years go by, killua’s fashion choices remain as bad as when he was fourteen
years go by, killua’s fashion choices remain as bad as when he was fourteen
of course i do
i have tons of them
i’ll tackle the general stuff then, because otherwise i have no idea where to start
i think gon and killua’s potential romantic relationship and the way it might progress is very much dependent on their respective understanding of the notion of romantic attraction in general.
killua is almost generic in this respect — he is an early bloomer that discovered his sexuality as a young teenager. he also has communicaton issues, he is afraid of showing any affection out of the fear of it being read as vulnerability, and he is a gross child that probably turns his nose every time he sees a romcom. however, killua is very much aware of the nature of his feelings towards gon.
he also won’t be the first to confess, in my opinion, for several reasons. first, for a very emotional and expressive child, killua is plain bad at expressing deep feelings and Very good at bottling shit up. second, as a result of both that and the fact that he grew up in an abusive household where he had to stumble in the dark trying to guess the intentions of every single family member, killua pretty much assumes that you. don’t really Have to talk with your god given mouth. if he risks his life enough times for gon, gon is Bound to realize that killua is in love with him, right? talking about stuff kind of cheapens that anyway, right? (wrong you dumb child) third, since killua is so bad at talking, he screwed up telling gon that he had been hurt by gon’s behavior, and is it ever not difficult to confess your undying love if you are also mad at the object of your affections, and ashamed of yourself for being this attached.
and then there’s gon, who is pretty much the opposite of generic. the kid, in contrast to almost any other shounen protagonist, is so good at social interactions it’s unfair to literally everyone else. gon is extremely perceptive, he is amazing at reading the character and the atmosphere, and he is so effortlessly likable that he takes it for granted. saying that gon is clueless when it comes to romantic interactions would be imho a major mischaracterization. but he appears to be very peculiar about applying that knowledge and categorizing his relationships.
i have no idea how much influence japanese culture has on the way gon talks about his dates (probably a lot), but while he groups the dates he had with the women on whale island with those with mito, he has no problem identifying which were platonic, and which weren’t. judging from his date with palm, he is also one weirdly sincere smooth motherfucker of a fourteen-year-old. therefore, i am inclined to think that gon considers romantic actions to be extremely performative. on a date he is likely to do whatever he likes and what he assumes the other person would like, which is not inherently romantic, but in the context it can become so (hence why dates with mito are platonic). i suppose, for gon, once he grows up and reaches the point where he becomes interested in romantic stuff, the only thing that will be able to help him differentiate that from platonic hanging-out will quite simply be the presence of kissing and similar romantically-coded actions. if he is comfortable enough around a person his age, i can easily imagine him becoming more physically affectionate with them, which he will eventually classify as romantic attraction.
now imagine these two getting together after like two or three years of separation. setting aside their issue with the events of the ca arc, can you imagine the load of confusion that their interactions will be?
gon is obviously comfortable around killua, and i can easily see him progressing from horsing around to hugs and cuddles and kisses, all the while being his usual healthily communicative self and asserting his appreciation of killua, settling comfortably into romantic attraction.
killua is going to Flip. he has No idea what is going on and half assumes that gon is this affectionate with everyone and half panics, or whatever it is he does while not Communicating. once gon is used to the new dynamic, he probably takes killua out on a couple of dates, framing them as obviously romantic, while all the declarations of “i like you killua!” fly over killua’s head because he’d rather suffer and assume that these are simply platonic outings.
at some point gon gets frustrated with the fact that killua is obviously Not on the same page as him, and probably has to sit him down with a twig full of fireflies and make it Real simple for his emotionally constipated bff. nothing is well in the world but at least gon has confessed his feelings, and killua probably mumbled something to the same extent, and hopefully will articulate it more clearly before the universe decides to teach him a lesson, again.
this turned out half-meta half-rambling but i hope you enjoyed reading that. thanks so much for complimenting my art!
ohh this is a very good question!
the short answer for me is no, it’s not unfair.
the long answer is that feelings aren’t fair or unfair, they just are. killua, or any person for that matter, can’t really control the way he feels. moreover, he is a child with little to no conventional socialization, he has no idea how to handle his emotions, and that tangle of intense love and hurt he feels towards gon probably drives him nuts as it is, without the added layer of trying to reflect on those feelings.
