---
layout:          post
title:           "RQG004 - Fire and Pianos"
date:            2015-06-24 11:00:00 -0400
episode_type:      episode
tags:            [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
voiced:          [Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan, Sasha Racket, Zolf Smith, Bertie MacGuffingham]
categories:			"rqg"
podcasts: ["rqg"]
title_prefix:	"RQG"
prev_categories: ["rqg"]
prev_prefixes: ["RQG"]
prev_episode:   ['003']
prev_episode_num:		['003']
prev_episode_title:		["The Simulacrum"]
next_categories: ["rqg"]
next_prefixes: ["RQG"]
next_episode:   ['005']
next_episode_num:		['005']
next_episode_title:		["The Naked Arsonist"]
episode_title:   'Fire and Pianos'
episode_number:  '004'
summary:         "Join Alex, James, Bryn, Ben and Lydia as they play another session of the original Pathfinder Tabletop Roleplaying Campaign: Erasing the Line.<br/>In this episode expect fire, pianos and retroactive narrative sense."
content_flags:   [Mass death, trapped by fire, combat]
acast_url:       https://play.acast.com/s/rustyquillgaming/rqg-4-fire-and-pianos
formats: 
    # DOCX: 
    # PDF: 
    # Google Doc: 
official:        true
wiki_url:        https://rqg.fandom.com/wiki/RQG_4_-_Fire_and_Pianos
---

##### [INTRO THEME]

#### ALEX

Hello and welcome to episode 4 of the Rusty Quill Gaming podcast. I'm your host and GM Alex Newall, and with me as always, I have: 

#### LYDIA

Lydia Nicholas. 

#### BEN

Ben Meredith. 

#### BRYN

Bryn Monroe. 

#### JAMES

James Ross. 

#### ALEX

And we're coming to you from London, England! Running around the table quickly, what characters are we playing?

#### JAMES

I am Sir Bertrand "Bertie" MacGuffingham, a posh idiot who hits things with sticks in a flashy way.

#### ALEX

Mhm.

#### BRYN

I am playing Hamid the halfling sorcerer, who is currently slightly singed.

##### [CHUCKLES]

#### BEN

I am playing Zolf Smith, a dwarven cleric who is currently bemoaning only having one leg.

##### [ALEX SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

I am playing Sasha Racket, who is really not getting any use out of her antique appraisal skills.

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

Really irrelevant!

#### ALEX

And so recapping last week, we left them basically getting caught up in some kind of *heist,* with Edison's Simulacrum at his London house. There are craters everywhere, bodies, fire, blood, eek! And the last thing that happened was Sasha basically swung and missed with her dagger. 

#### LYDIA

Well, I threw. 

#### ALEX

_(simultaneously)_ Well, she threw. Threw and missed. So don't forget to remove it from your inventory unless you... 

#### LYDIA

Five... Give us... we've only got one pencil.

##### [CLINK OF PENCIL]

So that will be the running theme. 

#### ALEX

It's encouraging teamwork! _(laughs to himself)_ Okay, so Hamid, you're looking singed. You're looking annoyed. 

#### BRYN

I cast a *second* Magic Missile. The beautiful thing about Magic Missile, is it hits automatically! My favourite thing about the spell...

#### ALEX

Yeah, Magic Missile's kind of, it's the staple for all of the mages.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

##### [QUIET CHEERING FROM BEN & LYDIA]

#### BRYN

Five damage!

#### ALEX

There you go, nice!

#### BRYN

I rolled a 4! 

#### ALEX

Now you're actually helping! 

#### LYDIA

Something Bertie would do if he sneezed.

##### [JAMES SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Okay.

##### [BEAT AS ALEX TAKES A NOTE]

Cool! Yeah, he takes it on the shoulder. 

#### LYDIA

"Ow." 

#### BRYN

You mean in the *face.* 

#### ALEX

_(playful-exasperated)_ Alright then, in the face.

##### [BRYN CHUCKLES EVILLY]

Okay. He then, in response... 

#### BRYN

Two people attacking him now. 

##### [ALEX.EXE WORKS FOR A BIT]

#### ALEX

...Draws as part of a move action. Five. Actually.

No, he wouldn't do that, that would be foolish.

##### [LYDIA SNORTS]

He is going to... 

##### [ALEX.EXE CONTINUES FOR A BIT]

#### LYDIA

Dun dun dun!

#### ALEX

_(joining in)_ Dun dun dun!

#### BEN

Jump down the hole! 

#### ALEX

He is going to back up because he can still do a thrown attack. 5, 10, 15. I'll give him an Acrobatic roll to try and get up onto the stage...

##### [DICE ROLLS]

...which... he... makes.

#### LYDIA

Hurray! 

#### ALEX

_(whisper)_ It's a bad one. 

#### LYDIA

Awww.

But I still --

#### JAMES(?)

Pleased for him!

#### LYDIA

But an acrobatics achievement like done well...

#### BRYN(?)

You're generally in favour of acrobatics.

#### LYDIA

I'm always in favour of those. I'm like, "well done!"

#### ALEX

Okay, so... 

#### JAMES

He has just run into like good range of your throwing knife, hasn't he. 

#### LYDIA

I don't like being in range... 

#### BRYN

Stabbing --

#### ALEX

See, the problem is -- Bryn, here's a question I don't know, you might know the answer to.

If someone was intending to draw as part of their move action, *and* also do an Acrobatics roll as part of their action... 

#### BRYN

They should take a penalty on the roll, I *believe...* 

#### ALEX

Yeah, I believe that too. 

#### BRYN

I don't know if that would even be *covered* in the rules. 

#### ALEX

I think it's kind of a vague one. He rolled quite high, though. So I'm going to let him get away with it. He's drawn another flask. 

#### LYDIA

B -- What on earth! 

#### ALEX

I know, right.

#### LYDIA

Who has so many flasks!

#### ALEX

It's almost like it's their deal. 

#### JAMES

John Thermos.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

And then he hoofs it straight at Sasha...

#### LYDIA

No!

#### ALEX

Because _(as Lydia makes more horrified noises)_ she's near and can take it in the face with a big ol flask of oil.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And misses!

#### LYDIA

Yay! 

#### ALEX

Spectacularly! He basically...he gets that Magic Missile and goes, "eh, probably more trouble than it's worth." Backs up, leaps up onto the stage, drawing his flask. He then clocks Sasha, kind of gauges the angles, throws it. Obviously, Sasha, she knows what she's doin' --

#### LYDIA

Dodges!

#### ALEX

Very easily dodges out of the way. _(makes flask throwing sound)_ Straight across and it basically smashes on the floor, near but not on Bertie.

Okay!

As a result, Bertie, you're up. 

#### JAMES

Okay, uh... do I have any other options apart from just hitting the guy with a -- ? 

#### ALEX

There are *always* options. 

#### JAMES

Okay. Um... 

#### ALEX

Fleeing!

##### [SNICKERS]

Fleeing is an option. 

#### JAMES

Nah, I won't bother with that. Is there anything, like, fancy that I can do, with anything that I've got nearby?

#### ALEX

Well, what...okay, so what kind of thing are you thinking? 

#### JAMES

Um... I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to maybe, like, manoeuvre that chap so that he's near the stage, or maybe manoeuvre him near the hole?

#### ALEX

He's backed up against the stage below the piano currently. If you want to manoeuvre him you can enter into a grapple, which is basically grabbing him. I strongly advise against it for two reasons: the first is whilst you would succeed, it's *incredibly faffy?* 

#### BEN

_(slightly singsong)_ There's a flow chart!

#### JAMES(?)


Yuck!

#### ALEX

It's incredibly faffy and also ineffective. So it's very good for basically holding someone while someone else whales on them, if they are ready for it. But to actually move people around, eh... it's not great.

The other option is incredibly complicated mechanically, like Ben's saying, so I tend to avoid it where possible. Unless it's like totally a thing that you should be doing, I'll try to deter you.

