Been thinking a lot about what Sibling Rane says to Faulkner towards the beginning of the most recent episode, about all children of the faith yearning to be spoken to by the divine, and then being relieved as they grow up that they don't have to bear that weight. It's not an insult--after all, they seem to genuinely believe that Faulkner is still receiving regular revelations--but it makes me sad. Because how could Faulkner possibly confide in them that his fixation with his prophet-hood is because he is in many ways stuck inside that moment of childhood belief, that willingness to do the terrible thing because the voice asked? That losing faith in the Trawler-man means realizing how much he has refused to grow up, because that would mean accepting his culpability? We see what his admission of guilt to his father preempts. Trauma traps you inside of a moment. We spent a long time this episode exploring that explicitly with Faulkner's father. But of course, Faulkner's got his moment too.
