---
layout:          post
title:           "MAG160.05 - Magnus Bloopers Special"
date:            2020-01-09 12:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      special
tags:            [Bloopers, Special]
voiced:          [Alexander Newall, Bryn Monroe, Lydia Nicholas, Jonny Sims, Jessica Law, Martin Corcoran, Steven Violich, Ben Meredith, Luke Booys, Sue Sims, Mike LeBeau, Imogen Harris, Fay Roberts, Frank Voss, Alasdair Stuart]
categories:			"tma"
podcasts: ["tma"]
title_prefix:	"MAG"
prev_categories: ["crossover"]
prev_prefixes: ["XXX"]
next_categories: ["tma"]
next_prefixes: ["MAG"]
prev_episode:		['16004-inspace']
next_episode:		['16006-duskhollowpd-part1']
prev_episode_num:		['160.04']
next_episode_num:		['160.06']
prev_episode_title:		["The Magnus Archives... in Spaaaace"]
next_episode_title:		["MAG Duskhollow PD - Part 1"]
episode_title:   'Magnus Bloopers Special'
episode_number:  '160.05'
summary:         "Things don't always run smoothly at Rusty Towers..."
content_flags:   [Swearing, Comedic stereotyping]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/themagnusarchives/magnusbloopersspecial
formats: 
  Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16vI8sAuSb1k4aIoonjMhqEXf0u8ma9kBw2wU4f17ab8/edit
official:        false
unofficial:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RuXuG8lOtX9cogTmlQeTfUoDqX_1qUPi/
unofficial_name: scienceandstarlight.tumblr.com
wiki_url:        
notes:           "Edited by snarp."
old_slug:        "1604-bloopers"
---

##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX NEWALL

There we go. Okay, one more time --

##### [fingers snapping / clapping sounds]

#### BRYN MONROE

This is how we're gonna put the musical together.

#### ALEX NEWALL

And a one and a two and a --

##### [barbershop quartet-style vocalizing]

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MELANIE / LYDIA NICHOLAS

_[singing]_ Got shot by a ghost ~

#### BRYN MONROE

_[singing]_ Childhood trauma ~

#### ALEX NEWALL

So here we go. Everyone --

#### BRYN MONROE

_[singing]_ I'm just angry --

#### MELANIE / LYDIA NICHOLAS

_[singing]_ La-da la-da --

#### ALEX NEWALL

Ev-everyone --

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 101, 'ANOTHER TWIST':]

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

##### [MUFFLED INDIGNATION]

#### NIKOLA / JESSICA LAW

All right, I'll just ask them to pick up a selection.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

##### [EVEN MORE MUFFLED INDIGNATION]

#### ALEX NEWALL

Great.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Cut to Breekon and Hope in the nearest Boots.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BREEKON / MARTIN CORCORAN

_[in-character]_ Olay with five essential oils'll probably do the trick. Wot do you fink, Hope?

#### HOPE / STEVEN VIOLICH

_[in-character]_ I'm gonna ask wot the Star Gift is this month _[laughter]_ _[unintelligible]_ that'll get me enough club card points.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### HOPE / STEVEN VIOLICH

_[in-character]_ I'm gonna get a bottle of 'ead and Shoulders, 'cause I found one on the road the other day.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BREEKON / MARTIN CORCORAN

_[in-character]_ We do pick up odd roadkill, don't we? But a man's got to eat.

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 92, 'NOTHING BESIDE REMAINS':]

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

The easily digestible sort that wipe away any doubt and fear, and neatly organise --

##### [DOORBELL RINGS]

-- your new world into _[voice rising in anger]_ happy little doorbells!

##### [DOORBELL RINGS]

_[dramatic, like a villain scolding a minion]_ Doooorbellll!

#### ALEX NEWALL

Who's here at *twelve?*

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

_[like a cranky grandma]_ Fifty minutes early!

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 101, 'ANOTHER TWIST':]

#### MICHAEL / LUKE BOOYS

_[in-character]_ The Worker of Clay had labeled for decades on that --

#### ALEX NEWALL

*Laboured.*

#### MICHAEL / LUKE BOOYS

-- Labeled, did I say again.

