---
layout:          post
title:           "CHAP Vampire Cowboys 1 - A Hairy Problem"
date:            2022-04-30 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            []
voiced:          []
categories:			"cmv"
podcasts: ["cmv"]
title_prefix:	"CHAP"
prev_categories: ["cmv"]
prev_prefixes: ["CHAP"]
prev_episode:	['masks-001']
prev_episode_num:		['001']
prev_episode_title:		["Meet Our Heroes"]
prev_cmv_campaign: 'Masks'
episode_title:   'A Hairy Problem'
episode_number:  '001'
cmv_campaign: 'Vampire Cowboys'
summary:         "Embark on a vampiric adventure with Ben Meredith, Helen Gould, Lowri Ann Davies, Lydia Nicholas and GM Maddy Searle, as they begin their one-shot of Vampire Cowboys!<br/><br/>This week, Cigar Lionel, Squishy Chewing, Gunbo Baggins and Choo Choo Strongstart return from a successful train robbery to discover a rather hairy problem right on their doorstep."
content_flags:   ["Innuendo", "Loss of consciousness", "Physical violence", "Guns", "Supernatural transformation (inc. SFX)", "Discussions of: blood & murder, robbery, drugs", "Mentions of: smoking, food & alcohol", "SFX: horses & crickets, gunfire, growling"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/chapter-and-multiverse/chap-vampire-cowboys-1-a-hairy-problem
formats:
official:        true
---

##### [SHOW THEME - INTRO]

#### THE ETERNAL TAVERN KEEPER

Rusty Quill Presents: Chapter and Multiverse. 

##### [SFX: PUB AMBIENCE]

Oh, hello again, do take a seat, make yourself comfortable. I have a rather different tale for you today, if you are so inclined. It concerns a group of vampiric creatures I encountered during my time in a particular iteration of the so-called Wild West. Whether they were heroes or the villains of this story, well... that's up to you to decide.

##### [SFX: SCI-FI WHOOSH]

#### MADDY

Hello and welcome to *Chapter and Multiverse,* the actual play podcast where we explore the same city across multiple parallel universes. I am your gamemaster Maddy Searle, pronouns she/her, and today we will be playing a one shot of Vampire Cowboys, a game of my design, which is a hack of Lasers and Feelings with a little sprinkle of Dead Channel by Grant Howitt in there as well -- Lasers and Feelings obviously written by John Harper, a creator of many amazing TTRPGs.

But before we go any further, I must introduce our wonderful and talented players, starting with Lowri. 

#### LOWRI

Hello, my name is Lowri as you have already established, and my pronouns are she/her. 

#### MADDY

Wonderful, and Helen. 

#### HELEN

Hi, I'm Helen, and my pronouns are she/he/they, and Maddy, I did not realise until looking at the PDF that you wrote this! You wrote Vampire Cowboys.

#### LOWRI

Neither did I until you said it out loud. I was like, "What?!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Super cool. 

#### HELEN

Very, very cool. 

#### LYDIA

Look at the modesty, look at that little grin, yeah.

##### [LAUGHTER]

That's the grin of the cool. 

#### MADDY

Aw, shucks. And Lyd. 

#### LYDIA

My name is Lydia, my pronouns are they or she, and I am very impressed with Maddy.

##### [LAUGHTER]

That's my character trait right now. 

#### MADDY

Thank you very much, and Ben. 

#### BEN

Hello, I'm Ben Meredith, pronouns he/him. 

#### MADDY

Wonderful. Alright, now it is time to create our characters. You have to choose a style, a role, a number, and a name for your character, and you also get to choose a character goal as well.

So let's just go in the same order that we did for the intros, and Lowri -- well, there's seven of them, so you can't roll a D6 for these, but that's how Lasers and Feelings did it, so blame Don Harper.

##### [LAUGHTER]

But yeah, you can either choose or roll to figure out which one you want. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LOWRI

I got number one. 

#### MADDY

Oh, so you are "rugged." 

#### LOWRI

I am rugged and I am really pleased about that.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Alright, so what role do you want? 

#### LOWRI

Role. I am going to roll for my role.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Four! What am I? 

#### MADDY

So, you are a train robber.

#### LOWRI

_(gasps)_ Oh, I'm so cool, I'm a rugged train robber. 

#### HELEN

That's very cool. 

#### MADDY

Alright, and you can choose your number from between two to five. So a high number means that you are better at being a vampire, so that's kind of cold rationality and subterfuge, manipulation, supernatural powers, all that kind of stuff. And if you've got a low number, you're better at being a cowboy, which is all about passion and riding horses and shooting things and...

#### LOWRI

Oh my gosh. 

#### MADDY

...keeping in touch with your human side.

So, do you want to be more vampiric or more cowboy-y, or kind of slap-bang in the middle? Two is the lowest you can choose and five is the highest you can choose. 

#### LOWRI

I can't, I've got to let the dice decide. I am absolutely paralysed.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Two! Two, I am so human.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

The most cowboy-est cowboy that ever boyed... 

#### LOWRI

That ever cowboyed. I feel a bit sick at the sight of blood.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Yes, please, please. That is an excellent trait for a rugged train robber. 

#### HELEN

Yeah, that's fantastic. 

#### MADDY

And what name do you want to give your character? 

##### [LOWRI SIGHS]

#### BEN

The hardest part. 

#### LOWRI

Choo-Choo.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Strong start. 

#### LOWRI

What was that? 

#### BEN

Strong start, that's just... that's all I said. 

#### LOWRI

Oh, "strong start." Actually, I quite like that. Can that be my surname, Choo-Choo Strongstart?

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### HELEN

Oh, that's great! 

#### MADDY

Incredible. 

#### HELEN

That's so good! 

#### LYDIA

That is so good. 

#### HELEN

Because you're a train robber!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

That's very -- like, you rose from the dead and were like, "I think I vaguely remember what I used to be as a human. There was a *sound* I can remember."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

"I'm optimistic about this new afterlife, I think it's going to be a strong start."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### HELEN

This is wonderful. 

#### MADDY

And what's your character goal? So, you can choose one from the list or come up with one on the fly.

#### LYDIA

Let's rob a train! If you roll you might not get that. 

#### MADDY

Yeah. 

