## Preface

Cold eyes and frozen arms
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/34662655.

Rating:
  Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories:
  Gen, M/M
Fandom:
  Critical Role (Web Series)
Relationship:
  Lucien & Essek Thelyss
Characters:
  Lucien (Critical Role), Essek Thelyss, The Tombtakers (Critical Role), The Mighty Nein
Additional Tags:
  Mind control (to an extend), Emotional Manipulation, Isolation, Angst, ambivalent feelings, Guilt, blame, Aeor, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Whumptober 2021, Mild body horror (red eyes)
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 22 of Whumptober 2021 Collaboration, Part 3 of Eyes betray the soul
Collections:
  Whumptober 2021
Stats:
  Published: 2021-10-22 Words: 2,022 Chapters: 1/1

# Cold eyes and frozen arms

by PryingBlackbird

Summary

> Essek travels to the ruins of Aeor, just like the Mighty Nein. But in this alternate universe they find themselves on different sides.

Notes

> First of all, this isn't beta read - yet, as I had to finish it on very short notice. I will let people look over it and make some minor edits at a later point. Thank you for your patience.

> This is the third part of my little Lucien/Essek series "Eyes betray the soul", for more context you might want to read the first two stories before this one.
> But if you don’t have the time or brainspace for that right now, here is a very brief summary:

> Lucien convinced Essek that he’s better off with him and the Tomb Takers, after the Nein just teleported away in Eiselcross without saying goodbye. He had him read *the book* and made him part of the family, eyes and all. They also had sex while seeking shelter from an ice storm in a large cave with hot springs.

See the end of the work for more notes

## Cold eyes and frozen arms

He is floating in the astral sea surrounded by millions of stars.

It’s beautiful and endless, stretching around him in all directions as far as his eyes can see. He doesn’t feel his body, and the absence of a physical form is peaceful and reassuring. It’s just his mind now, not trapped by a mortal prison which restrains him, hurts him, limits him, but instead is completely free and part of the endless universe.

Underneath him lies the city, beautiful and beckoning, trapped here in the void like a delicate insect trapped in amber, complex, ancient and still as marvelous as it must have been when it first got here.

It would be a shameful waste of power and potential to simply leave it here, forgotten. Instead, the astral sea should be a womb, keeping it safe until it is ready to be born again. The knowledge and wisdom of centuries is buried underneath the ancient buildings, holding the key to all of his questions. How could he ever resist? Slowly he begins to descend, but something is holding him back. Or is the city drawing away from him? No matter how much he wills his mind to move, the city stays forever out of reach.

When he looks up again, desperate to make out anything that might give him leverage to leave his goal, the stars have turned red, a myriad of eyes watching him from all around. Contrary to instinct he doesn’t feel exposed. He feels proud to be perceived, to be part of something larger than himself. He will never be alone again.

When he wakes up only one thought remains. He has to reach that city, if it’s the last thing he does.

******

Essek awakes in darkness, curled up on his bedroll, naked and sweating. Everything is in shades of grey in the absence of light, except…

Expect the faint red glow of the eyes. The ones on his skin, and the ones closing in on him from beyond the darkness. It is Lucien who approaches him. His chest is bare and the red glow of his many eyes makes him look like a demon, much more than horns and a tail never could. There is an otherworldly beauty to his appearance.

Essek sits up and draws a blanket around himself. It’s right then when a voice cuts into his mind and he closes his eyes, flinching at every word.

Essek! We came to the outpost. They told us you vanished. Please respond and tell me you’re okay.

He counts his heartbeats until the spell fades. When he opens his eyes again Lucien gives him a knowing look. “They did remember you,” he observes. Sadness and sympathy coat his next words. “I assume they need you to assist them with something?”

Essek is silent.

“It’s okay, I know how hard it is to be betrayed by people you assumed to be your friends. But you and I, we are men who don’t need to rely on the empty promises of runaway sellswords, orphans and failed experiments. There is so much more potential at our fingertips.”

One of his hands reaches out and softly caresses Essek’s cheek, a long nail trailing the line of his jaw. “I won’t abandon you like they did,” Lucien tells him. “You are part of the family now and we keep each other safe.”

He sits down and pulls him close. Essek realizes he is crying. In the dark of the humid cave he lets the tears come. Lucien holds him through the pain. His body is warm and welcome. Essek doesn’t think he ever cried that hard in his life, all broken sobs and wailing, snot and tears, barely able to catch a breath. It is exhausting. It is freeing. When he is finally done he crawls over the hot pool and glides in, shortly followed by Lucien who pulls him close once more before he can drift away. They float in the darkness together. It’s surreal. It’s frightening. It’s more intimate than anything he has done in decades. Their bodies are intertwined in the hot water and Essek holds on tight. He might drown otherwise.

The storm that howls around their sanctuary rages on for another day.

***

Later they sit with the others around a small fire in another part of the cave, a pot with their dinner simmering over the flames. Eating is always a communal activity and time for conversation. He doesn’t pay much attention to what is said though

Lucien smiles at Essek, who is wrapped in his fur coat and stares quietly into the flames, imagining them dancing in blue eyes, turning them to embers, fierce and beautiful.

“Here let me show you something new,” the Tiefling tells him. “I see how you’re brooding, this will put you in better spirits.” And indeed, getting a chance to learn more about the mysteries they follow together helps to pull him away from his gloomy thoughts.

