## Preface

Leather
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/30054627.

Rating:
  Explicit
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  Critical Role (Web Series)
Relationship:
  Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Characters:
  Shaun Gilmore, Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Sherri (Critical Role)
Additional Tags:
  Established Relationship, BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Begging, Wet Dream, Domestic Bliss, Kink Negotiation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Breathplay, Praise Kink, Stockings, Coming Untouched, Aftercare, Light Bondage, Fluff and Smut, Crying
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 6 of Fabric
Stats:
  Published: 2021-03-15 Words: 10,460 Chapters: 1/1

# Leather

by the_deep_magic

Summary

> Vax’s first words when he comes back to himself are “I never know if I should thank you for refusing to touch my cock.”

> Shaun chuckles softly, nuzzling against Vax’s temple. “This time, I’m the one following your instructions, little bird.”

> “Mmm,” Vax hums, turning on his side to face Shaun. “And you’re doing a distressingly good job.”

Notes

> After writing the first fic in this series, I fell down a bit of a breathplay research rabbit hole and I knew I wanted to come back to it. And these two haven't ever been far from my mind since Kinktober, so... voila!

See the end of the work for more notes

## Leather

“Shaun, please,” Vax whimpers, twisting in his bonds. “Please, I’m so fucking close.”

Shaun’s having a hell of a time focusing on anything other than the way Vax is writhing under him, squirming like anything he does will earn him stimulation on his cock. But Shaun’s ropes hold firm, keeping him bent over the bench with his ass in the air as Shaun fucks into him from behind.

“Please,” Vax moans again, “anything, just—just—” Shaun listens closely for his word, but there’s only more of that sweet, tortured begging.

“No, my darling,” Shaun gasps, bending down until his lips brush the pointed shell of Vax’s ear. “You know what you have to do.”

“No no no no, please” Vax whines, still trying to thrash – but still, no word.

And then Shaun can’t find it in himself to speak anymore. With the last of his endurance, he drives into Vax’s sweet spot the best he can, but before long the pleasure overtakes him and he comes with a groan. Vax keeps on struggling, keeps twisting and clenching on Shaun’s cock until Shaun sees stars behind his eyes. It’s not until Shaun pulls out that Vax finally goes limp. Well, most of him, anyway.

Shaun quickly disposes of the condom, never breaking some form of skin contact with Vax. His beautiful boy is still gasping for air, still whimpering and twitching. His untouched cock is still hard, dripping so much precum that Shaun might nearly be fooled into thinking he’d come if it weren’t so obvious that Vax is still unsatisfied.

Shaun strokes a hand down the length of Vax’s back, squeezing gently at the swell of Vax’s hip. He hasn’t called for a slowdown or a stop, so Shaun could easily slide his fingers back into Vax’s well-used hole and let him keep trying.

But Shaun’s already spent plenty of time tonight fingering Vax, and Shaun doesn’t want him any more than pleasantly sore tomorrow. They’ve probably already pushed the boundary of the “pleasantly” part as it is, so instead, Shaun leans down to kiss Vax’s spine between his shoulder blades. “Alright, sweet one?”

“Mmm.”

“Ready to come down?”

There’s a pause and a few breaths before he hears, “Mmm-hmm.”

Vax’s weight is well-supported by the frame of the spanking bench, so he can relax as Shaun releases the knots holding him in place and unwinds the ropes from around his wrists. He tosses the ropes away for now – Vax doesn’t like breaking contact after a scene, and it’s no trouble to put them away later. Shaun rubs Vax’s wrists and taps his palms, the signal for Vax to show him that he can move all his fingers freely.

Vax needs to be helped up, and Shaun murmurs a soft “good boy” when Vax doesn’t try to rub his still-hard cock against any part of Shaun or the bench. He helps Vax over to the cushions, stretching him out on his back and laying down next to him. He slips an arm under Vax’s neck, letting him rest his head in the crook of Shaun’s arm and keeping him close.

Aftercare with Vax is so simple – a little cuddling, a little praise, and he melts. Tonight, Shaun rests a hand on his chest, thumb stroking lightly while he murmurs into Vax’s ear, saying how proud he is, how much he loves Vax. It’s a true blessing to finally be able to say it – and Shaun does, so often that he actually surprises himself a little bit.

Shaun can’t help but keep an eye on Vax’s erection as he settles. It refuses to subside for a few long minutes, even without any kind of stimulation. Shaun has worked through scenes of orgasm denial with other partners, but never Vax. That’s changed over the past two weeks. It had, in fact, been Vax’s idea that Shaun shouldn’t let him come until he could do it untouched.

Thus, Vax’s first words when he comes back to himself are “I never know if I should thank you for refusing to touch my cock.”

Shaun chuckles softly, nuzzling against Vax’s temple. “This time, I’m the one following your instructions, little bird.”

“Mmm,” Vax hums, turning on his side to face Shaun. “And you’re doing a distressingly good job.”

“If you want to revisit this—”

“No,” Vax says quickly, reaching up to place a hand over Shaun’s where it still rests on his chest. “No, please, I want to keep going. Not tonight, I mean, but soon. I’m so close I can taste it – I really thought I would do it this time.”

A niggling worry creeps up in the back of Shaun’s mind, but now isn’t the time for that conversation. Now is the time to tell Vax how well he did, how beautiful and amazing he is. To murmur, once again, how much Shaun loves and cherishes him and delight in the soft, exhausted smile that crosses Vax’s face when he does.

&&&

To Shaun’s delight, Vax has become a regular fixture at his apartment, even on nights when they don’t play together. There’s something about waking up to the sight of Vax in his bed that makes Shaun’s heart soar. Even now, as Vax lays tangled in the sheets, drooling a small puddle against one of Shaun’s pillowcases, the sight of him in the morning light is the most beautiful thing Shaun’s seen in a lifetime. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that Vax is resplendently naked under the sheet.

Shaun doesn’t intend to wake him, but Vax is a light sleeper, sensitive even to Shaun brushing a few strands of dark hair out of his face. He blinks awake, a smile spreading across his face as his eyes focus on Shaun. He lifts his head from the pillow, bringing his hand to wipe at his mouth.

And then he freezes with a grimace.

At first, Shaun thinks he’s embarrassed about the saliva, which he certainly doesn’t need to be. But then Vax lifts the sheet and ducks his head under it… and then groans and flops back down to the bed, quickly grabbing the pillow and planting it right over his face.

“Vax’ildan?” Shaun hazards, poking at Vax’s wrist where it’s come to land on top of the pillow.

Vax groans something that’s entirely muffled by the pillow.

