## Preface

Cotton
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/27432001.

Rating:
  Explicit
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  Critical Role (Web Series)
Relationship:
  Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Characters:
  Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Vex'ahlia (Critical Role), Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, Shaun Gilmore
Additional Tags:
  Kinktober 2020, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Feelings, Vanilla Kink, Love Confessions, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Spooning, Bed Sex
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 31 of A Very Critical Role Kinktober 2020, Part 5 of Fabric
Stats:
  Published: 2020-11-07 Completed: 2020-11-08 Words: 6,562 Chapters: 2/2

# Cotton

by the_deep_magic

Summary

> Day Thirty-One: free day: vanilla

> “Shaun, this is my sister Vex and her husband Percy. Vex and Percy, this is my—” His what? He didn’t think this through, and he is absolutely not introducing him as his Dom. Fuck, can anyone tell he’s blushing? “—my friend, Shaun.”

Notes

> OOPS I DID IT AGAIN
> I WROTE HALF A FIC
> HUNG YOU OFF A CLIFF
> OOH BABY BABY

## Chapter 1

Vax does love his brother-in-law. He can come off as a pompous ass, but he’s actually an intelligent, creative man who’s a bizarrely perfect match for Vax’s sister. He and Vex are head over heels for each other, and Percy has never been anything but good to her.

That doesn’t mean Vax doesn’t sometimes fantasize about strangling him – and not in the fun, spanky way.

“What you have to understand about robotic energy conversion,” Percy says, “is that series elastic actuation is the future of the field. Linear actuators have gone the way of the dinosaurs.”

Next to him, Vex rolls her eyes, but she’ll absolutely kick Vax under the hightop table if he does the same. That’s not the worst Vax could do, though – if he wanted to go full scorched-earth, he’d say the words “why can’t you just use magic for that?” and watch Percy’s head explode. He’s only done it twice, but the results are reliably hilarious.

Still, Vax isn’t in the mood to get chewed out by his sister, especially since Keyleth isn’t around to be a buffer. She’s been friends with both of them for a long time and is good at humoring Percy just enough that Vax doesn’t get annoyed, but she’s also sick tonight, so Vax is on his own.

At least the show was good. Season tickets to the theater aren’t cheap, but Vax and Vex have always loved it, and Percy’s been very game about accompanying them, even though he’d rather be soldering circuits or whatever. But the thing he’s working on now – which Vax couldn’t accurately describe if he had a gun to his head – is apparently taking up so much of his attention that as soon as the curtain dropped, his mind went right back to it, and he’s been muttering about necessary and sufficient passivity conditions all through their post-show drinks.

So when Vax sees a flash of familiar purple in the corner of his vision, he turns, eager for the distraction. “Shaun?”

Sure enough, Gilmore turns around, only a few feet past their table. Vax watches him as he takes in the sight of Vax, then the other people seated with him, and then smiles. “Vax’ildan, how are you?”

Vax has never seen Shaun outside of the club, and it’s a little like seeing a movie star buying groceries – he seems too big to fit the humble surroundings. And because it’s Shaun, Vax stands and goes in for a kiss without thinking, only remembering at the last moment that Vex and Percy are there and will absolutely demand the details. Well, Vex will, anyway. So Vax diverts to kiss him on the cheek at the last moment, and Shaun, ever perceptive, reads it perfectly. And then he swings over to the other cheek, making a show of it. Hell, it might actually be how Gilmore greets everyone.

“I—I’m good,” Vax says, feeling suddenly nervous. Now he has to make introductions. “Shaun, this is my sister Vex and her husband Percy. Vex and Percy, this is my—” His what? He didn’t think this through, and he is absolutely not introducing him as his Dom. Fuck, can anyone tell he’s blushing? “—my friend, Shaun.”

But of course Gilmore is effortlessly charming. “Vex, was it?” he asks, reaching for his sister’s hand and – of course – bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “I can certainly see the family resemblance. You are every bit as lovely as your brother. And Percy.” He clasps Percy’s hand and shakes it, and Vax sees Percy’s surprise at how firm it is. “Shaun Gilmore, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Vex, still charmed from the hand kiss, says, “Vax, where have you been hiding him? I don’t remember you mentioning a Shaun Gilmore.”