#### JAMES

Yep. I'm just going to hit him with my big sword, I think. 

#### BEN

So if you want to knock him you can bullrush.

#### JAMES

Ooh!

#### ALEX

Bullrush is where -- basically, you use your combat manoeuvre bonus with an attack to push that person backwards, and basically move them. What you wouldn't be able to do is bullrush someone *towards* you. So if you're trying to get them into a hole, which is off to your side... 

#### BRYN

Just a way of pushing them backwards, which is not -- 

#### ALEX

It's a good way to, like, if you're fighting on a clifftop and they're right up against you, you know, "Urgh!" Shove them off. But you couldn't move them.

#### JAMES

Can I bullrush this chap against the back of the stage and, like, knock him against the wall? 

#### ALEX

Yes. Mechanically, it kind of comes down to me to just say "yea" or "nay" whether he takes damage for it, but he would be taking less damage than you just hitting him with a sword. 

#### LYDIA

And the stage is only five foot high.

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

So it would be kind of against his lower back, it wouldn't be, like, pinning. 

#### JAMES

*Lower* back? How tall is this guy?!

#### ALEX

*Incredibly* tall, I just realised! I'm not good at distances. 

#### JAMES

Alright, fine.

#### ALEX

Not good at distances.

#### JAMES

I'll hit him with my big sword then. 

#### ALEX

I know it sounds a bit boring... 

#### JAMES

No, that's fine. I'm sure it --

#### ALEX

Sometimes you just have to hit the thing. 

#### JAMES

I'm sure it'll get -- I'll find other ways... More interesting ways of hitting him with my big sword later. 

#### BEN

Also if it was on his lower back he could just push it until it breaks his back. He's a man in plate armour with a big shield. That's quite heavy!

#### ALEX

For all you know it's a monster with a back made of... 

#### BEN

"It's me, Metal Spine!"

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

I'm going to hit him with my big sword.

#### ALEX

Do it.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Eighteen. What's the crit range on a bastard sword? 

#### JAMES

Um... Nineteen or twenty. 

#### ALEX

Ahhh, shame! So you don't get a critical but you definitely hit. 

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### ALEX

So you will be rolling the damage for the sword which is?

#### JAMES

D10 + 3.

#### ALEX

Okay. Is that +3 your Strength, presumably? 

#### JAMES

Er, yes. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. Okay, so basically roll a D10 whatever you get plus a flat 3 for your strength bonus. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Three.

#### ALEX

So that's 6 total. Okay.

##### [BEAT]

Yeah, he basically doesn't manage to get his sword up in time, and whilst you don't, like, lop an arm off or anything, you make a good strong connection on his offhand. A lot of blood starts flowing. He is clearly, um... not wearing any armour or anything like that. They're very much strictly offensive, and don't really seem to be planning on being here very long.

##### [LYDIA MAKES A CURIOUS SOUND]

Okay. Something happens that you guys aren't aware of.

#### LYDIA

Ooh.

#### ALEX

The guy facing off against Bertie will take a five foot step back. 

#### JAMES

Do I get to...

#### ALEX

It's a five foot step. So what that means is he's trading his *entire* move action to move one square but not provoke the attack. So you would be right in that if he was trying to move, he would basically take a hit, but he is trading a whole move action *just* to get out of range of you, and then is now going to do another move action.

So he will go 5, 10. So he's backing up towards the back of the room. He will then do an Acrobatics check to get up onto the stage.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

He'll make it.

#### LYDIA

_(quiet)_ Oh no!

#### ALEX

And he'll get there too, and as he was doing so because he rolled very high, he successfully managed to draw a flask of oil. So you now have two people flanking the hole on either side... 

#### LYDIA

Squishy rogue! 

#### ALEX

...both wielding flasks.

Well, no, actually the one that threw one at you obviously still needs to draw again. So! Zolf, you are up.

#### BEN

Uh... Hold my action until I see something. 

#### ALEX

Mhm. It might be worth pointing out, actually, you're floating this thing. The thing that you...

#### BEN

Oh, yes, 'course. 

#### ALEX

I realised after the last episode. 

#### BEN

I read the *rules,* and...

##### [DRAMATIC GASPS, LAUGHTER] 

#### ALEX

_(dramatic)_ Ohhh, it's a foolish idea! 

#### BEN

Yeah, so I realised that the disk is three foot, but it can still be used as a stepping stone. It just can't hold...

#### ALEX

Like, multiple people. 

#### BEN

Yeah. It also only floats three foot above the ground or water. And as...

#### ALEX

So what I basically was thinking is -- honestly I liked it as a solution and I'm quite happy to fudge it a little bit. So what we'll say is that there are sufficient amounts of floorboards and stuff poking out,

#### LYDIA

Aha.

#### ALEX

That it's too weak for someone to stand on, but it's enough that mechanically they could get on. The problem that you're going to have is that you're not just going to be able to ferry him across. You'd have to sort of go around the edge of the crater with it rather than sort of going over the...

#### BEN

Well, what I'm... 

#### LYDIA

Across that... smaller bit of the crater? 

#### BEN

Could do. Could do. Probably should've done that.

But, uh... I can't...effectively I can't -- is the entire crater, is that section the bits with the floorboards or is the entire crater like that? 

#### ALEX

It's just *this* bit I've allowed you to summon it on. You could go around the edge of it, because all of the edge is like that, but you couldn't go across the... 

#### BEN

That's fine. It's -- what I'm going to do is put my good leg forward, and kind of just drop my shield. Just on the floor. And lean forward and basically... I'm not going to be able to move it without it falling down, so basically try and help them across. It's now only a five foot jump. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, so they should be able to make it. 

#### BEN

Yeah, so they should be okay. 

#### ALEX

Okay.

#### LYDIA

What about the unconscious one? 

#### ALEX

Ooooh. We'll see. 

#### BEN

Hopefully they pass him to me and if not... 

#### ALEX

So is your turn basically that you're just reaching out and you're...

#### BEN

Effectively kind of holding to do stuff to help them. 

#### ALEX

Would you rather hold an action to insert, or... 

#### BEN

Oh no. 

#### ALEX

...would you rather ready an action? 

#### BEN

Ready an action, yes. With the trigger of them coming across. 

#### ALEX

I'm going to spell it out for listeners who may not be aware of it. There are two types of action which aren't doing anything, but are preparing to. "Hold action" is where, in turn order, you forego your turn to insert it at a later event. So if, say, Bryn is doing something that takes a while, Zolf could hold off to wait until Bryn's finished his thing before inserting his, that kind of thing. But -- obviously you hold your action, but you can't hold it and then stack a bunch of actions. So by the time it comes back round to you, if you've just not used your action, you've just skipped your go.

"Readied action" is one where you are *using* that action. It is used in this turn, but how it works is a set of predetermined, sort of, triggers --

#### BRYN

Conditions.

#### ALEX

Conditions! Yeah, good word -- are set, and then when those conditions are met, your event activates no matter what's happening. But the catch with it is, you have to be quite specific because if you say "I attack the next person that comes in the room" --

#### LYDIA

Mmm.

#### ALEX

The rule specifically says, "You are so keyed up and ready to attack someone that, let's say, that your mate comes in the door." "Hiya!" *Ker-chew.*

#### LYDIA

_(in background)_ Noooo!

#### ALEX

So you have to... It's not trying to penalise you, like, you know, the evil genie with his wish -- "I wish to live forever," he turns you into a turtle -- but it is still... like, you have to be careful. 

##### [JAMES STARTS SNICKERING]

#### JAMES

What? Immortal turt -- okay, I. Yeah yeah yeah, fine.

#### ALEX

I'm not a genie! The flings of a celestial being are beyond my mere mortal capabilities to understand!

#### BRYN

Note to self, when I get to level 18 cast the spell "Wish."