Shaun bites back a grin and gently tugs Vax’s hand away. Then he lifts the corner of the pillow until Vax’s mouth is free. “S’too embarrassing,” Vax says, a bit of a whine creeping into his voice.

Schooling his face into an empathetic expression, Shaun pulls the pillow away entirely. “You never have to tell me anything you don’t want to, my dear one, but I can almost guarantee you that whatever it is, it’s not as bad as you think.”

The pillow gone, Vax now claps a hand over his eyes, his cheeks beneath burning red. “I don’t think I’ve had a wet dream since high school. Can we just… wash the sheets and not talk about it?”

“Ah,” Shaun says, once again fighting a grin. The nocturnal emission doesn’t bother him in the least, but Vax’s reaction is painfully adorable. “We don’t have to talk about it, but it’s nothing to be embarrassed of. They don’t just vanish after puberty, you know.”

“Yeah, but,” Vax interjects, but then trails off.

“And what would be the point of learning magic if I couldn’t do this?” Shaun asks, waving his hand in the air. Vax can’t see it, but he must feel the wet spot vanish, because he heaves a relieved sigh.

Shaun doesn’t want to push him, but it looks like there’s something Vax is fighting to get out, so Shaun gives him the time to do it. At length, and with his hand still over his eyes, Vax says, “I just… I’ve been really good about not masturbating even though it’s been absolute hell and I keep waking up with the worst morning wood, but I really, really want to save it for you because I want to come on nothing but your cock so bad, but I don’t—”

Shaun places a finger over Vax’s lips and presses a gentle kiss to his bare shoulder. “That’s something we should talk about, but not in bed, lovely boy. You can wash up if you like, and I’ll go make coffee.”

Vax is off work today, and Shaun doesn’t have to be at the club until much later, so they have plenty of time to themselves this morning. Shaun digs out the good, expensive coffee that he saves for special occasions – which now almost exclusively involve Vax – and brews it for two. A few minutes later, Vax comes shuffling into the kitchen, hair mussed and wearing one of Shaun’s robes, a sight that never fails to rob Shaun of his breath. It’s been known to send them both right back into bed for another hour or two.

Not today, though. Shaun crosses the kitchen to give Vax a gentle morning kiss before handing him his coffee and gesturing toward the breakfast nook. Vax takes a seat, takes a whiff of his coffee that’s still too hot to drink, and groans. “You got out the good stuff. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“It’s certainly not a bad thing,” Shaun says softly, sitting opposite Vax. “I just like to spoil you, particularly when you seem like you’re beating yourself up for no reason.”

Vax meets his eyes, a small but genuine smile curling at the corner of his lips. “Thank you,” he says simply, and Shaun has to fight back the urge to gather Vax up in his arms and let their coffee get cold while they enjoy themselves elsewhere.

But this is a conversation they need to have, so Shaun wraps his hands around his mug and begins. “I love every single time we play together, Vax’ildan. I don’t ever want you to doubt that. This relationship is…” He looks down at his coffee for a moment, a little startled by how quickly his emotions have risen to the surface. “This is exactly what I want, every part of it, and I think we only keep it that way by communicating, even about the things that aren’t life-or-death. Things like when and how you come.”

Vax nods, looking a little relieved that it’s not perhaps so dark a topic as he was fearing, so Shaun continues. “Please don’t misunderstand me; watching you wriggle and beg is deeply satisfying to me, as is helping you get what you want, even if that means denying you in the moment. But I also don’t want you to miss the moment because you’re so focused on some arbitrary goal.”

“But I still want the goal,” Vax says. “I’m not ready to give up yet.”

“That’s just it,” Shaun says, reaching out to put a hand over Vax’s on the table. “This isn’t about persevering versus giving up. It’s about having fun. Feeling good. I don’t mind withholding your release as long as you want me to, but it doesn’t feel good to hear you castigating yourself for a wet dream. You couldn’t help that, beautiful one. It has nothing to do with you not being able to control yourself.”

“I—I do know that,” Vax says, weaving his fingers in between Shaun’s and squeezing. “It’s more like I was just frustrated that all this denial might have been spoiled by something I couldn’t help.”

“Using words like ‘spoiled’ is why I think we need to have this conversation,” Shaun says gently, rubbing his thumb over Vax’s. “You haven’t done anything wrong, and absolutely nothing can spoil the times we’ve played together. Your word choice just makes me worry a little about whether you’re actually enjoying yourself.”

“But I am! I really am, I’m not just saying that. And you’re right, ‘spoiled’ is a shitty word, and it’s not how I should be looking at things.”

“I don’t want to bring too much ‘should’ into this either, little bird. The only thing you should be doing is feeling satisfied. In a broader sense, I mean, not just in terms of orgasms.”

This time, Vax doesn’t reply right away, clearly thinking it over. “Okay, yeah, I think I get what you’re saying. But I have given this a good deal of thought – I’ve had to, since I have to think of something when I’m trying not to jerk off.” He ducks his head slightly as his cheeks flush. Everything they’ve done together and he still blushes when talking about masturbation. “But I am still enjoying it. Even when I get frustrated, it feels really fucking good. I mean, what’s not to like about you fucking me as long and hard as you can?”

The question comes with a wicked grin, and Shaun has to briefly shut his eyes to keep from simply yanking Vax over the table and into his arms. “I won’t lie, sweet one, that’s exactly what I like to hear. But perhaps you should ask yourself this: are you okay if it doesn’t happen? Not everyone can come from prostate stimulation alone, and that’s perfectly fine.”

“I know,” Vax responds quickly. “I do. And I’ll be a little disappointed, yeah, because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since you mentioned it.”

That was months ago, but Shaun remembers the moment vividly – Vax lowering himself onto Shaun’s cock for the first time, the soft fabric of those well-loved panties rubbing against Shaun’s pelvis as Vax had bottomed out. The way Vax’s eyes had gone wide when Shaun mentioned training him to come untouched. “Well, I won’t say that was nothing but idle dirty talk, but it wasn’t meant to be binding, either.”

“I know. It’s just… kind of become a fantasy of mine. And I know not all fantasies can or even should become a reality but…”

He looks so uncertain, and the last thing Shaun wants to do is take away his confidence. He’s adored watching Vax fearlessly fling himself into BDSM play with an admirable amount of self-assurance, and he doesn’t want that to stop now. So he helps Vax finish his sentence. “…but you’re still enjoying the journey?”

Vax’s smile is nothing short of beatific, and Shaun tugs Vax’s hand to his lips for a quick kiss. “I promise I’ll let you know if that changes,” Vax says softly. “But, yeah, right now, I want to keep trying because I’m having fun. Maybe it would be good to take a break from the actual fucking, though? Do other sexy things that involve me not coming for a few days.”