Before Vax can stumble through an awkward explanation, Gilmore calmly replies, “We haven’t known each other very long. We mostly tend to run into each other at the same places. I can be hard to miss.”

“I can believe it,” Vex says with a chuckle.

“Gilmore…” Percy says, almost to himself. Something about the tone of it makes Vax’s stomach start to drop, even before Percy says, “Are you the Gilmore who runs that club downtown?”

Later, it will occur to Vax to wonder how the hell Percy knows about that – it’s no secret, of course, but it’s not widely advertised, either – but in the moment, Vax just wants the floor to swallow him up. He’s not ashamed of anything he and Shaun have done together, but nor does he want to discuss it in front of his sister.

Gilmore, though, is utterly unfazed, his pleasant smile not so much as flickering. “That’s my establishment, yes.”

“I see. I haven’t been, myself, but I hear it has an excellent reputation.”

“Always glad to hear it,” Gilmore says, then turns to look at Vax. “It was so good to see you, but I have some friends waiting on me, so unfortunately, I need to bid you farewell for the evening.”

“Ah, well, it was good to see you, Shaun,” Vax says weakly.

“Always good to see you, Vax’ildan,” Gilmore says, putting a hand on Vax’s shoulder and squeezing gently. “Hopefully, I’ll have the pleasure again soon.”

Vax swallows so loudly he’s sure that everyone in the room hears it. “I hope so.”

With a nod, Gilmore turns and leaves.

“Shame he couldn’t join us,” Vex says, polishing off her drink. “He seems like quite a character.”

Vax laughs hoarsely and sits back down in his chair, hoping he’s not actually shaking. “Oh, he is that.”

“And you say he owns a club?”

Before Percy can pipe up, Vax says, “We don’t really talk about work.” Which is technically true, as Vax has no idea what Shaun does during the day in terms of actually running the club.

Percy seems to buy it. “What do you talk about, then?”

The usual: tying me up, choking me out, fucking me. “You saw him – I barely have to do any talking at all. He’s always got something interesting going on.”

“He certainly looks like the type,” Vex says. And then, because of course Vax isn’t getting off that easily, “We should go to his club sometime.”

“Ah, it’s not that sort of club, darling,” Percy says, and the gods must be smiling at Vax, because neither Vex nor Percy is looking at him in that moment to see what his face does.

“What sort of club is it?”

“The, ah,” Percy starts, clearing his throat, “whips and chains sort.”

“Oh!” Vex says, looking legitimately shocked. “I didn’t know there was anything like that around here. And you didn’t know, Vax?”

Technically speaking, raising one’s eyebrows and deflecting isn’t lying. “I mean, I can kind of see it, now that you mention it, Percy.”

“Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s involved in any of that,” Percy says sagely. “He might just run the business.”

Vax knows he’s blushing now, but he can’t help himself. He tries to keep the defensiveness out of his voice. “Would that say anything bad about him, if he were?”

“Oh, not at all,” Percy says. Maybe Vax is imagining it, but there seems to be a bit of redness at the tips of Percy’s ears. “I’m just saying we shouldn’t make assumptions based on the man’s job.”

“I don’t know, I could picture him holding a whip,” Vex says with a grin, and Vax is back to wanting to die.

&&&

Three days go by, and Vax doesn’t hear from Shaun. That’s not unusual – Vax is usually the one to ask to meet, since he comes to Shaun. They do text each other about more than that, but not all the time.

Vax starts to wonder what it would take for Shaun to ask first. He’s only had to turn Vax down a few times, and he always suggests an alternate time to meet right away. Even though he doesn’t talk about them, Vax knows he has other subs. He refers to Vax as his favorite sometimes, but Vax doesn’t quite know how to interpret that. His favorite sub, Vax could believe, since Shaun always seems to have time for him. But only at the club.

Not that Vax has asked for anything else. What would he ask for: dinner and a movie? Shaun knows his body almost better than Vax does, knows the kind of restraints he likes best, knows what parts of him tense up when he’s about to come – splitting a diner milkshake would seem trite.

And what are they to each other, anyway?

It’s not the first time Vax has asked himself this question, not by a long shot, but it’s becoming harder to put out of his mind. Maybe he’s supposed to go to the club and have a good time with Shaun and leave it at that. Shaun is basically a professional at this, even though he doesn’t charge money for it and does it in his off hours. It’s something he loves to do, and he’s really fucking good at it, at making Vax feel safe and cared for and cherished. That’s just what a good Dom does, right? Vax has just never had a relationship where sex was separate from feelings – that must be why he’s so uncertain about this.

