---
layout:          post
title:           "MAG189.04 - Twilight Abyss - Part 3"
date:            2020-12-24 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      special
tags:            [Non-Canon, Twilight Abyss]
categories:			"tma"
podcasts: ["tma"]
title_prefix:	"MAG"
prev_categories: ["tma"]
prev_prefixes: ["MAG"]
next_categories: ["tma"]
next_prefixes: ["MAG"]
prev_episode:   ['18903-twilight-abyss-2']
next_episode:   ['18905-commentary-retrospective-2']
prev_episode_num:		['189.03']
next_episode_num:		['189.05']
prev_episode_title:		["Twilight Abyss - Part 2"]
next_episode_title:		["MAG Commentary - Retrospective #2"]
episode_title:   'Twilight Abyss - Part 3'
episode_number:  '189.04'
summary:         "The view from the rooftops of Slyde World is bleak. Can our heroes Gavin Crumble, Freddie & Ms. Pledge save the park, Dorset, and perhaps indeed the world, from the encroaching Abyss and avoid any further health & safety citations?"
content_flags:   ["Existential threat","Instances of memory loss (supernatural)","Flooding & Threat of drowning","Mild child peril","Innuendo","Character death","Mentions of: emetophobia, comedic violence"]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/themagnusarchives/magtwilightabyss-part3
formats: 
  # DOCX:   
  # PDF: 
  Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16jr0P2IBHH6mijknKZH-_U3BQrGtTsqDf4rxUa11Gn4/edit?usp=sharing
official:        false
unofficial: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16jr0P2IBHH6mijknKZH-_U3BQrGtTsqDf4rxUa11Gn4/edit?usp=sharing
unofficial_name: 'Anonymous'
wiki_url:        
---

MAG Twilight Abyss - Part 3 | The Magnus Archives on Acast

#### JONNY

Hello everyone, it's Jonny! Welcome back to our interim gaming adventure, the title of which I have definitely remembered because we are recording this all in one long session, *definitely,* haven't had any sort of technical break.

#### LYDIA

No one's computer's motherboard died in the middle of an episode, what? What? That didn't happen.

#### LOWRI

I don't know what you're talking about!

#### JONNY

Yeah, so, love to continue... *exactly* from where we left off, with nobody misremembering any details.

#### BEN

S-something about an abyss?

#### JONNY

Yeah, there was the -- it was "The Twilight Abyss"?

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### LOWRI

It was "Before the Twilight of the Blind Abyss."

#### LYDIA

"Before the Twilight of the Abyss"...

#### JONNY

_[repeating]_ "Before the Twilight" --

#### BEN

"The Blinding Abyss."

#### LOWRI

Oh, "Blind-*ing."*

#### JONNY

Right, "The Blind Abyss"! "The Blind" -- yeah, yeah, cool.

##### [BEAT]

So welcome back!

#### LYDIA

Any continuity errors are actually --

#### BEN

Very clever and you just didn't get them.

#### LYDIA

_[simultaneously]_ A darkness in the fabric of being, ripping through, uh, reality!

#### JONNY

Exactly. So! As we've mentioned, I'm Jonny, your GM, and who do we have just talking nonsense?

#### BEN

_[slurring his words]_ Um, I'm Ben, listen to Stellar Firma and Rusty Quill Gaming --

#### JONNY

Stop that. Who're you playing?

#### BEN

What?

#### JONNY

Stop, stop plugging and tell me who you're playing!

#### BEN

I'm Ben. Nub -- Gub -- Gavin Crumble.

#### JONNY

Gavin Crumble. And, uh, Lydia, who are you?

#### LYDIA

I'm, I'm Lydia. _[laughs]_ I, I'm also in, uh, Magnus and Rusty Quill Gaming, which is good? I'm assured? By objective people that aren't in it?

##### [EVERYONE LAUGHS]

That's not true, I don't know anyone that's not in it. We *all* are bit parts in Alex and Jonny's dances. And I'm playing Freddie! Who... is a Himbo. So I can't remember the voice, so it's gonna be, uh, _[a little more Welsh than usual]_ this, now. Um, I'm Freddie,

#### JONNY

Oh crumbles, what did Freddie sound like?

#### LOWRI

No, we can't have two Welsh people --

#### LYDIA

That's more W -- that's more... I suppose I'm thinking more of the family I've got in Wrexham, where it's kind of like, on the edge of Welsh. _[annoyed growl]_

#### LOWRI

Just say Mr Crumble a few times, Freddie!

#### JONNY

Was it kind of deep? You were like...

#### LYDIA

_[so deeply their voice scrapes]_ Oh, I'm Freddie! I don't know!

##### [EVERYONE BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Oh *God* no.

#### BEN

Oh, I like that, keep that.

#### LOWRI

Oh, no.

#### LYDIA

_[slightly less deep]_ 'Ello, I'm Freddie! Um, okay, this will be Freddie. Uh, I'm actually kind of doing an impression of that dog, that's very famous on TikTok. Hello! Uh...

#### JONNY

What, there's a *TikTok dog?*

#### LYDIA

Yeah! He opens his mouth and it looks like he's talking, yeah.

#### JONNY

_[over Lydia]_ Jeez, what do the children *do* on there? There's a *TikTok dog.*

#### LOWRI

_[laughing]_ I'm just gonna gently highlight that we're four minutes in and we've yet to introduce four people.

#### JONNY

_[in pain]_ It's fine. It's fine.

#### LYDIA

_[practising]_ Hello, I'm Freddie...

#### JONNY

Lowri. Who are you?

#### LOWRI

Hello, I'm Lowri, and I edit *Gaming,* and I produce *Magnus Archives,* and I'm playing Ms Pledge. _[in Ms Pledge's voice, soft, pleasant]_ And she's, she's Old As Balls and very Welsh, and very -- very invested in Freddie's future? And that he goes full time. Soon. Which he has been promised.

#### LYDIA

_[as Freddie]_ I think Mr, Mr Calcifer, sir, he did promise that.

#### LOWRI

There he is!

#### LYDIA

_[as Freddie]_ So it will definitely happen. Definitely. I mean, he didn't say it in as many words, he just made -- there was a feelin', you know?

#### BEN(?)

Did he chuckle ominously, and you were like, _[snaps fingers]_ "That's what that means."

#### LYDIA

_[as Freddie]_ That's a good -- that's a good sign. That is definitely a good sign, that chuckle.

##### [AS LYDIA IS SPEAKING THE SFX OF SLYDE WORLD BUILDS OVER HER WORDS -- WATER SOUNDS AND FAINT SCREAMS COME INTO FOCUS]

#### LOWRI

Yes.