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Oh, I hate Wish! I hate Wish. 

#### BEN

So I will ready an action to help the first three people across... the next people across this, er, thing. 

#### ALEX

Okay. I'll allow that, that's fine.

In which case then, Sasha, you're up. 

#### LYDIA

I look down the hole. You said that there's some stuff going on. Also, can you give me a bit more of a description of what's going on on the stage? Because I'll probably need to jump across and stab someone in the skull, you know.

##### [SOFT SNICKERS]

#### ALEX

Sure. So on the stage, the lectern that Edison was at, which is stage right -- or the left from the audience -- has been just blown away. It's been blown off into the audience somewhere. The two, sort of, apparent "servants" are backed up right to where the curtain was at the back, each flanking a large hole in the middle of the stage. You are sort of towards the front of the stage facing them and looking down.

To the right is the piano, on a large section which appears quite weak. To the point where if you wanted to do anything clever with it, you could probably get that floor to cave in if you can get creative with it.

#### LYDIA

Right.

#### ALEX

Who knows what it would take with it, though. The servants -- one of them is... already has a flask in hand. Another one seems to be reaching to draw one, and it's very clear that they're backing into that and just... they seem to be keeping... can you not give me a Sense Motive?

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

That's 13 plus...it's 19. 

#### ALEX

19, yeah. They're definitely working to just keep people at bay. They're not trying to eliminate every single person here, because everything that they've done, clearly -- they've been going about it the wrong way, if that's their job. 

#### LYDIA

Apart from the *massive bomb* that killed the entire audience.

#### ALEX

Not all of them! Colgate and Byron, they're kicking around!

#### LYDIA

Yeah! And five people in total out of... 

#### ALEX

That's a Saturday morning cartoon I want to see, Colgate and Byron.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Colgate and Byron! I smell a sitcom! 

#### ALEX

No you don't, it's Colgate.

#### JAMES

Ahhh.

#### LYDIA

_(singsong)_ Minty. Minty fresh sitcom! 

#### JAMES

Colgate and Byron. One of them likes toothpaste. The other likes keeping geese on his person!

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

A bear with shiny, shiny...

#### ALEX

It's a very niche programme.

So yeah, looking down into the hole, you are again looking down into that wine cellar. But the thing that you're seeing is, you're looking against the back wall of that wine cellar. 

#### LYDIA

So the back wall is like the --

#### ALEX

Yeah, so, it's the back wall of the music room is in line with the back wall of the cellar. There are *huge, massive* casks against the back -- you know, for the pouring of the larger wines rather than someone, like...

#### LYDIA

Large! 

#### ALEX

Byron's favourites!

##### [LYDIA LAUGHS]

One of those casks is just blown away --

#### LYDIA

Oh no!

#### ALEX

And exposing a, a gaping hole in the back of the wall which is leading basically into darkness.

#### LYDIA


My least favorite holes!

#### ALEX

There's a lot of wine across the floor and you see that...　yeah, basically, it looks very much like that's where they are going *through,* but not where they came in, because obviously the servants were already kicking around.

#### LYDIA

Yeeees. Yeeees. And there's no sign of Mr Shiny Face? 

#### ALEX

-- Uh, Mr Shiny Face is not there. 

#### LYDIA

Okay, well, um... and these guys, if they wanted to stop me coming through, they're not going to stop me jumping down into the hole?

#### ALEX

No, no. What they could do is, if you get down there and let's say that you fluff an Acrobatics roll,

#### LYDIA

_(snickering)_ Right, they could drop fire on me.

#### ALEX

They would literally just drop fire on your head, so you've got to factor that in, but currently they are not in attacking distance of you.

#### LYDIA

Right, okay. So for someone with a pretty high Acrobatics skill and decent Dex, what is the likelihood of being able to jump across a hole like that?

#### ALEX

So you want to jump --

#### LYDIA

That's a 20 foot jump. And I am 5 foot tall. 

#### ALEX

So where are you trying to jump to? 

#### LYDIA

Just to jump to get behind people. 

#### JAMES

Isn't that only a 10 foot jump?

#### BRYN

That would be a --

#### JAMES

15, sorry.

#### BRYN

Yeah.

#### ALEX

It's a 15 foot jump. And a 15 foot jump from standing, I can get the DCs for -- it's going to be... doable! But not... advised.

#### LYDIA

It doesn't really help either, does it? Because everyone is facing in all directions. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### LYDIA

The thing that we don't like to mention in Pathfinder is that we have eyes all around our heads.

#### ALEX

They're all *horrible Lovecraftian abominations!*

#### LYDIA

Eyes just go all the way around. Aaaaagh!

#### ALEX

So when it comes to a rogue, it's either catching people that don't know you're there, or it's getting people who are already involved in a fight and can't pay attention. One of the sneaky things that you can do is deliberately hide in the middle of combat?

##### [LYDIA LAUGHS]

And then... but it's a bit of a time investment, because you're basically going to spend a turn to hide, hope that it works, and then use the next turn to get *out* from your hiding place. So it only really works if you're against -- say an archer, that's a great tactic. With these guys, where they can swap to melee and just go "there you are," *shank.*

#### LYDIA

So I can't do a Skyrim and just crouch and immediately everyone's like, "she's gone!"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

"Wait! H -- where is she?!"

#### BEN

"Must've been the wind!"

#### ALEX

And I haven't mentioned, the servants are all wearing pots on their heads so that should...

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

Erm... oh God, I mean -- so there is no effective option here for a flanker person. 

#### ALEX

I'm going to be a horrible GM and go "move, move, move," it's *combat.* You don't get the time to consider -- 

#### LYDIA

Okay!

##### [ALEX LAUGHS]

Well, but I wanted to look down... okay I'm just going to... I'm going to go ba... _(frustrated exhale)_ 

#### ALEX

If you jump down, you don't need to make an Acrobatics check. It's just a five foot drop so you can do that, straightforward. It'll still take you...

#### LYDIA

Sod it, I'm going to move up and stab him in the face. 

#### ALEX

Your Dex is pretty high. Like, you should be able to at least go toe-to-toe for a little bit. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, so, do I have time to stab him with my two weapons? 

#### ALEX

Um, you've moved first, so no. But if you are -- next turn, if he doesn't move and you don't move, yes. 

#### LYDIA

I only get to stab him with *one* weapon.

#### BEN

Also, um... to be pedantic in a way that doesn't actually affect what you did, you did *throw* one of your weapons, so that move should've been a move-and-draw. Because you threw a knife, and you --

#### LYDIA

Oh, right, yeah -- no, but they're already in my hands. 

#### BEN

Only two of them though. 

#### ALEX

But you... 

#### LYDIA

Oh, but I threw one so one of the other... 

#### ALEX

And then you're drawing another one out. That's fine. But like he says, it doesn't affect anything you did.

#### LYDIA

I *will* have one in my hand. Because I have two... I threw one and...

#### ALEX

Yeah, so she can still do a single attack. 

#### BEN

Yeah, yeah, but what I mean is -- what I mean is, if you want to do a two weapon attack next turn,

#### LYDIA

*Right!* Yes. Next turn.

#### BEN

You have to draw it so if you move and draw your second one and attack with one this turn, you've kind of preloaded --

#### LYDIA

True dat! I've got one out right now though. 

#### ALEX

Sure. I'd advise you... doing what he said about drawing it because if you try to draw a weapon facing them, you get the attack of opportunity. So for instance, he now isn't holding a weapon. 

#### LYDIA

Right, yeah.

#### ALEX

So if he tries to, you get all of your... attack of opportunity, which is quite cool. 

#### LYDIA

Are you saying that I get to stab him now or not -- can I stab him? 

#### ALEX

Yes. You can stab him once now,

#### LYDIA

Yes.

#### ALEX

and if he tries to take any weapons out to fight you, you get to stab him again. 