He’s a little less sure at 3 a.m. after tossing and turning for a few hours. He shame-Googles what if I’m in love with my Dom and gets zero helpful answers.

Adults talk about these things. Vax knows this. Sulking and waiting to see how long it will take Shaun to text him as a test of Shaun’s feelings is an incredibly juvenile thing to do. So why can’t Vax hit “send”? He’s typed out and deleted at least a dozen messages by now. About three-quarters were dumb observations about food or screenshotted memes he just wanted to share with Shaun to make him laugh. The others were… more personal. Questions he’s not sure he can ask out loud, but probably shouldn’t be sent randomly on a Wednesday afternoon, either.

Things reach a breaking point a week later, when he jerks off thinking about Shaun and afterwards realized he was fantasizing about sucking his cock in the shower. Vax’s own shower, here in his apartment, like Shaun had spent the night. No ropes, no toys, no choking. Just Shaun, and the way he looks at Vax when Vax is on his knees.

But Shaun still hasn’t texted, and now what is Vax supposed to say? He knows that after sex – or, presumably, after a scene – is a bad time to talk, but he’s pretty sure he’s just going to throw himself at Shaun the second he sees him. And Shaun will be all firm and patient and get Vax in just the right headspace, and Vax will go down easily and forget every thought in his head about where this is going.

Vax has never been afraid of his feelings, but it’s been a long time since he felt like this much was at stake. What if Vax does work up the courage to tell Shaun he might want more? What then? If Shaun turns him down, Vax isn’t sure he can keep seeing him. Uncertainty he can live with, but not the idea that Shaun is looking at him like he does and only feeling… what, friendship? Maybe that should be enough for Vax. Maybe that’s all he should expect out of a relationship like this, one based not on shared interests or experience but how hard Shaun gets him off. Which is really fucking hard, by the way, and Vax doesn’t want to give that up, either, now that he’s started exploring that part of himself. Sure, maybe some other Dom would be just as good, but Vax doesn’t want another Dom.

He wants Shaun. All of Shaun. He doesn’t even quite know what that means, but he wants it.

So he types out hey, can we meet somewhere? It’s not the first time he’s typed it, but it’s the first time he sends it.

The response comes back a few minutes later: I think I can make some time for you tonight. 9 o’clock?

Vax takes a deep breath and writes, maybe outside the club this time?

It takes longer for the reply this time. Did you have a particular place in mind?

Fuck, all that thinking and Vax didn’t plan this part. Is this a conversation they can or should have in public? somewhere you’re comfortable. maybe your place?

Shaun spends a lot of time typing before eventually replying, All my best toys are at the club.

Is that Vax’s answer right there? Shaun steadfastly refuses to use emojis, so Vax isn’t exactly sure how to interpret the message. Is it flirty? Dismissive? Does he suspect Vax’s feelings and is trying to let him down gently?

Vax almost, almost takes the easy way out and says, “sure, the club is fine,” but he doesn’t. He needs to figure this out. If he runs into Shaun in front of more people he knows, he needs to know how to introduce him. Or if introducing him will even be necessary anymore.

Instead, he types, not to play tonight, just to talk

This time, Shaun doesn’t reply for nearly 15 minutes, which Vax spends having a slow heart attack, but then, finally: Okay, I can be home by 9:30. And an address.

## Chapter 2

Chapter Notes

> What a perfectly marvelous day to celebrate with some aggressively vanilla smut! The bingo free space at the end was either going to be every kink I could possibly cram in or no kinks at all, and honestly, the latter is almost more of a challenge at this point.

> Anyway, I’m not shutting the door on this series completely, but I wanted to have a little bit of closure to mark the end of this crazy month. The series will go on hiatus for a bit while I a) collapse, and then b) work on some other, longer stuff for a while. Or, who knows, maybe I’ll write another one next week. The muse is a fickle, horny bitch, but I love her.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Because he has to have something to do until 9:30, Vax obsesses over what to wear. The only thing he can rule out for sure is the panties, because they will guarantee he gets absolutely no talking done. He wants to look good, obviously, but not too good. He doesn’t want to look like he’s expecting anything. But he does shower and clean himself very thoroughly, out of an abundance of optimism.

