[part 1]

> but then it became obvious you were talking about ricrexx, and basically no one else

but the suggestion targeted a specific group of people (= people off the leaderboard who post good ils) and if anyone else had done that then it would've evoked the same suggestion. they're talking about a "targeted" thing but haven't made a connection to an ulterior motive i have for targeting ricrexx (the connection made in the mod quote is part of the issue itself). so it comes back to criticising me for identifying a general problem and proposing a general solution – a problem the others don't see and a solution that's hare-brained in hindsight and i posted more to get opinions than out of conviction

> he's using that position [IL consultant] to push for rules changes because he doesn't like that ric deleted his shit.

no, it's cos i don't like lbs missing good times and was thinking of how to disincentivise that 
EDIT: i also prefer stuff off leaderboards to stay secret to cut down on cognitive dissonance) 

> It seemed to them that this was something you were proposing more or less exclusively for your own benefit

yeah this is quite the new spin on victim blaming lmao

> and acts offended when people go "no, we're not doing what you said right away"

watch out for this. first of all, citation needed. if we get into specific examples, the only thing i can imagine counting as me being offended is me saying, like, this (https://discord.com/channels/83214196182880256/617791085506330635/963115488299343922), in which case such a comment would be victim-blaming again 

> i think it comes less from a position of wanting to make the scene better for everyone, and more from a position of wanting to make the scene better for him

when i act in self-interest, it's more obvious. the best recent example is when i led on rigorous video rules for ils was cos i wanted the competition i was participating in to have higher integrity. everything that's mentioned here is only shit that i've ever reactively commented on, and i do it not cos i wanna achieve anything myself, or cos i want to improve a community that's shit on me as much as it has for that matter, but rather bc i find the discussions intellectually stimulating and bc i'm a deeply principled person. the quoted take doesn't make sense cos i gain nothing from there being a working wiki or fixed terms for mods

> as if that is actually a problem!

my main comment on everything is that the content of what i'm saying matters and why i'm saying it doesn't matter. criticism and unpopular opinions are sacred, and i felt like that when i ran the il sheet just as i do now. the reason we have a contrast rule is because i read thru a thread of sm64 runners shitting on people having illegible colours on the sms il sheet and mentioning a website that can correct that. that's the mentality the mods should converge towards imo

the other thing to say about that is that selfishness may be why i lobby for things actively but everything i say is stuff i truly believe in and i think i can prove i've upheld the same beliefs even in situations that don't benefit me. but i am an emotional person so i do talk more about things that affect me personally

how i'm saying it does matter tho. so to build on what u said in your first posts:

> he makes a suggestion that is very clearly in response to a grievance or grudge he is holding

it is true at this point that the suggestions come from stuff that aggrieves me, bc i don't have positivity left in me following on from samu, lumardy, awesomo, dutchj, toburr, the bingo clique and goldendevil. the issue is more that this comes across to others (noting the use of the word "grudge"), which suggests i should be spoken to more about my tone. i already nominated a solution when i said not engaging is how i usually sort this out. but at the same time, i am one to hold grudges only really when i've been let down. i talk about awesomo in a very different way to leaderboard accuracy. and even such a grudge isn't directed at any mod cos i understand their pov. my personal grudges are all @ ppl who did something disgraceful and never apologised (see scatter, toburr, gd; not lumardy)

> i just think that the way he poses suggestions is purposefully antagonistic

it isn't but the antagonism is prolly still my fault

> the mods in question believe you won't be receptive to this criticism

imagine saying this about me of all ppl lol. means they don't like it when ppl disagree with them ("not receptive to an opinion" ≠ "highly critical of an opinion"). even when i think someone is completely full of cap, i'm receptive to eir criticism and look for things i agree with. e.g. this is my full dm history with gd https://i.ibb.co/zRyBFTj/aa.png (refers to https://discord.com/channels/83214196182880256/617791085506330635/943709257654734858). also worth reading how i patiently answered questions about the rudhira il deletion

anyway i hope all that helps

discussion is defo a nice way to sort this out since we're all civil in those right

[part 2]

> i can understand his perspective on multiple of these issues, but he's essentially having his cake and eating it to by having what is (essentially) shadow mod privlages

this is where the discussion of how shadow mods work needs to happen. remember in october there was a discussion of why we liked the idea around when fyg was added

> either he should be a mod, and accept the responsibilities that it entails, or his scope of access should be limited to ILs

as above

> feel like as well he’s often pushing us and telling us what to do and how to do it, without walking any of the walk himself

i think this is a reasonable criticism, like if this is causing problems then they should be addressed. i have had problems w arrogance in the past. but again, a big point is that i did walk a lot of the walk, both in running ils and in taking on samu. 1ups also often asked my advice on how to handle conflict in the discord cos she and noki were ill-disposed to do it

> this stuff wouldn’t be as big of a problem if he wasn’t shadow modding. obviously we can’t and won’t censor free speech. but i don’t like him using his position here to air these greviences.

this needs a concrete analysis of where exactly conflict of interest is happening

> i think the access to the internal mod discussions is heightening the toxicity to the point where it's a problem, imo

as above. i have no access to discord modding, only rta and il discussion? 

> Despin do you know why he never applies to be mod or anything whenever these things come up? That's one minor frustration I have with all his access
> Like he wants all this access to privileged discussions but doesn't want responsibility

i was effectively a mod once so i have the experience w this community. but the reasons i don't apply are (1) wanting to protect the value/appreciation of my contribution after what happened w btrl, (2) conflict with and abuse from so many people, and (3) i hold myself to high standards of duty, civility, communicativity and the like, and can't uphold them while so depressed and traumatised. i'm a flight risk in general. reason #3 was different in 2020/early 2021 but in hindsight modding while not being a mod was a bad move cos i rarely got respect and appreciation for it

1 thing i will say m8; i'm glad ppl aren't asking why i'm still in the il mod channel 💀 haha