Shaun sighs with relief that Vax suggested it. “Of course, my bird.”

As if on cue, Vax’s stomach growls, and they both laugh. “Tell me you at least have some eggs in the fridge,” Vax says.

Shaun grins. “You’re in luck. I even have some bacon. And while I get it, you’re going to tell me exactly what that wet dream was about.”

&&&

Now it’s Shaun who can’t stop thinking about it. Vax isn’t the only one with the fantasy, but Shaun’s tried to be incredibly careful about projecting his questionably achievable fantasies onto Vax. He has to admit that he hasn’t always been successful. But if Vax can’t, he can’t, and perhaps Shaun was out of line to suggest such a thing in the heat of the moment.

It would hardly be the first time he’s gone too far. Shaun’s still vaguely chagrined about agreeing to breathplay immediately upon meeting Vax. If asked, he would never have advised anyone, top or bottom, to make that their first real BDSM experience. He’d have been horrified to find out another Dom at his club had done such a thing with a completely inexperienced sub, and yet… It had seemed so right at the time. He’s not sure he’ll ever bring himself to regret it.

How could he, when all of this has been the result? He couldn’t have known at the time how responsive Vax is, how easy he is to read, how much faith he puts in Shaun’s knowledge and experience… but still, here they are. Aside from the club, Vax is the best thing in Shaun’s life, and all because Shaun volunteered to smother Vax during their very first conversation. Surely there are fairy tales based on worse beginnings.

After that breakfast and a long, lovely morning spent walking around the farmer’s market, they’d come back to snog on the couch for a while. It turns out that kissing Vax when he wants very badly to grind against Shaun – but is refusing to let himself – is a particularly delicious experience, one they repeat several times over the next few days. And perhaps it shouldn’t surprise Shaun, but when Vax is turning all his energy outward, he’s somehow even more devastating with his mouth than usual.

Then circumstances conspire to keep them apart for a few long days. Vax sneaks out of work for lunch once, but various obligations prevent them from being able to spend any real time alone together. Shaun knows how important Vax’s sister is to him, so he never tries to make Vax feel like he should cancel plans with her. And Shaun himself has reduced the number of subs he plays with at the club, but Vax was adamant that he not give it up entirely, and sometimes that means keeping appointments when he’d rather be elsewhere. Ultimately, he’s very glad that Vax is fine with it – within the limitations they’ve carefully discussed – and he does still enjoy some different flavors of dominance with his other subs, but it’s desperately difficult not to compare them with what he could be doing at home with Vax and find them less tempting.

So if Shaun has extra motivation to help Vax realize this particular fantasy, he can hardly blame himself. What he needs is a more creative approach to the problem, and if that happens to involve spending time thinking about all the things that have ever made Vax come particularly hard, so be it. The worst he’ll suffer is Sherri yelling at him for zoning out when he’s supposed to be looking over the quarterly projections. For a woman who swears she has no personal interest in BDSM, his office manager is extremely good at making him follow orders.

The answer, of course, is painfully simple, as it’s the thing Vax asks for whenever he really needs to give up control.

As Shaun’s become more familiar with Vax, with the way his body responds to being deprived of breath, they’ve expanded their repertoire a little. As a Dom, Shaun doesn’t consider himself a breathplay expert, but he does know a few through his various professional and personal connections, and he’s reached out to them to learn more since starting with Vax. With their guidance, he’s felt comfortable trying other ways of playing, to various amounts of success. Vax adores the fast, hard drop that comes from having his throat compressed by Shaun’s belt or his hands; he despises the slow, frightening sensation of suffocation by pillow or plastic. Neither of them feel comfortable with more hazardous forms like drowning.

But still Shaun has never made good on the scenario he whispered into Vax’s ear the first time he made Vax come. Shaun’s always refused any kind of stimulation for himself while he’s blocking Vax’s airway, wanting to have an undivided focus on Vax’s face and body to watch for any signs of trouble. Much to Vax’s initial frustration, he won’t fuck Vax and choke him at the same time. And while he stands by that decision so far… maybe it’s time to revisit it.

Maybe it’s exactly what Vax needs.

So Shaun thinks, and he talks to his contacts, and he daydreams. And he plans.

&&&

Shaun has just gotten word that tonight’s appointment with a sub has been cancelled when the text comes through from Vax: im ready to try again.

Shaun laughs to himself; of course Vax couldn’t wait until he actually saw Shaun next. He texts back, Any particular reason for this mid-afternoon revelation?

Yes im horny as fuck and I can’t stop thinking about your cock

Well, Shaun did ask. Must be destiny – I’m suddenly free tonight. If you think you can suffer through dinner first, let’s say my place at 7:00.

Not the club??

I thought a change of venue might be in order.

Shaun wasn’t lying to Vax when he said he keeps his best toys at the club. But their lives don’t always separate neatly into Dom/sub time and boyfriend time, so he’s been known to bring a few things home on occasion.

Ok, a VERY quick dinner. I’ll get takeout from that Othanzian place, something light.

Shaun stares at his phone until the screen goes black, then calls out toward his office door. “Sherri?”

“What?” comes the response from the next room.

“If I left a little early this evening—”

“Nope. The invoices.”

Shaun glances over at the pile of papers on the corner of his desk, and his palm meets his forehead. “Sherri, my dear, my most valued employee, if I promised that first thing tomorrow I would—”

“You’ve already been putting them off for days, Gil.”

“But I trust your bookkeeping entirely, so I can really just sign—”

“Either double-check every single one of those before you sign off, or fire me and find an office manager who’ll work for half my salary and give no fucks. It’s up to you.”

Although Shaun has never respected business owners who stomp around yelling about how they own the place, he briefly thinks about reminding Sherri which one of their names is on the door. But then he thinks better of it and picks the first sheet of paper off the stack. The sooner he starts, the sooner he finishes.

After a moment, he hears a loud sigh, followed by the scraping of a chair against the floor and a series of footsteps. As he looks up, Sherri’s already peeking around the door frame and glaring at him through her spectacles. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that I haven’t seen your little boy toy around here recently, would it?”

Never mind that Shaun has had actual boy toys, none of whom have ever been invited up to his office, and never mind that Sherri absolutely knows Vax’s name and finds him thoroughly charming. Shaun just tries not to look pathetic. “Yes.”

Sherri narrows her eyes for a moment, but then relents. “Just finish half of them before you go and leave them on my desk. And when you say ‘first thing tomorrow’—”

“Very first thing. You have my word.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, and leaves.