He obsesses over what time to get there. He usually can’t be on time to save his life, but if he overshoots and gets there early and Shaun sees him waiting in the parking lot, that could be awkward. If Shaun’s coming straight from work, should Vax give him a few extra minutes to get there? Or would that seem disrespectful of Shaun’s time?

“You used to be able to socially interact with people,” he tells himself in the mirror, but the look on his face just says Who are you kidding?

He tries to get there right on time, but of course he manages to be a few minutes late. He realizes he doesn’t even know what car Shaun drives, so he doesn’t know what to look for out front, but he figures Shaun would have texted if he were running late to get home.

And then Vax is standing in front of the apartment, arm extended to knock. It stays there, hovering in the air for a few long moments, before he can work up the courage. In a few minutes, maybe half an hour, he’ll know whether this is something he can still have in his life, or whether he’ll need to think about starting over with someone else. And he probably isn’t going to feel up for the latter if things go south.

He knocks.

Gilmore opens the door a moment later. He’s smiling, but something seems… off. “Vax, hello! Please come in.”

“Hi Shaun,” Vax says, trying to keep his voice from shaking. He’s seen Gilmore after long or taxing days at work, so he knows what that kind of tiredness looks like, but this is different. It takes him a moment to place it – Shaun had called him “Vax.” Not “Vax’ildan,” not “little bird.” Just Vax. That’s not unheard of, but as a greeting, it’s a little… unceremonious, for Gilmore.

As Vax steps inside, he’s a little surprised by how… normal everything looks. It’s not that he thought Shaun lived in an exotic palace with chains dangling from the ceiling, but it’s somehow odd to think of Shaun Gilmore, owner of Emon’s premier BDSM club and experienced Dom, using a coaster with a picture of a lighthouse on it, or hanging his keys on a small hook that looks like a cat’s tail protruding from the wall. It just goes to show how little Vax knows of him outside the club, and it doesn’t help his nerves. If Gilmore wanted him here, wouldn’t he have invited Vax himself?

“Would you like anything to drink?” Shaun asks innocuously. He’s not giving Vax much to go on.

They’re not at the club, and they won’t be scening tonight – Vax could find out what it’s like to have a beer with Gilmore, if he even drinks beer. No, better to just start talking. Vax doesn’t want to have a fuzzy head for this. If it goes pear-shaped, he’ll drive home and then get properly wasted. “No thanks, I’m good. But don’t let me stop you.”

“Ah, no, I’m fine at the moment.”

Fuck, this is awkward. It’s never awkward with Gilmore – he normally just barrels through any uncomfortable pauses in conversation with the force of his personality. And the charm is still there, but it’s set very low tonight, and it gives him an air of vulnerability. This isn’t Gilmore – it’s Shaun, just like it always is when they’re alone together, but a more subdued version. Maybe a version that doesn’t always know exactly what to say.

“Right,” Vax says, knowing the smile on his face is tight. “Can we sit down? I wanted to talk to you, and the club didn’t seem the right place to do it.”

“Of course,” Shaun says, and leads them to the couch. It’s an extremely nice overstuffed leather sofa, and Vax has to stifle a groan as he sinks down on it. He also has to force himself not to think about what the leather would feel like against his cock if Shaun bent him over the arm and fucked him on it.

“So, um,” Vax says, not off to a great start. “You know I haven’t done this before – had a Dom, or a relationship like this, or done much of anything kinky before. So I don’t really know… what the expectations are, I guess.”

“What sort of expectations?” Shaun asks, face still frustratingly neutral.

“Don’t get me wrong: you’ve always been very clear with the physical boundaries. Which is important with this stuff, I know, and I’m so grateful to you for teaching me that. I could’ve gotten hurt, which I only sort of knew before we started doing this, but I guess you can’t really understand until you do it—Fuck, I’m rambling, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Shaun says softly. “Just say what you came here to say.”

“Well, it’s less of a statement and more of a question, and I kind of don’t know how to ask it. You and I, we only see each other in the club, and only for one purpose, really. And I don’t know how things are supposed to go, but I don’t… I don’t think that’s enough for me anymore.”