#### LOWRI

Oh. 

#### HELEN

I like the one character goal is just "Yee-haw!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

That does imply the existence of the character goal "Bleurgh!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

I mean I think maybe my goal could be to drink blood, because I'm sooo hungry!

#### HELEN

YES!

#### LOWRI

Yeah, my goal is to drink blood.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

I love that. 

#### LYDIA

Even though you faint at the sight of blood.

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

What drama. 

#### LOWRI

I am going to be really helpful.

#### HELEN

This is going to be amazing. I love it. I love your character already. 

#### LYDIA

Named well, Strongstart.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Yes, strong start. 

#### MADDY

Okay, and what pronouns does your character have? 

#### LOWRI

She/her. 

#### MADDY

Awesome. Helen, what style do you want for your character? 

#### HELEN

Three. I am "ancient." 

#### MADDY

Ancient, mysterious.

#### HELEN

Aw, am I going to play a real grumpy old man?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

And what role do you want? You can, yeah, you can roll or you can choose. 

#### HELEN

I'm going to roll for everything, it's worked out really well for Lowri, I'm going to go with mine.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

That is another three -- a prospector. 

#### LYDIA

Ooo. 

#### MADDY

Yeah. 

#### HELEN

What does a prospector do? 

#### BEN

_(helpfully)_ Prospect.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Looks for gold, right? 

#### MADDY

Yeah, looks for gold, valuable metals. 

#### BEN

The look that I got off of Helen. 

#### HELEN

Oh no, I'm going to be a capitalist!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe you want to do something different with the gold. "I wanna redistribute it. I want to dig it up and I want to give it away!" 

#### BEN

Yeah, you should be an anarchist prospector. "I'm going to find all the gold and I'm just going to blow it up! No gold for anyone."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Okay and you can choose your number from two to five, low being cowboy and high being vampire.

#### HELEN

Uh, I rolled a D6 and got a six, so I guess that means I'm a five, so I am... 

#### MADDY

Super vampire-y. 

#### LOWRI

That makes sense. You're ancient, you're so vampiric. 

#### MADDY

Yeah. 

#### HELEN

True, true. I am the vampire granddaddy. 

#### LYDIA

Hey, look, it might be -- right, you don't need to be prospecting for gold, maybe you're prospecting for something much more occult. 

#### HELEN

My brain immediately went "prospecting for friendship."

#### BEN

Oh. 

#### MADDY

The darkest magic of all... friendship.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Friendship is *dark* magic.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

What name do you want to give your ancient prospector, Helen? 

#### HELEN

Squishy Chewing! 

#### LYDIA

What?

#### LOWRI

"Squishy Chewing"? 

#### HELEN

Yeah! I have a document where people say phrases that I think would make good names. Squishy Chewing. (Laughter) 

#### BEN

So, hang on, so is this a whole-thing-mononym, or are you first name Squishy, last name Chewing? 

#### LOWRI

Yeah. 

#### HELEN

First name Squishy, last name Chewing. 

#### BEN

Okay, okay. 

#### HELEN

_(rapping)_ My name is Squishy, and I'm here to stay. I'm gonna rap in a vampiric way.

#### BEN

_(rapping)_ I like to find gold in every way.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Yaaaay! We're rhyming vampire cowboys.

#### BEN

Yes. 

#### LOWRI

It's the Wild, Wild West, after all. 

#### HELEN

What if I'm such an ancient vampire I've got dentures, and that's where my name comes from?!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Oh no! 

#### LOWRI

No! Aw, that's so visceral. 

#### MADDY

What are Squishy Chewing's pronouns? 

#### HELEN

Squishy Chewing...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Oh, God. 

#### HELEN

...is they/them. 

#### MADDY

And also what is your character's goal? 

#### HELEN

Shall I just pick the last... "Yee-haw!" My character goal is to "yee-haw!"

#### MADDY

Excellent. 

#### LYDIA

It is because you are so vampiric that you're trying to learn the ways of the cowboy, because you think they're cool? 

#### LOWRI

Yes. 

#### HELEN

Yeah! 

#### LYDIA

Because it doesn't come easily.

#### BEN

Have we just discovered you, and you're like, "Cow who? Cow *what?"*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

You see Choo-Choo Strongstart wandering around, like -- "That is who I want to be."

##### [LAUGHTER]

"Yes, teach me cowboy stuff!" 

#### MADDY

Lydia, how about you, what's your style for your character? 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Oo! Charming. Charming, we like that. 

#### HELEN

Oh. 

#### LYDIA

Roll again...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Ooh, I'm a charming gunslinger. 

#### ALL

Oooh. 

#### LOWRI

Nice. 

#### MADDY

Very Doc Holliday. 

#### LYDIA

"Hey, how do you like these guns, hm?"

##### [DICE ROLLS]

So, I am five, I am very vampiric. 

#### HELEN

Aw. 

#### MADDY

Nice. And what name do you want your character to have? 

#### LYDIA

Gun-bo...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Baggins?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Oh, *yes!* Gunbo Baggins, there you go.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Ben looks like he's in more and more pain with every name. He's going to be someone called Steve Smith, you know. 

#### BEN

No, because if Gunbo Baggins is a gunslinger, what is Bilbo Baggins?

##### [LAUGHTER]

Like a duck?! 

#### LYDIA

No, he's just... he's always got the receipts.

#### LOWRI

Or the billboards. 

#### BEN

I see. Just one of the people who swings the billboards on the road.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

What are Gunbo Baggins' pronouns? 

#### LYDIA

Gunbo is definitely a he/him. 

#### BEN

A strong, masculine name.

#### LYDIA & HELEN

"Gunbo."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

_(as Gunbo)_ "And I think that you should take a look at my *guns."*

##### [LAUGHTER]

"Do you shoot around here often?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Pow pow. 

#### LYDIA

Pow pow. Pow-chicka-wow-wow.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Oh no, oh no! 

#### MADDY

What is Gunbo's character goal? 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Ooh, "prove your prowess"? 

#### HELEN & LOWRI

Aw. 

#### LYDIA

Well, he's insecure... oh, that doesn't seem right, I don't like that. I'm going to reroll.

#### HELEN

Not for someone called Gunbo.