After finishing exactly half the stack, Shaun writes himself a Post-it note to remind himself to send her flowers. Or maybe chocolate-covered strawberries. He already pays her extremely well, but a gesture of appreciation wouldn’t go amiss.

Later, as Shaun’s tidying up around the apartment, he decides he likes the change of location more and more. While Vax sleeps over often enough to have a toothbrush and two whole drawers to himself, he still relishes the comparative novelty of having Shaun dominate him in an actual bed. Plus he always seems comfortable in Shaun’s apartment (so much so that Shaun’s already getting ahead of himself, thinking of asking Vax to become a more permanent fixture there).

And maybe… Maybe it’s just a little romantic.

As tempted as Shaun is to go overboard with the candles and rose petals, he settles for a single taper and the good china, something small to set the mood, to let Vax know, if he doesn’t already, how much Shaun values him, values the time they spend together even when they’re not scening. No alcohol – some rules don’t need revisiting – but a little sparkling cider in champagne glasses will probably make Vax smile.

By the time Vax finally arrives, Shaun is nearly giddy with excitement. He meets Vax at the door and kisses him with all the enthusiasm that’s been building up since their abbreviated lunch date, and it’s actually Vax who pushes him away with a reluctant groan. “No, fuck, I’m sorry but I’m actually hungry,” Vax says, peeling himself away from Shaun. “And I plan on spending every moment after dinner impaled on your cock, so let’s do this.”

Shaun has to stand alone near the door for a moment to get his composure back.

Vax chuckles when he sees the candle and the china, but he slows down a little, dishing their takeout meals onto the nice plates and clinking his glass with Shaun’s before they start eating.

They eat quickly, but not overly so. As excited as they both are, it’s a pleasure just to be able to talk in person, to hear Vax try to explain the robotics project that his brother-in-law is working on and to fill Vax in on the finer points of ordering floggers wholesale. Even with this much sexual tension in the air, Vax is simply good company in a way that leaves a warm glow in Shaun’s chest.

And yet, they certainly don’t linger over the last of their meal. As soon as the last bite is swallowed, Shaun takes the initiative before Vax can simply jump on him. He wouldn’t object, exactly, but his plans require some discussion first. “Could I ask you to clear the table, please?”

Vax gives him a side-eyed look, but he’s also fairly good at reading Shaun by now. “Sure thing. I’ll definitely leave the room briefly without peeking, no problem.”

With a soft laugh, Shaun gets up from the table and goes to retrieve an item from the bag he brought home from the club. He sits back down at the table and leaves it on his lap for the moment. When Vax re-enters, he looks a little surprised to see Shaun still at the table, but when Shaun nods to his chair, Vax takes a seat.

“Thank you, little bird. I’d like to try something a bit different tonight, but we need to talk about it first.”

Vax’s grin lights up his face. “That’s almost always a statement that ends well for me.”

“How are you feeling tonight?”

By now, that’s a question Vax recognizes not as a chance to give a flippant answer but as a sincere check-in before they begin. He takes in a breath and lets it out. “Genuinely excited. I’ve been feeling a little stressed at work, but it’s a result of some things I can’t control, so I’ve been trying to let it go.” His smile becomes a little less beaming but a little more genuine. “And I really have missed you. I know it’s only been a little over a week, but I’m really happy just to see you.”

“Thank you for being honest,” Shaun says, reaching out to place his hand over Vax’s. “And I think I know the answer to this, but do you want to play tonight?”

“Yes. Oh my gods, yes.”

Shaun laughs, squeezing Vax’s hand. “Your enthusiasm is never unappreciated, my darling boy. I wasn’t thinking of trying something new, exactly, but of putting together some old favorites in a new combination.”

Then he brings out the object sitting on his lap, a wide leather strap that might be confused with a simple belt, were it not for the two silver O-rings along its length. It has several uses, but when it comes to Vax, the hobble belt nearly always goes around his throat, so Shaun’s removed the traditional buckle entirely.

“Oh,” Vax says, but his tone is somewhat conflicted. Shaun is fairly certain he knows what that’s about, but he still gives Vax a moment to process.

Sure enough, Vax says, “I mean, you know how much I love it, of course, always.” When he looks up at Shaun, his face is pinched but his eyes are wide and dark. “But I was really hoping you’d fuck me. I think taking a break was the right thing to do, but I really want to try again, and breathplay means I don’t get your cock.”

Shaun takes a deep breath. He’d thought about playing this out teasingly, but now that he’s here, he has a better feeling for the gravity of it. He wants to be clear with Vax on the risks. “I’ve been… rethinking some things. I made you a specific suggestion a long time ago. The night we met, in fact. I believe it’s what pushed you over the edge for the first time. Do you remember?”

Vax frowns, thinking, and Shaun counts down the seconds until Vax’s eyes go wide. “But later you said you weren’t sure it was safe,” Vax counters. “That you’ve never done breathplay while fucking someone before.”

“I haven’t. But even I don’t know everything, little bird. I’ve spoken with some more experienced friends who believe it can be done with minimal risk. And I know your tells now. I know what it looks like, what it feels like, when you’re feeling good and when you’re not. The decision is yours, of course, but—”

“Yes. Of course it’s yes.”

Shaun certainly expected such a quick answer, but still, he wants to make sure Vax is taking it seriously. “Be aware that as hard as I’ll try, you won’t have my undivided attention. We’ll use the same signals we normally do, but if anything feels uncomfortable—”

“Hey,” Vax says earnestly, squeezing Shaun’s hand. “I know my tells, too. I know what it feels like when it’s right and what it feels like when it’s starting to go bad. So don’t second-guess me, or yourself. You knew what my answer was going to be when you suggested this, which is why you suggested it. You’ll always have more experience than I do, but you’ve also given me the confidence to be able to say that I want it.”

That confidence is infectious, Shaun has to admit, so he squeezes back. “We do this my way?”

“To the letter. I know how seriously you take my safety.” Vax grins. “Oh, and I love you like crazy and I’m so excited I can hardly stand it.”

Shaun bring Vax’s hand to his lips for a quick kiss, then lets go. He hands Vax the belt. “Why don’t you go to the bedroom and get everything ready. You’ll find a new pair of stockings on the bed – when I come in, I’d like you to be wearing them and nothing else. But don’t start prepping yourself yet. I want that pleasure tonight. Oh, and I love you, too.”

Vax actually squeaks with exhilaration before scampering out of the room, and Shaun can’t help but laugh.

He takes his time gathering the few things he needs before going into the bedroom. A cold bottle of water for after, along with one of those expensive chocolate truffles Vax likes so much. Vax will have the rest of what they need in the bedroom. Shaun goes over his plan in his mind one more time, and then reaches down to adjust himself in his trousers. Vax isn’t the only one who’s excited.

