hear some? _(heh)_ _(movement)_

Uh -- yeah! Yeah, okay, sure; well, I can -- No. No, wait, no that -- _(movement)_ Hm, they're *gone*; that's weird. I thought -- I, I can feel them, but the words, they just -- just wash away.

Hm.

I, I m -- I suppose *that's* quite poetic actually, but -- _(sigh)_ Nothing else there.

I don't like this place. _(exhale)_ It's so cold, and, and the logs in the fireplace are damp from the mist. I don't know how I'd even *light* them, and they -- they smell really bad, like they're wet *dirt*.

Makes me think of -- hm.

When I was nine, my grandad died. Did I tell you that? I went to the funeral, and the coffin was so -- _(small laugh)_ *shiny.* It was already sealed.

But on top there was a photo of a -- young man. Someone who looked *almost* like my grandad, but -- it, it wasn't him. It wasn't... finished? Not yet.

No, and -- and I suddenly began to panic, because I was trying to remember what he looked like, his, his face, but I couldn't do it. And I knew I'd never see him again.

He loved me and I couldn't even remember his *face!*

_(breathing heavy)_ It was -- It was a horrid, drizzly morning, that day, and they put him in the ground and he -- he smelled like *earth.* Cold, damp soil. _(squeak, movement)_ What was I saying?

Ah -- S, Sorry -- _(sorry exhale)_ It's just this *chair*-

##### [Squeak and movement sounds as he gets up.]

#### MARTIN

-- it's so hard to concentrate when you're uncomfortable, isn't it?

##### [He sighs.]

##### [A few more creaks.]

##### [The static rises.]

#### MARTIN

Now, I think -- Hey, hang on. Where did you come from?

*Tape recorder.* _(heh)_ What, you want me to give you a statement, I --

##### [The static *presses*.]

#### MARTIN

_(deadened voice)_ Why. The Eye has won. It can already see everything; it wouldn't *need* a -- w-wouldn't need a --

##### [The static fades.]

#### MARTIN

_(stuttering, stumbling)_ Well it's just, nice to talk to someone, I guess. No one real ever really listens to me anyway.

Oh, they nod and respond and say *'No, Martin,'* or *'Not now, Martin,*' or *'Leave it, Martin --'* but, funny thing is -- _(false bright)_ I didn't ask them to do anything!

Just wanted to see if they needed a hand. _(heh, but humorless)_ Is that me? _(unsure)_ Is -- Is that me? Martin? Martin. *Maar*tin.  _(close to John's pronunciation)_ *Mar*tin.

Doesn't sound right. But who else would I be? _(hm)_ Whoever owns this house, I guess. It certainly doesn't *seem* like the kind of place that somebody called *Maar*tin would live.

Martin.

It feels like a small name. One that wants to be warm and happy. Not like *here*.

##### [Creak.]

#### MARTIN

You know, I've wandered around *all* these rooms, and -- they all just make me feel alone.

They scare me.

Even when I find someone else, I feel alone. Did I tell you?

I -- found someone else, wandering around. They were all -- thin and grey. Faded. Like they'd been here for ages. I think they'd been -- crying, but it's so hard to tell through the fog.

I tried to talk to them, but it was just -- just *difficult!* I asked who they were, and they -- looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about.

"What's your name?" I said, "Your name? You must have a *name!*" but they just -- shrugged, and I -- and -- _(movement)_ And they gestured at me. Like they wanted to know *my* name, and I -- th-- I couldn't tell them! I couldn't remember!

"Is this your house?" I asked, and they said, they said yes. But -- then they stopped, and shook their head. And, and then they started to laugh.

Quietly, for a bit, and then they cried. And they wouldn't stop. I -- I --

They asked me who they were, if there was anyone looking for them. If there was anybody left who even cared, but I -- I didn't know. I, I didn't know, and I --

##### [His voice is shaking. He's clearly emotional.]

#### MARTIN

_(tearful)_ I ran away -- I had to run away! _(sob)_ I, I had to go and have a sit-down, okay? I just -- _(creak, movement)_ I just wish I had thought to buy some nicer chairs.

Still. Not like I've got guests coming, is it? _(shaky breath)_ The house is empty, and, and honestly? I -- I can't think of anyone in the world who would care if I lived or died.

##### [The clock ticks on, insistent and unyielding.]

#### MARTIN

_(sob, quiet)_ I-I-I'm *scared.* I think this fog is doing something to me; I can't -- _(movement)_ I'm losing myself, and I -- and I don't know if I mind?