Lucien opens the book and places it on the stone floor in front of Essek. His sharp fingernail points to a section of the page. “There, focus on that. Can you see it spiraling inward?”

Essek looks down and frowns. “I don’t know what…”

But then he can, just like someone turned on a light allowing him to see colors after being in darkness for a long time. The spiraling pattern beckons him and after a moment of hesitation he allows his mind to be sucked in by the pages once more, diving into the spaces between the intertwined lines as easily as he slipped into the hot water of the pool earlier. And there he finds more questions, but also some answers.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when he finally emerges again, his eyes meeting Lucien’s. The tiefling is smiling, displaying sharp white fangs. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” And Essek can’t help but to agree.

“We hold in our hands the means to take our destiny back into our own hands,” Lucien goes on. “We can shape our future. Together.”

Again, he can’t help but nod his head in agreement. This is what he wants.

***

When the weather is finally clear enough to continue on their path and he packs his things, he spots another red eye with the help of his hand mirror, in the center of his forehead. He does not get undressed to search for more. He does not have to.

***

They resume their travels. It’s tedious and straining to stalk through the snow, and Essek does it willingly. He could float, but hard physical labour takes his mind off other things, he can just focus on the next step and nothing else. A scarf wrapped around his head and face against the sun he falls into step behind the others, seeing nothing but white through the small slit in the fabric that covers his face. It is only fair that he walks too, shares their effort. They are one. And he can use the tracks they already left in the snow to have it a little easier. They take care of each other like that.

After a while he barely feels his body anymore, just a low, burning throbbing where his limbs should be. The only sound is the crunching of the snow underneath and the wind that is blowing over the open plane. It’s almost like trancing, falling into a steady rhythm and wiping all thoughts from his mind. Like floating in the astral sea again. It feels good to not have to think for a while. To not be forced to make decisions.

******

It is already night when they reach the entrance. It’s hard to spot, buried between rubble and snow and they have to move both under the cover of darkness, to reveal an opening big enough to fit through.

Finally they descend into Aeor. None of them need a source of light to see in the dark, be it because they have been born with the ability or because the red eyes granted it to them, so Essek experiences it in shades of grey speckles with red whenever one of his companions comes into his line of sight.

The ruins are beautiful and Essek wishes he had more time to explore them, learn their secrets. But they are pressing onward, ever onward, deeper into the belly of the fallen city. To reach the true heart of the ancient ruins, to return home.

Monstrosities and failed (or successful?) experiments lurk down here in the darkness. They manage to avoid most of them by being quiet and changing their path, but some they have to kill in order to progress. The Tomb Taker are a good team, and the battles don’t seem to pose much of a challenge for them. Essek keeps in the back, supporting with his own magic but staying out of the fray as best as he can. He’s not a seasoned warrior and these fights leave him breathless and on edge, filled with adrenaline and fear. After a particularly dense fight Lucien pulls him in for a quick kiss and whispers into his ear how pretty he is when he wields his powers.

*******

They have just entered a large plaza surrounded by intricate similar looking houses built from pale blue marble, when Cree’s eyes burn red for a moment and she looks at Lucien, her tail moving through the air behind her in an anxious motion from side to side. “They are right behind us, and they are moving fast.”

“Let’s welcome them then, shall we?” Lucien proclaims, sounding cheerful and unburdened. “Get ready,” he tells his family and they do.

And then they wait.

******

They are approaching them from the other entrance of the plaza, fanning out into a half circle, weapons at the ready. An impossible array of different people, led by a disheveled human wizard and an Expositor of the Cobalt soul with anger in her eyes.

It hurts to see them. It reminds him of his betrayal, his shame, his remorse. He’s so sick of feeling like a failure.

They are calling out to him, his friends . But are they really still his friends after abandoning him in the outpost, to be visited by Lucien?

After setting the scourgers on his scent?

After a kiss on the forehead and an emotional speech about becoming better people, only to disappear for weeks and weeks, leaving him alone to wallow in his guilt?

Lucien is kind to him, warms him in lonely nights, giftig him new knowledge and new powers.

Even more significant Lucien gets him. He does not try to erase the darkness in his soul, does not shy away from his ruthless ambition. He embraces every fiber of his being, not demanding him to step back into some blinding, cleansing light. Maybe he’s just not made for absolution.

Over the frozen, broken tiles of the plaza his eyes meet Caleb’s and suddenly he hears the other wizards’s voice in his head, as clear as if he is standing next to him. And for the shortest of moments everything else falls away and it’s just the two of them.

Remember who you are, Thelyss. You and I, mirror images. There is a path to redemption still, do you really want to throw everything away? Your future? Our future?

There is a tug at his heart, how curious that it still feels anything at all. A memory flashes through his mind, a chaotic array of papers and magical components on the floor of a study, the rush of a sudden insight, a tight hug. Forcing reality to bend to their will, together.

“We have to press on, the city awaits.” Lucien tells him, his voice like a caress. “Get rid of them for me, please. Time is running out.”

At the same time Caleb is practically screaming in his mind.

Don’t, I beg you. It’s not too late. Please don’t leave me. I love you. I need you. This is not…

Essek closes his eyes, blocks out the noise and reaches out an arm to cast his spell.

## Afterword

End Notes

> Thank you so much for reading I hope you enjoyed it!

> The 23rd is my Birthday, and Kudos and Comments make excellent presents. :D

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