## Preface

Velvet
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/26830525.

Rating:
  Explicit
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  Critical Role (Web Series)
Relationship:
  Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Characters:
  Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Shaun Gilmore
Additional Tags:
  Kinktober 2020, Breathplay, Asphyxiation, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, BDSM, Sex Club, Sub Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Voyeurism, Kink Negotiation, Masturbation, Mirror Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 4 of A Very Critical Role Kinktober 2020, Part 1 of Fabric
Stats:
  Published: 2020-10-05 Words: 4,703 Chapters: 1/1

# Velvet

by the_deep_magic

Summary

> Day Four: breathplay

> Vax has played around with kink before, with various partners who had more or less experience with the scene. Usually less, pretending to be more. He’s known for a while that he needs to check it out himself, needs to experience the real thing and not just someone who read one Cosmo article and bought a pair of cheap plastic handcuffs. And for what he wants, what he really wants, he needs someone who knows exactly what they’re doing.

> [Now with link to fanart!]

Notes

> “I’ll write one quick thing a day,” I said. “I’ll keep them to a few hundred words,” I said. ::facepalm::

> ETA: Now with this amazing, gorgeous art by @f0rgetmenaught!

See the end of the work for more notes

## Velvet

It’s past midnight by the time Vax finally convinces himself to enter the club. The cover charge is exorbitant, but he’s ready for it, and he knows it’s in place to keep gawkers out.

His cheeks heat as he walks through a red door into the inner sanctum, knowing what he’ll find but not quite prepared for the sight of it. He knows, intellectually, that no one’s staring at him as he walks in – though he does get a few appraising glances – but it’s still hard to convince himself that he belongs here. That this is what he is, what he wants.

Vax has played around with kink before, with various partners who had more or less experience with the scene. Usually less, pretending to be more. He’s known for a while that he needs to check it out himself, needs to experience the real thing and not just someone who read one Cosmo article and bought a pair of cheap plastic handcuffs. And for what he wants, what he really wants, he needs someone who knows exactly what they’re doing.

He scans the room, trying to remind himself that this is a scouting mission, nothing more. His sister would laugh at him, tell him he’s playing at being a spy again. Tell him to pull his head out of his ass. But he definitely doesn’t want to think about his sister now.

It’s a large room, but it’s segmented off into open-ended chambers all around him. Some have thick, crimson velvet curtains drawn, but most don’t, allowing anyone in the room to see the activities of their occupants. Here a drow woman is pulling a chain to hoist her partner’s bound hands over her head. There a half-transformed lycanthrope is fucking a very loud tiefling while onlookers cheer. Vax can’t quite see what the three gnomes and a loxodon are doing in a chamber at the far end of the room, but they certainly seem to be enjoying themselves.

He tries not to feel like a creeper, going from one open chamber to the next to sample the sights and sounds. Occasionally, an extremely interesting noise will emanate from behind a closed curtain, but etiquette seems to dictate that he not linger outside the curtain and try to divine what’s going on.

The scene that holds his attention most is a petite redhead wearing a mammoth strap-on, fucking a male half-orc tied in elaborate rope bondage. The sounds both of them are making – her grunts of effort, his moans of pleasure – are extremely arousing, and Vax feels his cock throb in his trousers. He’s not the only one, either. Quite a few people are watching; some are openly masturbating, while others appear to be pleasuring a partner as both watch.

It goes on until Vax is nearly moaning with sympathy, unsure how much more the man can take. That’s when the woman grabs the collar around the back of the man’s neck and yanks, pulling the man up. But she doesn’t loosen her grip when he gets to his knees; she keeps a firm hold on it, pulling it tight across his throat until his breathing is audibly labored. All the while, she never stops fucking him with hard upward jabs of her hips. The man lets out a strangled moan, his bound body going taut but his cock jerking in mid-air. A spurt of jizz shoots straight up, and Vax lets out a gasp when he realizes the man is coming, completely untouched. He’s not the only one – at least a few of the onlookers cry out, too, some clearly climaxing as well.

Vax gropes his own cock through the fabric, suddenly very amenable to the idea of unzipping and finishing himself off right here. But the moment passes, and the redhead starts demeaning her partner for coming, and that might as well be a cold bucket of water over Vax’s head. He moves on, heart beating harder.