#### LOWRI

No. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

"SHOOT ENEMIES"! That was definitely... re-rolling was the right choice!

#### HELEN, LOWRI & MADDY

Yes! 

#### LYDIA

"My name is Gunbo, and I know what I'm here to do. To chat you up and shoot enemies, and I'm all out of chat-up lines."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Alright. So Ben, what style and role do you want for your character? 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Okay, I am reckless and a preacher. I'm a reckless preacher. 

#### HELEN

Oooh. 

#### LYDIA

Amazing. 

#### LOWRI

Oh gosh. Take any course.

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

Who are you a preacher of? Like it's not very much, it could be rectus, it could be a very bad Cthulhu-esque --

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

I think we'll find that out in play. 

#### LYDIA

Interesting. 

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

Mysterious. 

#### BEN

Trains, it's trains.

##### [LAUGHTER]

It's not, it's not.

##### [LAUGHTER]

It might be, it might be.

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

So please choose a number from two to five. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Okay, I am three, vampire. 

#### LYDIA

Middling.

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

Sweet. And what name does your character have? 

#### BEN

Cigar Lionel.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Wonderful. 

#### BEN

And I'm always chomping on a cigar. 

#### LOWRI

Nice. 

#### LYDIA

I really like the idea that you haven't actually realised that humans smoke these. 

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### HELEN

Just eating them.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Yeah, and what are Cigar Lionel's pronouns? 

#### BEN

He/him. 

#### MADDY

Sweet. 

#### BEN

And my goal is...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

"Drink blood"! 

#### MADDY

Ooohaw. 

#### HELEN

Nice. 

#### MADDY

And now I believe you get to create your camp. So as a group, you get to pick two strengths for your camp out of the list, including Well-Hidden, Defensible, Magic Herbs, Bow Access, Neutral Town Nearby, Ley Lines, and The Horse Paddock. And you've also have to pick one problem, either Angry Bears, Contested Territory, Pathetic Fallacy, or Gold Rush.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LOWRI

Seven, so "horse paddock."

#### MADDY

Alright. So second strength, do you want to go for something that complements horse paddock, or do you want to do something random? 

#### BEN

What would... actually, like a sommelier, what would you recommend? What complements "horse paddock"? 

#### MADDY

I think, since a horse paddock is very cowboy-y, maybe you want to go for something more vampire-y, for the second one. 

#### LOWRI

Mm. 

#### BEN

I'd like "ley lines." 

#### LOWRI

I like "ley lines." 

#### HELEN

Yes. 

#### LYDIA

The only reason that I like the idea of magic herbs is that the horses are also there, and so they keep eating the magic herbs and having very strange effects or just getting confused.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

That's also good. 

#### HELEN

That would be fun. 

#### BEN

That's also good because, yeah, horse paddock plus magic herbs equals magic horses. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### HELEN

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

Yeah, I'm down with that. 

#### HELEN

I just added "Complements Horse Paddock" to my list of character names, so...

##### [LAUGHTER]

Wait until six months from now, that'll turn up.

#### MADDY

What's the problem that your camp has? So: Angry bears -- pretty self-explanatory. Contested territory -- someone else lays claim to the land. Pathetic fallacy -- it's almost always bad weather. Or gold rush -- people keep coming by looking for gold in opportune moments. 

#### LOWRI

I'm quite drawn to "gold rush." 

#### HELEN

Same. 

#### LOWRI

I just really like the idea of people coming by really bad moments, really high tension moments...

##### [LAUGHTER]

...it's, "Oh, just a... don't mind me."

#### BEN

"Seen any gold round here...?"

#### LYDIA

While we're at some terribly deep and traumatic point, there's the tick-tick of the pickaxe.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

"Do you mind!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Another thing that we can do in this game is create NPCs to populate your camps. I would like each of you to come up with an NPC name and a distinguishing feature, so that -- the example that I've given in the game is "Kathleen McKenna has the biggest hat you ever did see."

##### [LAUGHTER]

But you may choose whatever you want. So Lowri, what NPC do you think would be hanging around the camp? 

#### LOWRI

Pickaxe Patricia.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Wonderful. 

#### LOWRI

They... 

#### LYDIA

Ironically have a shovel.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

She's always got a deck of cards. No, they, sorry, I'd like their pronouns to be they/them -- they've always got a deck of cards.

#### MADDY

Sweet, deck of cards, okay. And Helen, how about your NPC? 

#### HELEN

My NPC is called Complements Horse Paddock.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Fabulous. 

#### BEN

Gets very confusing around camp. "I'm looking for Horse Paddock -- no, the act-- c'mon -- okay."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Oh gosh. 

#### HELEN

She's just the nicest person. 

#### LOWRI

Aw. 

#### HELEN

She's just really nice. 

#### MADDY

Lyd, what NPC do you want? 

#### LYDIA

Professor Hadrigogan.

##### [LAUGHTER]

He's looking for fossils. He's not a real professor.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Oh. Is he really looking for fossils? 

#### LYDIA

I don't know. 

#### BEN

What does he define as fossils? "I found this fossilised bank vault, let's go here."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Yeah, that's it, that's brilliant, yeah. He has never spelt his name the same way twice. 

#### BEN

Ah, excellent. 

#### LOWRI

I was about to ask how that's spelt.

#### LYDIA

Hadragobagoo...

##### [LAUGHTER]

Hadragigobugum.

#### MADDY

Sweet. Alright, and Ben, what's your NPC? 

#### BEN

Stringfellow Dandy.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Oh gosh. 

#### MADDY

Ooo. 

#### HELEN

Incredible! 

#### BEN

He is ancient, but in a human way, and is always playing the fiddle. 

#### LOWRI

He's always a-fiddling. 

#### BEN

No, I very explicitly didn't phrase it like that.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Oh, why not? 

#### MADDY

He plays the violin.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Actually, I don't know, you tell me -- Lowri, can you explain to me in very minute detail why I didn't do that? 

#### LOWRI

Oh, I genuinely have no idea, so I couldn't possibly.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Now we have all our characters prepped and ready, why don't we take a short break, and we'll be right back in a few minutes. 

---

##### [SFX: A CRACKLING CAMPFIRE, INSECTS CHIRPING, WIND THROUGH TREES]

And welcome back. Now we jump into the story of four vampire cowboys in the state of Wyoming in the year 1898.