“Ah,” Shaun says, and though the smile stays on his face, his shoulders slump ever so slightly. “I thought it might be something like this. You’re thinking about starting a romantic relationship with someone, or you already have, but you aren’t sure if this part of your life will fit—”

“What?” Vax says quickly. “No. I mean, I’m thinking of a romantic relationship, yeah, but not with someone else. With you.”

The air around them seems to freeze. Shaun blinks. “Me?”

“Yes, fuck, I was trying to work up to it and not make it seem like it was coming out of the blue, and I want you to know I’m not demanding anything from you, but I’m worried I’ve been misinterpreting some things, so that’s why I’m trying to ask whether—”

“Vax’ildan,” Shaun says, the tone in his voice immediately different. Strong. Hopeful. He slides over on the couch until he can take Vax’s hands in his. “Ask me.”

Vax nods, encouraged by the strong hands gripping his. “I’m falling in love with you, Shaun. Or maybe I’m already in love with you. And I’ve asked myself over and over again whether it’s because you’re the one who opened my eyes to… to so many possibilities, or because you’re just being a really good Dom who cares about my safety. And it’s probably some of that, but it’s also how I feel when I think about seeing you again, and your ridiculously grammatically correct texts, and the way you say my name. So I came here to ask you for more. You can call it whatever you want to call it, and I don’t even know how it will work, what it will look like, between what we already do and the relationships you have with other subs, but I don’t care. I’m willing to figure all that out, no matter how weird it gets. I kinda like it weird.”

He expects a certain measure of stoicism from Shaun, who never flinches no matter what Vax asks for, but instead he gets Shaun’s arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. “Yes, little bird,” he feels Shaun murmur against his neck. “Yes, yes, yes. I want that, too.”

“You do?” Vax says, more because the air is being squeezed out of him than in real disbelief.

“Yes. I have for… a while now,” he sighs, still holding Vax tight. “I had my reasons for not saying anything. Given our situation, I wanted it to be you who made the first move.”

“What, me?” Vax says, pulling back enough to look Shaun in the eye. “You assume I know what I’m doing?”

Shaun laughs softly and kisses Vax’s forehead. “I didn’t want you to assume I did. Not outside of the club, outside of anything we do in private. I may be dominant there, but that doesn’t mean I’m better at navigating relationships than anyone else. I thought you were coming here tonight to br— that you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

“Oh, no, no!” Vax says quickly, taking Shaun’s face in his hands. “Just… remember the other night at the club, when you met my sister?”

“Vividly.”

“Later that night, I realized that I introduced the most important person in my life to the second most important person in my life right now, and I didn’t even know what to call you.”

“Is that why you didn’t message me until now?” Shaun asks. The tone of his voice is unfailingly gentle, but Vax can see the corners of his eyes creasing slightly with concern.

“Kind of? And then I started worrying because you weren’t texting me either. But really, that was just me being a royal dumbass. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the only one,” Shaun says, looking down at their joined hands. “I was trying to give you some space. Not everyone… reacts well to running into their Dom in public. In front of their family.”

Vax laughs, squeezing Shaun’s hands. “No, you were smooth as fuck. If my brother-in-law wasn’t suspiciously knowledgeable about the club, we would’ve gotten away with it.”

“That’s the other thing,” Shaun says, sitting back. “There is no getting away with it, not really. No one has any right to the details of our relationship, or even how we met. I’ll follow your lead on that one. But I’m not ashamed of what I do for a living. Gilmore’s is my life’s work, and while a certain amount of discretion is appropriate, I won’t lie about owning it and running it.”

Vax nods. “I get that. My sister is the only person whose opinion I care about, and she knows what the club is, thanks to Percy. She’s pretty open-minded in general, and she took it in stride.”

“And your brother-in-law?”

“I’m not convinced he hasn’t been there himself,” Vax says with a chuckle. “You haven’t seen him around, have you?”

“Definitely not,” Shaun says, the warmth back in his smile now. He cups Vax’s cheek in one big, broad hand and traces a thumb over his cheekbone. “So, dear one, if you were to introduce me to them now, what would you like to call me?” He leans in and kisses Vax lightly. “’Everyone, this is Shaun Gilmore, he’s my…’”

“I won’t lie,” Vax sighs, his mouth so close to Shaun’s that he might as well lean in for another kiss. “If my sister isn’t around, part of me wants to say ‘master,’ just to watch the reactions.”