#### JONNY

*You awake!* Atop the pump room in Slyde World, feeling like something slightly weird and slightly wrong has gone on with the world, as though everything has *shifted* slightly.

##### [LYDIA BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

And any inconsistencies are to be put down to the leaking-in of cosmic space fabric, into otherwise very normal chlorinated water.

#### GAVIN

Oh, I swear my shirt used to be white, not purple, but uh...

#### MS PLEDGE

It's a good look on you, Gavin!

#### FREDDIE

Does my hair still look good?

#### LYDIA

Uh, Freddie mumbles nervously at Ms Pledge.

#### MS PLEDGE

Freddie, of course it does, my love.

#### FREDDIE

Phew.

#### JONNY

But your contemplation of changes in shirt color and/or voices is *broken!*

##### [LAUGHTER]

By the sound of a baby crying. And you remember that a *small baby* that --

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

Whose parent you, you cannot remember... at all. As far as you're aware this, this baby must have bought their own ticket, and that seems normal to you. This baby is on a... like, a bench, like a wooden bench. You know, one of them slide park wooden benches that you get. And the flood of pitch black water, that occasionally you can see glimmers of stars in, is starting to rise. Going up and up towards this, this baby.

#### LYDIA

Is the door that we came out of onto the roof... rip-off-able?

#### JONNY

It was a trapdoor.

#### LYDIA

A trapdoor. Is that rip-off-able? Could it be surfed?

#### JONNY

Yeeees. Ooh. There isn't really -- like, there are, there isn't really much in the way of *waves,* currently, in the cosmic --

#### LYDIA

But the momentum that one might gather from running across the roof, jumping off, and then jumping *onto* the surfboard and *skimming* --

#### JONNY

I will say Freddie does not know enough to know that that is not possible.

#### LYDIA

Right, yes, *but* I can declare a lack of understanding gives me immunity to things harming me.

#### JONNY

Yeah, you can --

#### LYDIA

I absolutely cannot remember the rules.

#### BEN

Oh yeah, there's dice.

#### JONNY

It's roll 2d6.

#### BEN

Also, Beach Boys intensifies.

#### JONNY

We're in Dorset, aren't we.

#### BEN

_[singing]_ Everybody's surfing!... Surfing Dorset.

#### JONNY

I spent my first 18 years in Dorset. You, you -- *nobody surfs* in Dorset. Or at least if they do surf in Dorset, like --

##### [OUTRAGED CROSSTALK]

#### LYDIA

Loads of people do, Jonny!

#### BEN

Uh, they, uh, wind --

#### LOWRI

Yeah.

#### LYDIA

I went to *Poole Harbour* --

#### BEN

Yeah, windsurfing in Poole Harbour --

#### LYDIA

*Several times* -- exactly.

#### BEN

I love it.

#### LYDIA

Several times a year --

#### JONNY

Okay, windsurfing, windsurfing. Fair enough.

#### BEN

_[slow, contemptuous]_ How are you even from Dorset?

#### JONNY

Like I, I lived 10 minutes from Bournemouth Beach, and like, if you saw people trying to surf it was like -- it was --

#### LYDIA

No, but *windsurfing.*

#### JONNY

It was a bit of a sad affair? You know?

#### LYDIA

Windsurfing around Poole Harbour is pretty fun.

#### JONNY

Yeah, okay, no, windsurfing, yeah.

#### BEN

Pretty sure I saw some people try surfing on Shell Bay. Didn't go well for them. But they tried!

#### JONNY

Yeah, okay, I'm not saying -- alright, I'm not saying people don't *try* to surf --

#### LYDIA

People can paddleboard! People can paddleboard wherever!

#### JONNY

I'm just saying that, like, if your image of surfing is, like, *cool?* Uh, that is not the surfing you will find in Dorset.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, well, Freddie thinks that he looks cool, and so he rolls...

#### JONNY

Well, I mean, let's find out!

#### LYDIA

He rolls 2d6?

#### JONNY

You're gonna need... I would say a 10 but you've got -- Himbo will work for you here, so uh, you'll need an eight.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, it doesn't really matter, because I got three.

#### LOWRI

Oh God. Oh no.

#### JONNY

You got three! *Brilliant.*

#### LYDIA

*Rips* the trapdoor off, *leaps* off the roof, have it -- well, runs along -- the swell of the Baywatch theme... there's an echo...

#### JONNY

It's, it's --

#### LYDIA

It's obviously in a minor key, because --

#### JONNY

It's very moving.

#### LOWRI

It's Ms Pledge. She's got a *lovely* voice, she's Welsh.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

She loves the *Baywatch* theme, what, "In the Valleys"?

#### JONNY

I miss the *Baywatch* theme. I keep trying to have it in my head and all I can hear is like the *Chariots of Fire,* like, "ba ba ba ba ba"...

#### LYDIA

*Me too!*

#### BEN

Because they r -- they run slowly, right, so that's *Chariots of Fire!* That's the slow run song!

#### LYDIA

*Yes!*

#### JONNY

It's doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo.

#### LYDIA

_[gasping for breath]_ Freddie, Freddie -- Freddie jumps --

#### BEN

It sounds like you're doing the *A-Team* theme badly!

#### LYDIA

And now I've got the *Red Dwarf* theme in my head because that is the only thing I know that goes slowly!

#### JONNY

Okay, we're gradually -- we're gradually progressing through, uh, Freddie's action. He's currently mid-air.

#### LYDIA

Yeah. Well, this is the problem, though -- is that momentum doesn't seem to quite work. He's got the wrong tune in his head, the rhythm's off.

#### JONNY

So the door hits the water and for a *second,* Freddie's like, *I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm doing it!* But then the door sort of starts to slide down into the water, and then your feet, and then your legs, and then...

##### [SFX: WATER SOUNDS GROW MORE AGITATED, OMINOUS]

#### FREDDIE

I'll never let go!

#### LYDIA

-- He says.

#### JONNY

By the time, uh, by the time you reach the bench with the baby, it's just your upper torso that, like, is gripping onto --

#### LYDIA

Paddleboarding!

#### JONNY

Oh yeah, he's gripping onto the, the edge. The baby is there, right in your face, and the entire lower part of your body is currently dangling into the unending cosmos.

#### LYDIA

Okay!

#### JONNY

It's pretty cold. I'm gonna say you are taking two hit points of damage.

#### LYDIA

Oh cool, I've got... *five* hit points. So that's... now I'm on three.

#### JONNY

As far as you two are concerned, Freddie never had legs?