#### LYDIA

I can stab him again. _(louder)_ Okay, cool! Can I stab him? I want to stab him!

##### [LAUGHTER]

*Please!* 

#### ALEX

Stab him. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Aw, six.

#### ALEX

You may still -- what's your attack bonus with the dagger? 

#### LYDIA

A one. 

#### BEN

Bearing in mind you're not attacking with two, so do the penalties apply? 

#### LYDIA

No, they don't. 

#### ALEX

It doesn't... you are taking a feat to mediate the penalties, rather than give you bonuses to cancel one out. So it's not like if you swapped to one, suddenly a two handed fighter is *amazing* with one.

#### LYDIA

Yeah, it's just that usually, because my attack bonus is one and then *usually* when I'm attacking with a two, I take a -1. 

#### BEN

Ahhh, okay. 

#### ALEX

And it just gets... 

#### LYDIA

A lot of the time I was.... 

#### ALEX

Honestly if she was solo it wouldn't be a factor anyway. 

#### BEN

What I mean is if you're attacking with one weapon, right, if... 

#### BRYN

If she's only *holding* one. 

#### BEN

Oh if you're holding another. 

#### BRYN

I think is the ruling... then again I might be wrong.

#### BEN

You can hold a shield and...

##### [CONFUSED CROSSTALK]

#### LYDIA

Right now I'm only holding... 

#### ALEX

Forgive me, it's -- it's -- it's a moot point because she didn't roll high enough. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, and I'm just holding one dagger like a normal one, one-weapon *lame-o,* you know?

##### [OTHER PLAYERS SNICKERS]

Like you crap people with your one-weapons.

#### ALEX

Yeah, you can hold stuff in an offhand and you don't take penalties. It's when you start trying to attack with both. 

#### BEN

Yeah, it would be a +4 then. 

#### ALEX

Erm... It's still not. 

#### BEN

No, I know, but it's just important to know. 

#### ALEX

Oh, no, I get you, I understand. Why am I rolling?

##### [LAUGHTER]

I'm afraid you don't get that but like I said, he tries to draw... 

#### LYDIA

But I'm standing in the way so he can't hit Hamid again, because I'm a *frickin'* hero. 

#### BRYN

Yaaaay! 

#### BEN

And the Magic Missiles go "whooo!" Cause they're magic. 

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, Magic Missiles, they can't affect you. Okay, which brings me to Hamid. 

#### SASHA

_(high-pitched)_ Showtime!

#### LYDIA

I howl.

#### ALEX

Showtime! _(quieter)_  Shoooowtime!

#### BRYN

_(clonking miniature)_ One, two, three, four, Magic Missile! 

##### [ALEX MAKES MISSILE NOISES]

I don't have to roll for it.

#### ALEX

So basically, try and make a point of describing what you're doing for listeners. So you've gone around... 

#### BRYN

So I'm moving around the crater. I'm casting a *third* Magic Missile at the guy who burned me, and the Magic Missile swerves *unerringly* around Sasha. 

#### ALEX

"Unerringly," good word. 

#### BRYN

So to catch him totally by surprise.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

And I roll a 4 again and do another 5 damage!

#### ALEX

Oh that may, you know what... 

#### BRYN

Teamwork! 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, my standing in front of him, ineffectively waggling a knife! 

#### BRYN

That 4 would never have been rolled if you hadn't have been standing in front of him. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, you would've maybe tried to run away. 

##### [CROSSTALK]

#### ALEX

Five, did you say? 

#### BRYN

5 damage. 

#### LYDIA

Well, he wouldn't have rolled it if he ran away like a coward-y coward. 

#### ALEX

He's not down. 

##### [BRYN GASPS]

#### LYDIA

Oh no!

#### BRYN

That's *absurd!* 

#### ALEX

I know, right?

#### BRYN

Even our biggest guy only has 13 hit points. 

#### ALEX

_(commiserating)_ I know. I know. 

#### JAMES

Maybe these guys... are level 2. 

#### LYDIA

_(mock-offended)_ Those don't exist. Don't talk about mythic creatures with that power!

#### BRYN

The legendary level 3! 

#### LYDIA

_(terrified)_ Whoah! 

#### BEN

We better be getting a lot of XP for his encounter. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so heading into the next round... sorry, the basically, the next player, I should say.

The one who you just hit, who's looking at Sasha holding a dagger, having been hit with -- by a Magic Missile. He basically takes a look at the situation, takes a five foot step left...

#### LYDIA


_(observational)_ Into a hole.

##### [ALEX CLONKS MINIATURE DRAMATICALLY]

Ahh!

#### ALEX

And takes that drop.

He then tries to mediate falling.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Unsuccessfully.

#### LYDIA


Oh-ho-ho!

#### ALEX

He doesn't break a leg or anything, but he's still -- like, that's his turn, is that he's landed. So he is currently -- you can still see down -- he jumps, he fell, and then he landed with a splash, awkwardly on a broken... on a barrel that was floating there and broke under him.

#### LYDIA

Okay, I'm just sketching out the lower -- so this is the...is the hole roughly here? 

#### ALEX

The hole is about 10 foot and, yeah, about there, so you might just want to scribble a...yeah. 

#### JAMES

This is the lower floor that you're drawing? 

#### ALEX

Yeah, and there are caskets on either side that are 10 foot wide each. 

##### [BEAT]

#### JAMES

Caskets? Casks. 

#### ALEX

Casks, sorry.

#### JAMES

Spooky wine cellar! 

#### ALEX

I'm sorry, I did forget to mention, there's an enormous amount of vampires!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

_(singsong)_ Awkward! 

#### ALEX

But most of those aren't, like, whole. They're kind of blasted and leaking and a bit mucked up. 

##### [SNORTS FROM PLAYERS]

To spell out for the listeners, Lyd drew some lovely, lovely casks, and then just kind of squiggled on them with a finger to try and make them look a bit more messed up.

So yeah, he landed on one of those big jobs. Okay, Bertie, you're up. 

#### JAMES

Okay, I have an idea for a thing that I would like to do, that's a bit showy. Um, I --

#### ALEX

Sounds very you!

#### JAMES

I know, I would like to put in the extra effort, if it's possible. I want to know how rickety this bit of the stage is. 

#### ALEX

Pretty rickety. 

#### JAMES

Pretty rickety. 

#### ALEX

Give me a Perception check. 

#### LYDIA

_(laughing)_ For Rickety Level.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Ten minus one is 9.

#### ALEX

_(deep tough voice)_ You've hit things that are less rickety than that and they've broken!

#### BRYN

Like that table. 

#### JAMES

Yeah, that's true. _(furious)_ My old nemesis the table! 

#### ALEX

Still standing!

##### [JAMES ROARS IN RAGE]

#### LYDIA

But slightly askew. 

#### ALEX

Little bit cockeyed.

##### [JAMES AND LYDIA SNICKER]

I have to do a recall at the end of the campaign just resulting in you looking at a table somehow. I have to have that.

#### JAMES

Ohhhh, never let it be said that Sir Bertram MacGuffingham does not leave his enemies *slightly wonky!*

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

You have to tell the illustrator about that, right. 

#### JAMES

What I would like to do is do a power attack on this bit of stage through -- with the piano bit on it as well -- knocking as much of that floor out as possible, and hopefully, tilting that guy so he falls down unexpectedly. 

#### ALEX

Okay, so you'd basically -- like a baseball swing, into the actual stage. 

#### JAMES

Massive. Absolutely massive. All full-weight straight charge, straight into the base of the stage, hacking away at that, ideally through the piano as well if I can reach it.

##### [LYDIA CACKLES]

Just the maximum force possible in order to try and collapse the floor from underneath the chap who's just on the other side of the piano. Cause I have a minus 8 Acrobatics, which means I'm just going to be jumping up impotently like a toddler at the edge of a playpen, in front of the stage. 

#### LYDIA

In combat, is he allowed to do the takes 2 -- like the Pomp and Pageantry things. 