You are staying at your camp, which is on the outskirts of a small town called Chapter -- which has only been in existence for a couple of years -- and you are currently sitting around your campfire.

The moon is full and high in the sky, and the wind is whispering through the trees. You have a selection of tents and wagons and lean-tos, which act as your sleeping quarters, and your horses are tied up in their little paddock off to the side, with their eyes kind of looking a bit glassy for some reason.

##### [SFX: HORSES SNORTING]

##### [LAUGHTER]

You have just completed a successful train robbery as a gang... 

#### LOWRI

Woohoo! 

##### [HELEN GASPS]

#### LYDIA

Oooo. 

#### MADDY

So, you are having a little bit of a celebration. You held up a number of the wealthiest passengers of the train and looted a few lockboxes, and so you have got a bunch of jewellery, pocketwatches, and cold hard cash.

So how are you celebrating in your camp? 

#### BEN

Here's a question, what flavour of vampiric rules are we labouring under? Can we consume food and drink or... I mean, I'm assuming we have to be out at night, which is why we're sort of -- the moon is high. 

#### MADDY

Yes. Well, essentially, you can pick-and-mix the vampire lore that works best for you, and it could be that different aspects of vampire lore affect you in different ways depending on your lineage, but yeah. It is entirely up to you. 

#### LOWRI

Choo-Choo would really, really like to be able to consume something that isn't blood, even if it doesn't sustain her.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Chugging on some cider. 

#### LOWRI

I reckon we've got some nice scotch from the train robbery. 

#### HELEN

Nice. 

#### BEN

Yeah, I like the idea that maybe we can eat and drink, but as you say, Lowri, it doesn't actually keep us alive. 

#### LOWRI

Mm. 

#### HELEN

It's just nice.

#### LOWRI

Yeah, just pleasure, yeah. 

#### MADDY

It's like how Spike in Buffy loves the blooming onion. 

#### LOWRI

Yes, exactly. 

#### HELEN

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

Pickaxe Patricia is dealing some cards and getting a game of poker going, and Complements Horse Paddock is just complimenting you all on your beautiful new jewellery that you've attained from the train robbery.

##### [SFX: CARD DEALING]

#### HELEN

Yeah, she's so nice. 

#### MADDY

Yeah. Well, Professor Hadrogroon...

##### [LAUGHTER]

Is off in the corner ignoring the celebrations and just digging another trench in a very awkward place, so yeah. It's where the privy is, so you know that...

##### [SFX: DIGGING]

#### HELEN

Oh no! 

#### MADDY

Yeah, so in the night-time when you're trying to go to the toilet...

#### HELEN

You're going to fall into it.

#### LOWRI

Oh. 

#### MADDY

You're going to fall into a trench which has absolutely no fossils in it whatsoever.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

No pleasant ones anyway. 

#### MADDY

Yeah, no pleasant ones. 

#### LOWRI

Oh no. 

#### MADDY

And Stringfellow Dandy is of course playing the fiddle.

##### [SFX: FIDDLE MELODY] 

#### HELEN

Of course. 

#### LOWRI

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

And providing a lovely backdrop to this evening of celebration.

I would like everyone to make a Vampire check. If you're using Vampire, you want to roll under your number. 

#### LOWRI

I rolled a one, and my number is two. 

#### MADDY

Nice, yeah. And also, if you roll exactly your number, then you are a true Vampire Cowboy and it's basically a crit. And you get to ask me-as-the-GM a question, and I have to answer truthfully. 

#### LOWRI

Oh, nice. 

#### LYDIA

Does it have to be about the game or just...?

#### BEN

Ha ha. 

#### MADDY

Yeah, you could just ask me what my favourite colour is if you want to.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### HELEN

I rolled a three, so that's a success for me. 

#### BEN

I rolled a one, so that is a success for me too. 

#### MADDY

Sweet. 

#### LYDIA

I rolled a three, and since I am very vampire, that is a success. 

#### LOWRI

We are so successful. 

#### LYDIA

Oh my gosh, guys! 

#### LOWRI

What a Strong Start. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Yeah, you wait until we start rolling Cowboy.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

So, as you are looking around your camp, taking in the wonderful celebrations that are happening, you hear a very obvious -- someone stepping on a twig and it breaking off in the undergrowth, and you hear a voice go "Gosh darn it."

##### [SFX: TWIG SNAPPING, FOLIAGE RUSTLING] 

#### GUNBO BAGGINS

It's another prospector!

#### MADDY

Do you want to go in and investigate? 

#### HELEN

Squishy Chewing is immediately annoyed that something unpredictable is happening. They like their routine. They are doing their post-robbery routine of smoking a pipe and carefully counting out precisely how much gold we have. So, Squishy Chewing goes --

#### SQUISHY CHEWING

AH! Who goes there? 

#### VOICE

No one around here.

#### CIGAR LIONEL

Well, that's a strange bush that tells us that it ain't no bush!

##### [LAUGHTER] 

#### LOWRI

I'm sorry, I have to say -- I've been going to speak so many times -- that I just can't commit myself to an American accent.

#### LYDIA

Yeah. I've spoken twice and both have been different accents, Lowri, so...

##### [LAUGHTER]

It's fine!

#### GUNBO

Hey, you strange bush, how about you talk to me, hm?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Gunbo isn't smart. He's not smart, but he is charming, canonically, so you're all charmed.

#### GUNBO

Yeah, strange bush, you got anything to say, you can say it to my face!

#### MADDY

Alright. Can you give me a Cowboy check, please, to see if you can charm this bush? 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

_(laughing)_ No! I roll a two and that's below, so I guess it's not good. 

#### MADDY

The bush quivers for a moment and then...

##### [SFX: FOLIAGE RUSTLING] 

#### GUNBO

Oh, yeah, I'm used to seeing that happen.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

Dammit, Gunbo, why do you insist on flirting with every damn bush we ever see?!

#### GUNBO

I just like flirting. And how are *you* doin'?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

Same as last time, talking to a bush. 

#### GUNBO

Well, it usually goes well for me.

#### LYDIA

Gunbo turns around and looks hopefully at the quivering bush. 