#### BEN

Freddie was also -- _[corrects himself]_ Al-always --

#### JONNY

Just a torso.

#### BEN

Just an upper torso, yeah.

#### JONNY

The baby is currently crawling towards you, Freddie, looking curious as though it's, it's interested in your face.

#### FREDDIE

_[distressed]_ Come on, baby, how did you get a ticket? You won't be able to go on *any* of the rides!

#### JONNY

Ms Pledge, what are you doing watching Freddie struggle?

#### LOWRI

I think that she'd just probably shout --

#### MS PLEDGE

Freddie boy! Pull yourself onto the bench!

#### LOWRI

Because I haven't got my mop anymore, do I try and help? I have nothing!

#### JONNY

No, your mop is actually, as far as I recall, one of the things that caused this issue.

#### LOWRI

_[as Ms Pledge]_ I was defendin' my *boy!*

#### BEN

_[as Gavin]_ If you just listened to the authority figure in the room, this would have been fine.

#### LOWRI

_[as Ms Pledge]_ Oh shut up, Gavin!

#### LYDIA

_[as Freddie]_ You mean Mr Calcifer? He's always the authority.

#### JONNY

Is Gavin Crumble doing anything? Or is Gavin also simply watching an unfurling disaster?

#### BEN

Ga... Gavin really wants to get back to his van to report this. Because he doesn't know how to handle abyss floods, and he's pretty sure Head Office might have an idea, they've probably got something in the handbook? So he just -- he just really needs to get back to his van! So he's going to look for routes to, to do that.

#### JONNY

Yeah, you can probably, uh... Like, it'll be, like, hopping over rooftops and the occasional awning. You can see that the edge of Slyde World has not quite been reached by the flood yet.

#### BEN

Okay!

#### JONNY

So your -- your van *should* be fine.

#### BEN

Alright.

#### JONNY

If you can get to it.

#### BEN

Okay, uh, and I'm gonna say I am motivated, uh, by a cold fury of these two individuals, who...

#### JONNY

But just to be clear, you are leaving Freddie to die.

#### BEN

Well, no! As far as I'm aware Freddie's fine, because Freddie never had the rest of his body? So he's not in peril, he's just --

#### JONNY

Okay! No, that's -- I mean he does -- his *face* is -- _[struggles]_ you know what?

#### BEN

Covered in baby sick?

#### JONNY

Oh yeah, you're quite right, the baby has been sick on your face.

#### LYDIA

Oh, okay!

#### JONNY

Well, not like fully sick, just like spit up a bit.

#### LYDIA(?)

It's a stressed baby! That's what they do, you know? It's --

#### JONNY

Oh no, the baby seems fine. The baby seems very happy.

#### BEN

So there you go, so, so Freddie's just babysitting a pretty chill baby on a bench.

#### JONNY

Okay!

#### BEN

So yeah.

#### JONNY

So to make your own way back, I will say that's a... an 8 difficulty. I will give you Analytical, though, because it's very much like plotting out your -- have you ever done this? I mean it's like... _[pause]_ I always have this thing when I'm traveling around like I'll, I'll imagine that gravity has changed direction? And then I'll, like, plot out routes, like how I would go down a street if gravity's do -- do you not do this? Is this, is this...

#### LOWRI

I've never done that, but I think I might start doing it now.

#### JONNY

_[softly]_ No? Okay.

#### BEN

I have done, but not, like, as a matter of course.

#### JONNY

_[stuttering]_ Well, I mean, look -- no, okay, it's not -- it's not something I do every day, it's just -- it's just sometimes, innit? It's just -- yeah... Anyway, you're just basically playing, uh, the floor is cosmos.

#### BEN

Yeah.

#### JONNY

So, uh, yeah, make me your roll.

#### BEN

Right. I rolled a... uh-oh.

#### JONNY

_[evil laughter]_

#### BEN

And four.

#### JONNY

And four. Okay, you make it. I'm gonna say, like, at one point your leg slips, briefly goes into the unending black abyss of space, uh, it gets a bit chilly but you pull it back out, so I'm gonna say you lose one hit point.

#### BEN

Okay.

#### JONNY

You reach your van, but as you do, the black waters are starting to lap at its tires.

#### BEN

I'm flicking through the health inspection handbook for any, any, uh, like, emergency protocols for abyss floods.

#### JONNY

What letter are you looking under?

#### BEN

_[pause]_ F, for flood.

#### JONNY

F for flood. Uh, okay you know this qu -- it's quite a comprehensive, I mean, there's a very comprehensive section on "flood." Generally the advice is to, first off, turn it off at the source.

#### BEN

Okay.

#### JONNY

And then look into... most parts should have drainage, so if it's not draining away you probably want to look into, uh, what might be blocking the drainage systems. But mostly it -- the, the advice is "stop water coming out, drain off water, and *then* analyze the system for the initial problem."

#### BEN

Okay. All right! Uh, well, I'm gonna have a rifle through the back of my van, and uh... Ooh, no.

#### LYDIA

You can use your superpower, right?

#### LOWRI

Yeah.

#### BEN

Well, yeah, I can get mundane equipment. I can get specialized equipment for... by spending an HP, and I only have *three* HP left. So... that's the heart of the matter.

#### JONNY

It's a hard choice, innit?

#### BEN

Um, uh, well, would I be able to find some sort of -- 'cause I'm aware the, the, the flood is miserable in some ways.

#### JONNY

Yes.

#### BEN

It's not something I want to get on me. It's very cold. So some sort of, like, I've got like a long, grabby, articulated stick for like, sort of, getting it --

#### JONNY

I'll, I'll say you have a grabby stick. Uh, I wouldn't make you spend a hit point for a grabby stick.

#### BEN

I suppose it's quite mundane, yeah.

#### LYDIA

I've got three with me right now!

#### BEN

Uh, so I'll get a grabby stick as the thing.

#### JONNY

One thing I will say you do notice is things don't seem to have a problem floating on top of this darkness.

#### LYDIA

Well, *I* did!

#### JONNY

Oh! Well, no, yeah, it's -- it's -- it seems to be anything *submerged* in the dark water falls through.

#### BEN

Okay, in which case I would like to spend a hit point to have an inflatable life raft.

#### LYDIA(?)

_[cheering]_ Yes!

#### JONNY

I will say... okay, let me... You cannot have a life raft. You can have *two* life rings.

#### BEN

Oh, blimey. _[resigned]_ Yeah, all right, I'll take it.

##### [CACKLING]

#### LYDIA

You're gonna have to sit in it, in that kind of thing with your bum sitting in the middle!