#### BRYN

Not without slowing himself down, so...

#### ALEX

So the thing is -- the logic being is that you can't apply to attack because you're going, "I'm going to hit you, here it comes," *dink!* And you didn't put any force behind it. But he could, in combat, let's say -- I can't think of any scenario that would require this. Let's say he's trying to open a lock, even with minus-a-million Armour check penalty. He could do that in combat. You can open locks in combat. 

#### LYDIA

_(singsong)_ "Look at this fluffy lock! Tada."

#### ALEX

But instead of it taking him 50 rounds because he can't do it anyway, it would take him 100 rounds.

#### JAMES

Ah, Mr Lock, my old nemesis!

#### BEN

"Have you met Mr Table?"

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay, but yeah...give me the example. 

#### JAMES

I'm going...can I power attack that table? 

#### ALEX

Yeah. 

#### JAMES

Sorry, not the table, the piano --

#### BRYN

In general, the AC of unmoving objects is 5. 

#### JAMES

Okay, so --

#### ALEX

Large wall size, you're going to be alright. Roll it. Basically I'm trying to see if you fluff. If you don't fluff it then you get the hit. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Two.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

_(laughing)_ Oh, no!

#### ALEX

What's your attack bonus? 

#### JAMES

My attack bonus... 4, for the bastard sword. 

#### BRYN

Four, but if you're activating power attack -- 

#### ALEX

Which you did! 

#### BRYN

It drops by 1. 

#### BEN

Which is 5! 

#### JAMES

7 in total then.

#### BRYN

No.

#### JAMES

No? Because I rolled 2 on the dice. 

#### BRYN

And then plus 4, minus 1. 

#### JAMES

Oh, *minus* 1! 

#### ALEX

So you're 5 on the money. Basically you wind up, give it a massive _(yelling)_ *AAAAAARGH!* _(imitating swinging sound)_

Don't miss completely, but you did kind of do what you did with the table -- is that you just misjudged where you were going to hit it, and you totally, like, lop off *all* the legs of the piano and it goes, _(whipping sound)_ *"boooong."*

##### [PLAYERS CACKLING]

And the floor cracks and creaks but doesn't give way!

#### JAMES

Ugh!

#### ALEX

But you did just... you'd *perfectly* severed all of the limbs of the piano.

##### [LAUGHTER]

But didn't actually manage to break them. 

#### BERTIE

Not such a grand piano *now,* are we, ey!

#### ALEX

That's in character, isn't it!

#### BEN

Can it crack under the weight of that insult?

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay, so keeping it moving, um...

Give me a Perception check, Sasha? 

##### [LYDIA HUMS A FANFARE]

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Nineteen, plus... where is it...I think 6 was my Perception, yes, so 25. 

#### ALEX

You hear further explosions down the tunnel, which are, you know, that it looks like they're trying to head towards.

#### LYDIA

Oh, no. Okay. _(quietly)_ Scary times! 

#### ALEX

Yep. And to the guy who is on the far side of the piano... is holding a flask. He chucks it at Bertie.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Ooh! That might... might not... no, no, no it won't... 

#### JAMES

I have an AC of 20 --

#### BRYN

It might count as a touch attack. 

#### ALEX

It does not. Not what they're using, basically. 

#### BRYN

Okay. 

#### ALEX

He launches it. It basically sails over, lands vaguely near Zolf, let's say. Again doesn't hit him, just sets some fire.

He then curses and then does the same thing, the five foot step to drop down.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Also lands awkwardly on the other side. So exactly the same as the other one. He lands, he's kind of on his back amongst broken barrels going, "Ow, God."

And Zolf, you are up!

#### BEN

_(clicks tongue)_ Diplomats should've moved already. Because I readied an action last move. 

#### ALEX

Oh, so you did, so you did. I apologise. Yeah, I skipped that. That's fine. What they will have done is _(imitating lifting noises)_ -- we'll retroactively do this. They tried to chuck over the one who is injured.

#### LYDIA

Oh, God.

#### JAMES

Which one is injured? 

#### LYDIA

That one. 

#### BRYN

The one on its side. 

#### JAMES

No, I mean, is it the Japanese diplomat or... 

#### ALEX

Yes, it was the Japanese diplomat who appeared to be injured. 

#### BEN

This is me holding out my hands ready to catch him!

#### ALEX

In fairness I should point out why, actually. The fire has basically moved into a square that they were previously occupying, because it's closing in quite fast. Fire in Pathfinder is a bit of a weird one, it moves like one square *radially,* so you can have this thing where a fire can spread reeeeally quickly. 

#### BEN

To __massively__ shoot myself in the foot, _(whispers)_ why isn't it moving that way? 

#### ALEX

Oh, it should be too. I apologise. 

#### BEN

Yeup! That's towards us. I probably can't see... yeah. It's going to be a problem soon! 

#### LYDIA

Be careful about your feet. Is that you lost the other one?

#### BEN

It is a wooden foot, so I don't want to catch fire. 

#### LYDIA

No, no. 

#### ALEX

Okay, can you give me a Reflex save, please. 

#### BEN

Yes, a catchy, catchy save. 

#### ALEX

He will be getting a bonus because you readied an action. 

#### BEN

Cool. Ooh, my reflex bonus is 0.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Eleven. 

#### ALEX

Eleven? Okay. They basically... the fire's coming in, they don't have any other options. They chuck the injured one across, you reach out, *successfully* grab them, but they don't come on to your side, they're basically hanging over the gap. 

#### BEN

Okay, um, cool. 

#### ALEX

And that's what's been happening. It is your turn now. 

#### BEN

Heeeeave! -- The man.

#### ALEX

Yeah, give me a Strength check. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA


_(excited)_ Ooh!

#### BEN

Yes. 9. 

#### ALEX

Nine, do you have any bonuses? 

#### BEN

That is including my bonus. Unless it's an Athletic... Athletics isn't a thing in this system. Yes, 9. 

#### ALEX

Athletics is 4, isn't it...version 4? Yeah.

Basically... _(straining pulling noise)_ Nope. No. You're going to have to, uh...

#### BEN

While I'm doing that, just shout --

#### ZOLF

Jump across yourselves!

#### ALEX

Yup, yeah. So, their turn. First one.

I had to backtrack -- so he's sort of hanging, and the two... 

#### LYDIA

Wasn't he unconscious?

#### ALEX

Yeah, they... 

#### LYDIA

Oh right, you're holding him. 

#### ALEX

They tossed him across. So he's holding an unconscious body over a gap. And then the first of the other diplomats does the jump. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

_(encouragingly)_ It's only a five foot jump.

#### ALEX

Makes it.

##### [BEN & JAMES CHEER]

*Just!* They're on shaky territory, but they still have their move action, so... so they go to there, because they don't really know what they're doing.

#### BEN

_(laughing)_ Mill around, going "we're not fighting." 

#### JAMES

"We'll have a Ferrero Rocher." 

#### ALEX

The other one.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

The other one -- leap! And *fails* it.

##### [GASPS FROM PLAYERS]

#### BEN

Wait, can I make a Reflex save to grab him with my *other hand?* 

#### ALEX

Yes, you are in range. Bear in mind though that it's going to make pulling him up harder, and you will be taking a penalty for the one you're already holding. 

#### BEN

That's fine, that's fine. I can hold onto them and wait for help.

#### ALEX

Give me a Reflex save.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Because you did say you would reach out for all of them. 

#### BEN

Depends on the bonuses, it might be a 10 DC... 8. 

#### ALEX

Eight. No. Basically they...you see the French diplomat. Runs.

#### ALEX (DIPLOMAT)

No, no, no!

#### ALEX

You swing and miss, *barely.* You barely miss them. They drop, you see them drop about 20 feet, and there's a splash. There's that much fire and smoke, you can't see what happened to them.