#### MADDY

At this point not one, not two, but five people emerge from the undergrowth. 

##### [SFX: FOLIAGE RUSTLING]

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Gunbo's like --

#### GUNBO

I can count...

##### [LAUGHTER]

...and that is more than three.

#### MADDY

And so you can see that there is a African-American couple, one of whom is a man and has these tiny little pince-nez glasses on... 

#### HELEN

Oo. 

#### LOWRI

Aw. 

#### MADDY

...and the woman has a very authoritative bearing. There's also a lanky white man who just has a goofy expression on his face. 

#### LYDIA

He has a podcast.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Has a podcast. There is also a Mexican man who looks very nervous to be there, and a woman who has a sash of tartan around her clothing who just looks absolutely furious, just constantly furious.

The African-American woman steps forward and says --

#### WOMAN

Alright, we were trying to be stealthy and obviously it didn't work out, so this is very awkward...

We were gonna snatch away one of you vamps. Let's just be straight up front about it. We are a gang of werewolves, and we have found that there is a cure to lycanthropy, but that does involve draining the blood of a vampire.

#### GUNBO

_(gulps)_ Oh no, sorry, I'm using my blood. I get a lot of use out of it -- cha-ching. 

#### CIGAR

Why would you go and tell us something like that? Did you think we were just going to be like, "Well, fine, then take one of us and drain us dry."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

I mean, could you take a little bit from everyone and that counts as a whole draining, and then we could restock, and then you could all be cured and this problem could be fixed and then we do something else for the other two episodes because this has been solved?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### SQUISHY

_(snarl)_ We should not be negotiating with these vampire stealers! These thieves of the undead!

#### CIGAR

Squishy, Squishy, Squishy, c'mon, Squishy...

##### [LAUGHTER]

This ain't no negotiation, we're just having a talk. 

#### HELEN

Squishy waves their walking stick in annoyance and is like --

#### SQUISHY

You have not seen the vampire thieves that I have seen in my life. If they come once, they will come again!

#### GUNBO

Well, to be fair, these ones haven't been that effective. So maybe they won't come back.

#### WOMAN

Well, actually, um... we have another proposition. Kirsty here was very keen on the steal a vampire plan.

#### MADDY

She's like --

#### KIRSTY

I'm right. I was very keen to steal away with one of you, all full blood suckers!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

I love France, it's a beautiful country.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

The woman continues --

#### WOMAN

But we do have another proposition. Perhaps you could come with us in a town and find some unsuspecting person and turn them into a vampire and give them over to us. See, we can't turn someone into a vampire -- we're werewolves, we turn people into werewolves. But you can, so perhaps we could come to some sort of uneasy alliance?

#### GUNBO

What do we get out of it?

#### WOMAN

Well, uh, it *is* a full moon out.

#### SQUISHY

Is that a threat?!

#### WOMAN

Mm, yeah, I would say that is a threat. I was trying to be all subtle-like about it, but seems that you've seen through my ruse.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

Well, I mean a threat's not really a threat if you don't know it's a threat. So I'd say it's doing its job. But here's a question for you: why are you trying to be cured from being a werewolf? It's like being a human, but you get to do fun stuff on a new moon? No, full moon. The one where it's big.

#### GUNBO

I mean, you could be doing fun stuff all the time.

#### CIGAR

I meant supernaturally.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

Oh, right, well. Yeah, I can make that fun supernatural. 

#### CIGAR

Yeah, but you're a vampire. You always make everything fun supernaturally.

#### GUNBO

I do make everything fun, you're right.

#### LYDIA

Big wink.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

Have you ever thought about being double undead? Werewolf/vampire make beautiful werewolf-vampire babies?

#### CIGAR

Now hang on, would that be a vamp-wolf or a were-pire?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### SQUISHY

Werewolves are not part of our undead community! 

#### GUNBO

Oh, don't be so judgemental, Squishy, stuck in the past.

#### SQUISHY

I shall judge who I want! I have the years on you. 

#### GUNBO

You have big ears on me? 

#### SQUISHY

No, the *years!* 

#### GUNBO

Ye-- oh! 

#### SQUISHY

I'm older than you... I'm old and I should be listened to! 

#### CIGAR

Yeah, we know you're old, Squishy. 

#### GUNBO

Yeah, we know that. 

#### SQUISHY

I am so old.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

Thank you for clarifying that, Squishy.

#### LOWRI

Choo-Choo, having fainted...

##### [LAUGHTER]

...at the mention of the draining of the blood, has come round and is starving because hasn't eaten for a very long time. And I am wondering if the nervous person of this group -- to me they sound like, if they're nervous maybe they're the weak one of the pack, and Choo-Choo is trying to sneak up behind them to just get a bite, basically. 

##### [GASPS ALL AROUND]

#### MADDY

Ooo. 

#### LOWRI

Like, has missed the entire discourse and all Choo-Choo can smell is the blood and is like, "C'mon, I can do this, I'm so hungry."

#### HELEN

Aw. 

#### MADDY

Alright, please give me a Vampire roll.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LOWRI

Oh no. Six -- that's not good, is it? 

#### MADDY

Unfortunately, the man turns and around and is just like "Wait, what are you doing? What -- get away from me!"

#### LYDIA

In that sneak pose with the hands up.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Kind of like -- the knee up in the air --

#### LOWRI

In silhouette as well.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### CHOO-CHOO STRONGSTART

You just, you just smell so good. 

#### MAN

Thank you, that's mighty kind of you...

##### [LAUGHTER]

But I get the feeling that it's in a more of a food way than in a friendly way. Have you heard anything that's going on? Do you know that we're trying to stop being werewolves and we need a vampire to drain their blood and all that stuff?

#### CHOO-CHOO

Drain blood?!

#### LOWRI

Gone.

##### [SFX: THUD]

##### [LAUGHTER]

Absolutely gone. 

#### BEN

Amazing. 

#### MADDY

The woman steps forward and says --

#### WOMAN

Alright, okay, so since we are having this conversation, we might as well introduce ourselves. My name is Clarabelle Cranston. This is my husband, Andrew --

#### MADDY

And the man with the little glasses proffers his hat.

#### WOMAN

And this is Jimmy "Two-Toes" Bryant.