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[spooky voice]_ With his Labelmaker of Doom.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[unintelligible]_ Labels in the sky.

#### MICHAEL / LUKE BOOYS

_[does The Michael Laugh]_ Gosh, I'm *knackered,* I've been doing all of this *labeling.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

_[whispered]_ Water break.

##### [drinking sounds]

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Mmm, delicious water. I mean, you're still listening to me drink water, so it's not that much less disgusting, but --

#### ALEX NEWALL

The problem is that you're human.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Yeah, I know, and humans are gross.

#### ALEX NEWALL

Just set that aside and --

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

_[Jonny speaks over the rest]_ Gross meat sacks. We're all disgusting meat sacks.

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[mumbled]_ Speak for yourself.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

I'm sorry, I forgot how glorious and chrome you are, Alex.

#### ALEX NEWALL

That's -- that's damn right.

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 99, 'DUST TO DUST':]

#### GERTRUDE / SUE SIMS

Now it's just a matter of narrowing down the *specissics* of j -- _[laughter, slurred-sounding nonsense babbling]_

#### ALEX NEWALL

Gertrude's been on the sauce. I knew it.

#### GERTRUDE / SUE SIMS

_[slurred]_ Zeez leetle _[unintelligible]_ researches as oblebended by ebliev a Nozz Amererka _[unintelligible]_

##### [LAUGHTER]

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 92, 'NOTHING BESIDE REMAINS':]

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

I went to Egypt once with the Royal Society, to the temple of Ramses _[doorbell]_ the Second in --

##### [DOORBELL RINGS]

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[muffled]_ That's gonna start happening, I'm afraid...

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

_[remaining in-character]_ -- in Abu Doorbell.

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### TIM / MIKE LEBEAU

You can lean on the thing, yeah.

#### MELANIE / LYDIA NICHOLAS

Don't *un*lean.

#### ALEX NEWALL

Here's the thing. You can *lean,* as long as you *stay* leaning, 'cause when you do this _[thumping sounds, presumably of an elbow hitting the table]_ -- Jonny does this all the time _[thump]_ and it's just like, that's garbage. Right, should we try this --

#### TIM / MIKE LEBEAU

_[overlapping]_ You just get a "bump" --

#### MELANIE / LYDIA NICHOLAS

_[overlapping with Alex, louder]_ *Fuck* you, Jonny...! God, he drags the rest of us down!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX NEWALL

I know. Like, if you remove him from The Magnus Archives what you're left with is --

#### MELANIE / LYDIA NICHOLAS

_[overlapping]_ -- is *pure* --

#### ALEX NEWALL

-- a *glorious* "Mrs. Brown's Boys" clone. But he was like, "Nooo, let's make it a horror."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### MELANIE / LYDIA NICHOLAS

What a wanker.

#### TIM / MIKE LEBEAU

What a wanker.

#### ALEX NEWALL

Right.

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 143, 'HEART OF DARKNESS']

#### ALEX NEWALL

Careful of enunciation.

#### HELEN / IMOGEN HARRIS

Okay.

#### ALEX NEWALL

You... went a bit London on me. You dropped a few "t"'s and so on.

##### [gasps]

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS (BASIRA / FRANK VOSS?)

_[overlapping]_ Goodness, goodness.

#### HELEN / IMOGEN HARRIS

_[astonished, pleased]_ That's never happened the whole of my life, I'm quite excited!

#### ALEX NEWALL

Yeah, you've been --

#### HELEN / IMOGEN HARRIS

Been here fifteen years, this is great.

#### ALEX NEWALL

You've been consistently dropping a "t" --

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Will she be coming back? _[exaggerated accent]_ Naaahh.

#### HELEN / IMOGEN HARRIS

_[exaggerated accent]_ Leave it. You're 'aving a laugh, innt ya?

#### ALEX NEWALL

So _[exaggerated accent]_ thought you might like a way 'ome.

