i know asking the meaning of art is sometimes frowned upon, so feel free to ignore this if you want, but with your last shadowgast piece, is the meaning like, essek is able to accept his past so he can be steady to comfort caleb, but caleb isn't able to accept his own past just yet?

asking the artist for the meaning in their art might be frowned upon, and there is the death of the author thing and the find your own answers thing and the authors like to praise their own genius thing yadda yadda yadda but who is judging us? god? we can consider this my own meta show or a director’s dvd commentary, it’s fine. i don’t mind sharing some of my thought process, for this particular piece at least. 🤭

(the thing is that for me, when i create an illustration i definitely want the viewer to experience it on its own first (that often includes the paratext, such as the caption that goes alongside it). not in the least because the first impression a person gets of a piece of media, as well as the interpretation they lean into as they analyze it, is usually the one that speaks to them most and is most congruent with their experiences and existing notions (as well as existing interpretations and headcanons if we’re talking about a piece of fanart!). which, quite often, turns out to be one of the most compelling and evokes the most emotion, and which, coincidentally, is what i happen to want as well. so if anyone who is reading this would like to stay with their initial impression of that piece, you’re free to stop reading here! but if you’re curious about some of the context, you’re welcome to proceed.)

as for your question: hmm you’re quite quite close to the topic, but that wasn’t exactly my intention! my idea was to portray the weight and pain of the right decision. Caleb didn’t regret destroying the t-dock, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or that he didn’t need to grieve the parents he’d never buried, and the future he thought he would have. i used Essek’s words in the caption (though modified, to refer to the destruction of the t-dock chamber) because they both symbolically killed a part of their identity in that room. Essek gave up the all-consuming obsessive side of his hunger for knowledge, which in itself had been fueled by the rejection he’d experienced from his family and home, and Caleb refused to give in to the guilt that had defined his actions for half of his life. Caleb chose the future over the past, and Essek chose another person.

Caleb still has his spellbook and his book of letters in front of him, his vault of amber that opens with the name of his mother. Essek is still hesitant and awkward at and clinical about comforting others. but Caleb chose to fall apart not in his small, uncomfortable, guilt-ridden bedroom, but in the salon where Essek could easily find him, and Essek chose to be there, unsure whether he was allowed to intrude, but willingly offering connection he’d always been reluctant to give in the past.

i think for the longest time, Essek only saw his own value in how much he knew and how skilled he was, and i don’t think he has ever felt like a person that someone would want to turn to in a moment of grief. i think that’s partly why he offered Caleb his help in the t-dock with such desperation, even though he considered the endeavor to be a terrible idea,—he believed that his intelligence was the only thing of worth that he could give to a person he loves.

while Caleb i don’t think has lived much of his teenage and adult life without thinking, constantly, consciously or in the back of his head, “it’s hard for a son to be away from his mother” and “i will never be the brave and honorable man my father was”.

what is Essek after he’s abandoned the knowledge in that chamber? what is Caleb if he can’t be a good son? i think in a way, they’re both comforting each other in that picture, in the safety and warmth of a home where they can heal, after the loss of the person they used to be.