#### MADDY

And the man with the goofy expression goes, _[Maddy's sound effect similar to Goofy]_

#### WOMAN

This is Miguel Santos --

#### MADDY

Pointing at the man who Choo-Choo just tried to bite.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### WOMAN

And finally, this is Kirsty McEwen. She is not fond of your kind at all, so any provocation and she will attack. The rest of us are more keen to come to things peacefully.

#### GUNBO

Well, I'm sorry, but I...

#### LYDIA

And Gunbo is posed against a tree --

#### GUNBO

Cannot help... but *provoke.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

I've gotta say, you've got an awful bunch of strange names. You know, we got Stringfellow over here, I'm Cigar, that's Squishy. We got Choo-Choo and of course old Gunbo here -- very strong vampire cowboy name. 

#### GUNBO

Rarrroh!

#### LYDIA

-- Gunbo says, stretched against a tree. 

#### CIGAR

"Kirsty"? "Kirsty," that's just -- 

#### GUNBO

Weird! 

#### CIGAR

Don't get it. "Andrew" --  

#### GUNBO

"Andrew"... "Kirsty"... 

#### WOMAN

I can't speak to the naming conventions of your community, but where we come from those are perfectly ordinary names, so... 

#### CIGAR

Well, I suppose it's one of those intractable cultural differences between vampires and werewolves. 

#### WOMAN

Indeed, indeed. So, what is your decision? Are you gonna help us? Or are you gonna face the wrath of a bunch of angry dogs on a full moon?

#### CIGAR

Well, I thought you were wolves?!

#### GUNBO

Yeah. 

#### CIGAR

If you're only dogs then... 

#### GUNBO

Yeah, that's easy. 

#### CIGAR

...please be my guest. 

#### WOMAN

I was being metaphorical. It wasn't a very good metaphor, but anyway...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Gunbo, again, still posed against the tree, flicks out guns.

#### GUNBO

Baggsy a fight. You know, because my surname's Baggins...

##### [SFX: UNHOLSTERING GUNS] 

#### HELEN

Ah! _(laughs)_

#### LYDIA

Yeah.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

Now, Gunbo, that was extremely funny -- do you want to explain your surname to these good folks, so they also get your excellent pun? 

#### GUNBO

Oh, yeah, they may laugh so much it incapacitates them!

##### [LAUGHTER]

So, my grandpappy vampire...

#### BEN

And while they're distracted... I shall lunge!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Oo, what kind of attack are you going for? That will be -- depend on whether you do a vampire roll or a cowboy roll.

#### BEN

I am gonna go for, to begin with... they're werewolves, right, so we want to be at range. So I'm going to roll backwards off of the little camp stool. So I say lunge but actually I was lunging the opposite direction, it's very...

##### [LAUGHTER]

That is what I always intended to do. It was on purpose.

So, I'm going to roll backwards and come up holding my six-shooter and try to plug any of them in the head -- aware that this might not stop them, but slow them down at least.

##### [SFX: ROLLING AND UNHOLSTERING WEAPON] 

#### MADDY

Fair enough, alright. Give me a Cowboy roll. If you think that you would either be prepared for this or an expert at this, then you can pitch to me that you get an extra one D6 or two D6. 

#### BEN

Oh, sure. I mean, I would say that the ruse with Gunbo's distraction would count me as prepared.

#### MADDY

Nice, yeah, alright. Two D6 -- go for it. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

Okay, I rolled two fives -- but that's good!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Excellent, alright, yeah, because you want to roll over your number -- fantastic. Do you have a particular preference for who you want to shoot?

#### BEN

I would like to shoot Kirsty, because she seemed the most murderous. 

#### MADDY

Alright, yeah. You send out a shot from your pistol --

##### [SFX: GUNSHOT AND SPLATTER]

And it shoots right through her skull and out the other side, and she -- unfortunately, because it is not a silver bullet it does not kill her, but she is further enraged and starts to transform into a hulking, hairy wolflike humanoid creature with slavering jaws.

##### [SFX: Squelching and grunting breaths as Kirsty transforms] 

#### BEN

Oh, beans! 

#### LOWRI

Choo-Choo is at the feet of the werewolves. She is now covered in blood.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Oh yeah!

#### LOWRI

She was just trying to distract herself to stay away, but also lick her face.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Just rocking and singing, like,

#### CHOO-CHOO

Just a little... so hungry. 

#### MADDY

Aw. 

#### LOWRI

I'm not going to be any help. I'm so sorry.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### HELEN

No, it's very good.

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### HELEN

Squishy is going to stand up. There's not that much of a difference because they are very small and crooked, and they will say --

#### SQUISHY

As the cowboys say, "Here yee!"

#### HELEN

And it starts...

##### [LAUGHTER]

And picks up some of the silver cutlery that we stole from the train.

##### [SFX: RATTLING CUTLERY]

#### BEN

YES!

#### LOWRI

Yes, Squishy! 

#### HELEN

And starts trying to throw silver knives at the various werewolves. 

#### BEN

That's the wisdom of ages right there. 

#### HELEN

Yes it is. 

#### MADDY

Mm-hmm, incredible. Yeah, since it is so wise and wisdom-y, please make me a Vampire roll. 

#### HELEN

Oh! Excellent.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Oh, it's a five... no, but that is my number. 

#### MADDY

That is your number, that is Vampire Cowboy. So you also get to ask me a question. 

#### LOWRI

Oo. 

#### BEN

Truly, on this night, you became the Vampire Cowboy.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Oo. 

#### HELEN

The question I would like to ask is -- what's a useful question to ask, everyone? 

#### LYDIA

Are they telling the truth? Is there really a way to... 

#### HELEN

That is a very good -- 

#### BEN

Oh, yeah. 

#### HELEN

Yes, that is the que-- I would like to ask, are they sincere, are they actually telling the truth? 

#### MADDY

Yes, they are. They are telling the truth. 

#### HELEN

Oh, this does not move Squishy at all.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Which werewolf were you lobbing the cutlery at? 

#### HELEN

The one that's really angry, that Ben just shot in the head.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Nice, so Kirsty. Yes, absolutely. 

#### LYDIA

The French one. 

#### BEN

Yeah.

#### MADDY

Yeah, the French... the incredibly French one.