By the time Shaun gets to the bedroom, Vax is just finishing arranging the necessities on the bedside table. The belt lays flat on the freshly turned-down sheets, and the new stockings are clinging to Vax’s legs jealously all the way up to his thighs. Properly speaking, they need a garter belt, but Shaun isn’t overly concerned with them staying up. The feeling of them is enough to get things started, and indeed, Vax is already mostly hard. Shaun would suspect him of trying to sneak in a few illicit touches if he didn’t know exactly how primed Vax already is from the past few weeks.

Before anything starts, he turns Vax squarely to face him and looks him in the eye. “What do you say if you want me to stop?”

Vax smiles. “Raven.”

“And if you want me to slow down?”

“Blackbird.”

“When we begin with the belt, we both need to agree. You’ll ask me when you’re ready, and I’ll decide whether it’s the right time. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Shaun,” Vax says, eyes starting to glaze over with want.

“And if either of us feels like something is going wrong, we stop,” Shaun says sternly, “no questions asked.”

That brings Vax back to himself a little bit. “Yes, I know. Both of us can use my word, no explanation needed.”

“That’s right.” Shaun lets his voice soften. “Do I need to bind your hands while I’m prepping you?”

Chewing his lip, Vax says, “Yes, I’d like that. And, um…”

“Yes?” Shaun asks, fairly certain he knows what’s coming.

“Can I have one before we start? Please?”

In this one thing, his Vax’ildan is occasionally quite predictable. “Yes, you impatient little thing. Sit down on the bed and start breathing for me.”

Vax sits on the edge of the bed, legs spread to give Shaun room to stand between them. Despite the obvious excitement on his face, he’s trying to breathe deeply and evenly to prepare for what’s coming. While he does, Shaun picks up the hobble belt from the bed and runs it through his fingers. Months ago, he’d bought a new one just for Vax and modified it. It’s already nicely broken in.

“Please, Shaun,” Vax says, reaching out. “I’m ready.”

Shaun nods and loops the belt around Vax’s neck, threading the free end through one of the O-rings. Without a buckle to get in the way, it’s a simple matter of tightening the loop until it’s just snug, Shaun’s fist gripping the slack end against the side of Vax’s throat. Vax’s fingers come up to clutch lightly at his wrist, and Shaun cups his other hand behind Vax’s head to steady him.

Shaun can feel Vax’s heartbeat pounding against the belt, and when Vax gives him a slight nod and breathes out, all Shaun has to do is gently twist his wrist. The leather strap tightens, and Vax’s eyes go wide as both his breath and blood flow are cut off. Shaun watches his face carefully for any signs of pain, but Vax is utterly calm in the moment, vulnerable and trusting in Shaun’s grip, and the effect only takes a handful of seconds. As soon as his fingers start to slacken around Shaun’s wrist and his body begins to slump, Shaun releases the belt, aware that he’s holding his own breath until he hears Vax take a deep inhale.

And then the dopamine hits, the euphoria with it, and Vax shivers from head to toe, his eyes rolling back. Shaun cradles him carefully, supporting him until he can regain full control of his body. “Breathe, my beautiful one,” Shaun murmurs softly. Vax knows what to do, but he still needs the reminder at times. “That’s it. That’s good.”

The next breath Vax takes comes out almost like a purr, and Shaun sees him stop himself from reaching from his cock, where a bead of precum is already starting to take shape at the tip. “Yeah,” Vax says, his voice already a little gravelly. “Better tie me up until it’s time to do that again.”

Shaun is generally a patient man, but bondage is hardly the focus of the evening, so he secures Vax’s wrists together with a simple knot, tying the loose end of the rope to the headboard. Vax reclines easily on a stack of pillows, the belt still slackly looped around his neck, getting comfortable as the air around them seems to charge with excitement.

Shaun strips down to a loose pair of pants, Vax’s eyes watching him the whole time, and gets the supplies off the bedside table. Vax has gotten out the good lube, the expensive kind that stays slick for hours, and even scooping some onto his fingers makes Shaun’s cock throb. As for Vax, he’s already fully hard, a remarkable effect of the weeks of denial.

“My eager boy,” Shaun says softly, settling between Vax’s spread thighs. “Are you ready for my fingers?”

“Yes, please,” Vax says, voice low and husky.

Vax sighs happily as Shaun slides a finger in. Lately, this has been the bulk of their foreplay, as Shaun tries to get Vax as worked up as possible before switching to his cock. And given the break they took with regard to penetrative sex, it’s now been more than a week since they’ve been here, and it feels lovely to return to it. As impatient as he can sometimes be, Vax loves Shaun’s hands, and Shaun loves the control it gives him to tease or deny as necessary.

By the time he’s got two fingers in Vax, Vax is half in his lap, legs draped over Shaun’s thighs as Shaun nudges at his prostate, drawing sharp twitches out of Vax’s whole body. Vax has said he doesn’t mind Shaun touching his cock as long as that’s not what pushes him over the edge, but Shaun has barely needed to – Vax is hard enough to be leaking against his own belly without Shaun giving him more than a single teasing stroke.

They usually go up to three fingers, particularly if it’s been a few days since he’s had Shaun’s cock, but Vax is already begging for more tonight. “Please,” he says, twisting between the rope holding his wrists over his head and Shaun’s fingers inside him. “Please, I’m ready.”

His tone is surprisingly even, but when Shaun glances up at his face, Vax looks deadly determined. It looks devastatingly good on him, and Shaun finds himself disinclined to draw this part out, not tonight. So he nods, pulling his fingers free and magicking his hands clean so he can roll on a condom and release the rope from around Vax’s wrists.

As he rubs gently at the slight indentations in Vax’s skin, Vax looks up at him, eyes shining. “One more before we start? Please?”

Shaun sighs overdramatically, hoping it covers any response to the sudden rush of heat he feels. “I do spoil you, don’t I, my darling? Very well, place your hands loosely on my shoulders.”

This is a new position for using the belt, as Shaun hasn’t typically wanted to engage in breathplay in what amounts to a sexual position. But that’s exactly what they’re aiming for now, so Shaun pushes the pillows out of the way and helps Vax lie down on the bed, his head and neck flat on the mattress but a cushion under his hips. Shaun braces his palms on either side of Vax’s head, and Vax’s hands come up to rest gently on his shoulders.

Vax’s smile could light up the whole city. “I love you,” he says softly. “Do it.”

Shaun gets a grip on the belt again up by the ring, same as before, and applies pressure. Vax’s eyes go wide, but they don’t look away from Shaun’s even as the smile fades from his lips. For a long moment, everything is still, eerily quiet, not even the shuffling of skin against the sheets. Then Vax’s hands start to slip from Shaun’s shoulder, and Shaun lets go of the belt.