#### BEN

Yeah, my bum's gonna be *really* cold.

#### JONNY

And you -- you also have some paddles. You also have some paddles.

#### BEN

_[emotional]_ For my life rings! What a sensible thing to pack!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

Okay, I'm on two hit points. Okay. Yeah! So I -- I guess, like, there's a moment of quiet as I'm doing the things, and then I *burst* out the back of the van, to the *A-Team* theme, of course. And I'm like -- yeah, sort of kneeling on a life ring, with another life ring, like, gripped in my teeth because they have the little ropes on them to grab them. And I'm paddling with two hands, with each paddle.

#### JONNY

Okay! Uh, behind you, the van sinks into the spilling abyss.

#### BEN

Aw... _[evidently searching for a family-friendly word]_ ...beans.

#### MS PLEDGE

Well done, Gavin!

#### LOWRI

-- Shouts Ms Pledge from the roof.

#### JONNY

Uh, Ms Pledge, what have you been doing this whole time?

#### LOWRI

Ms Pledge has actually been *inspired* by Gavin.

#### JONNY

Mhm.

#### LOWRI

We're in a water park! There must be dinghies around! Ms Pledge knows this park like the back of her hand, she's gonna try and find a dinghy.

#### JONNY

Yup. There aren't any dinghies but you do know where the gift shop is, and the gift shop sells all sorts of, like, inflatable stuff for children? Like water wings and that sort of thing.

#### LOWRI

Flamingos? Inflatable flamingos. You know, like the --

#### JONNY

Yes. Absolutely.

#### LOWRI

Like the rings you said with the --

#### JONNY

Absolutely.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Sorry! Horror. I forgot.

#### LYDIA

They're spooky flamingos, it's fine.

#### JONNY

I will -- I will allow you to make your way down to the gift shop and get yourself an inflatable flamingo. It will cost you a hit point, though, largely because you will be partially in the, the dark freezing void of space.

#### LOWRI

Ms Pledge will do that for Freddie. _[beat]_ She doesn't care about the baby, just to be clear. For Freddie.

#### BEN

Okay, to be fair on the flamingo, we are in that -- we are firmly into that element of horror that's like, the absurdity of the mundane on the backdrop of everything.

#### JONNY

Yes, a -- absolutely. *Absolutely.*

#### LOWRI

Nothing says mundanity like a inflatable flamingo.

#### BEN

_[cheering]_ Inflatable flamingo!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

And Dorset.

#### JONNY

And Dorset. Dorset is the the most munda -- so, uh, Freddie, the dark waters are starting to creep up over the top of the the bench.

#### LYDIA

Oh dear!

#### JONNY

The baby's there, it's like -- it doesn't really care. What are you doing?

#### LYDIA

Freddie's pulling himself onto the bench.

#### JONNY

Yep, I'll allow you to do that.

#### LYDIA

Okay, cool. And, uh, Freddie is, uh, grabbing the baby and looking around for anything that he might jump onto. Is there... any, anything? Even a light pole?

#### JONNY

There's Gavin approaching... quite speedily.

#### LYDIA

Okay, that's -- that's cool!

#### JONNY

_[snickering]_ With some life rings.

#### LYDIA

Will blow the whistle in order to attract attention.

#### JONNY

Okay. All right!

#### LYDIA

And maybe to inspire everyone to, to confidence and action, you know? Whistles are good for that.

#### JONNY

Okay! Uh, so I will judge that you regroup to the sound of a very loud whistle. Each with your own sort of...

#### LYDIA

Blowing the *Chariots of Fire* thing.

##### [SFX: WHISTLE WITH HUMMING VAGUELY REMINISCENT OF THE *CHARIOTS OF FIRE* THEME]

#### BEN

_[gasping with laughter]_ But -- but -- does the whistle modulate tone, or is it just _[flat]_ "BA BA BA BA BAAAA BAAAA"...

#### LYDIA

Yeah, it's pretty much like that, yeah.

##### [SFX: THE WHISTLE PERFECTLY MIMICS BEN WITH A "BA BA BA BA BAAAA BAAAA"]

##### [BACKGROUND LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

_[completely unrepentant]_ Jonny, I'm sorry I ruined your horror.

#### JONNY

What --  _[affecting a tired, flat tone]_ Lyd, how am I meant to maintain a steady tone of dread when there are jokes happening. I'll, I'll ask you to keep your jokes to your own podcast, please.

#### BEN

He put a blasé baby on a bench, to be honest, so... Jonny started it.

#### JONNY

I... I don't know what you're talking about.

#### BEN

This is the coolest baby I've ever met.

#### JONNY

It's like, like Lowri said, I want serious horror, all three episodes, uh, and I feel like I've delivered?

#### LOWRI

Oh, note taken, thank you.

#### LYDIA

I mean, to, to add a modicum of... a pallor of... a *shade* of... darkness to the proceedings, Freddie does yell for Mr Calcifer.

#### LOWRI

Aw...

#### FREDDIE

Mr Calcifer! You -- you said this was a *good park!*

#### JONNY

You can see, if you look over towards, like, the balcony next to his office,

##### [SFX: CACKLE]

A dark, stick-thin figure is overlooking the unfolding carnage.

#### FREDDIE

What do we *do,* Mr Calcifer?

#### LYDIA

It's... it's now become sad, I know, it's...

#### JONNY

You can hear, just distantly on the breeze,

#### MR CALCIFER

_[cackling]_ *You learn to swim.*

#### FREDDIE

Oh, right, that does actually sound like useful advice, I see that. _[to himself]_ Oh, dear.

#### JONNY

So what's your next move?

#### BEN

Uh, well, I'll -- if you said we've regrouped, I'll throw Freddie a life ring and a paddle!

#### JONNY

So I'll, I'll judge you all now have, broadly speaking, the ability to move throughout this flooding park, though Freddie is clutching a baby.

#### LYDIA

And -- and sad.

#### JONNY

And sad. And sad. The betrayal of everything he stood for, which was a water park.

#### GAVIN

_[his voice a little more pompous/radio-announcer-like than usual]_ So the, the health inspector's manual recommends that we, we find the blockage and *clear* it! It seems the water isn't *draining away,* which is a *problem,* I *don't know* why I've become a *man* from the *radio!*

#### JONNY

I mean, Ben, in a very literal way you *are* a man from the radio.

#### LYDIA

You are. You, you have been a man from the radio for so many --

#### BEN

_[regretting life decisions]_ That's very true.

#### FREDDIE

Yeah, well, I -- I don't know. Ms Pledge, you would know, you know the park like the back of -- where is the big drain?