He feels Shaun’s lips curl up in a smile. “That’s not quite the dynamic we have, though I appreciate your desire to turn some heads.”

Vax runs through the possibilities in his head. Significant other is too wordy. Lover makes him cringe a little. It might be too soon for partner, though the thought of it makes his chest feel warm. Might as well go simple. “Should we start with ‘boyfriend’ and go from there?”

“That sounds… glorious,” Shaun purrs, and it seems that the time for talking is over as he cups his hands under Vax’s thighs and pulls, bringing Vax to straddle him on the sofa. Vax yelps happily and kisses him, long and deep, feeling that familiar melting sensation deep in his gut as Shaun’s arms go around him.

They’ve kissed many, many times before, but never quite like this. Never slow and unhurried on a living room couch, just enjoying each other’s presence with nothing else on the table yet. Shaun’s hands fist in the back of Vax’s shirt, but they don’t move to pull it off, and Vax takes his time letting his fingers wander down Shaun’s neck, tracing the shape of his collarbone. Shaun seems so solid beneath him, sturdy as bedrock, and his arms strong and comforting around Vax’s body. Despite the fact that Vax hasn’t gone without Shaun’s touch for this long since they met, the burn is good and slow, like they’re relearning how they fit together this way.

It doesn’t stay quite so chaste forever, though. Eventually, Vax starts kissing over Shaun’s jaw down to his throat, and Shaun’s fingers start to make their way beneath the waistband of Vax’s pants. Vax is absolutely eager for it now, though something in Shaun’s texts makes its way into his mind and he pulls back, panting a little. “Is this… okay?” he says, having a little difficulty getting the words out with the way Shaun is looking at him, all heavy-lidded and hot. “Here? Your place?”

Shaun blinks for a moment, then smiles. “For my subs, no. For my boyfriend, absolutely.”

Vax beams. “Gonna sling me over your shoulder and carry me to the bedroom?”

With a laugh, Shaun pulls Vax in for one more quick kiss before going to stand up. “Would that I could, little bird. I’m afraid my knees would make me pay for it.”

Vax gets to his feet and extends a hand to help Shaun up – that couch isn’t easy to part with. “Lead the way.”

By the time they get down the hall, Vax has given up on predicting what a man like Gilmore’s bedroom looks like. When they turn the corner, Vax has to laugh, because while the rest of the décor is fairly modern and nondescript, the bed is a massive mahogany four-poster with dark purple sheets and a fluffy gold comforter. “What?” Shaun says with a smile that only partly feigns innocence. “I have my indulgences at home, too. Anytime I find myself in bed, I like to feel… spoiled.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” Vax says, tugging Shaun against him again.

When Shaun’s hands start on Vax’s shirt buttons, he suddenly realizes that, for all the things they’ve done together, Shaun has never undressed him before. When they’re at the club, Shaun will tell Vax if he wants him to keep anything on, but otherwise, Vax is usually tearing off his clothes as fast as possible. So it becomes oddly titillating, Shaun slowly popping each button open, then pushing the shirt off Vax’s shoulders and down his arms. The shirt isn’t a nice one by any means, and Vax would’ve just tossed it away, but Shaun takes it and drapes it carefully over the back of a chair.

When he returns and reaches for Vax again, Vax grabs his hands. “Fair’s fair,” he says with a smile and reaches for the hem of Shaun’s shirt.

There are a few things they have to take care of themselves – Vax isn’t quite tall enough to get Shaun’s shirt over his head without it being awkward, and Vax somehow made it all the way back here with his boots still on – but otherwise, it’s a shared, easy ritual that gets Vax more excited than he would’ve predicted. He doesn’t get to see Shaun naked very often, so he enjoys the chance to look his fill. He’s gotten the sense that if Shaun’s a little insecure about anything, it’s his midsection, the little bit of a paunch he has from a life well-lived. Vax himself likes it, likes the ampleness of Shaun’s whole body, how it feels borne down on his, and makes sure to kiss his stomach as he’s pulling Shaun’s boxers down.