Each new chamber is fascinating, but nothing else grips him quite the same way. He’s just wondering whether his reconnaissance is complete and he should head out when the curtain he’s standing right in front of jerks open. He turns his head toward the sound without considering whether it’s rude to look in on whatever it is, but the massive goliath stumbling out of the chamber doesn’t even notice him. In fact, Vax has to dodge out of the way of the goliath, who has a dopey, almost love-struck smile on their face as they turn back and say, “Thanks, Gil.”

Vax doesn’t see who they’re talking to, but he hears a warm, silky voice say, “Of course, my sweet. Take care of yourself until we meet again.”

The voice stops him dead in his tracks, and he stares as the goliath finally moves out of the way to reveal a man in a purple robe standing in the gap of the parted curtain.

No, not quite standing – lounging. His easy posture is echoed in the soft, relaxed smile on his face.

If Vax hadn’t just seen the goliath, he might have described this human man as imposing. He’s tall, but more than that, he’s broad through the shoulders. His robe is parted at the chest to reveal swaths of dark hair over rich caramel skin. Vax’s eyes follow up the length of his long, neatly-braided beard, past a strong chin and nose to deep amber eyes that are… focused right on Vax.

“Hello,” the man drawls with heavy emphasis on the second syllable. “What have we here? Are you lost, little bird?”

Vax looks around, half hoping there’s someone behind him and half hoping there isn’t.

There isn’t.

“Yes, I’m talking to you.”

“Oh, uh,” Vax mutters, suddenly feeling like he’s been caught sneaking out of a store with stolen candy in his pocket. “I was just… I mean, I wasn’t listening in or anything, I just happened to be—”

The man crosses his arms over his chest, sleeves falling back to reveal forearms the size of Vax’s calves. “First time here?”

Mouth suddenly dry, Vax swallows so loud his throat clicks. “Wh-what gave it away?”

He laughs, but it’s soft, almost musical. “It was either that or you’re looking for a very specific sort of scene and going about it backward.”

“I’m not quite sure what I’m looking for,” Vax admits.

“You probably know better than you think,” the man says, cocking an eyebrow. “But you do look a little overwhelmed. Would you like to come in and sit for a moment? No funny business – I never start anything without explicit consent.”

Maybe Vax should take longer to think it through, but he nods. It would be nice to get an insider perspective on all of this, and this man seems friendly and open. With hands big enough to fit around my throat, Vax thinks before he can stop himself.

As the man pulls back the curtain, Vax has a moment to wonder what, exactly, he’s stepping into. Do these places have regular furniture? Is he going to have to sit on a bed of nails? But the chamber he steps into is warmly lit, with cushions of all sizes strewn about the floor and piled in the corners. Whatever the man had just been doing in here with the goliath, there’s no obvious sign of it. Everything is purple and gold and emerald and burgundy. There’s a large, ornate mirror on the back wall, but otherwise, it could be a hippie coffee shop that refuses to use chairs.

“Just have a seat anywhere,” the man says, letting the curtain fall closed behind them. “Would you like a drink of water?”

Vax laughs weakly, finding a large cushion and plopping down. “Have you got anything stronger?”

The man gives him an appraising look. “It really is your first time here.” He opens the lid of an ornate gold box, but Vax cracks a smile when he sees a regular Igloo cooler hidden inside.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself,” the man says as he hands Vax an unopened bottle of water and pulls up a cushion of his own. “I’m Shaun. And you are…?”

“Uh, my friends call me Vax.” He takes a pull of the cold water, suddenly realizing how thirsty he is.

“Well, Vax, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m very glad you wandered by my door.”

“And why is that?”

Shaun grins, and it makes something in Vax’s chest flutter. “Because you’re an extremely handsome man in a pair of very tight trousers. But more importantly, because it’s your first time at a place like this, and I get the sense you don’t know much about the scene.”

Vax feels his cheeks grow warm at the compliment. “That’s true. But I have done… things. With a few people.”

“What things?”

Putting on a coy grin, Vax does his best to sound flirtatious. “Shaun, we just met!”