As Vax’s lungs expand and he draws in a breath, Shaun grips himself and presses inside Vax, and Vax yells.

Shaun gets about halfway in before Vax’s hole clamps tight around him, Vax arching up off the bed with bliss, and the pressure is enough to make Shaun swear under his breath. He stills where he is, watching Vax carefully to make sure he’s breathing regularly again.

Vax is, in fact, panting, already starting to squirm as he fights his body to try to push down against Shaun’s cock. “N-not fair,” he gasps.

Shaun lowers his weight down on his elbows and presses their chests together so Vax can feel him chuckle. “This isn’t really about fairness, is it, little bird?” It also has the effect of sliding Shaun’s cock in another inch, then two, and Vax’s groan ends on a surprisingly high note as Shaun nips at his chin.

Shaun kisses him playfully, giving him a few moments to adjust before pulling back ever so slightly and rocking forward. He can feel Vax’s cock pressed against his belly, the tip sliding wetly against his skin. He’s wary of giving Vax too much friction, but he knows Vax well enough by this point to know he won’t go off just from this, not this early on, anyway. So he enjoys a few shallow, grinding thrusts as Vax’s legs twine around his hips. It’s still as wonderful a sensation as it was the first time, feeling Vax clinging to him like a lifeline, even more so with the stockings gliding over his skin.

But soon he feels Vax grow a little impatient, even if Vax doesn’t say anything and in fact whimpers a little when Shaun pushes back up on his hands. “Has what you want changed, darling boy?” he asks.

Vax takes in a deep, shuddering breath and lets it out. “No,” he says, his gaze steady, almost defiant.

Shaun puts on his sharpest grin. “Well then, I suggest you hang on to something.”

Even though his hands are no longer tied, Vax reaches up for the headboard again, and Shaun lets him get a good grip before hauling Vax’s thighs up higher around his waist and thrusting in. Vax lets out a low, rolling moan, and Shaun gives himself permission to get lost in the feeling for a bit. Vax might not need much more working up at this point, but Shaun appreciates this part, this first few minutes when things are just getting going and no one’s close to diving for the finish line yet. He grazes Vax’s prostate every few thrusts, startling little gasps and yelps out of the man beneath him, but for the moment, Shaun just enjoys the feeling of connection, getting to watch the shocks of pleasure play out across Vax’s face.

Soon, though, Vax starts wriggling impatiently, forearms flexing as he grips and regrips the headboard in an effort not to reach for his cock. His chin dips down to feel the leather strap still hanging loosely around his neck, and Shaun knows what he’s going to say as soon as he opens his mouth. “Shaun, please. Choke me. I need it.”

Shaun shudders to a stop, getting his balance on his knees. Before he can even start to lean forward, Vax widens his legs and tilts his hips back, letting go of the headboard to pull his knees to his chest. It’s a favorite move of his, both to show off how flexible he is and to pull Shaun’s cock deeper inside, and no matter how many time he does it, it never fails to make Shaun quiver.

“As always, you’re very persuasive like this,” Shaun says with a chuckle, holding Vax’s right knee for him to free up his hand. It’s significantly harder to focus with his cock buried in Vax’s ass, but Shaun has tried to mentally prepare himself for this, and Vax is making a show out of breathing deeply. “Hand on my shoulder again.”

As good as he typically is at following instructions, Vax disobeys, brushing his fingers lightly over Shaun’s cheekbone setting his hand against Shaun’s cheek instead. Perhaps Shaun should call him on it, but he hasn’t got the heart to, not when Vax is looking at him like that. “That works, too, my love,” he murmurs, dipping his head quickly to kiss Vax’s palm. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

With the same motion as before, Shaun grips the belt, waits for Vax’s exhale, and tightens it. Shaun can feel the way Vax is holding himself still, trying not even to wriggle while he waits for the drop, and when his hand starts to fall away from Shaun’s cheek, Shaun loosens the belt.

The change is instantaneous, Vax sucking in a lungful of air and bucking hard on Shaun’s cock. He clamps down again as the pleasure hits, and though it makes Shaun grunt with a sharp rush of sensation, he’s not too distracted to see the way Vax tries to hold his breath again after the first inhale.

Shaun pulls back enough to slap Vax’s face – it’s not meant to hurt but to startle him into breathing, which it does. When Shaun’s satisfied that Vax is getting air again, he gives into his own body’s screaming need to move, to thrust into the tight, squirming body beneath him. They both ride the high of it for a long minute, moving against each other with practiced fluidity until Shaun has to slow or risk ending things too soon.

Vax whines when he does, but Shaun silences him with a biting kiss until Vax starts to go slack under him. “So good for me,” Shaun breathes against his lips.

“Feels incredible,” Vax gasps back. “S’perfect.”

Shaun tries to laugh, but it comes out as a moan as he grinds his hips down. “Want to get on top?”

“Oh gods, yes,” Vax groans, already pushing at Shaun’s shoulder. As if he has the leverage to roll Shaun over. Shaun grins and bears his weight down on Vax again just to show him he doesn’t, and Vax shudders happily at the feeling of being pinned.

After a moment, though, Shaun relents, letting Vax tuck his legs around Shaun’s hips so Shaun can roll them over without needing to pull out. “Fuckin’ love it when you do that,” Vax gasps before rising up on his knees and riding Shaun at a brutal pace. His hands start braced on Shaun’s chest, but as the sounds he’s making get higher in pitch, he rebalances on one palm, and Shaun can see him start to sneak the other down towards his cock. Even if he’d gotten away with that much, Shaun would’ve still heard the sharp intake of breath when he wraps his hand around himself.

Even Vax looks shocked, as though his hand was acting of its own accord, and Shaun reaches out and grabs his wrist. “Ah ah ah, little bird,” he chides. “That’s not yours tonight, is it?”

With a whimper, Vax lets go of his cock, and Shaun pulls his own knees up until his feet are flat on the bed. “Hands on your thighs. Or on my knees if you need them to balance.”

For half a second, Vax looks like he wants to argue, but then he nods, resting his hands on the elasticized tops of the stockings as he gets back in rhythm. It has the added effect of leaning him back a little further and leaving him open to Shaun’s wandering hands, which carefully avoid his cock. Instead, Shaun runs his fingers down Vax’s chest, which is now starting to grow slick with beads of sweat. He plays with Vax’s nipples for a bit, making him gasp and twitch.

