January 2018

Between Killua and Gon, who do you think is more likely to admit their feelings/initiate romance? also how do you think/hope they'd be as a couple?

i’ve already touched upon why killua will be unlikely to confess his feelings first here. so if gon does have romantic feelings towards killua (i actually think that the reading where killua’s crush is unrequited is valid), he will be the first to talk to killua about it. gon struggles with feelings of sadness and jealousy, but he has no problem expressing love and appreciation. i am actually of the opinion that for gon, not yet confessed romantic feelings won’t have any of the usual (for the media at least) connotations of embarrassment, vulnerability and self-doubt (the way they do for killua, btw!). in a way, gon is more experienced than killua: social interaction and the way romantic relationships work doesn’t pose any difficulty to him, and i’m inclined to think that by the time they start dating, gon is going to have more actual experience with romantic relationships than killua. but only if he doesn’t regain his nen early on — this way he’ll have some time to settle into a ‘normal’, regular life of a charming teenage boy. if he gets his nen back he is out of the safety of whatever town/city he happens to be staying in at the moment because Adventures and Life-Threatening Risk Taking are much more interesting than a long-term committed romantic relationship with a person that won’t follow him around like a lost puppy (looking at you killua, thank god you cut that out). 

so yep, gon is going to be the first. no nervousness, no sweaty hands, only the most charming of smiles and romantic dates and repressed sadness.

as for how they could be like as a couple… one thing i know for sure is that they would probably be apart quite a lot. gon, like his father, won’t be able to settle down in one place, and killua, who i think longs for some kind of stability and the sense of normalcy, a 9-to-5 job and a white picket fence, will have trouble achieving that because he is almost as much of an adrenaline junkie as gon. but while they are together, they never get tired of each other’s company, and get into hilarious shenanigans all the time even well into their adult lives.

Do you think Killua would get jealous if Gon got a new best bud/traveling partner while they were separated?

never thought of that before, but yes, absolutely. all the previous relationships killua had before meeting gon were built on the sense of exclusivity, of being the other’s ‘one and only’. no matter how toxic and abusive those relationships were, they set a certain pattern that killua follows simply because he is still a child that doesn’t know any better.
that said, i do think that gon is also jealous of alluka for being killua’s new ‘number one’. gon is used to being the center of attention, to things going his way just because he insisted on it, to always having people follow him around and chase after him (just like ging, thanks togashi). being left behind for someone else must have been quite a blow to his ego.

Do you think Killua really meant it when he called Gon "number two"? Seems messed up and hurtful that he'd rank loved ones like that. Plus Gon already has abandonment issues so I wonder if he devalues himself more because Killua left. And honestly, if Killua meant that then maybe Gon might be better off finding a new friend.

i don’t think that that thing re: alluka being his number one and gon being second to her is anything more than a joke in poor taste that killua used to cover up his vulnerability. gon refused killua’s help and shut him out when killua wanted to be there for him, so he’s just getting back at gon for this. 

is it a good thing to rank loved ones? nah, but i don’t think killua does that

was it painful for gon to hear that? it sure was

did killua and gon’s relationship have a number of very unhealthy aspects? it did

is it worth working on? hell yes

it shouldn’t come as a surprise that two emotionally inexperienced children screwed up because their relationship was too deep and they weren’t able to handle it. but i also think that burning all bridges the moment you encounter a problem in your relationship is a little bit too close to commitment issues.

gon and killua did hurt each other; what they need to do now is grow up and grow past it, accept the mistakes they made as children and stop punishing themselves for them, apologize and be more mindful in the future. some things are worth fighting for, and considering how big of a part killua and gon have played in each other’s lives, their relationship is very much salvageable and could even grow stronger after they’ve talked things through.

Since Killua told Gon he was no longer important as he once was, do you think he may have to show Gon he still cares later on? Gon is used to being abandoned and called less important than something else, so I can see the second place comment making his self worth issues worse and make him feel like Killua will never actually stay with him, and will just leave him again like everyone else.

ohhh that’s saying that gon knew he was important to killua in the first place.

now, i know that’s a bit of a radical statement, but gon and killua have different ways of showing love and appreciation for a reason, and they aren’t exactly fluent in each other’s love languages.

killua is all about helping the ones he cares about; gon prefers verbal affirmations of attraction and love. and then you consider that, you realize that killua wasn’t exactly forthcoming with his feelings towards gon verbally; gon might as well not even begin to know how much killua cares about him and In General (the famous ‘it means nothing to you’ quote? that’s calling killua out on his emotional inadequacy). i won’t go as far as to say that gon is absolutely in the dark when it comes to killua’s feelings (he is too perceptive for that), but he could definitely use a couple of ‘i’m happy when i’m with you’ from killua.

so yep, that ‘you are no longer number one’ comment definitely was quite a harsh blow to gon, but it only reinforced his doubts, not created new ones. i won’t be surprised if gon ends up becoming close friends with alluka because he wanted find out whatever was so fascinating about her that made killua leave him behind (pls togashi make it so, that would be a good parallel).

i also find it rlly interesting that out of the four, leorio's the only one who seems to have developed a healthy response to the events that happened in his past like. the poor guy must be exhausted from watching his friends constantly destroy themselves around him

I KNOW RIGHT leorio is the only one who has his life together i admire him so much for that honestly

How likely do you think it is that Killua and Gon are keeping in touch?

i can imagine it being either way, but personally i think they do keep in touch, sending each other e-mails and pictures fairly often.

however, it’s all rather superfluous, as it is bound to be between two friends that had a falling out and never talked about it. both of them probably feel the tension seeping through the lines of their letters (gon knows that killua is angry with him but refuses to talk about it with gon, and killua is an anxious mess). 

i suppose by the time they meet up again they won’t have resolved the conflict, but rather buried it under pleasantries and fake-casual conversations, which will make the whole ordeal a bit more difficult than it could have been.