##### [LAUGHTER]

You yeet this beautiful silver knife right into Kirsty's wolf-like shoulder. You can tell that she is very wounded, but is going to take a couple more hits to get her fully down.

##### [SFX: Knife cuts through the air and hits Kirsty's shoulder; she growls] 

#### LOWRI

Choo-Choo is very Cowboy. I've also just decided that is quite a new vampire, which is why they get so sick at blood, they're just not used to it yet. 

#### HELEN

Yeah. 

#### LOWRI

But since very, very Cowboy, I would like to use my lasso powers to try and lasso Kirsty the dog -- to try and bring her down, to "neutralise the threat" kind of thing. I've had a bit of blood now so I'm like, "Okay, I'm feeling a little bit stronger." 

#### BEN

I just got to say, I really like describing things you're good at as your powers. Like a cowboy has lasso powers...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

No skills! Not skills, "powers." Yeah. 

#### BEN

"I've got some writing powers."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

I will say that you can roll an extra D6 on a Cowboy roll for being an expert in lassos. 

#### LOWRI

Fab, fab, fab...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Two fours, my number's two. 

#### MADDY

For Cowboy you want to roll over your number, so yeah, that is a success! 

#### LOWRI

Yay! 

#### MADDY

Fantastic. Alright, so yeah, please describe to me how you incapacitate this ravening beast.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Choo-Choo stands up, swings her lasso around her head and says --

#### CHOO-CHOO

Down, girl!

#### LOWRI

And just like, _(makes whip noise)_ gets it round her neck and tries to yank her down. Oh, *does* yank her down?

##### [SFX: Lasso swing and werewolf growling] 

#### MADDY

Yeah, absolutely. And Kirsty the werewolf grasps at the rope around her neck and is yanked down to the ground, and is stopped from doing any more damage for now.

##### [SFX: Struggle and thud]

The other werewolves who have not yet transformed are looking incredibly wary, waiting to see if anyone is going to attack them, or if it is only the more aggressive of them that has incurred your ire. 

#### LYDIA

So, Gunbo finishes his story...

##### [LAUGHTER]

About his... how the name Baggins arose from a typo when his ancestors arrived on Ellis Island and the person wrote it down -- it had been something much... like it was associated with royalty, you know. Totally, absolutely wasn't, it was made up.

Yeah, as he finishes the story, realises that there is an incapacitated werewolf and goes, "Oh, well!" Gets the guns out. "I was helping all along."

##### [SFX: Unholstering guns]

##### [Laughter]

And shoots the werewolf that's writhing around on the ground. 

#### LOWRI

I'm getting very upset at us attacking a dog.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

No! It's not a dog, it's a horrible human, wearing a dog costume. 

#### LOWRI

Okay, that helps, thanks. 

#### MADDY

Okay, give me a Cowboy roll to see if you can shoot this werewolf, and I think since you are a gunslinger you can absolutely have an extra die for this. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I don't manage that! I roll a one and a three and my number is five, so it's just a pachow-chow in the air.

##### [LAUGHTER]

And it's like "I totally, meant to do that, budam dam, yeah". 

#### MADDY

Yeah. Unfortunately, one of the bullets hits directly through Stringfellow Dandy's fiddle.

##### [SFX: Two gunshots, twang and crack of fiddle breaking] 

##### [GASPS!]

#### HELEN

Oh no! 

#### LOWRI

Oh no. 

#### MADDY

And he goes --

#### STRINGFELLOW DANDY

Oh no, my one pride and joy in my whole life has gone. 

#### HELEN

Oh no! 

#### GUNBO

Stringy, I'm so sorry. I'll get you a flute!

#### STRINGFELLOW

Well, I guess that's the thought that counts.

##### [Laughter]

#### MADDY

Is anyone else wanting to do something? So, we've got the werewolf on the ground, we've got the very wary humanoid werewolves looking around to see if anyone's going to do anything aggressive. 

#### GUNBO

Well, you can see that we're... we all contributed very much to successfully taking down your angry friend. So, I think, if you're impressed with us --

#### LYDIA

Wink wink.

#### GUNBO

You should maybe not try and kill us, and instead join that party! I don't know, let's have some fun! We could rob a train together under the moonlight, just you and me. All of you and me and all of them.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CIGAR

Cause I've got to be fair, your proposal was "Do this or we're gonna kill you." Which ain't the best proposal I ever heard. So, maybe you can find it in your hearts to offer us something for helping you out. Especially since we could very easily dispatch your French friend.

#### CLARABELLE

Yeah, that is a very good point.

#### MADDY

-- says Clarabelle.

#### CLARABELLE

I see where you're coming from, despite the fact that we are perceived as monsters by the outside world and I still want to be a reasonable person about this. So how about: I have heard that in the town there is a very wealthy gentleman.

#### GUNBO

You mean he has a lot of blood? 

#### CLARABELLE

Well, I'm sure he has a certain amount of blood that allows him to survive, so... I don't know. 

#### LOWRI

Okay. 

#### BEN

Great big man, 8 feet tall and 5 feet wide, filled to the brim, red as an ass.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CLARABELLE

He's known as Jedediah Fenton, and he is known for mistreating his servants and his workers. He runs the local mine, and everyone in it is worked to the bone and not offered suitable payments. So... 

#### GUNBO

We are very against bad labour conditions, we are. That's why, in fact, we rob trains.

##### [LAUGHTER]

Not for jewels, to make us look fancy, but ethics -- yeah. You like ethics? I totally am a nice guy --

##### [LAUGHTER]

-- and I got so many ethics. You want me to talk to you about the all the ethics I learned about?

#### LOWRI

Oh no. 

#### GUNBO

I'll explain them to you. 

#### CLARABELLE

That is a very kind offer, but I was about to...

#### GUNBO

Oh, yeah, I am very kind, let me explain things to you.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CLARABELLE

And I was about to say that the something in it for you would be, if you took down this terrible man: a) you would be doing a good service to the town of Chapter, but also, he's incredibly rich. And because he's one of those paranoid-rich types, he keeps all his wealth in his room in his mansion. So, you'd be able to -- if you took him out, you'd be able to snaffle that off for yourself. We don't even need a cut. We're fine just doing after ourselves. Anything you steal from that mansion is yours.