Shaun smiles, but it’s a patient smile, not a teasing one. “I’m not trying to talk dirty, Vax. I’m trying to feel out what you want, what you’re looking for.”

“Oh,” Vax says, feeling chastened. “I, um. I’m not into pain or humiliation, I know that much. But the bondage stuff, the getting bossed around and held down. I… really like that.”

Shaun nods thoughtfully. “And what were you looking for tonight?”

“I’m not sure. I just wanted to check the place out, see what it was really like.”

“And what did you think?”

“It’s… amazing,” Vax says, trying and failing to put words to his thoughts. “And intimidating. But also less scary than I thought it would be? I mean, I haven’t been interacting with anyone, just watching what was going on.”

“Were you tempted to join in?”

Vax bites his lip, thinking back to the half-orc. “Not exactly. I mean, everyone was kind of partnered off. I didn’t see anyone looking for volunteers.”

At that, Shaun laughs. “Things don’t quite run on a volunteer basis. Some people know their scene partners very well; others just met. But everything gets worked out beforehand.”

“I know about limits and safewords and stuff,” Vax says, wondering if it sounds as juvenile coming out of his mouth as he thinks it does. He might as well say I looked a few things up on the internet, because he did. “But it’s all… theoretical.”

“And now that you’ve seen some of it in practice, what do you think?”

“I want it.” After it comes out of his mouth, Vax flinches a little – he didn’t mean to seem quite so eager. “Some of it, anyway.”

“With anyone in particular?” Shaun asks, and Vax tries to parse his intent with the question. Is he offering? Vax’s pulse speeds up at the thought. This guy gives off easygoing but no-bullshit dom energy by the bucket, and Vax could be very, very into that.

“Um,” he says after a moment, “there are definitely some… attractive people here tonight.”

Shaun nods, face neutral. “I’m something of a regular here. I can make an introduction or two, if you’d like.”

“Oh,” Vax says, his stomach dropping. Then, in a moment of bravery: “I thought maybe, you…”

Just like that, the smile is back, the one that makes Vax feel like his insides are floating an inch to the left of where they should be. “I didn’t want to presume, little bird, but if you mean it, I’m flattered.”

Vax tries to act like his heart isn’t about to beat out of his chest. “I do mean it. So, uh. How should we start? Should I—”

He goes to for the hem of his shirt, but Shaun holds a hand up. “Wait a moment. If you really want to strip for me, I certainly won’t stop you, but we need to talk this through first. What we want out of it, where the boundaries are. We don’t need to go down a checklist first, but we need to discuss specifics…” He trails off for a moment, his dark eyes raking down Vax’s body and back up again. “Before I get distracted. What are you after?”

“Um. Just. You could… tell me what to do. Like, you could tell me to suck you off. I don’t know if I’m up for anything penetrative tonight, but you could definitely fuck my face.” Vax feels himself start to salivate at the thought. His eyes drop to Shaun’s crotch before he can stop them, already imagining the man’s cock hitting the back of his throat. Then Vax’s eyes dart back up again. He sees that Shaun’s caught him staring, and suddenly he can’t seem to control his mouth. “Or, uh. You could just order me around. Nothing humiliating, like I said, but just… I don’t know. Whatever you want. You’re the one who knows what he’s doing here. What do you suggest?”

Shaun’s eyes narrow with curiosity. “What aren’t you asking me?”

“Wh-what?”

“I get the feeling there’s something you want very badly, but you don’t want to say it.”

Vax feels his cheeks start to heat. “Uh. I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You can ask me for anything, you know. If it’s not something I want, or something I feel comfortable doing, I’ll say so. If it’s something that needs to wait until another time, I’ll say that, too. But I won’t judge you for it.”

“I mean, there’s definitely some stuff I’ve fantasized about,” Vax says, trying not to squirm in his seat. “But, like, I don’t know…”

“You don’t need a reason to want something, Vax. You just have to want it.”

Shaun hasn’t moved from his cushion, hasn’t even shifted his weight toward Vax, but Vax feels like Shaun has him by the throat. Fuck, that’s it. “I want you to choke me while I jerk off for you.”