#### MS PLEDGE

The big drain! It's by Fluttery Bye-Byes! You know, the kids are sick a lot, so we need the... "quick exit" there.

##### [BEAT]

Yes, you're right, it must be blocked. Come on, let's go!

#### GAVIN

I have my regulation drain grabber.

#### MS PLEDGE

Oh, good, because I've lost my mop.

#### FREDDIE

And I've got a baby!

#### GAVIN

_[immediate]_ Oh, congratulations!

#### JONNY

So you -- yeah, you can paddle over to, uh, Fluttery Bye-Byes, not -- not to be confused with Buttery Fly-Bys.

#### LYDIA

No. Other side of the park!

#### JONNY

Yeah, absolutely. Lowri, could you -- could you describe Fluttery Bye-Byes for me, because I believe it was your... you were the one that invented it. Or was it --

#### LOWRI

Oh no, I invented the *Toilet Bowl.* _[giggling all around]_ But I believe Fluttery Bye-Byes was the, the ride that shoots the children in inflatable rings, that have wings on them that don't make them any more aerodynamic -- in fact, makes them spin a lot, hence the vomit, hence the need for the drain.

#### JONNY

Right. Right. Okay, so at the moment, uh... So you approach and as you do, you can see children in inflatable rings, just being fired up and like -- and like, skirting atop this dark black abyss. And there's just this sort of collection of floating, slightly confused children just off to one side, about 10 of them, just sort of rotating slowly.

#### LOWRI

I mean, I'm not -- I've got no time for them.

#### MS PLEDGE

We're heading straight for the drain! It's over here!

#### JONNY

Okay, as you approach, uh, the large drain you can see -- there's a glow starting to come up from below the pitch black waters.

#### FREDDIE

Now, I can tell you that wasn't here before! I am pretty sure that, that, that that was not -- I have cleaned out this drain a *lot* of times. As Ms Pledge says, there is a lot of sick.

#### JONNY

It is, it's like an eldritch purple glow. You -- you know, you know the eldritch purple, right? You know the eldritch purple.

##### [AFFIRMATIVE NOISES FROM EVERYONE ELSE]

#### JONNY

It's glowing the eldritch purple, in a intricate, star-like pattern. _[pause]_ I mean -- it's pret -- it's quite pretty, you know? You're looking, you're like "Mm, nice." But it does look like it is stopping any water from, from draining out.

#### BEN

Yeah, I'll fish, uh, sort of a little -- a little tape-based dictophone out of my pocket. Click the record button, and go,

#### GAVIN

_[overlaid by tape sound effect]_ Health inspector's log, health date: Wednesday!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GAVIN

It appears that there's some sort of glowing foreign object blocking the drain that's causing the flood. So I'm going to attempt to unblock it now.

#### BEN

And I'll -- I've got my little grabber. I'm gonna poke it -- poke it into the water and try and dislodge the purple blockage.

#### JONNY

Okay, well, so as you do you feel like an ice-cold shock, like, halfway between ice and electricity, sort of jolt up your arm. Could you make me a roll to see if you drop your grabber?

#### BEN

Uh, yes, although I would say that I am following all of the correct procedures and regulations so I would like to invoke Bureaucrat, because I'm... I'm very much just doing my job.

#### JONNY

Yeah... all right, I'll let you have that one.

#### BEN

It's fine, Jonny, I'll roll like a two or something, it won't matter.

##### [PAUSE AS HE ROLLS]

Oh! Oh, actually it didn't matter in the other way, I rolled a nine.

#### JONNY

Eyy! Yeah, you, you pull it back. Whatever's -- whatever's blocking it, it doesn't appear to be a physical object.

#### GAVIN

_[into tape]_ Uh, blockage appears to be *metaphysical.* Um, I'm not really sure if the manual has any solutions for this. _[away from tape]_ Uh, any ideas, guys?

#### JONNY

As you stare at it, you hear... a rushing of water from behind you.

#### LYDIA

Uh-oh.

#### JONNY

And you can -- you turn to see a figure approaching...

#### LOWRI

Oh no.

#### JONNY

You recognize Mr Calcifer.

#### LYDIA

Is he walking on the water?

#### JONNY

No? Like, it's like the water is sort of buoying up beneath him and, like, moving him along.

#### BEN

Sort of Babadooking on the water.

#### JONNY

Yeah, he's -- he's Babadooking along the water. Uh, he's got the arms down in like the, the Babadook pose.

#### LYDIA

_[quiet mumble]_ Spooky.

#### LOWRI

See, that means nothing to me, because I've never seen it, but I'm imagining the gentleman from *Buffy.*

#### LYDIA

It just feels very anime to me. I haven't seen, I haven't seen --

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### BEN

Oh, do you think he's got his arms out behind him, he's like "Suh -- *chhhh..."*

#### JONNY

He doesn't have -- no, he doesn't have his arms out behind him, Ben!

#### LYDIA

_[simultaneously]_ Yeah! And there's like, a crest of water --

#### JONNY

This is *serious.*

#### BEN

_[bratty pre-schooler voice]_ Hey, it was Lydia's suggestion!

#### LYDIA

Oh. _[soft, pensive]_ I'm sorry.

#### JONNY

If you two can't behave, I'll -- I'll throw you in the abyss, and me and Lowri'll finish this episode ourselves.

#### BEN

_[surly]_ Yes, Jonny.

#### JONNY

Okay?

#### LYDIA

I mean, let's be honest, that is -- that is where this is... that is where this is babbling towards.

#### JONNY

Okay, there's a non-zero chance that it's gonna happen anyway, but let's see --

#### LYDIA

That is where... what's the word? That's where the *momentum* of the plot is headed.

#### JONNY

Well, currently the momentum of Mr Calcifer is headed straight towards...

#### LOWRI

_[laughing]_ Nice.

#### JONNY

Straight towards, uh, you, Lyd! Straight towards Freddie.

#### FREDDIE

Uh, oh, Mr -- Mr Calcifer, sir! Um, I, I just, I -- I never doubted that you would turn up and you would fix this. Could you possibly explain to this Health and Safety man exactly how this is healthy and safe?

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### FREDDIE

Because, um, it's not that I ever doubted you, but it is a little confusin' to me in my untrained s... state. I, I am very happy to, uh, listen to, uh, and help with the assistance of the, uh, the, the, the fixing of the drains, sir. This healthy... safe... safety... fixing.

#### MR CALCIFER

Certainly. Certainly, Freddie, I will explain. I will explain. You see, darkness and the abyss... is the healthy state of existence. And life is a blight.