#### CIGAR

Right. So you're saying that we turn this Jedediah Fenton into a vampire, deliver him to you, you swiftly drain him of all of his juices --

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Give a look to Gunbo.

#### GUNBO

Oh, yeah. I'm sure he's very juicy.

#### CIGAR

And then you'll be on your merry way, and we get the contents of his mansion of delights. 

#### CLARABELLE

Absolutely. That is an excellent summary. 

#### CIGAR

I mean, that seems reasonable. 

#### GUNBO

Yeah, that's basically... you know, you didn't even need to threaten us, you could have just given us a tip... 

#### CIGAR

Yeah! 

#### GUNBO

...and said, "Oh, payment for this tip is man that won't trouble our ethics and is rich, also could you turn him into a vampire and leave him by our door" --

##### [LAUGHTER]

You know, just for future negotiations, you might want to start... it's a carrot-stick scenario, and while some of us do like sticks in certain kinds of context, it's often better to start with a carrot. 

#### CLARABELLE

That is a very good point.

#### SQUISHY

Yes!

#### GUNBO

Also in other contexts.

#### SQUISHY

An excellent explanation of what a negotiation is! Anyway, gold -- yes, I'm in for the gold. 

#### CHOO-CHOO

To the horses!

#### LOWRI

Says Choo-Choo. 

#### CIGAR

Yeah, well, we might want to give them about a couple of hours for whatever's happening to them to wear off.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### CLARABELLE

Yeah, yeah, one of them gave me this funny look and it seemed to have little spirals going round in its eyes and I was very confused what was going on there.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

Oh, yeah, that'll be Jessica, my favourite horse. 

#### CLARABELLE

Jessica. That is a beautiful name for a horse. 

#### CIGAR & GUNBO

I think it's a really strange name --

#### BEN & LYDIA

_(at each other)_ Yeah!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

But I thought it suited a horse, you know, it's just... you want to name animals something unusual.

#### CLARABELLE

Yeah, because if you have a friend called Jessica and you also have a horse called Jessica and you called out "Jessica," you wouldn't want to be like, "Oh no, I meant the horse!" 

#### GUNBO

I don't have any friends called Jessica, that's a very unusual name. 

#### CLARABELLE

Yeah, in your circle it would be unusual to have a friend called Jessica.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

It's a fine name, it's just very rare and unusual. 

#### CIGAR

That's why I called my horse Steve.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GUNBO

Yeah, we love to give them exotic and strange names. 

#### CIGAR

Very odd name.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

Good, good, alright.

And so you gather your supplies for the trip into town, gather your horses, make sure that they're not tripping too much.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

In every sense of the term. Want to make sure that they're very sure-footed, and also sober.

#### HELEN

And not falling into the trenches that the fossil guy dug. 

#### MADDY

Yeah, not falling into Professor Heth... _(gives up)_ 's trenches.

##### [LAUGHTER]

So, yeah, absolutely you set off with your band of wary allies. 

#### LYDIA

Do the NPCs come with us? Or do they get left at the camp? 

#### MADDY

Well, that is entirely up to you. If you want to bring them then you can, but it's also, that's a lot of people to be infiltrating a mansion.

#### BEN

I really like the idea where the werewolves stepped out and went, "We're werewolves, you're vampires," like -- none of our friends knew that we were vampires, and they were like "Oh my goodness!"

#### MADDY

"Oh, goodness gracious!" 

#### LYDIA

"We just thought they were goth!" 

#### LOWRI

"Yeah, they're not vampires."

#### BEN

Yeah. 

#### MADDY

"I just thought this was a wonderful community of good train robbers who were just minding their own business -- I had no idea they were bloodsucking fiends!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

"We're just a bunch of really nocturnal criminals."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

As we ride off into the distance -- has everyone seen the video of Snoop Dogg commenting on dressage? 

#### MADDY

No, that sounds amazing.

#### LYDIA

Because that is exactly how I expect our horses to be behaving. Like, both doing the dance but also... he's like, "This is incredible, I need to put this horse in a video." Snoop Dogg reacting to dressage is exactly what we look like as we ride off into the sun-up.

##### [SFX: HOOVES] 

#### MADDY

Yeah. 

#### BEN

Well, hopefully not because then we'll burst into flames.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Yeah, we'll burn immediately. 

#### LYDIA

Into the moon-middle. 

#### LOWRI

Yes.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MADDY

So yeah, as you set off towards the town of Chapter to investigate Jedediah Fenton's mansion, we shall end the episode there. So thank you so much for listening to the first episode of our vampire cowboys' adventure. I would like to ask each of you where can we find you on the internet, and do you have anything you would like to plug? Starting with Lowri.

#### LOWRI

I am @LowriTweets, which is a misnomer because I do not tweet ever!

##### [LAUGHTER]

But I did get the handle and I'm keeping it. 

#### MADDY

Nice, alright. And Helen? 

#### HELEN

I am @Alecto101 and I don't have anything to plug, apart from maybe my Rusty Quill podcast, which is called *Enthusigasm* and it's really fun. 

#### MADDY

Nice, it is indeed very, very fun. And Lydia?

#### LYDIA

Yeah, I am Lydia, you can find me on the Twitter @LydNicholas and you can find my chickens on Twitch @twitch.tv/urbanchooks, spelt with two Os and two Cs and one K and an S... 

#### LOWRI

Any order.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Yes, see what happens! 

#### MADDY

And Ben, how about you? 

#### BEN

Yeah, I do stories with my brother every Sunday at twitch.tv/thebrothersmeredith. 

#### MADDY

Fantastic. We hope to see you next time on *Chapter and Multiverse,* but until then, from all of us here in the space between worlds, goodbye. 

#### EVERYONE

Goodbye! 

##### [SHOW THEME - OUTRO]

#### THE ETERNAL TAVERN KEEPER

*Chapter and Multiverse* is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial ShareAlike 4.0 International License. It is directed by Maddy Searle and produced by Natasha Johnston, with executive producers Alexander J Newall and April Sumner. The Eternal Tavern Keeper was played by Karim Kronfli. This episode was edited by Maddy Searle and Cathy Rinella, with music by Nico Vettese. Thank you for listening.