Shaun’s eyes don’t go wide with shock. He doesn’t grimace or groan or even smile. He just nods calmly. “There it is. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“So, uh. Does that mean you’ll do it?”

There’s a pause that feels like it goes on for minutes, with Shaun doing nothing but regarding Vax evenly, but it’s probably only a second or two before he says, “Breathplay can be dangerous. It’s not something I’d usually recommend for your first time playing.”

If Vax had thought his heart couldn’t beat any faster, he was wrong. “Not… usually?”

“I have some experience with it and a few healing potions on reserve – two things you should never attempt it without. I’d rather you try it first with someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Vax is suddenly so giddy he can barely keep still. “So… you will. We can.”

Shaun nods again, slowly, the tone of his voice going stern. “We do it my way. If either of us calls stop for any reason, we stop. If either of us starts to feel uncomfortable for any reason, we stop.”

The blood starts to rush to Vax’s cock so fast that his palms start to tingle. “Y-yes, Shaun. Whatever you say.”

He holds Vax’s gaze for a long moment, as if trying to gauge how honest Vax is. But he seems to like what he sees, because he stands up and holds his hand out for Vax. “Come with me.”

As if Vax could say no. Well, he could – Shaun has made that abundantly clear – but he’s not going to. Not yet.

A few breathless steps and Vax is standing in front of the mirror with Shaun behind him, his hands on Vax’s waist. In reality, Shaun is only a few inches taller than Vax, but he seems much larger, the force of his presence dwarfing Vax in a way that makes his skin buzz.

“Gods above, you beautiful thing,” Shaun sighs in his ear. “I couldn’t deny you if I tried. Here’s what we’re going to do – I’m going to put my hand over your mouth.”

“Oh. Not—not my throat?”

“No, little bird. My way, remember? Like this.” He brings his right hand up, the palm hovering less than an inch from Vax’s mouth. “Now put your left hand around my wrist. Good. When you’re ready to have my hand on your mouth, you’ll squeeze my wrist. And you’ll keep squeezing it. If you want me to stop, if you need air, just let go. If I feel your grip slacken, I will let go. You will not lose consciousness at any time. Do you understand me, Vax?”

“Yes,” Vax says, swaying slightly on his feet with excitement. “Yes, that’s good. That’s all good. Can I, uh. Can I jerk off?”

There’s that smile again, bright as a sunbeam. “Thank you for asking. I believe that was already promised to me. You may unzip and get yourself out now, but you will wait until I give you permission to touch yourself.”

“And you don’t mind if I take my shirt off?”

“Not at all, my dear.”

It’s quite a picture they make: Vax, naked from the waist up, practically shaking with eagerness, his exposed cock at half-mast and climbing. Shaun’s strong arms around him, that glorious purple robe sinfully soft wherever it touches Vax’s skin. Shaun’s fingers warm on his ribs. “Before we begin,” he says, voice wavering so slightly Vax wonders if he’s imagining it, “may I kiss you?”

“Yes, please, I—” is all Vax gets out before his chin is being tilted up to the side and Shaun’s lips are colliding with his in a demanding kiss. It’s not like any first kiss Vax has ever had – it’s hungry, and it’s much, much less controlled than Vax would have predicted given Shaun’s smooth, laidback demeanor. It’s the first real sign of how this is affecting Shaun, and appropriately enough, it leaves Vax breathless.

Shaun releases Vax’s mouth, but doesn’t pull away yet. He smiles, his lips curving up against Vax’s. “Shall we have some fun, little bird?”

Already feeling lightheaded, Vax returns the smile. “I need to ask – why do you keep calling me that?”

“You reminded me of a lost little bird, searching for its wings. Now then, let’s make you fly.”

The press of Shaun’s palm against Vax’s mouth feels anticlimactic at first. As Vax watches in the mirror, Shaun’s other hand strokes lightly up and down his side, the rhythm almost soothing. Shaun has his nose pinched closed, and for a few long moments, it’s no more than that, just like preparing to jump in a lake.