#### FREDDIE

Oh.

#### MR CALCIFER

So.

#### LYDIA

Freddie frowns.

#### MR CALCIFER

I very much made a pact with the dark powers to help... *cure* that blight, from... at the very least, Dorset.

##### [BEAT]

##### [ALL THE PLAYERS START LAUGHING]

#### MR CALCIFER

Maybe the rest of the world. I have big dreams. But you've got to start somewhere.

#### FREDDIE

You did always say to me to watch how I was going because it would lead to strange things. Yes. Okay, does that mean that there is no way to stop th... this, uh, flood from taking over, say, the world?

#### MR CALCIFER

Ultimately. Now, I'll be honest, I didn't expect it to happen quite so quickly, I had -- I had a lot of more preparations to do, but you work with what you have. So... welcome to the future of the flooded world.

#### FREDDIE

So, is that -- it sounds like it's not completely finished then, um...

#### MR CALCIFER

No, it's fine.

#### FREDDIE

Mr Calcifer, sir, is there, it's -- oh, okay, so what -- what is it I could --

#### LYDIA

Uh, Freddie frowns, and then smiles, and then frowns again.

#### FREDDIE

I could *help* you... with whatever is not quite finished! Or... vulnerable! In this --

#### MS PLEDGE

Yes, yes, Mr Calcifer, let us help you.

#### JONNY

Okay, make me a roll, and I will -- I'll give you -- I'll give you a bonus for Dedicated, because you have, you have always served Mr Calcifer very well.

#### LYDIA

Dedicated, earnest himbo.

Ooh! _[singsong]_ Someone rolled a nine!

#### JONNY

Oh, that's nice. Okay. Mr Calcifer stops for a second and sort of steeples his fingers.

#### MR CALCIFER

You wish to help me, Freddie?

#### FREDDIE

Oh yes, Mr Calcifer, sir. I would be extremely --

#### MR CALCIFER

Very well. But first I will require... *proof...* of your dedication.

#### LYDIA

Freddie looks confused. Looks down at his hands. He's holding a baby in one and a whistle in the other.

#### LOWRI

No...

#### LYDIA

Looks very pained.

#### MR CALCIFER

No, the health inspector. Throw the health inspector into the, into the abyss.

#### GAVIN

I'd -- really rather you didn't.

#### MR CALCIFER

Because he's -- he's the one that hasn't -- I mean, he hasn't offered to pledge his loyalty to me. So I feel that that's probably a fair test of *your* loyalty.

#### GAVIN

What -- no -- hang on a minute, now. To be quite honest, um, if -- if the options are help you or the Unending Freezing Abyss, uh, I will help you. Uh, I do like an authority figure! And, uh, well, hey, if you want to be my new Head Office then _[laughs]_ go right ahead.

#### LYDIA

Freddie continues his pained expression and then, with a look of resolution, hands... his whistle... to Mr Calcifer.

##### [MS PLEDGE GASPS]

#### LOWRI

-- Says Ms Pledge.

#### MR CALCIFER

Okay, wh --

#### LYDIA

The sign of his employee, uh...you know, it's the employee lanyard.

#### MR CALCIFER

This is a gesture that makes me think that you're quitting?

#### FREDDIE

No no no no, the, the, the opposite, sir --

#### MR CALCIFER

Sorry, I feel like we're getting crossed wires here.

#### GAVIN

Yes, sorry, are we -- are we still going to throw me in the abyss? I am prepared to pledge --

#### MR CALCIFER

Yeah, okay, so -- so the thing is, if, if you're all on Team Calcifer.

##### [BEAT]

#### GAVIN

Yeah!

#### MS PLEDGE

Absolutely.

#### MR CALCIFER

Then we can just sort of kick back in my office and let the world flood.

#### MS PLEDGE

Oh, I thought --

#### FREDDIE

Oh, there's not, there's -- I thought you said that there was a problem, sir, that we could maybe fix.

#### MR CALCIFER

Well yes, obviously -- obviously the incantation -- obviously the sealing condition isn't fully finished yet but, fundamentally, if you're... if you're not really opposing me... Then it, it'll work anyway.

#### GAVIN

Well, that's, that's very true, but I have been looking at the rate of flow, and the, uh, you know, sort of the -- the speed of the expansion...

#### MR CALCIFER

It'll take longer.

#### GAVIN

Well, the longer it takes, the, uh, the more time there's some sort of Eldritch Task Force can be assembled to stop your plan!

##### [MR CALCIFER MAKES DOUBTFUL NOISES]

So, um, I reckon we should, really, I -- oh yes, I think, I think -- Look, I'm from a government body and, uh, well, *let me tell you,* the amount of correspondence we get from the Eldritch Task Force, uh, trying to get us to *shut down* spooky swimming pools is, is *incredible.*

#### MR CALCIFER

Really!

#### GAVIN

Honestly, they just won't shut up.

#### MR CALCIFER

That --

#### GAVIN

_[responding to Mr Calcifer]_ Yes, honestly.

#### MR CALCIFER

That seems... Yes, honestly, that seems -- I suppose I didn't really look into it much before, before I started --

#### GAVIN

Oh, so you think you're the only game in town here, sir?

#### MR CALCIFER

I did, actually.

#### GAVIN

Well, let me tell you, no, no, no! We've worked -- they have shut down tens, *hundreds* even, of, uh, well, from small-time to big-time eldritch crooks! Oh, it's an apocalypse a minute, honestly!

#### MS PLEDGE

Mr Calcifer, we must fix this immediately! Come on, let's go! Take us to your unfinished... thing!

#### MR CALCIFER

Okay, so it's not -- I mean the unfinished, like, I mean that's --

#### JONNY

He sort of points towards the, the seal.

#### MR CALCIFER

That's the bit that's unfinished. Because once it's finished, the flood will, will... the rate will, will increase.

#### MS PLEDGE

Oh, the *seal.*

#### MR CALCIFER

So, so we, we need to go back to our off -- to *my* office, and then there are a few more sacrifices...

#### FREDDIE

Oh, I see. So, so Mr Calcifer, so what, what, what theoretically could break it? Because then we can stop --

#### MR CALCIFER

Now it seems -- now it's -- see, now it sounds like you're trying to trick me into, into a weakness, which --

#### MS PLEDGE

Oh nooo. Come on, Freddie boy, shush now.

#### LYDIA

Freddie's huge eyes. Like, the most Dedicated, Earnest...