“So beautiful,” Shaun muses, rolling a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “Just look at you, taking my cock like you were made for it. You’re a vision in those stockings, that belt…” He reaches up and tugs gently on the end of the belt, which has loosened from Vax’s exertions but not fallen off. Shaun doesn’t tighten it nearly enough to cut off Vax’s breath, but just enough to make the leather press against Vax’s throat, and Vax whimpers. As Shaun watches, Vax’s cock leaks another fat bead of precum, and Shaun uses just the tip of his forefinger to trace its path back down the shaft.

Vax freezes, Shaun buried in him to the hilt, and then squirms, trying to get more from Shaun than just the tip of his finger. His fingers clench on his own thighs, a nail catching to tear a hole in the stocking, and Shaun watches the run ladder its way down the fabric.

“Gods, you feel so good,” Shaun continues. “Never seen you so desperate to come. You’re dripping with it. But you’re going to be good for me and keep your hands off your cock, aren’t you?” Vax nods, but Shaun tugs lightly at the end of the belt again. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Good boy. So, so good. The best.” Shaun wraps his hands around Vax’s hips and urges him into motion again, slower this time, while his thumbs rub circles over Vax’s hipbones. “You can take so much, gorgeous boy, and all because I ask you to.”

Vax nods, and this time, Shaun doesn’t press for a verbal response. The slow pace is making Vax’s thighs start to tremble with effort, but he keeps it up. “Amazing. Just amazing,” Shaun says, voice soft with awe he isn’t exaggerating. He puts one hand over Vax’s on his flexing thigh and runs the other right up the middle of Vax’s chest until it reaches the makeshift collar of the belt. Shaun spreads his fingers, pressing the leather flush against Vax’s throat until Vax whines and his rhythm falters.

“P-please.”

“Please what, my bird?”

It takes him a few more trembling moments to pull together the words. “Either f-fuck me or choke me.”

“Oh, my perfect little bird,” Shaun murmurs, stroking a thumb over the tender skin at Vax’s throat. “My Vax’ildan. Why not both?”

Vax isn’t expecting Shaun to tip him roughly over onto his side, which is the only reason Shaun can accomplish it so easily. He moves quickly, getting to his knees and flipping Vax over on his belly before hauling his hips up. Shaun doesn’t manhandle Vax like this very often – he doesn’t usually need to – so when he does, it tends to have a noticeable effect. When Shaun lines up and pulls Vax back onto his cock, Vax keens so loud that for a second Shaun wonders if that did it.

But no, Vax is still tense and unsatisfied under him, though from the sounds he makes when Shaun thrusts into him hard and deep, he can’t be far away. “Up on your hands, Vax’ildan,” Shaun grunts, keeping the pace slow more for his own sake than for Vax’s. He listens to Vax’s breathing, which is uneven but regular.

Vax’s arms are unsteady, but they hold him, and Shaun bends down over his back until he can nibble at the shell of Vax’s ear. He grips the free end of the belt and pulls it gently taut before whispering, “Like this?”

“Yes yesyesyes.”

It’s not easy balancing most of his weight back on his knees, but as he pulls the belt tight, Shaun hovers a hand under Vax’s chest, waiting to catch Vax when he drops. Sure enough, another few seconds and Vax goes limp as a rag doll, and Shaun makes sure the belt falls loose enough that Vax can breathe again. Vax manages to land back on his hands a split second before the euphoria shakes him, and it’s all Shaun needs to pull back and thrust in. With only a little adjustment, he can hammer Vax’s sweet spot, making Vax yell and curl in on himself.

Shaun swears he can feel Vax teetering on the precipice, inner muscles fluttering, body a hair’s breadth away from surrendering to orgasm… but after a long moment, still unable to fall. Vax sobs with frustration, a sound that twists Shaun’s gut. All Shaun knows in the moment is that he can’t give Vax time to get too deep in his own head, to start thinking about that fact that maybe he can’t come, so Shaun bends back down over Vax and pulls his back flush against Shaun’s chest.

“Breathe,” he growls, slapping the outside of Vax’s thigh, rocking against him without pulling out. “Breathe so I can choke you again. And this time, my bird, this time when it hits you, it’s not going to stop. It’s going to sink its teeth into your throat and shake you and make you come harder than you’ve ever come in your life. You’re going to come on my cock now. Do you understand me?”

“Y-ye—” Vax tries, unable to get the full word out.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes, please.”

Shaun pulls the belt tight again, attuned to every bit of tension in Vax’s body so he can feel the moment it breaks. When it does, Shaun repeats the same process as last time, pounding into Vax at the moment of highest pleasure from the oxygen deprivation. Vax lets out an almighty wail again, but this time it doesn’t stop, even after he has to pause for another quick breath. Incredibly, Vax gets louder, and Shaun can feel that wavering sensation in the tension again, that liminal moment where Vax is perfectly poised between staying and falling.

But this time, Vax soars.

Shaun keeps thrusting through the first, hardest shudder, his only regret that he can’t feel the wet heat of Vax spurting over his hand, can’t see the look on Vax’s face as he finally, finally comes without a hand on him. And then Shaun’s own orgasm hits him, hard and fast and utterly unexpected, burning through him like flashpaper as he yanks Vax back on his cock and falls back on his heels. It takes Shaun only a few seconds to recover, and when he does, Vax is twitching in his arms like he’s still coming. And maybe he is, because when Shaun reaches around to stroke him through the last throes, a spurt of cum drips down his fist and Vax throws back his head in a silent scream, body giving one last, wrenching quake before finally going limp.

For a moment, all Shaun can do is hold him, one hand still loose around Vax’s cock and the other arm tight around his torso, anchoring them together. Shaun’s head is spinning from the suddenness of his own climax, Vax’s cries still echoing in his ears. He rests his head against Vax’s shoulder and listens to his breathing, so he hears the moment it goes from gasping to labored shuddering.

Then it’s time for a little more manhandling, but far gentler this time. Vax doesn’t even seem to react when Shaun pulls out or when he tugs the belt away, so by the time he gets Vax down to the bed, Shaun’s not entirely surprised to see the shuddering breaths are turning to sobs. The tears come a heartbeat after that, flowing freely down Vax’s cheeks even as he tries to scrub them away.

Shaun takes Vax’s hands in his own and bends down to kiss them. “It’s okay, my love,” he murmurs. “You did perfectly. The tears are good – you don’t need to fight them.”

“I d-don—” Vax tries before he’s overtaken by a sob, but he keeps fighting until he can get the words out. “No-hot sad. H-happy.”

“I know, my beautiful boy,” Shaun soothes, scooping Vax into his arms. He feels tears pricking at his own eyes and doesn’t blink them away. “I’m happy, too. You make me so happy.”

