I feel lost creatively.

Like I can draw, bring something down to paper that fills the standard need and whatnot… but it just feels so bland, so uninspired and mediocre… perhaps even too easy, too much like I was just repurposing old lessons or attempting to replicate what I saw elsewhere.

As of late, I have felt any compliments unearned. Been skipping past comments I receive, briefly acknowledging them but hardly deeming them praise, not because they are not kind, but because I worry they are as brief as the work I have done.

I feel like I am taking credit for the work of another, that none of my works are my own and none of them compete with some of the works I see some of my mutuals creating. I feel like I am boring and constantly in need of affirmation.

I want to do something more interesting but no direction has felt quite right yet. Honestly not sure if I am burnt out, pushing through an imposter syndrome or perhaps just thinking about it too much…

man, I would like to be more compelling of a person sometimes, but also I might have just not been getting enough sleep.

Took most of the month off from “work”, mostly due to not feeling ready to tackle it yet. I feel a bit better now, but it did feel intimidating for a while… being scared I wouldn’t know how to place a shadow, or choose a color … all of those things suddenly felt intimidating.

Going to just breathe and keep trying… I’m sure I’ll arrive somewhere soon, just gotta stay optimistic and stop worrying about the tiny things too much.