Then the pressure within Vax’s chest grows and, even though it’s exactly what he asked for, he starts to panic. It’s frightening in a visceral way, the first time his lungs go to inhale and find nothing to pull in. He sees his own eyes go wide in the mirror, sees Shaun’s careful gaze watching him. As his heart begins to pound, Vax is sure that Shaun is going to release him, even as Vax forces himself to stay still and grips the man’s wrist so hard his own fingers go numb. But Shaun doesn’t let go, doesn’t even relent, and Vax is grateful even as he squirms a little in Shaun’s arms. Then the panic starts to subside, slowly at first, but something else is behind it, something soft and warm, something that flows into Vax like water—

–and then his diaphragm contracts as the hand is pulled away, and he can breathe again.

Vax coughs a few times reflexively, but mostly he just gasps, lungs heaving. “I didn’t—” he chokes out, fingers still tight around Shaun’s wrist. “I didn’t let go.”

“I did,” Shaun says firmly. “And I’m allowed to do so for any reason.”

Though his first instinct is to be annoyed, the floaty feeling spreading throughout Vax’s body is enough to pull him back, and he nods. “I remember.”

Shaun’s arms wrap around his waist then, not squeezing, just holding. “How was it?”

Vax grins at his reflection. “Incredible.”

“More?”

“Yes.”

The second time Shaun’s hand closes over his mouth and nose, Vax knows a little better what to expect. He closes his eyes and settles himself, ready for the physical feeling of the initial panic. I’m safe here, he thinks, focusing on the feeling of Shaun’s arm under his fingers. He’s got me.

His eyes still fly open when the feeling of fear hits, mind unable to override his body’s warning signals. But he remembers the impending euphoria from before and waits for it, more aware this time of his exposed cock. The pleasure that starts to seep in is distinctly sexual this time, and he feels his dick throb even as his body fights for breath. The seal of Shaun’s hand over his mouth isn’t perfect; there’s the tiniest trickle of air coming in, and Vax can’t even really taste it, but he knows it’s there, all the air he needs just on the other side of—

Shaun’s hand pulls away again, and when Vax can get air back in his lungs, he lets it out with a moan. “Again,” he gasps.

The third time, Vax’s cock is without a doubt fully hard, even though he has yet to lay a hand on it. When he gets his breath back, he asks, “Can I touch— Please, I need to—”

Shaun kisses his temple and nuzzles at his hair a little, oddly tender considering the scene. “Mmm, yes. You’ve been so good for me, go ahead. I want to see what you look like when you’re pleasuring yourself.”

With a hand stroking himself and his heart hammering in his chest, the euphoria hits that much sooner, his body’s struggle to breathe starting to feel like the physical exertion that comes with a really good, athletic fuck. Vax hardly even feels the need to breath anymore, all his focus narrowing down to the way his cock is pulsing along with his heartbeat, his ears ringing, his vision going gray around the edges…

He doesn’t remember letting go of Shaun’s wrist, but when Vax is aware of his body again, the hand not around his cock has slid limply down to Shaun’s elbow. His pulse is so loud in his ears that he nearly misses it when Shaun says his name. “Vax? Vax? Need you to talk to me.”

Vax nods, right hand still working his cock while the left refastens itself to Shaun’s wrist. “So close.”

“Good, that’s good,” Shaun says soothingly, though the look in his eyes hasn’t lost its resolve. “I need you to just breathe for me for a minute. Can you do that?”

“But—”

“Can you?”

“Yes,” Vax gets out. He tries to slow his gasping breaths, whatever will get Shaun’s hand back over his mouth, but it’s hard when jerking his cock feels this good and his body needs the air. He makes a sound that would be a moan if he could spare the breath, and Shaun’s big hand closes over his, slowing his frantic stroking.

“Breathe, Vax,” Shaun commands. He doesn’t still Vax’s hand, just grips tighter and slows his pace. “You’ll get what you need. Just breathe.”