Frankly, Vax is never going to be on his knees in front of Shaun without wanting the obvious, so he doesn’t hesitate to take Shaun’s cock in his mouth. He’s halfway to hard already, but Vax enjoys the feeling of Shaun swelling and filling against his tongue. Vax is good at this, and Shaun makes him feel even better at it, encouraging him with soft, pleased sounds and a gentle hand twined through his hair and those dark, expressive eyes looking down at Vax like he’s the only thing in the world.

“Yes, my sweet,” Shaun groans as Vax starts to bob his head. “You know me so well already. Gods, your mouth will be the end of me. Not – oh – not much more. I need to last long enough to at least get you into my bed.”

Vax hears it, but he doesn’t stop until Shaun pulls him off. He sees Shaun shiver with the loss, fist clenching lightly in the air, and then Shaun is helping him back to his feet. “We should talk about this,” Shaun says, though he certainly doesn’t sound like he wants to be talking. “I usually leave my more… dominant tendencies at the club. That’s not to say we can’t, or that we need to talk it all through now, but I need to know what you want for tonight.”

“Um,” Vax says, his heart speeding up suddenly. He’s so used to letting Shaun set the agenda. Well, Vax often picks the overall activity, but he lets Shaun put together the specifics. “I love how well you plan everything out, but if we aren’t doing anything that requires safewords, could we maybe try being… spontaneous?”

Shaun’s eyes light up, and Vax feels his own cock throb. “Oh, I like the sound of that, little bird.”

“But, uh, just to be clear – I don’t mind if you still want to boss me around. You know, a little bit.”

Shaun laughs, a sound of pure delight. “That’s good, because I might not be able to resist. You take direction so well. But feel free to boss me right back if you want.”

And, oh, isn’t that a thought? Not tying Shaun up or cutting off his air, but simply… telling him what to do. And having him do it. That’s something for another night after Vax has had time to really think it through, but it definitely sparks something hot in his gut.

While Vax is lost in thought for a moment, Shaun goes and folds back the comforter, baring an expanse of dark purple for Vax to lie on. When he does, he finds the sheets are delightfully soft, but not quite what he expected. “What, no satin?”

Shaun laughs warmly, climbing onto the bed with him. “They’re absolute hell to clean, my love, and cotton jersey feels just as good.”

“Works fine for me,” Vax says, reaching out.

It’s truly staggering how something as simple as Shaun’s weight pressing him down into the bed can be so arousing. The cushions at the club serve their purpose just fine, but they’re not this intimate, this real. This is where Shaun sleeps, his (presumably) bare skin sliding against the sheets every night and every morning, and in this upside-down relationship they’re creating minute by minute, that thought feels a little naughty, and Vax laughs through a moan as Shaun’s teeth sink lightly into his shoulder.

“Something funny, little bird?”

“I think I’ve discovered a new kink,” Vax says. “I’m just not sure if it’s your bed or your sheets or you.”

At that, Shaun pushes up on his elbows, and the look in his eyes is a deeply fond one. “I’ll choose to believe it’s me.”

Of course Shaun has lube and condoms within an easy arm’s reach, and of course he drives Vax crazy by fingering him until he’s gasping and begging. “C’mon,” he groans, “I’m ready.”

“I know,” Shaun says, lifting his head from where he’s been teasing the tip of Vax’s cock with his tongue. “I’m just enjoying myself.”

Truth be told, Vax is, too. He keeps feeling like there should be some new kink he’s looking forward to and nervous about in equal measure, but then he remembers that it’s just this, what’s happening right now, with Shaun’s fingers thrusting expertly inside him, and he can let himself revel in it. Shaun is so wonderfully thorough, so good at drawing pleasure out of Vax’s body, that to simply let him loose and let him play is an end in itself.

But Vax desperately wants more of that feeling of Shaun’s body molded to his from head to toe, so he says, “And now I’m gonna boss you back and tell you that it’s time to put your dick in me, right fucking now.”

Shaun’s eyelids flutter as he groans, and Vax sees him reach for his own cock and squeeze. “Yes, my love. How do you want it?”

Gods, he wants Shaun anyway he can have him: on hands and knees with Shaun pistoning into him hard from behind, folded in half with Shaun so deep inside him that he can feel it in the back of his throat, riding Shaun until his thighs ache. But the wonderful thought he keeps coming back to is that they’re going to have time to try them all.