#### LYDIA

Noooo!

#### BEN

Awwww. 

#### ALEX

It's a very, sort of cliffhanger-esque --

#### ALEX & BEN

"Noooooooo!"

#### ALEX

*Fwoop-splash.* Too much noise, you don't know. They could be alright! But probably not. 

#### BEN

Well, balls.

#### ALEX

I'm assuming that wasn't in character! 

#### BEN

No! I use the accent if I'm in character. 

#### ALEX

Okay! We're going to take a break now and then we'll get back to the action in a couple of minutes.

#### LYDIA

Cool! 

------

##### [AD BREAK]

------

#### ALEX

And welcome back. So! We are now into the next turn. Hamid, you're up. 

##### [BRYN BREATHES IN, THEN OUT]

#### BRYN

I'm sort of...

##### [A VERY LONG BEAT]

#### ALEX

Yeeees?

#### BRYN

Part of me wants to help, but... 

#### ALEX

_(bursting into snickers)_ *"Part of me* wants to help...!" 

#### BRYN

The thing is, I want to help the people that are still alive in this room but I have literally no way of doing that. I don't have any way to deal with the fire...

#### JAMES

Have you got any way of suppressing that chap who's fallen through. Can you... 

#### BRYN

Can I take a quick glance down the crater to the.... 

#### ALEX

You are right at the edge, so you can look down.

#### BRYN

Yeah.

#### ALEX

It's similar to Zolf's end and it was a wine cellar, and there's huge, like, dinks in the floor where wine is draining away. Clearly some *massive* explosives have gone off. You...it looks like it would be a bad idea dropping down at that particular point. That area up there, there's a sort of... it's raised up by rubble and so on, so they've kind of dropped down and then rolled across. So it's not the sort of 30 foot, you're looking at more like a 15 foot/10 foot drop. It's doable.

For there, you're looking at 30 foot. You could do it but in Pathfinder it's like every five foot beyond a certain amount, like 20 or 10 or something, you're looking at 1D6 damage. So full damage in Pathfinder works. Like _(laughing a little)_ it's a good way of getting rid of your problems. 

#### BRYN

I am going to shout,

#### HAMID

One of them got away with something important!

##### [CLONKING OF MINIATURE]

#### ALEX

Okay, you're going to do an Acrobatics check to get up the stage... 

#### BRYN

Basically, like, double move to... 

#### ALEX

Yeah, so let's get an Acrobatics check to get you up the stage. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

Fifteen plus four. 19.

#### ALEX

Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. You're onto the stage and then you just drop down. So you do the Acrobatics check to mediate your fall rather than to actually get down there. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

_(laughing)_ Fifteen plus four, 19!

#### ALEX

Yeah, awesome! So you basically, you sprint towards the stage... 

#### BRYN

That's right, I might be a sorcerer but I'm also a *ninja.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

How, how close are you to the... 

#### ALEX

He will be landing, actually pretty much the exact square that he placed himself in. 

#### BRYN

Yeah, that's what I thought. Can I look around and see the guy who just fell is on the other side of the room?

#### ALEX

Ahhhh! Okay. Give me a Perception check. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BRYN

Seventeen plus six. 23.

#### ALEX

You see what is... okay...

_(draws breath)_ The thing that you're seeing is there are lots of bodies. A lot of people have fallen through the floor. I mean there's a few more bodies around here that I haven't put on, which I probably should've, but I'm lazy.

#### BRYN

Yeah, no worries.

#### ALEX

But there's a number of bodies that are down there. It looks like a couple might be moving? It's hard to tell. There's a lot of movement in the water, like masonry's falling and putting ripples around. You do, however, see clearly that there is someone there, moving. You can't hear them over the noise but you can see someone, sort of, thrashing towards... 

#### BRYN

Do I have any movement speed left? 

#### ALEX

No. Not the way that you've done that, basically. 

#### BRYN

Sure, yeah.

#### ALEX

Because you Acrobatic doubled and so on. But yeah, that was actually... yeah, I like that. Good -- good thinking.

Okay. The first one that fell uses his move action to stand up.

##### [BEAT]

Sees you. 

#### LYDIA

_(darkly)_ Foolish. 

#### ALEX

And he can't charge because he's on... basically rough terrain. He's stood amongst the giant broken casks so he can't charge. 

#### JAMES

Is also Hamid further up, like, a mound of rubble. 

#### ALEX

Yeah. I mean, it's... it's difficult terrain, no one's charging. 

#### JAMES

Okay. 

#### ALEX

So what will he do? He will take a... He will do an Acrobatics check to try and move across the broken cask without hurting himself.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### LYDIA

Hamid, you're gonna *die.* 

#### ALEX

And fail, which he means he has to move one square. So can you move him one, two... yeah, he's basically blocking the sort of tunnel entrance.

Okay, and that's his entire turn because he botched his Acrobatics and used his move to stand up which leads us on to Bertie.

#### JAMES

Yup.

#### ALEX

You've just *really, really* knackered a piano. 

#### JAMES

Okay, I've got a couple of questions. How rickety is the -- sorry, Lyd is pointing at the Japanese diplomat. 

#### ALEX

Who's currently dangling over a hole. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, strong! Strong man! I want it to be a very subtle reminder but not to prod you... 

#### JAMES

No, it's fine. No, it's okay. I'm not sure that's my top priority at the moment -- 

#### LYDIA


Makes sense.

#### JAMES

-- because there's still enemies that need vanquishing and you can't make okonomiyaki without breaking eggs. So...

##### [A FEW SNICKERS]

#### BEN

Ooh, nice! 

#### JAMES

So, okay... 

#### ALEX

It's not quite "Chessington's world of adventure."

#### JAMES

It's fine. It can't all be gold!

##### [MORE SNICKERS]

So, okay, right. What I'm thinking I would like to do, if the stage is still sufficiently rickety, is I want to have another hack at the stage, let the piano fall through straight onto *those* -- one, possibly two who are directly underneath it, as far as I can tell from how things are staged. 

#### ALEX

Sure.

#### LYDIA

It would be about there. 

#### JAMES

Would it? 

#### BEN

Although you might not necessarily know that. 

#### ALEX

It depends how much stage he takes down. 

#### LYDIA

It would be there. Yeah, true, but the piano falls... 

#### ALEX

The piano would not be falling *directly* onto them. But --

#### JAMES

Okay, so it would, like, bounce. Or --

#### LYDIA

But it's near. 

#### ALEX

You... you could be getting a -- basically like, a shrapnel affect. 

#### BRYN(?)

And also, just shove the piano into the hole. They've dropped into the hole! Just shove the piano into the hole!

#### ALEX

You can totally do that. 

#### JAMES

Can I just...I'm going to shove the piano through the hole. 

#### ALEX

I'm going to make that a Strength check because you're already stood. You can literally reach out and you don't have to...

#### JAMES

Yeah, it's got no legs so it's actually a shoving.

#### ALEX

You are literally shunting it. 

#### BEN

Or -- *or,* why not hit it with the flat of your bastard sword like a baseball bat. 

#### ALEX

You would be doing an attack roll for that. 

#### JAMES

Is that a better bonus? 

#### BRYN

You get more bonuses on an attack roll than a Strength roll.

#### ALEX

You will get more bonuses on an attack roll, but you are rolling to have any effect at all. A Strength roll you are just... I am guaranteeing you that you can move it as you roll, how far it move is on the Strength. So would you rather...

#### LYDIA

What Would Bertie Do? 

#### ALEX

...basically it's a choice between maybe no effect and missing, but if you do make contact it moving more, basically; *or,* you're guaranteeing that something happens, but it being less likely to be an overwhelming advantage. 

#### JAMES

I think the more obvious thing is for shoving it because it's at shoving height. 

#### ALEX

I... agree. 

#### JAMES

It also makes retroactive narrative sense, and Bertie's got an eye on that. For chopping the legs off in the first place.