that said, boy did killua screw up. his relationship with gon is a textbook case of communication issues with a spoonful of codependency (because killua has never in his life had a relationship that wasn’t codependent, kind of hard to get rid of that pattern on your own). killua’s hugest flaw is that he cannot talk to save his life. he is very good at expressing emotions of minor importance, like irritation, surprise, excitement, but if you dig a little bit deeper he bristles and closes up. gon gushes about how much he appreciates killua? blush and devalue that by calling gon embarrassing. deeply disturbed by the fact that gon clams up in the face of killua’s request that goes against gon’s selfish wishes? smile and sweep everything under the carpet. mad at best friend for shutting him off and saying some really rotten things to him? killua was so Enraged that he faced off his family, which is the only thing that truly terrifies him, kidnapped his sister and negotiated with his abusive brother just so he could heal gon, All for the sake of eventually bitch-slapping him and giving him what-for. and then killua sees gon, all healthy and smiling, and all he can muster is a half-hearted and jokingly angry “well, weren’t you mean to me!”
no fucking wonder all gon said in response was “aww i’m so sorry killua :( :)”
gon, though, is not completely innocent here either. while i do love to rag on killua for being a closed off reticent brat, especially in contrast to gon, who is Much more healthily communicative, gon has his own issues with interpersonal relationships. his Main issue is that his relationships are never his first priority – or, should i say, they are only a priority as long as his friends’ goals don’t clash with his own. don’t get me wrong – loving yourself and understanding that you are your own most important person is good and healthy, but gon is deeply selfish and self-centered with an all-or-nothing mindset and no idea how to meet people half way. and since his sense of self revolves around being Powerful, Power is what he puts on the pedestal. and Bingo! it’s exactly what compromises his otherwise impeccable social skills and emotional openness. Power is the only thing that fazes gon – all the times i remember him crying was because he felt weak and sorry for himself. and the one time he isn’t honest with killua is when he is feeling resentful towards him, because boy howdy is gon jealous of the fact that killua is stronger than him, and oh how carefully he hides that embarrassing secret. i firmly believe that gon harshly refused killua’s help not so much because he was worried about killua being caught in the cross-fire, but because of that very resentment telling him that killua, his so much more composed (is he though?) and experienced friend, thought he was weak and needed help achieving his own goal.
so now we have these two emotionally inexperienced children trying to have That Talk under the world tree (i’m begging you togashi that was so symbolic and tongue-in-cheek at the same time). the talk where they should come clean and apologize for everything — and guess what? it doesn’t work, because apologies only go so far if you don’t discuss what you are apologizing for (hint: they don’t go anywhere, period). gon doesn’t understand the full scope of how much he fucked up both because he is self-centered and it’s sort of outside of his mindset, and because killua never told him how gravely he had been hurt by gon’s actions. it’s all made even worse by the fact that gon doesn’t know that he was practically dead and killua dragged his sorry ass out of hell itself, all because killua insisted that no one tell gon what had actually happened.
that apology really didn’t count, did it. it didn’t even come close to counting.
tl;dr the boys both screwed up big time, and the only remedy is Talking. so much talking.
getting back to the headcanon requests!
3. Sleeping Headcanon
9. General physical contact headcanon
17. Soft spot headcanon
3. okay so i noticed that the most popular fanon re: killua’s sleeping habits is that he is quiet and takes up as little space on the bed as possible, and I Resent That. canon killua throws his limbs all over the place, isn’t above kicking gon in the face and is overall a terrible nuisance to sleep in one bed with. i headcanon that he also steals blankets and has a grave case of cold feet, which he always feels obligated to shove into his bedmate’s stomach.
9. one of my headcanons is that killua is much more tactile than gon. gon is more precise with physical contact; he doesn’t mind touching other people (maybe even enjoys it) when the situation calls for it, playing contact sports or giving someone a hug for example, but he’s not one for casual touches, i.e. he won’t touch killua’s back to guide him, won’t throw his arm over killua’s shoulder, isn’t really inclined to hold hands. if he initiates affectionate contact, it always has a goal - to offer support, to help do something, to add the physical touch to something romantic he says.
killua is the opposite. once he’s worked through his childhood trauma that made him afraid of any physical contact because it was now associated with pain, he becomes rather clingy and casually affectionate, touching other people he’s comfortable with all the time. so i think that most of the time it’s killua who initiates physical contact but man does he swoon when gon does it first.
17. killua gets a cat when he’s older and it’s such a shitty animal. it’s huge and lazy and has a loud screech-y meow and knocks stuff off the table and sleeps on killua’s face and keeps dragging its poop into the living room and only eats the finest of meats and. killua fucking loves it with his entire being. it doesn’t stop him from grumbling about its behavior though.