Maybe I deserve it. _(shaky breath)_ So much of what's behind the fog hurts. So much of it just makes me wanna curl up with *pain* and *embarrassment* and --

Maybe the fog's here because I want it here.

Is that why I opened the windows?

Maybe I asked the fog to come. _(beat)_ No. No, no -- no, no, no, that's not true, I -- I remember! Hundreds, thousands of lost souls, wandering the halls. Hollow memories, with eyes full of tears.

I've seen them. _(shaky)_ They're all trying to remember. T-To recall, to picture someone, *anyone* who loves them, and their hearts are all full of *fear*.

Afraid that those people are gone forever. That maybe -- maybe they never existed at all. _(agitated)_ Why am I *here?*

I-I fell behind. I was -- I was too slow, and, and, and the fog caught up; I was following. Al-Always following, never leading. *Never* leading.

Why did he leave me behind? D-Did he? Who are -- Wh-- Who *are* you? Who am --? _(realization, movement)_ J-J-John.

##### [The static kicks in again.]

#### MARTIN

John, John. Yes. John, I remember him. _(shaky exhale)_ I need to, I need to keep him here. If he can find me, I -- he, he knows enough; surely he *Knows* enough to find me, but I can't -- _(struggling)_ If I forget him, if, if I forget -- me -- maybe -- maybe there's nothing left to Know. No one to find.

##### [Creaking movement.]

#### MARTIN

Talking helps. I got you all here to listen; _(tap)_ Just, just don't stop talking.

You -- You are *Martin Blackwood.* Yes. You, you didn't choose to be here. John is coming. _(stronger)_ I am Martin Blackwood, and I am *not* lonely anymore; I am __*not*__ lonely anymore. _(voice shaking with effort)_ I want to have friends; I -- no, I *__have__* friends. I-I'm in *love.* _(heh)_ I am in love, and I will not forget that; I will *__not__* forget. _(__stronger__)_ I am *Martin Black--*

#### ARCHIVIST

_(far off, calling)_ *Martin!*

#### MARTIN

Wai-- wh-- John?

#### ARCHIVIST

_(getting closer)_ Martin! Martin?

#### MARTIN

John! John, over here!

##### [And the static is growing louder.]

#### ARCHIVIST

Oh! Martin, hold on, I, I, I'm coming; I just --

##### [Footsteps.]

#### ARCHIVIST (ON MIC)

_(relieved)_ Oh, Martin; thank god, I -- I was --

##### [And it sounds like he's embracing him]

#### ARCHIVIST

I, I thought you were behind me.

##### [Martin lets out a soft *oh*.]

#### MARTIN

I thought you'd left me behind. Gone on without me.

#### ARCHIVIST

No, never. N-Never, I, I just --

##### [He pulls back from the hug.]

#### ARCHIVIST

I, I didn't want to -- Look too h-- I,I,I promised I wouldn't Know you, and, and with the fog, and, and all the rooms, I, I just -- I lost you; I'm -- _(inhale)_ I'm sorry.

#### MARTIN

It's okay.

##### [A beat of just their exhales.]

#### ARCHIVIST

No, I -- I tried to use the -- _(sigh)_ to Know where you were, but it was -- you, you were faint. It was so strange; it took me so long just to find you.

##### [Movement.]

#### MARTIN

John, it's -- okay. I promise, it's okay. This place tried; it *really* did, and honestly, I -- _(inhale)_ I wanted to believe it.

But I didn't.

#### ARCHIVIST

This... place, i, it --

##### [The static *increases*.]

#### ARCHIVIST

My god.

##### [The static fades.]

#### MARTIN

Yeah.

#### ARCHIVIST

M-Martin -- if you -- did. I,If you wanted to forget a,all of it, stay here and just -- escape.

##### [The wind rushes in the background.]

#### ARCHIVIST

I-I would understand.

##### [Beat.]

#### MARTIN

N,No. It's comforting here, leaving all those -- painful memories behind, but -- _(slight movement)_ It's not a good comfort, it's -- i,it's the kind that makes you fade, makes you dim and -- distant.

#### ARCHIVIST

_(barely a whisper)_ Okay. _(pause, normal)_ Okay, good; I -- _(fortifying breath)_ I wanted to make sure you knew what this place was.

#### MARTIN

It's the Lonely, John. It's me.

#### ARCHIVIST

Not anymore.

##### [Martin makes a pleased little *hm.*]

#### MARTIN

No. _(long inhale)_ No, not anymore.

##### [TAPE CLICKS OFF.]