#### HELEN / IMOGEN HARRIS

Cor bleeding blimey, guvna!

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX NEWALL

Can we just telegraph that to the audience as well -- a version that's, just, alllmost over the top. Push it as --

#### GERTRUDE / SUE SIMS

You don't *quite* want a,

##### [WICKED WITCH CACKLE]

##### [Alex laughing]

#### GERTRUDE / SUE SIMS

_[calmly]_ -- but that sort of thing?

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [FROM EPISODE 104, 'SNEAK PREVIEW':]

#### TIM / MIKE LEBEAU

Well, me neither. But here we are. So my proposal for you is this: either kill me or fuck off.

##### [shocked pause]

No. He. Did. Not!

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

_[offended]_ A swear. A swear??

#### TIM / MIKE LEBEAU

_[offended squeaky voice]_ A *swear?*

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

_[in-character, angry]_ *Tim.* I might be an eldritch monster, but *that* is *unacceptable.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### TIM / MIKE LEBEAU

In eldritch horror lore, this is not part of the process that we go through.

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

_[in-character, enraged]_ We aren't here "effing" and "jeffing" like a common street harlot! This is the Institute, dammit! _[pounds on tabletop]_ We have *decorum!*

#### ALEX NEWALL

You'll say "blimey," and you'll be glad of it!

#### ELIAS / BEN MEREDITH

_[threatening]_ Yes. Maybe a darn if you're feeling *lucky.*

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

##### [a sigh]

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

We're all secretly allergic to Alex, it's just some of us forget to take our antihistamines.

##### [sniffling]

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX NEWALL

I hate Jonny. I *hate* that he's written every single word I can't pronounce in a single statement.

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### DAISY / FAY ROBERTS

I hated the cufflinks. _[laughter]_ What? Those fucking cufflinks!

#### BASIRA / FRANK VOSS

I hate your cufflinks!

#### ALEX NEWALL

Those dress uniforms as they give out the medals, it's like "why? I like my cuffs flappy!"

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

These were -- They were a gift from Mr Spider.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### DAISY / FAY ROBERTS

Fucking novelty cufflinks -- just brings down the tone.

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### ALEX NEWALL

I like to think that Peter's gone off kayaking with Tim now.

#### PETER / ALASDAIR STUART

Yeah.

#### ALEX NEWALL

I also *weirdly* think Peter's an amazing dad to Tim.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Yeah, but the thing is -- it's kind of awkward, because Peter would much rather be kayaking alone.

#### ALEX NEWALL

Yeah, but Tim's so oblivious he would be there *forever,* and *never* realise.

#### PETER / ALASDAIR STUART

Just accidentally nurturing.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Just, "Hey Peter! You wanna -- go do this?" "Yes, fine..."

#### PETER / ALASDAIR STUART

_[in-character, resigned]_ "Yes, of course." _[as Tim:]_ "I'm going antiquing." _[as Peter:]_ "Sounds fun!"

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

_[as Tim:]_ "I'm not interrupting your book, am I?"

#### ALEX NEWALL

Peter Lukas, as the dad, doesn't *like* the son, but still pays for college, all of the clubs, drove him to every single thing, and objectively was actually quite good to be around.

Um, _[snaps]_ what am I doing _[snaps]_ OK, you're all good, you're all good, still record --

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

_[as Tim:]_ "Oh, sorry Peter, I think I DVRed over that documentary you wanted."

#### PETER / ALASDAIR STUART

_[as Tim:]_ "Oh, it was the *trains* one, I know you like that."

##### [LAUGHTER]

##### [CLICK]


------


##### [CLICK]

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

I think that works. That's --

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[overlapping]_ That there, that's --

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

_[singing]_ 154 is complete / Ba da da da da / There's two "fuck"s in it / Da da da da.

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[singing]_ That's our quota for season four.

#### THE ARCHIVIST / JONNY SIMS

Yep.

#### ALEX NEWALL

_[singing]_ And maybe season five!

##### [CLICK]