But tonight he wants Shaun as close as he can have him, so he turns on his side and pulls one knee up. No more words are required – Shaun rolls on a condom and nestles up behind Vax, kissing Vax’s shoulder and moaning softly into the skin there as he pushes in.

As well-stretched as Vax already is, he’s grateful that Shaun stills for a moment. It’s more overwhelming than he expects, getting so much of Shaun at once. Shaun’s hand is gliding over his raised thigh, his chest pressed flush against Vax’s back, and it feels so perfect that it’s a little unnerving. Vax moans, tightening around Shaun’s cock just because he can, and his heart nearly stops when he hears Shaun groan, “I love you.”

Vax freezes, not sure he isn’t hallucinating.

“I— oh gods,” Shaun moans, burying his face against the back of Vax’s neck. “That’s not what I— I meant to say it earlier, I really did, but you’re so deliciously distracting, and then I realized I hadn’t, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And I know this is not the right time, believe me, but I needed you to know, and—”

Vax has never, ever heard Shaun Gilmore lose his composure like this – he’s spluttering, for fuck’s sake – and it’s that more than anything else that makes Vax believe he’s telling the truth, and he grins so hard he’s worried his face will crack. “Shaun,” he says firmly, reaching his hand back to grab Shaun’s ass. “I love you, too. And there’s no better time than right now.”

Shaun’s laugh is half a sob. “Little bird, I’m an utter fool for you, I love you so much. Let me show you.”

“Yes, yes.”

Shaun moves in him slow and smooth, rocking their bodies together with a tenderness that makes Vax’s heart ache. Shaun loves him, right here and now, in this big, ridiculous bed inside a perfectly normal apartment. Nothing else about Shaun is normal, from his flashy appearance to his overpowering charisma down to the unbelievable care he takes with Vax’s body, and Vax loves all of it. He calls out Shaun’s name over and over, certain he’s going to burst between the sheer amount of feelings in his chest and the steady thrust of Shaun’s cock inside him.

But he doesn’t: he just keeps on feeling, keeps on aching with pleasure as Shaun’s hand lifts his thigh and he pushes even deeper. It’s no hard, pounding fuck, but Vax is gasping like it is, on the verge of tears for reasons he can’t name.

“I’m so close,” he hears Shaun moan behind him, the movement of his hips starting to stutter. “But I need you to go first, my beautiful boy, my perfect little bird. Please, Vax’ildan, I need to feel you come apart in my arms.”

Vax is past the point of forming words, but it’s so easy to reach down and grip himself, to fist his cock along with the movement of Shaun’s hips and let the rhythm drag him under. Instead of bursting, he merges with it, dissolves into the uncontrollable pleasure that seizes his body and fills it with light. Shaun has made Vax fly, but this is something different, something deeper and stronger, with Shaun right there beside him, and Vax loves it, too.

When he can think again, he can feel Shaun quaking through the last of his orgasm, Vax’s name soft on his lips. Vax takes his hand and brings it to his chest, letting him feel Vax’s heart still racing. Shaun is slow to recover, but it doesn’t bother Vax in the least. He’s warm and happy and loved.

And when the condom is disposed of and Shaun has cleaned him up a little, they can simply lie back on the bed, Vax half-draped across Shaun’s broad chest, and get comfortable. “Beds are wonderful,” Vax groans. “Have you thought about beds for the club?”

Shaun chuckles, fingers playing idly with Vax’s hair. “They’re missing on purpose, little bird. How many people would collapse and just fall sleep afterwards? I don’t want to be in the business of having to wake people up from their naps. Besides, you’re the only one I want in any bed of mine.”

Still high on endorphins, Vax actually giggles. “Shaun Gilmore, that is a ridiculously sappy thing to say out loud.”

“Better get used to it, my sweet,” Shaun says teasingly. “It comes with the boyfriend package.”

Vax closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, his lungs filling with Shaun’s scent. “I think I can live with that.”

Chapter End Notes

> That wraps up Kinktober 2020: 31 fics, 90K+ words, more pairings than I care to count this late, all written during a period of what I think we can kindly call historic turmoil. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who came (hurr hurr) on this weird, kinky journey with me (and to everyone who showed up fashionably late and is reading this later – I still obsess over your kudos/comments, too!). What a day to end on, with rays of hope finally breaking through. Be kind to yourselves, friends, and I can’t wait to post again soon!

## Afterword

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