##### [HOWLS OF LAUGHTER]

_(as Bertie)_ I meant to do this all along! Not going to be -- not going to go soft on *you,* piano! 

#### BRYN

Retroactively justifying your previous mistake.

#### ALEX

Oh wow, yeah, I like that! Go with it, go with the Strength. 

#### JAMES

Okay, cool, so we're going with the strength, we're giving it a shove. I've uttered that immortal line which I think deserved better than it got.

##### [BEAT]

#### BRYN

I didn't even get it. 

#### JAMES

A *piano,* that means "soft." So "I'm not going soft on you."

#### LYDIA

Oh, James! Get *out.*

#### ALEX

Oh, James! Just roll the dice! 

#### JAMES

My character puns. It's what he does.

#### BEN

Also isn't the full phrase piano-fortissimo? 

#### JAMES

Uh... oh, maybe. _(slightly dejected)_ You can edit all that out.

##### [BEN SNICKERS]

#### LYDIA

No, that's just the name!

#### ALEX

I'm not going to. You roll your dice and you think about what you've done! 

#### JAMES

It's fine! Right. So Bertie gives the edge of the piano an almighty shove.

#### ALEX

Uh-huh.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Fifteen, plus modifier of 3 is 18. 

#### ALEX

Yeeeeup! Bertie -- basically, I will say that you have to drop your bastard sword to have gotten both hands on it. You can't just sort of one-hand shove it.

#### JAMES

Okay. Would I sheathe it or... just drop it? 

#### ALEX

Just drop. 

#### JAMES

Alright, fair enough. 

#### BRYN

Well, I mean, if shoving is a standard action, he can pick it back up again. 

#### ALEX

That's what I was going to say, is that you basically dropped it. I'm just about to describe what happens so don't go... "I didn't do that." Dropped your bastard sword. *Shoved* that piano as hard as you can. It gets tumbling down the hole and *crunch.* Straight on to the one on the right hand side. 

#### LYDIA

So it -- that hole... 

#### BRYN

That hole is sort of there, so --

#### ALEX

It falls awkwardly, some of the floor falls away. It lands on that guy. 

#### LYDIA

And this guy's, "reeuugghh!"

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### BEN

It's fumbling the model around as Lyd drew the pen around it! A lovely little pirouette. 

#### ALEX

So yeah, what Hamid sees is -- Hamid's just been looking over there to see what happened to the French diplomat. Turns back to see a piano just...

##### [LYDIA BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

*Fwoomp! Floooong.*

#### HAMID

Thanks, Bertie! 

#### BERTIE

Sorry!

##### [MORE LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

I knew what happened. There's only one person I know who would make a piano drop on my enemy's head.

#### BEN

"This is almost exactly like that bar fight in second year!"

#### ALEX

What's fascinating is you've managed to make a completely cartoon scenario happen. *Totally legitimately* and not in a weird way! Okay, cool.

#### JAMES

Perception check to see if the piano is made by the Acme Piano Company.

#### ALEX

I am going to find out whether...okay. _(to himself)_ Just cross that person off from the... yeah, so the... 

#### LYDIA

The body might be in the way of the hole. 

#### BEN

I think the piano is more in the way! 

#### LYDIA

_(snickering)_ Yeah, true. 

#### ALEX

Let's just say that -- Zolf, you're up. 

#### BEN

Okay. Now that I've got a hand free, because I dropped my trident to try and grab the other guy, second hand: really try and yank this guy up. 

#### ALEX

Sure.

#### BEN

And hope I don't roll like a fool.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

I rolled like a fool.

##### [SNORTS]

#### ALEX

How badly? 

#### BEN

Eight.

#### ALEX

Eight.

#### BEN

I'm still kind of... 

#### ALEX

You can sustain but you can't lift. 

#### ZOLF

Need a little help here! 

#### ALEX

_(snickers a little)_ Sasha.

#### LYDIA

I want to jump on that guy and stab him in the head! From above. 

#### BRYN

Ah, the full Assassin's Creed. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah. 

#### ALEX

So... _(clonks something twice)_ totally doable. I'm just trying to think mechanically. There is actually a feat which you may want to look into which is...

#### LYDIA

Stab in the Head like a Cool, Cool Person. 

#### ALEX

It's a really long word for a feat but it's valid. It's something like -- there's leap attack, and then there's an advance form of it, where it is literally like -- if you are dropping from above on someone, you get a bonus to hit, and then the advanced one is you get an bonus for damage and then an bonus to blah, blah, blah. 

#### LYDIA

If I was going to do that, I'd put more stats in Climb first, because this scenario is *rare.* 

#### ALEX

That's the thing. It's one of those ones where it gives you huge bonuses in a really context-specific one. So yeah, you get to drop down and I'm not going to make you do an Acrobatics check to mediate your fall...

#### LYDIA

I would pass it. 

#### ALEX

Because you're basically trying to land on him. So if you do me a favour and just give me an attack roll. There will be a penalty. I'm going to roll...

#### LYDIA

_(indignant)_ Don't I get a bonus for jumping on his head? 

#### ALEX

Bear with. Bear with. Because it's such a complex action that you're trying to do, I'm going to give you a minus 1 to hit but a plus 1 on damage. 

#### LYDIA

Yay!

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Ten. 

#### ALEX

Plus your modifier? 

#### LYDIA

Wait, which thing is the modifier? 

#### ALEX

So if you're attacking with the single, you're not doing a double or anything, it will be... 

#### LYDIA

Is that the attack bonus? One, or --?

#### ALEX

Basically just... even looking at the map, it's not possible for any permutation of it. You've dropped short by like a couple. 

#### LYDIA

What?! I'm an acrobatic superstar. 

#### BEN

A level 1 acrobatic superstar!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### LYDIA

He's definitely not standing up. 

#### BRYN(?)

No, he is standing up. 

#### ALEX

Oh yeah, he did, he sidestepped, didn't he. And he didn't get knocked over by the piano. The other guy got completely taken out by it. 

#### LYDIA

_(displeased)_ Nonsense.

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

It was a good solid try though, and I'm not going to make you roll Acrobatics to have not fallen basically, but yeah.

The diplomats! You see the one who... because you have your eyes in all directions! You basically hear a cry...

#### BRYN

I also rolled like 25 on my Perception roll. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, you rolled amazingly high. So yeah, I tell you what you hear... you hear the French diplomat. Um --

#### ALEX (FRENCH DIPLOMAT)

Please, can somebody help me! Please!

#### ALEX

Meanwhile the diplomat on the end of Zolf's arm... 

#### BRYN

Is unconscious? 

#### BEN

Yes.

#### ALEX

Is unconscious. 

#### BEN

As sort of like a... 

#### ALEX

However, this diplomat is going to try and help Zolf. 

#### BEN

*Yes* he is! Good. Diplomat. 

#### ALEX

He comes over, wraps his hands into... 

#### BRYN

_(deadpan)_ That's diplomacy. 

#### ALEX

...onto Zolf's belt and starts trying to yank him back.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Doesn't succeed. 

#### LYDIA

A very frail office... office drone. 

#### ALEX

I was going to say, this isn't a particularly, like, well-built individual.

In which case, Hamid, you're up. 

#### BRYN

I cast Acid Splash!

#### ALEX

On? 

#### BRYN

_(duh??)_ The one remaining standing enemy?

#### ALEX

I have to ask. Maybe you... maybe it's a cunning backstab with acid. 

#### BRYN

So this is a ranged touch attack. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

Sure. So, and just to spell out, just before you roll. A touch attack is going against someone's touch AC, which ignores certain aspects of the things that normally would count into your AC, and that's to reflect the fact that they're not actually having to hit the person. They're not having to make real contact. It's just -- if acid even gets on their armour, it's still going to be doing a hit. So what was the attack? 

#### BRYN

Eight, sadly. 