#### MR CALCIFER

Okay, look, here's the deal. If you genuinely want to help me, grab a few of those children on rings, bring them up to my office, and we'll -- we'll do the ritual, finish it all off. Don't worry, the children will be fine until we throw them back out into the abyss, it's just a little -- it's just a -- it's just a blood thing, you, you know? Just eldritch -- it's *fine.*

Or, if you don't want to, I'm going to assume that you're still trying to stop me, and we're going to obviously...

#### LOWRI

_[resigned, matter-of-fact]_ Ms Pledge would like to just attack Mr Calcifer.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

She's decided. Freddie is in danger. She knows Freddie, Freddie's just saved a baby, Freddie isn't going to go along with this! Again, Ms Pledge doesn't care about the children --

#### JONNY

Okay. I will say he is completely unprepared because he's very much -- he's got, he's really got into his own head about this, like, he's...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

She's gonna leap on him, screaming,

#### MS PLEDGE

Paddle, Freddie, go, boy!

#### JONNY

Okay, I'm gonna ask, um, uh, roll, oh, you'll need an eight -- I don't *think* you have anything that's going to help you here.

#### LOWRI

I'm very Loyal and Resourceful and Old As Balls. So I think I'll probably --

#### JONNY

I don't know if any of those things are going to, like, assist you with leaping onto an old --

#### LYDIA

You don't get to be as Old As Balls without *fighting skills,* Jonny.

#### LOWRI

This is true.

#### LYDIA

Especially in Dorset.

#### JONNY

Mm... I'm from Dorset, and you do. You do. A lot of people there are old.

#### LOWRI

_[gasps]_ I got a ten!

#### JONNY

Hey!

#### LYDIA(?)

Oh my gosh!

#### JONNY

You're in your flamingo.

#### LOWRI

Yes.

#### JONNY

Uh, you *leap* off your flamingo and sort of, like, just kind of tackle, uh, Mr Calcifer. You hit him square in the center of the torso, and he sort of topples backwards like a tree? And he is now, like, prone. He is on top of the water. The water is not -- it's not sort of absorbing him. But he is, he's lying there, he's -- he's trying to fight you off, but he's, he's *very scrawny* actually.

#### LYDIA

Can Freddie, in a fit of anguished, twisted, broken loyalty, uh, start whacking Mr Calcifer in the head with the paddle?

#### LOWRI

I'm *so glad* you said "paddle"!

#### FREDDIE

_[sobbing]_ It's so! _[whack]_ Uh -- _[whack]_ I just -- _[whack]_ I don't know _[whack]_ what this is *about* _[whack]_ but I --

#### JONNY

Yeah, I mean, he's being -- he's being held down by an old cleaner, so I'll say you just need a six.

#### LYDIA

Okay, cool, yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm gonna hope that the baby is old enough to deal with... kind of the fact that it's sort of tucked under an arm, while the other arm is whacking Mr Calcifer in the head.

#### LOWRI

It's a very strong arm.

#### LYDIA

Yes. Yes.

#### BEN

This baby has been super chill so far, so.

#### JONNY

He's a very chill baby.

#### LYDIA

R-really ch...chill baby. I mean, I'm guessing that is at least a bit of the dark bits of spaces in...  okay, cool, rolled a seven.

#### JONNY

Uh, yeah, that's enough. You just whack him and he's like,

#### MR CALCIFER

Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Ow!

#### JONNY

Like, yeah. You've kind of got him... I mean, obviously not *exactly* where you want him because ideally you wouldn't want him, like, floating on top of the void. But he's being hit in the head, he's being pinned by a tiny angry cleaner. Uh, Ben, what's -- uh, what's, what's Gavin Crumble doing?

#### BEN

Well, okay, so given that, like, I was also gonna try the old "knock him into the abyss and watch him disappear" and that hasn't worked. But he is pretty thoroughly distracted. So he's mentioned the sort of ritual going on in his office, so I'm gonna, like, quietly sort of just paddle off to his office? Because I've seen him standing spookily at the balcony. Which was his first mistake. For *telling me where his office was.* And, yeah, I'm going to try and break into his office to disrupt whatever ritual --

#### JONNY

Okay, you can paddle off to the office. So he's going to try and... shove you off of him, Lowri.

#### LOWRI

Okay.

##### [DICE ROLLING NOISES]

#### JONNY

He's going to... *fail*... quite significantly.

#### LOWRI

Oh. _[bursts into laughter]_

#### JONNY

If you wanted to --

#### LOWRI

Ah, I, I guess -- can we tie him up somewhere so that we can...

#### JONNY

Not really, you don't have the... Like the thing is, a) you don't really have any rope, and b), like, you can tie him up as much as you could easily tie up a surfboard, while, like *on* it, in -- in the sea. Which is, in my imagination, not easily? But, you know.

#### LOWRI

Oh, of course, I forgot I was... *riding* him, essentially.

##### [BITS OF LAUGHTER]

No, I think you're right. And we've sorted the drain, really, haven't we. Or...

#### JONNY

I mean _[stutters]_ you haven't at all because it's still sealed by an eldritch, uh, symbol.

#### LOWRI

*Oh!* Okay!

#### BEN

We tried poking it and it didn't work.

#### LYDIA/FREDDIE

Maybe we should throw him into it!

#### LOWRI

I'm gonna try and get, like -- so I want to, like...

#### JONNY

Paddle him.

#### LOWRI

Paddle him!

#### JONNY

You want to try and paddle him --

#### LOWRI

So his head breaks the spooky symbol.

#### JONNY

Okay, so you want to paddle Mr Calcifer into the spooky symbol.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LOWRI

Yeah! Towards the eldritch drain.

#### JONNY

Okay, I'll, I'll --

#### MS PLEDGE

_[wailing]_ You should have made Freddie full time *months ago* and you know it! He's the best thing about this park, you *awful man!*

#### BEN

Right. *That* was Mr Calcifer's crime.

#### LOWRI

Yeah.

#### JONNY

Ben, you arrived at the office -- Gavin Crumble is there. It looks like a very normal bureaucratic office except for in the middle. There is a small table, which has an ornate stone bowl, full of utterly still, pitch-black water... uh, in the middle. Uh, and as a Bureaucrat you know that's not standard for an office.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### GAVIN

_[disapproving grumble]_ Mm, that isn't. I would have more expected like a Newton's cradle or something like that, yeah. Mm.

#### JONNY

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

##### [BEAT]

#### BEN

_[laughing]_ I can't even think of a good one-liner!

#### LOWRI

Did you just make *yourself* laugh?

#### BEN

Gavin Crumble's such a *nerd.*

Yeah, I'm gonna use my grabber and uh...