Vax nods, but his face crumples, overtaken by too much emotion for anything else.

The real weeping doesn’t last very long, and soon Vax is merely crying steadily. He buries his face in Shaun’s neck, and Shaun allows it for a time, running his hands up and down Vax’s sides to comfort him. When the tears start to slow, he helps Vax up to a mostly sitting position so Shaun can reach the tissues. He has no compunctions about helping Vax mop up, but Vax grabs them and turns his head away to blow his nose. When he’s finished, Shaun places a finger against his chin and turns his face back until Shaun can see all of it. “Please don’t hide from me. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Vax sniffles, aiming for an approximation of a smile and ending up closer to a grimace. “That was incredible. I’m not sad.”

“Little bird, you just experienced a profound physical and emotional release,” Shaun says, giving him the warm smile he’s looking for. “All that tension, all those expectations you had. It was so much, and now you’re free of it.”

That seems to stop Vax’s train of thought, and he looks up at Shaun with wide, liquid eyes. “I did it.”

“You did, my brave boy.”

Then the smile comes for real, and even turns into a laugh. “Actually, I think you did it.”

“I think,” Shaun says, nuzzling against Vax’s wet cheek, “that we both got to experience something special. Together.”

“Y-yeah,” Vax says, his voice shaky but clearly happy. “I might, um. I might just zone out here for a while.”

“Please do,” Shaun says with a chuckle and a soft, salt-flavored kiss of Vax’s cheek. And then it’s time for the aftercare, a bit of a habit by now but no less wonderful for it. Shaun makes a familiar gesture in the air, but he only cleans fabric with his magic; Vax’s skin gets the gentlest strokes with a soft, damp cloth. As always, Shaun stays as close as he physically can to Vax, stroking his hair and pressing kiss after kiss to the top of his head. Shaun lets his own mind empty to an almost meditative state, savoring the lingering echoes of physical sensation and the warmth of Vax in his arms.

After a few minutes, Vax starts to shiver, and Shaun pulls the blanket up over both of them. Vax turns then, burrowing against Shaun’s chest, and Shaun curls in to pour quiet words of adoration over him until Vax starts to come back to himself. He looks up at Shaun, eyes clear and only a little puffy, and Shaun smiles softly. “Welcome back, Vax’ildan.”

Vax groans and scrubs at his eyes. “Oh gods, I don’t even want to know what I look like right now.”

“You look well-fucked, and thus heartstoppingly gorgeous, as always,” Shaun says with a chuckle, sitting up and helping Vax to do the same.

“I feel like I ran a marathon, wept for three hours, and then, weirdly, took an enormous amount of stimulants,” Vax says, getting himself propped up against the headboard and then slumping back. “I should be tired, but I feel like I might never need to sleep again.”

Shaun retrieves the water bottle and presses it into his hands. Vax takes it and drinks until Shaun has to remind him to slow down. “Does anything hurt?”

“My head, just a little,” Vax says, and then rests his hand on Shaun’s arm. “But don’t go for the potion just yet. It’s not bad, and I kind of just want to sit with this a while.”

Shaun nods – Vax knows his own body well enough now to tell what’s a problem and what isn’t, and Shaun knows the potion will kill the soft fizz of good neurochemicals along with the headache. While Vax drinks more water, Shaun reaches over for the chocolate truffle and unwraps it. Vax chuckles at the sound of the wrapper, and then opens his mouth flirtatiously for Shaun to set the chocolate inside. Then he sighs and closes his eyes as it dissolves on his tongue.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the closeness, until Shaun hears Vax say his name as a soft question. “Yes?” he responds.

“Did you know I was going to cry there at the end?”

“No, little bird,” Shaun says, lacing his fingers with Vax’s and letting their hands rest on his stomach. “I just wasn’t surprised that you had a lot of emotion to let out.”

“Shocked the hell out of me,” Vax says with a sheepish chuckle. “I mean, I figured whatever happened was going to be intense, but I didn’t expect that.”

“You know this isn’t just about your body. As… unbelievably beautiful as it is,” Shaun says, gently pinching Vax’s ass with his free hand, “this is about your mind, too. And your heart. That’s why I want to be so careful, because I love all three.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Shaun sees Vax’s cheeks flush as he curls tighter against Shaun’s body and buries his face against Shaun’s neck. “I love you, too,” Vax murmurs into the warm air between them. “I mean, not just for fucking me through the Divine Gate and back – though feel free to do that anytime. I mean for all of it. All the awkward conversations and the patient texts and the making sure I don’t dehydrate into a husk of my former self.”

“Speaking of,” Shaun says, nudging Vax gently until he uncurls enough to take another few sips of water. While he does, Shaun takes stock of his own feelings. It’s not that he has trouble putting them into words, exactly, just that words seem inadequate for the depth of the emotion behind them. All the endearments, the pet names are Shaun’s paltry attempts to tell Vax how much he’s loved, but it never quite feels like enough. The best he can do is try to show Vax by taking care of him the best Shaun knows how. If that happens to look like finding the best way to choke him, well, Shaun’s never been one to care much for the ordinary way of doing things.

“I don’t think you know how brave you really are,” Shaun says at last. “It’s hard to ask for what you want. It takes courage not to hide from your feelings. I admire you for that.”

Vax blushes even harder, a little water dribbling out of the corner of his mouth until he reaches up to wipe it away. “Shaun, you can’t just… say stuff like that. Definitely not while I’ve got a mouthful of water.”

Having expressed as much as he can for the moment, Shaun lets his grin grow mischievous. “I’m happy to fill your mouth with something else if you’d prefer.”

Vax winks salaciously. “Don’t threaten if you’re not going to follow through with it.”

Shaun cocks an eyebrow. “Really, little bird? I was joking, but you’d like me to fuck your mouth right now?”

“No, absolutely not,” Vax says through a laugh. “Even I need time to recover after that.”

“Take all the time you need,” Shaun muses, waiting for Vax to take a big drink of water before speaking again. “Because very soon we’re going to find out how many times I can make you come before you beg me to stop.”

## Afterword

End Notes

> Just as before, please note that breathplay is never safe. There are ways to make it safer, and I’ve tried to include some of them in this fic, but it is not intended to be an instruction manual. (Not that I think you would take it as such, Discerning Reader, but I want to cover my bases.) If you’re curious about this or BDSM/kink in general, many clubs/cafes are currently providing webinars or other virtual learning sessions. I can personally recommend the online offerings of Wicked Grounds Café in San Francisco, but there are many others. Supporting small kinky businesses feels great, clears up your skin, and makes your hair healthy and shiny!

> Also, because I like visual aids, this is a hobble belt (pic is SFW, but the site might not be).

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