#### ALEX

No, it won't make it. So I'm afraid, it's a good try but _(imitates splash of acid)_ swing and miss. 

#### BRYN

Misses. 

#### ALEX

Yeah.

#### LYDIA

This guy is, like, *blessed.* Someone drops down and misses him, and there's a piano like inches around the other side. Then acid is splashed next to his feet. 

#### BRYN

He's already, like, millimetres from death from all the damage we've done him earlier as well. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, yeah, totally. I mean, he's got a pronounced limp. 

#### LYDIA

And yet still is, like, dodging pianos, assassins and acid splashes.

#### ALEX

His turn: he is going to dive out down that hole. 

#### JAMES(?)

Which hole -- Oh, the one behind him. 

#### BEN

_(primly)_ What a poop. 

#### ALEX

He's going to leave the guy who's covered in piano and...

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### BRYN

Is he going to make a withdrawal action? 

#### ALEX

He might. _(laughing a little)_ By which I mean, yes.

I'm going to keep you guys in combat time a little bit longer but be aware obviously, that those guys are now no longer in this sort of battle scenario. If you were to chase them down, that's fine, but everything else is still happening in those initiative order.

Okay... and do you know what? I think -- Bertie, you're up.

#### JAMES

Okay. I think if that chap has kind of fled out of range, I think it's probably more reasonable that I would start helping. 

#### ALEX

Yeah, very much. 

#### BEN

Yay, the big strong man!

#### JAMES

Yeah, so I... 

#### ALEX

So you can get there in a single move because you have both your legs. 

#### JAMES

Yep.

#### BEN

And they are human.

#### JAMES

Mhm.

#### ALEX

And you also get to make the Strength check as your standard action. 

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### JAMES

Seven plus 3 for Strength check is 10. 

#### ALEX

No. Not yet.

##### [DISAPPOINTED GROANS]

#### LYDIA


How big is this diplomat?!

#### BEN

This is Laurel and Hardy levels of incompetence. Three people like, "Woah!" 

#### JAMES

I am the Ambassador of the Republic of Butter! 

#### BRYN

Does he not get a bonus from the other people helping? 

#### ALEX

What I may have been leading to is they may choose to, they may not! You're a scary man, no, that's fine. Basically both of you... actually, I'm not sure. Mechanically, I'm not sure they're allowed to give help unless it is... like, they ready the action on the other person's turn in combat.

#### BRYN

I don't know. That's a good point. 

#### ALEX

I'm going to say that basically you're not coordinating, and that if you wanted to help one another, you basically... you'd have to all ready your actions to give a massive coordinated heave, otherwise you're basically pulling kind of against one another. So... I'd say that it's almost a foregone conclusion that the person's up, but they're not yet. Um... Zolf.

#### BEN

Do I... 

#### ALEX

Your option is either try on your own before they've coordinated, or ready an action and tell them basically. 

#### BEN

The diplomat goes after me, right? 

#### ALEX

Yes.

#### BEN

So I'm going to say, "right, on three," as the ready, "one, two, three." 

#### ALEX

Yeah, I get it, yeah. So Bertie won't be helping on this. 

#### BEN

That's fine, but I need to... 

#### JAMES

Because I have a skill check to *count to three.*

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Okay, so yeah, if the... Sasha first, and then it will be the diplomat. 

#### LYDIA

Mhm. How... firstly, can I do a Perception check on whether anyone is coming to fricking help, since there was a big explosion and there's all these bodies? 

#### ALEX

Uh -- Yeah. Please roll a Perception check. 

#### LYDIA

Is there anyone in this massive building? 

#### BEN

Worth us spreading the fire twice, we forgot to, which again is massively un-helping me. 

#### ALEX

It's alright. I lose track of things but it's quite useful because that was the point of the fire. 

#### BEN

I'm just fabulously firetrucking myself. 

#### ALEX

The whole point of having it included... 

#### JAMES(?)

What is the fire actually burning at this point? 

#### ALEX

There's huge amounts of broken chairs, beams have fallen from the ceiling. 

#### BRYN

Carpets. 

#### ALEX

Carpets. 

#### BRYN

Floorboards. 

#### ALEX

Plush. It's a fire trap.

#### JAMES

Okay.

#### BEN

The problem with posh houses: posh carpets which are very thick and... 

#### ALEX

I never understood why in films so many castles burn down. It's stone, how does that happen? 

#### BEN

Stuff inside. Everyone's got tapestries *everywhere!* 

#### ALEX

Those *tapestries.* So anyway, Sasha. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, so I just want... because there's a lot of -- there's people moving around broken... 

#### ALEX

Underneath. 

#### LYDIA

Yeah, yeah, which I can see now and there's an option to...so yeah.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### ALEX

_(laughing)_ You haven't told me what you're doing, you just rolled.

#### LYDIA

Oh, I want a Perception check to hear if there's anyone coming. 

#### ALEX

Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I lost track. 

#### BEN

You got a 15. 

#### ALEX

I saw that land. That was a 15. I misheard you. Okay, what's your Perception modifier? 

#### LYDIA

Six.

#### ALEX

Six. So you're at 21 total. You hear calls from elsewhere in the building. It sounds like they're coming from a door which is sort of directly above you that would lead onto the stage, and you hear the cries of the Frenchman and maybe a couple of other people dotted around the cellar, but you couldn't pinpoint the other two. You knew the Frenchman, because basically you were aware of him falling. 

#### LYDIA

Okay. I think that people who are much better at healing and helping out will probably be coming along, so I want to sneak down that hole and follow them. 

#### ALEX

In which case... I will get you to make a Stealth check now. 

#### LYDIA

Wait. How far has he gone down that -- 

#### ALEX

Out of sight. 

#### LYDIA

Right, okay. Yeah, Stealth check, cool. I'm quite stealthy. I'm pretty stealthy. I'm --

##### [DICE ROLLS]

Fourteen plus 7, so 21. 21 Stealth. 

#### ALEX

21? Solid. Okay, so you get to move your move. You're going to be off the map but still in combat time. So you disappear off the map. Yeah. Okay!

And then last but not least the diplomat. It's 3... so he'll be rolling a Strength check and you roll to aid.

##### [DICE ROLLS]

#### BEN

My aid was 4. 

#### ALEX

Your aid was 4. You don't aid, *but* he makes it.

##### [SOFT CHEERING]

#### BEN

We'll present at it. 

#### ALEX

_(strained pulling sound)_ All of you manage to pull up the... basically the knocked out.... 

#### BEN

Japanese guy. 

#### ALEX

Japanese diplomat, but you are next to a *raging fire!* So you may want to move. Given that he has used his Strength check but still has a move action, because that was his standard action, the diplomat is going to do so. 5, 10, 15, 20... 30.

#### BEN

Cool. 

#### ALEX

And I think that is a good place to call it!

##### [SFX: FIRE SOUNDS CUT OUT]

We're still in a kind of emergency situation, but the fight aspect is certainly kind of wrapped up. So we'll call that here and we'll reconvene with you, listener, next week! So that's goodbye from me. 

#### LYDIA

Bye from me. 

#### BEN

_(flat)_ Goodbye! 

##### [BRYN MAKES INCOMPREHENSIBLE NOISES]

#### JAMES

Pleased to see the back of you, really!

##### [UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]

#### ALEX

Bye, all!

##### [OUTRO THEME]

*Rusty Quill Gaming* is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today's episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening. 

##### [OUTRO FADES OUT]

------

#### ALEX

That was an exciting one. 

#### LYDIA

Yep! 

#### ALEX

How are we finding it so far? 

#### BRYN

_(thoughtful)_ Mmmm. 

#### ALEX

_(parodying Bryn)_ Mmmm! 

#### BRYN

Mmmm!

##### [LAUGHTER]

#### JAMES

Mmmm, delicious! 

#### BEN

_(deep tough advertiser voice)_ Delicious roleplay!