#### JONNY

_[laughs]_ That's actually pretty smart, I *was* gonna do you some damage.

#### BEN

Yeah, that's it. I was like,

#### GAVIN

Oh, spooky water, okay, uh... well! Looks like this needs to be disposed of in the appropriate manner!

#### BEN

And I'll pick up the, the grabber, like, like, with a sort of smelting bowl.

#### JONNY

Sure.

#### LOWRI

Oh, nice.

#### BEN

And just carefully, carefully pour the water into the waste paper bin. Right, you're having blue spooky water, alright?

#### JONNY

All right. I'll get you to do -- to give me a roll, but this is, this is a very Bureaucratic -- you need a four. Just roll a four.

##### [DICE ROLLING]

#### BEN

Six.

#### JONNY

Six, yeah, okay. Away it goes. Okay.

##### [SFX OF SLYDE WORLD FADES IN AGAIN]

As that is being poured away, Lowri, uh, you've paddled Mr Calcifer --

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JONNY

Into this symbol, and it's -- it starts to... like, the, the purple eldritch light changes to a green eldritch light, then a red eldritch light, as things start to shudder and shake and his body starts to be drawn downwards, telescoping out infinitely and curling around the infinite never-ending abyss.

You can feel yourself getting pulled down as well. Uh, Freddie, do you want --

#### LYDIA

Freddie reaches out a paddle to --

#### FREDDIE

Grab the paddle, Ms Pledge!

#### MS PLEDGE

Thank you, Freddie boy!

#### JONNY

Right. I'm gonna say that's gonna be an eight to grab the paddle. Do you have anything you think might help?

#### LOWRI

Um... no...

Well, I will, I will put out there that Ms Pledge did grow up on the Gower where the surf is really good. So she *can* handle a surfboard, even if it's twisting into the unknown abyss.

##### [BEAT]

Ohhh no, I got a *seven.*

#### JONNY

You got a seven.

Well, I'm afraid as you reach --

#### FREDDIE

No! Ms -- *Ms Pledge!*

#### LYDIA

Freddie reaches and screams and whistles at the same time.

##### [SFX: LOUD WHISTLE]

#### MS PLEDGE

*Freddie boy! Take care of the paaaaark!*

#### JONNY

And Ms Pledge... vanishes... into the void.

#### MS PLEDGE

_[inaudible]_

#### FREDDIE

*I'll call the baby Ms Pledge!*

##### [EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY LOSES IT]

#### LOWRI

Oh my God.

#### BEN

_[gasping]_ Fre --

#### JONNY

Yeah, well, I'll -- I'll tell you what, because, because the seal was broken Freddie does remember Ms Pledge. Uh, her memory has not been wiped.

#### LYDIA

Oh, that's kind.

#### JONNY

Yeah. So, you know, the water starts to drain away, the, the land returns. Peace once again reigns over Slyde World, and -- yeah, Freddie can raise the baby up and be like, "Oh, I'll name you after the bravest person I know! Ms Pledge!"

#### LYDIA

So can the people that were sunk in the water not come back, then?

#### JONNY

No. No, they're gone.

#### LYDIA

'Cause there were a lot --

#### JONNY

They're gone.

#### LYDIA

Oh right. Cool.

#### JONNY

You got a free baby.

#### LYDIA

So there's a lot of -- Freddie's a young single dad. With no job now!

#### BEN

Do you want to do... do you want to do a sort of "few years later" flash forward?

#### JONNY

Yeah, let's first have an epilogue! Flash forward.

#### BEN

It's, uh... Freddie and Gavin Crumble, uh, are now presiding over a small and reasonably successful and *very clean* water park,

#### LOWRI

Aww!

#### BEN

With their small adopted child Ms Pledge.

#### JONNY

The Toilet Bowl has been renamed the Ms Pledge Memorial... Rotating... Descender.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

There's a statue at the end, uh...

#### JONNY

Well, you have --

#### LYDIA

It's the Ms Pledge Memorial Park.

#### BEN

That's it! That's the name!

#### LYDIA

All of the rides are just named what they were before but with the --

#### BEN

Ms Pledge Memorial Log Flume!

I like the Ms Pledge Memorial Slyde World, we just couldn't change the name of it.

#### JONNY

Legally... like it was actually kind of a legal headache to try and change it, because there's no branding stuff.

#### BEN

Yeah, yeah.

So, of course, we've got the Tank Museum, Monkey World, and the Ms Pledge Memorial Slyde World.

#### LOWRI

Oh, yes!

#### JONNY

Yeah, you've just, you've just, you've just... like, you've just put some balsa wood over that corridor that led to the pump, uh, the pump area, and it's just, you know.

#### BEN

We've hung an out-of-order sign on the Devil's... uh, no, that... what was it called again?

#### LYDIA

Hell Fall!

#### JONNY

The Hell Fall, yeah. The Hell Fall has been out of order for two years. But aside from that everything's fine, Ms Pledge is -- is growin' up.

#### LYDIA

As the, as the light dims we, we sort of see Ms Pledge, the -- the now precocious and adventurous child, begin to lever off the balsa wood to look back...

##### [OOHS]

#### JONNY

And from one of the drains, just a small bubble of dark, black water.

##### [SOMEONE GASPS]

#### JONNY

The end! Dot, dot, dot... *question mark?*

#### BEN

Dun dun dunnnn!

#### MS PLEDGE

*I know it like the back of my hand!...*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JONNY

That's actually... mm! That actually does become quite sinister in, uh, in context of an epilogue.

#### BEN

Cue the *Stranger Things*-esque Netflix special with Ms Pledge and their ragtag group of *Goonie*-esque friends.

#### JONNY

Thank you, everyone, for joining us, and thank you to Ben and to Lydia and to Lowri --

#### LOWRI

_[softly]_ Yay!

#### JONNY

For joining me for this... _[struggling for a word]_ ...event,

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Which happened all in one game.

#### JONNY

Yeah, all in one game. Absolutely.

#### LOWRI

Absolutely. One night only.

#### BEN

And thank you, Jonny, for making... *this...* happen. _[beat]_ So this is all your fault.

#### LOWRI

This is all your fault.

#### JONNY

What do you mean it's all my fault, Lowri was the one who was like, "Hey can you, can you run a game, like, tomorrow?"

#### LOWRI

Look now. _[laughing]_ I'm glad that there has bookended this.

#### JONNY

Thank you everyone for joining us, enjoy the rest of Magnus, and good luck with Lowri piecing this together!

#### LOWRI

Thank you.

Bye everyone!

#### ALL

Bye!