Vax nods weakly, his head tipping back to rest against Shaun’s shoulder. There’s hardly room in his head to think, and it’s inexpressibly wonderful, if only Shaun would put his hand back over Vax’s mouth. That, or bat Vax’s other hand out of the way, close those long fingers around Vax’s cock, nothing between the two of them—

Vax barely has time to realize that Shaun has let go of him before that same hand comes down over his face once more. He can speed up again, thrusting into his own fist, but the pleasure’s farther off now that there’s more oxygen in his brain. He has to wait for it again, but he doesn’t want to wait. Gods, he’s so close, it’s flowing back into him now, heavy like a drug, any minute now—

There’s a voice in his ear, low and silky, and when Vax tilts his head forward to look into the mirror, Shaun’s eyes are boring into his. “Just imagine,” he whispers, “imagine my hand over your mouth as I fuck you.”

His orgasm slams into him with bruising force, twisting his body like a rag doll. He feels helpless to it, that gray, cottony feeling starting to creep into him again when suddenly his mouth is filling with cool, sweet air that takes him even higher. It’s so good it nearly takes his legs out from under him, and he only stays standing by the grace of Shaun’s arms around him.

It’s all a haze of gasping breaths and shuffling limbs for a moment, and he’s aware of slowly going horizontal, body sinking into soft cushions. And then his head rises up again and there’s something firm and warm underneath it, something to ground him as he puts all the mental pieces back together.

At length, he comes to realize that it’s Shaun’s thigh he’s pillowed against, Shaun’s fingers combing through his hair and massaging his scalp. Vax’s eyes are open, but it takes a moment to make them focus, to pull the dark blur in his field of vision into the shape of Shaun’s face gazing down at him.

“Welcome back, little bird,” Shaun says with a soft smile. “Was it everything you hoped for?”

Vax goes to use his voice and is a little surprised to find it. “Yes. Yes.” He tries to sit up. “Do you want—?”

Shaun bears him back down with a hand on Vax’s shoulder, though he doesn’t have to apply much pressure. “The only thing I want is to sit here and keep touching you while you relax. Do you feel okay? Does anything hurt?”

Vax takes a moment to remember that he has a body, and when he does, he realizes his head is pounding. “My head.”

Shaun nods. “The price of the fun, I’m afraid.”

The hand in Vax’s hair cups around the back of his skull, tilting his head up as the neck of a glass bottle is pressed to his lips. The potion has a sharp, cranberry-like taste with an herbal afternote. It’s not the best flavor, but after only a few moments, it soothes Vax’s headache away. “That’s handy,” he groans.

“I’m going to keep an eye on you for a few minutes, make sure it doesn’t come back. And you, my dear, are just going to lie here and breathe and look beautiful.”

If Vax weren’t so high on endorphins, what follows might have been awkward: eventually sitting up, finding his shirt, chatting with Shaun while he makes sure Vax downs the rest of his water. But Shaun himself makes it easier, too, with his refusal to be uncomfortable with any of the aftermath. Vax isn’t sure what the protocol is here, but Shaun asks for his number and Vax gives it eagerly.

“So, uh,” Vax starts, “I think I was supposed to ask this much earlier, but do you come here often?”

That gets a good laugh out of Shaun. “My dear boy, I’m here all the time. Text me first and I’ll let you know if I have something planned. But if I’m honest, I’ll probably clear my schedule for you.”

Vax can’t quite tell if it’s a line – Shaun’s been nothing but good to him, but the smoothness of his voice makes everything sound like a line – but he grins anyway. Before letting him pull back the curtain, Shaun kisses him again, slow and sweet like he doesn’t want it to end, and Vax starts to believe he was telling the unvarnished truth.

And then Vax is back on the street, practically floating to his car. He takes a moment to look back and regard the entrance of the club. It’s hardly anything, a place you have to know is there before you can find it. There’s only a small sign on the corner to let you know the name of the place, and no information at all about what’s inside.

Vax smiles to himself. He thinks he’s going to be spending a lot of time at Gilmore’s from now on.

## Afterword

End Notes

> Hi, friends, hope you enjoyed the fic! Back in the real world where there are no healing spells or death saves, some medical professionals say that breathplay cannot be done in a way that’s truly safe. I am firmly of the opinion that fic is not real life, and part of the joy of it is letting us play around with kinks without having to consider real-world consequences – and you probably know that very well – but I wanted to put that disclaimer in, just in case. So let’s just all refrain from strangling each other! Or ourselves! Sexily or otherwise! ::thumbs up::

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