If Illumi pulled his head out of his delusional ass and realized how important Gon is to Killua, do you think he would try targeting Gon on Whale Island in order to get to Killua and Alluka? And on that note, if Illumi did target Gon, how do you think Killua would react?

frankly speaking, i don’t think that illumi is the kind of villain that would hold someone hostage to get to killua. illumi is not and has never been a person that knows how healthy relationships work, what love feels like, and he plain cannot acknowledge how important gon is to killua even in the face of the most obvious of arguments — killua trying to save gon’s life and facing off his family in order to do so. holding gon hostage wouldn’t even cross his mind, because to him, he is the person killua loves the most: no on else would compare.

but if illumi did capture gon, i imagine killua would have a mental breakdown trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with alluka while he rescued gon (which would not even be a question to him). this would be the most difficult decision he would have to make.

If Killua later realized exactly how little Gon values himself, specifically pertaining to their relationship, how do you think he would approach it? (For example, it coming out that Gon clearly has no idea that he is as important to Killua as he is or maybe even bringing that "second place" comment back into play)

that depends greatly on the circumstances and on how much more self-aware killua himself has become by the time he has that realization. in a way, i think killua already knows that; he’s been witness to every single time gon showed his self-destructive near suicidal tendencies. being this close to a person that puts no value on their own life must be terrifying at best, and i do believe that this fear was part of why killua decided to separate from gon for the time being (the thought ‘if gon is so ready to toss away his life, then he might be just as inclined to sacrifice others’ must have crossed killua’s mind).

so far, killua has tried approaching this problem in the worst way possible - by ignoring it, his most involved response being “wow gon you are so selfish”. i can’t blame him: he has no relevant experience for dealing with suicidal adrenaline junkies (you kind of. have to go to school for that). the good thing is that killua has decided to have another person as his first priority. and i can bet that alluka won’t tolerate it for a long time, so killua will have to concentrate on himself and his issues eventually. 

best case scenario would be killua sitting gon down and talking openly about his self-worth issues and their relationship, but let’s be realistic, no one ever does that, unfortunately. i’m sure that by the time they meet up again, killua will still be a reticent emotional wreck, and as we know, the only time killua expresses his emotions is in front of any random person but gon, and in a decidedly. explosive fashion. i believe it would be rather in character for him to have a bit of a mental breakdown in front of someone else (hopefully a friend), and maybe get some useful advice or insight after that, the way it happened with palm, for example. hopefully, afterwards he would seek gon out and at least try to broach the subject. they definitely wouldn’t be able to cover everything in one conversation, but it would be enough to make a start on long painful work on gon’s issues and their relationship alike.

Do you think Killua has plans to reunite with Gon? He probably can't project that far ahead at this point in time, but one of the glaring things about their separation was that there was no timeline or meet up day or place like how Gon and Killua planned to meet up with Leorio and Kurapika in Yorknew. Why do you think that is? Alluka said she'd "give Killua back" but Killua deflected the comment so it's unclear to me at least whether he is set on a reunion or not.

i don’t think “plans” is exactly the right word for this, since killua is too spontaneous to really plan anything, but i can say with full conviction that he does intend to meet up with gon at some point in the nearest future. now as to why:

killua clearly is a person that never lets go of the past and is prone to holding grudges. he will definitely want to revisit his conflict with gon, because it was far from being resolved. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: gon’s apology was so insufficient i can barely call it an apology. Gon didn’t specify what he was apologizing for, thus we don’t even know if he realizes what exactly he did wrong fully; he only ever told leorio that “he said some rotten things to killua” (why don’t you say that to the person you are supposed to be apologizing to, huh?). neither did killua tell gon about how much he was hurt by gon’s actions during the ca arc, brushing it off as something unimportant. 

i believe killua didn’t specify a fixed date of their reunion because he didn’t know how much time he would need to himself. i don’t think it should be a point of worry, honestly; they still have means of communication, not to mention that the inhabited world in the hxh universe was implied to be rather small, just short of making everyone run into their acquaintances all the time.

Also a follow up to an ask I just sent. what “requirements”, for lack of a better word, do you think Killua feels he needs to meet before he can let Gon travel with him and Alluka?

i assume that by ‘he’ you meant gon and not killua himself? i don’t think ‘requirements’ is a healthy way of putting it, not because of the meaning, but because both killua and gon need to work on their relationship and their respective issues. killua played his role in their falling out, too, and he should reconsider the ways he expresses both positive and negative emotions, just as gon should mull over his self-destructive tendencies and self-centered attitude, before they can start rebuilding their relationship with a healthier approach.

I was wondering do you headcanon Kurapika as trans?

yes, i do!

I'd love to see your take on the Royal Guard

i like their original designs a lot